[A commercial for "Grandma Lepkin's Potato Pancakes--now in Potato flavor" goes off the air and the screen goes black. It is replaced by a brand new warning screen.]

"The following program contains scenes of violence, coarse language, sexual scenes, offensive images, racial stereotypes, drug use, anarchistic behavior, at least one thinly veiled reference to homosexuality (see if you can spot it!), and large unruly men in tight spandex. Viewer discretion is strongly advised."

"No, we mean it. These guys are seriously messed up in the head. It's not their fault really. They all come from broken homes... especially Eric."

[The warning fades and the logo for Underworld Wrestling Syndicate's Friday Night Blackened appears on the screen for a few seconds before the show cuts to the inside of a large arena. Fans are screaming and cheering. Near the empty UWS ring, both the OWF and LWA announce teams are setup at separate announce tables.]

[The Syni-tron roars to life, causing a cheer from the fans who have been waiting patiently. It shows a scene inside an office. Craig Lassiter and Marcus "Reaper" Ash are seated in chairs in front of a large desk. Behind the desk, Johnny Lassiter is sitting in his wheelchair, flanked by his bodyguard/chauffeur "D", and Brian Thorn. Standing in one corner is LWA head of production, Donnie Rose. In another corner, a monitor is replaying the end of the UWS Unified Title match from UWS Hollycaust. As the clip shows Craig Lassiter and Marcus Ash brawling on the floor at ringside, Johnny Lassiter turns it off with the remote.]

Johnny Lassiter: I think that's just about enough of that.

[Johnny wheels over to the monitor, places the remote on top of it, and wheels back to his desk. He stares at Ash and Craig.]

Johnny Lassiter: It's times like this when I wish I could pace.

[Craig dares a snicker, but stops after a glare from Johnny.]

Johnny Lassiter: Ok, let's get this over with. Rose, would you do the honors of reading out the list.

Rose: (clears his throat) The ongoing Shane Brandon lawsuit, which could cost the UWS upwards of $500,000. Several minor lawsuits from fans due to a brawl in the crowd which occurred on our first program. Lawyers for Steven Whalens, the fan who was attacked by Lee Todd, have also been in contact with us regarding reparations to his client. An out of court settlement of $75,000 has already been agreed upon. Said fee will be garnished from Lee Todd's contract.

Lassiter: Wait a minute! Lee's only making $75,000 in his first year.

Johnny Lassiter: Well then, it appears that Mr. Todd will be working this year for free.

Lassiter: That's not fair.

Johnny Lassiter: Why do you care?

Lassiter: I was the one who gave Lee that contract. He agreed to the low-end one year contract that would go up in the second year once the fed was making money.

Johnny Lassiter: Thanks to you two, the fed is in no condition to make money any time soon. I think Lee Todd will have to deal with that when it comes time to renegotiate. Just be thankful that he didn't win the UWS World Title or the UWS Tag Titles.

Reaper: (looking confused) Why?

Johnny Lassiter: Well, my brother here added some very liberal incentive clauses to Lee Todd's contract on the grounds that he win any of the UWS Titles. I won't go into the particulars, but it would have been very costly for the Syndicate. Mr. Rose, could you continue?

Rose: Fines from the network totalling $45,000, including but not limited to: Failure to display a warning message at the opening of a program containing offensive materials. Airing the show live without a tape delay, resulting in offensive language being broadcast. Not providing a detailed synopsis of the weekly program to the network prior to air. Not cutting to commercials at the proper time.

Reaper: How are we supposed to cut to commercials at preset times, when we don't know how long the matches are going to run?

Johnny Lassiter: The WWE manages to do it.

Rose: Running the show both short and long, with disregard for the network's preset schedule. Promoting racial hatred.

Lassiter: What? That was Kurt Tremere!

Johnny Lassiter: You named the pay-per-view Holocaust! You don't think that's offensive?

Lassiter: That's Hollycaust... as in Christmas.

[Marcus Ash just shakes his head.]

Johnny Lassiter: Craig, you are not this stupid. The network got no less than 1200 calls after Kurt's "speech." It's just lucky that you announced the name so late. There wasn't much time for people to organize before the show was over and done with. Despite that, we are going to have to rename it for the home video market, not to mention dubbing over any references to the original name.

Lassiter: Come on, people are just too sensitive about this stuff. It's getting rediculous.

Rose: The network has also received complaints from Gay and Lesbian organizations and GLAAD with regards to the way the character of Edmund Paine II is portrayed onscreen.

Lassiter: Huh?

Reaper: He's not a character. That's how Paine acts.

Lassiter: What are you talking about?

Rose: Regardless, most of the complaints are asking for an apology and for Paine to immediately drop the gimmick.

Lassiter: What gimmick?

Rose: GLAAD, however, wants him to get more airtime.

Johnny Lassiter: Ok, that's enough Rose. (he stares at Craig and Ash) I had to be away from the business for a few weeks because of a terrible incident, and what do you do? You damn near bankrupt this company. It should have been a textbook pay-per-view. The Tag Tournament was set, the Cage of Justice, and the unified title match. But, the tag tournament was ruined after you changed the brackets and allowed a group of Hells Angels into the ring. And I won't even mention that debacle that was the UWS Unified Title match. Oh, and that brings me to a certain wrestler by the name of Tumbler.

Reaper: Oh crap.

Johnny Lassiter: Tumbler was still FHW champion when he appeared at our pay-per-view and no-showed an FHW title match to be in Ottawa in time for the pay-per-view.

Lassiter: Hey, that's not our fault.

Johnny Lassiter: No, it isn't. But can one of you tell me how Tumbler managed to get his hands on an all-access backstage pass for the show?

[Reaper and Craig just stare at the floor.]

Johnny Lassiter: I'll have you know our lawyers have been in contact with FHW since the show went on the air. They have agreed to cancel Tumbler's contract and allow him to compete for the UWS.

Lassiter: Well, that's good news.

Johnny Lassiter: Craig, those lawyers don't come cheap. And neither was the payoff that FHW wanted. Once again, your disregard for the way business works has cost us money.

Lassiter: But the ratings are good.

Johnny Lassiter: The ratings are improving, but the network has had a hard time finding advertisers who don't mind being attached to a wrestling program, let alone a wrestling program like this. Pay-per-view revenue takes months to get paid out. My investors do not have infinite resources, gentlemen. Things have to change, and they have to change tonight.

Reaper: Here it comes. Just fire us and get it over with.

Johnny Lassiter: I have no intention of firing you two. You are the founding fathers of UWS and you will both continue to draw your rather impressive salaries. Your position in the company, however, will have to be modified.

Reaper: Fuck that. I'm not getting relegated to the ticket booth.

Johnny Lassiter: We have also drawn up some very lucrative buyout agreements if you would prefer that.

Reaper: Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven. I'll take it.

Johnny Lassiter: Craig?

Lassiter: What would I be doing if I stayed on?

Johnny Lassiter: Any number of things. Color commentary, talent negotiations, officiating--

Lassiter: Be a friggin ref? You've got to be kidding me.

Johnny Lassiter: Craig, I don't want you to feel as if we are stripping the fed out from under you and Marcus. You are welcome to any position in the company... but you will not get any booking authority or control of finances.

Lassiter: So, that's it? We aren't presidents anymore?

Johnny Lassiter: Exactly. I haven't decided on an LWA president yet, but as commissioner, Cid will be taking over as president of the OWF.

Reaper: Cid!?! Oh Johnny, you definitely don't know what you're doing. (he stands up) Just mail me my buyout offer. Unless you also want to take a pound of flesh, I'm leaving.

[Reaper storms out of the office. Johnny Lassiter just shakes his head.]

Johnny Lassiter: So dramatic.

[The Syni-tron fades out and the cameras cut to a wide shot of both announcers' tables.]

Gallivan: Good evening wrestling fans, and welcome to the UWS Blackened! We are here in beautiful Montreal! The fallout from... um, the PPV that cannot be named, is still raining down on the UWS. That segment was taped earlier in the week. I can tell you that Marcus Ash has accepted a buyout offer and no longer works for the UWS. Craig Lassiter is still with us, but even we don't know who will be taking over his position as head of the LWA. We've been told that there will be some big changes tonight, but we are in the dark as much as the rest of you.

Jim: Enough of your jabbering Johnny.

Grumpy: Yeah! Stop hogging all the airtime, LWA scum!

Dutch: Wrestling fans, our PPV was successful in one respect. OWF Division champion, Kurt Tremere has succeeded in becoming the first ever UWS Unified World Heavyweight Champion. Tremere's UWS Title is safe until our next pay-per-view. For the time being, he will represent the UWS as our champion. But tonight, he will be putting his OWF Division Title on the line against the OWF #1 contender.

Grumpy: Who is it?

Dutch: We still don't know. Like the LWA commentators, we haven't been told anything either. We are all awaiting Johnny Lassiter to show up to address this crowd, who are getting very antsy to say the least.

[Suddenly, "Carousel" by Mr. Bungle begins to play. The crowd starts to boo as Ken Holbrook steps through the entrance curtain and begins walking to the ring. Holbrook is wearing a pure lime-green business suit, complete with matching leg and neck braces. He walks slowly, with the aid of his silver jester-headed cane. Once at the ring, grabs a microphone from ringside and carefully climbs into the ring.]

Dutch: What's this jerk doing here?

Jim: Ken Holbrook is somehow looking worse than before.

Gallivan: Well, he was stupid enough to insert himself into the Cage of Justice with Gabriel Blade. I have absolutely no pity for him.

[Ken moves into one of the corners and leans up against the ropes. His broken nose has all but healed, except for a thin scar across the bridge. Holbrook moves to speak, but lowers the microphone. Instead, he points to the Syni-tron.]

[The Syni-tron lights up, showing a clip from the UWS pay-per-view.]

Gallivan: SPEAR BY THE SENTINEL!!! He hurled himself into the Jester, and Gabe's got to be in tremendous pain in there. He's been beat on by both men, but with Dagon still down on the floor, he's got Ken Holbrook all to himself.

Jim: Hold on! What is Burke doing?

Gallivan: He's fiddling with the bracket that holds the Sword of Justice to the top of that cage!

Grumpy: He can't do that! Ken Holbrook is lying directly underneath the sword!

Gallivan: You better believe he is! These fans are going wild as Burke struggles to unhook the clasps that are holding up the sword. Gabe staggers back to the ropes, and he's trying to clean the blood out of his eyes.

[Burke finally unhooks one of the clasps, and the rest break free. The sword falls pointfirst towards Ken Holbrook. Holbrook stares up, sees the blade falling towards him, and rolls out of the way in terror. The sword hits the canvas, digging into the ring.]

Jim: Sweet Zombie Jesus!

Gallivan: Ken Holbrook nearly lost his life in that ring! His eyes are wide open now, and I think he's about to faint. That huge sword is standing straight up, nearly a third of it dug into the ring! Gabe is there as he stumbles to his feet. He boots Holbrook in the stomach, and cinches him. Gabe hoists him up, and runs forward... POWERBOMBING HOLBROOK OVER THE ROPES TO THE CONCRETE FLOOR!!!

Grumpy: Ken hit with a rather sick thud, and he's not moving!

[With that, the Syni-tron goes dead once again and the cameras focus on Ken Holbrook.]

Holbrook: To say that Sunday night didn't go as expected, would be an understatement. Gabriel Blade, you and your parter nearly killed me in that ring. And to make it even worse, you have quite possibly ended the career of Judas Dagon. You have done me a great disservice, and tonight I vow that I will do whatever it takes to make your lives a living hell.

Gallivan: Well, Holbrook hasn't done much to live up to his promises yet. He's been beat on, and made to look the fool since he arrived.

Jim: Even Dr. Karate got into the act.

Holbrook: After Sunday night, I had to spend several days bedridden, unable to move. The injury to my neck and back left me a shell of a man, and I thought that my career might be over, or even worse, that I might be permanently paralyzed. But then, someone came to visit me. A man who had become a friend to me in the last few weeks. It was his positive attitude that convinced me that I'm better than this. He reminded me what I had always known... that I was destined for greatness.

Gallivan: Sounds like he's been talking to John Edwards.

Jim: The big douche.

Holbrook: That man... was Shane Brandon.

[A boo emanates from the crowd at the mention of his name.]

Holbrook: Shane Brandon and I talked a lot while I was recovering. We talked about wrestling, and business, and the past, and the future. Shane is a smart man, and knows what it takes to get ahead in this business. It's not working hard, or showing dedication to your craft... it's knowing how to use people. It's being the right man at the right time.

Dutch: Can we get this boob out of the ring?

Holbrook: Shane Brandon is also a sensible man. After speaking to me, he decided to drop his lawsuit against the UWS.

Gallivan: Wow, that is news! Brandon's lawsuit stood to shut down the company. Heck, it was probably the main reason behind Craig Lassiter and Marcus Ash getting fired.

Holbrook: Then, while I was still confined to that bed, I was visted by Johnny Gallivan. Johnny was in the hospital with Sean and as an owner who cares about his talent, he came to visit me. We had a very frank chat, and I learned a lot about Mr. Lassiter. Truth be told, he was probably concerned about my condition due to his own accident. We spoke honestly and frankly about the business, and what it would take to turn it around. Mr. Lassiter was impressed with what I had to say. So much so... that he has been so kind as to name me as the new president of the LWA!

Gallivan: What?! No way!

Jim: Are you forgetting that Ken Holbrook ran the LWA during our "Ghosts of the Past", and did a fantastic job?

Gallivan: I remember him being a manipulative madman running the show from his secret room.

Grumpy: Hahahaha.

Dutch: What are you laughing at?

Grumpy: You called him a boob. He's gonna make you pay for that.

Holbrook: Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for the new president of the OWF... CID!

[Rather generic softcore heavy metal music begins to play as Cid steps through the entrance curtain, wearing a plaid business suit. He smiles as he walks towards the ring, then takes a position beside Ken Holbrook. Holbrook hands him the microphone.]

Cid: Where's your Reaper now?

[The fans boo him, but Cid just continues to smile and laugh.]

Cid: It's about time I got the credit I deserve for the successes of the OWF. And, as OWF president, I promise to make it better and better.

Grumpy: Oh man, this is gonna suck.

[Cid hands the mic back to Ken Holbrook.]

Holbrook: Tonight is the rebirth of the Underworld Wrestling Syndicate. Things are going to change, people. Tonight we are going to have a rematch of the UWS Tag Team finals, as Gabriel Blade and Michael Burke take on Lee Todd and Stu-E Price.

[The fans cheer at the mention of the match.]

Holbrook: Or rather, we were.

Gallivan: Oh no. Please tell me he's not screwing with the match.

Jim: I could, but I'd be lying. I guess the New Sex & Violence is going to get some of that living hell early.

Holbrook: Well, I looked at the schedule for tonight's show and decided--

[He gets nudged in the ribs by Cid.]

Holbrook: I mean, Cid and myself looked at the schedule and we decided that this match just doesn't have enough "oomph." I mean, people saw this match just two weeks ago. Why would they want to see it again? So, to add some spark to this match, we thought we'd add Tumbler to the mix.

Gallivan: What?

Holbrook: Yes, tonight's UWS Tag Title match will feature Lee Todd, Stu-E Price, and Tumbler taking on Gabriel Blade and Michael Burke in a 3-on-2 handicap match. The UK Crew is back in action, and you can only see them on UWS TV! And the UWS Tag Team Titles are still on the line!

Gallivan: That is a travesty.

Jim: Yeah, but think of the ratings! This'll even beat out FHW's bukkake segment.

[Ken hands the microphone off to Cid, who spits at it to test it. Cid sounds as if he's reciting something from memory as he speaks.]

Cid: Also tonight... Kurt Tremere... will defend his OWF Division title against the newest member of the OWF roster... HELLFIRE!

Grumpy: Hellfire? Who the hell is Hellfire?

Dutch: Beats me, but Cid and Holbrook seem to think that he deserves an OWF title shot in his debut match, so he must be pretty impressive.

[Ken Holbrook takes back the microphone.]

Holbrook: Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great priviledge to introduce... "THE THREAT" SHANE BRANDON!!!

[The lights dim for a mere moment, before an explosion of pyro casts the arena in a fiery red glow. "Revolution" by the Neurotic Outsiders blares over the arena loudspeakers, as Shane Brandon, led by a beaming Hoss Titan, steps through the entrance curtain. The crowds reaction does little to faze him as he walks to the ring with an arrogant grin and attitude. As Brandon enters the squared circle, he does a few stretches and shakes his head from side to side much like a boxer.]

[Shane and Hoss both trade handshakes with Ken and Cid. Hoss slaps Cid across the back with a smile, nearly knocking him off his feet. Ken Holbrook pulls a sheet of paper out of his jacket, and hands it to Shane. Shane passes it off to Hoss without looking at it, and Hoss quickly scans its contents.]

Holbrook: Shane Brandon, as LWA president, it is my honor to present you with an LWA contract.

Gallivan: Well, I guess Brandon isn't a free agent anymore. He's about to sign an LWA contract, and I guess it's just a matter of time before Brandon and Lee Todd face off for the LWA title.

Jim: About time. It's a travesty not giving these fans a chance to see Shane Brandon in the ring. A travesty.

[Hoss nods with a wink at Brandon, and hands him the contract. Hoss turns around, handing Shane a pen in the process, and Shane quickly signs the contract across Hoss's beefy back. The boos of the fans increase as Shane signs. Hoss pulls the two sheets of the contract apart, crams one into his jacket pocket, and hands the other to Ken Holbrook.]

Holbrook: Much obliged. Shane, tonight you get to knock some respect into that beer swilling back-bacon muncher, Hoser. Then, in 2 weeks at the next Blackened, the match that has caused so much strife in this fed to begin with, will finally happen. Lee Todd versus Shane Brandon, for the LWA Division Title.

[Ken moves to the ring ropes, and stares into one of the cameras.]

Holbrook: Lee, it's nothing personal. At Ghosts of the Past, I was glad to help you out, not that you needed my help. You were on top of your game that night, and nobody could hold a candle to you. (he jerks a thumb back and Brandon) But that's because this man was in Japan. Now that he's back, the real LWA World Heavyweight Champion has come back to claim his title. Lee, you dropped the ball at the PPV, and we can't let that happen again. The LWA is clearly the dominant division in the UWS, but because of you, Kurt Tremere is the UWS Unified World Champion. There's only room for one LWA champion. You'll get your chance to silence the critics at Blackened. But, you can't stop progress, Lee. Shane Brandon isn't just a threat... he's The Threat.

Gallivan: These fans, who have taken a liking to Lee Todd over the past few weeks, are really giving Ken Holbrook the business.

Jim: Well, he's a businessman, and he's got to do what's right for the business. Personally, I can't wait to see it. Tremere versus Brandon... the ultimate showdown.

Gallivan: Jim, he's got to get through Hoser tonight, and Lee Todd at our next show. He's not the Unified champion yet.

Jim: Just a matter of time, Gallivan. Just a matter of time.

[Ken Holbrook walks around the ring, smiling at the fans' reaction.]

Holbrook: One more thing. Just to keep Lee Todd and anyone else out of Shane's match tonight... it will be a Lumberjack match! Hoser and Shane will get a chance to settle their dispute, without the potential for interference.

[This announcement actually gets a decent reception from the fans.]

Holbrook: But, we came here to wrestle, so let's begin. Johnny Lassiter has asked Cid and myself to make this fed competitive... and cost effective. We have been throwing money away, and it has to stop.

Jim: Yeah, you tell 'em Ken.

Holbrook: For example... our commentary team. Why on earth do we need two sets of commentators? We are paying 4 men to do a job that could just as easily be done by 2 men. These contracts are not cheap, either. Especially the one for Jim "The Killer" Browski.

[The camera cuts to the LWA announce table, and Jim just grins at the other 3 announcers, who are staring at him.]

Holbrook: Jim, your agent must have had a dorsal fin and rows of razor-sharp teeth to have negotiated your contract. But, we will be cutting the announce budget in half tonight. Our first match will be a tag team match between the LWA and OWF announcers! The winning team will receive the ultimate prize... they will get to keep their jobs!

Gallivan: What?

Dutch: Bull!

Grumpy: This is crazy!

Jim: Hehehe.

Gallivan: Jim, what are you laughing at?

Jim: I'm gonna get a chance to beat the hell out of Grumpy.

Gallivan: Jim, we could lose our jobs!

Jim: So... I've got a standing offer from FHW.

Gallivan: What? You would actually leave the UWS to work for the competition?

Jim: In a heartbeat. I've got 29 ex-wives to support Gallivan.

Grumpy: You had to call him a boob, didn't you?

Dutch: (gulp)

Holbrook: So, if we could get a ref out here, we've got a show to put on!

[Ken Holbrook, Cid, and Shane Brandon climb out of the ring and walk up to the OWF announce table. Hoss Titan heads backstage. Holbrook shouts at few words, and Dutch and Grumpy slowly get up and head to the ring. Gallivan and Browski do the same. All the announcers look very uncomfortable, with the exception of Jim Browski, who is fervently stretching in one of the corners.]

[Ken, Cid, and Shane sit at the OWF announce table, and put on headsets.]

Holbrook: Ah, there's something in the air tonight.

Brandon You said it.

Holbrook: Here we go fans. The bell has rung and despite the fact that the announcers look like headless chickens in there, we are ready for this match.

[Jim Browski pulls off his sweatshirt, and begins stomping around the ring, waiting for an opponent. Johnny Gallivan is waiting nervously on the ring apron. Dutch and Grumpy are arguing in the corner.]

Holbrook: Not sure who is going to start this one off for the OWF team. What do you think, Shane?

Brandon Well, Grumpy's definitely got the spirit of a fighter, but he lacks the body to back it up. Jim Browski is looking quite good for a man of his age.

Holbrook: It looks like Grumpy will indeed start this one out against his arch-nemesis, Jim Browski. DI Rogers is in that ring, and I hope he can call it down the middle without showing favoritism to his OWF co-workers.

Cid: Rogers knows what he's doing out there. As long as he keeps an eye on Browski, that is.

Holbrook: Browski locks up with Grumpy, and immediately applies a Hammerlock on him! He shoves Grumpy into his own corner... and Dutch just punched Browski in the head from the apron! Jim shakes his head, and retaliates with a heavy Forearm shot... THAT KNOCKS DUTCH TO THE FLOOR! Grumpy sneaks up behind him... but Jim Mule Kicks him in the groin!

[The fans start chanting "SNOT-MONEY", "SNOT-MONEY", and Jim takes a second to do a Hogan pose, which riles them up even more.]

Holbrook: Jim turns around... and Bodyslams Grumpy to the mat! He lumbers off the ropes... and drops an Elbow on the downed color man!

Brandon Jim Browski is controlling that ring in there. But, he did hold his own against the original Sentinel once, didn't he?

Holbrook: He sure did. Jim Browski is double-tough.

Cid: Hey, weren't they saying that about one of the FHW wrestlers?

Holbrook: Until they copyright it, anyone can say it. Browski looks like he's going to drop for the cover, but instead he picks up Grumpy and hurls him off the ropes. Grumpy bounces off the ropes... and walks into a huge Hiptoss from Browski!

[On the apron, Johnny Gallivan is cheering on his broadcast colleague. Jim runs over and high-fives Gallivan. As Gallivan's smile disappears, Jim's gets wider.]

Cid: Was that a tag?

Brandon It sure was.

Holbrook: Jim Browski bails out of the ring before Gallivan realizes what's going on, and now DI Rogers is telling him to get in the ring. Grumpy is back up as Gallivan nervously steps through the ropes. He fires a punch and Grumpy... you call that a punch? Grumpy reaches out and grabs Gallivan for a Side Headlock! He's cauliflowering those ears, and Gallivan is screaming like a little baby. Jim is standing outside the ring, watching on. He seems to enjoy seeing his partner get hurt like this. Gallivan struggles to get out, but Grumpy isn't letting him go anywhere!

Brandon I'm sure Jim's having fun watching Gallivan scream, but he's risking his job.

Holbrook: Browski finally climbs back onto the ring apron, and he's reaching out for the tag again. Johnny Gallivan doesn't know where he is at all. Hang on, Gallivan just collapsed! Grumpy releases him, and Gallivan drops to the canvas! He's out! Rogers takes a look at him while Grumpy struts around the ring Dutch is back on the apron looking for a tag, but Grumpy won't have any of it.

[While Grumpy is posing in the ring, Johnny Gallivan looks up from the canvas, and starts crawling towards his corner.]

Cid: He was faking it! Sneaky LWA scumbags!

Holbrook: Gallivan makes a leap for his corner... and tags off to Browski! Grumpy hears the fans reaction, and turns around... POLISH HAMMER BY JIM BROWSKI! He dropped Grumpy to the mat, and now he goes for the cover... 1... 2... 3! We've got a winner! Say goodbye to the OWF announce team!

Cid: Goodbye.

Brandon See ya.

[Jim climbs onto the second rope, and strikes a few more poses for the fans while Holbrook, Cid, and Brandon leave the ring area. Rogers raises Gallivan's hand, who then goes over and shakes hands with Dutch. Dutch helps Grumpy up, and they leave the ring area. Johnny Gallivan heads back to the LWA announce table and puts on a headset. Jim Browski does a little more posing, then retrieves his sweatshirt and heads back to his announce position.]

Jim: Haha! That was something, wasn't it?

Gallivan: I can't believe you would do that to me.

Jim: Well, you don't know me that well, do you? Hahaha!

Gallivan: Let's just get back to work. And, for God's sake, put your shirt back on!

["Kung-fu Fighting" begins to play as Dr. Karate steps through the entrance curtain. He makes his way to the ring, amidst the boos of the fans, flapping the tails of his labcoat behind him. Following several steps behind him, Uesugi gazes intently at the crowd. He is wearing a black robe over his wrestling gear, his black hair soaking wet. Karate grabs a microphone from one of the announce tables and climbs into the ring. Uesugi slowly follows him in.]

Gallivan: What is this idiot doing here?

Dr. Karate: Yes fans, it's me, Dr. Karate. I've been managing Uesugi here for weeks, and it's like pulling teeth trying to get this man a match. Is everyone afraid of the Japanese Torpedo? I know the OWF isn't the home of hardcore, but surely someone has to be willing to put themselves on the line against my monster! You people cheer for wrestlers like Gabriel Blade, Hoser, and Lee Todd, but where does that get you? Nowhere! You people have to listen to me, Dr. Karate, when I tell you that you are idiots!

Jim: Yeah, that's how you get people to listen to you, Karate. Retard.

Dr. Karate: If I can't get Uesugi here a match, then maybe I, Dr. Karate, should just point him in the direction of you bonus-chromosome turf-eaters out here!

[The crowd starts booing Dr. Karate as he points to a section of the crowd. Uesugi just stands impassively in the corner.]

Dr. Karate: That's it. I'll send my man into this crowd to knock what few teeth you people have left down your stinking throats!

Gallivan: You know, if I didn't know better, I'd think that Dr. Karate has taken a dislike to our audience.

[Suddenly, a figure jumps out of the crowd, wielding a steel chair.]

Gallivan: Waitaminute! It's Jamison!

[In a shot, he is in the ring, and wraps the steel chair around Dr. Karate's head, prompting a huge cheer from the fans.]

Jim: What the hell is he doing?

Gallivan: Dr. Karate collapses in the ring... and Uesugi Spears Jamison in the back! He slams this kid to the mat, and now he's firing punches down on him.

Jim: He's a cheapshot artist, plain and simple. He attacked Gary Frat at the PPV, and now he sucker-punches Dr. Karate with a steel chair. Uesugi is about to take him to school.

Gallivan: Oh, that's right. Uesugi trained at the short-lived Browski gym, didn't he?

Jim: Sure did. Our top student, too.

Gallivan: Uesugi picks up Jamison... and hurls him into the turnbuckle! He grabs the steel chair, and sets it up in the middle of the ring, in a seated position. Dropping off his robe, Uesugi moves to the far corner. He charges in, leaping off the chair... Leg Lariat by Uesugi! He came in with incredible speed, and very little regard for his own body. Uesugi hits Jamison with a Knife-edge Chop... and another! Now he hits Jamison with a European Uppercut that nearly sends him over the top rope! Uesugi pulls Jamison out of the corner.

Jim: Poor kid. His UWS career is just about over.

Gallivan: Uesugi Irish Whips him off the ropes... but Jamison reverses it! Uesugi bounces off the far ropes... DROP TOEHOLD ONTO THE STEEL CHAIR BY JAMISON!!!

Jim: BAM!

Gallivan: Uesugi is fairly quick to get up, but he's on dream street. He's been busted open by that quick but violent attack from Jamison. The kid is up and advances on Uesugi. Low Kick on Uesugi! Kick to the midsection! Kick to the head! Uesugi staggers back to the ropes. Meanwhile, Dr. Karate has rolled out of the ring, and security are helping him out to the back. Jamison runs across the ring... and nails Uesugi with a Dropkick that sends him over the top rope! Hang on, Uesugi managed to hold onto the ropes and didn't go to the floor. He stands up on the apron, but Jamison charges. Jamison jumps through the ropes, catching the top and middle ropes underneath his arms, and swings his feet around to connect into the guts of Uesugi! Now, Jamison slinks out to the ring apron, and boots Uesugi in the stomach!

Jim: These guys are too close, Gallivan. (yelling) HIT THE OWF TABLE... THERE'S NOBODY THERE!

Gallivan: Jamison rams Uesugi's head between his legs. He underhooks the arms... DOUBLE UNDERHOOK POWERBOMB BY JAMISON, SENDING UESUGI TO THE CONCRETE FLOOR!!!

Jim: Ouch! That's a good way to mess up your back.

Gallivan: He calls that move the Canadian Crippler, and I can see why. Jamison wisely stayed on the apron, and just dropped Uesugi to the floor. These fans sure loved it though! Jamison climbs back into the ring, and now he's shouting for a microphone. A ring attendant tosses him one.

Jamison: In case you didn't realize it... I AM THE FUTURE!

[The fans start to cheer him as he climbs up to the second rope with the mic in hand.]

Jamison: You want hardcore? You want violence? You want mayhem!

[The crowd responds favorably to each of his questions.]

Jamison: Dr. Karate was bitching about getting a hardcore match, but what about me? What does it take to get noticed around here? Hell, I shut Gary Frat's mouth, that should count for something! This--

[Jamison's microphone suddenly goes dead in mid-sentence. He bounces it off one of the turnbuckle pads a few times before Ken Holbrook steps through the entrance curtain. The cheers of the fans immediately turn sour.]

Holbrook: Ra bah bah. You know something, I'm sick to death of young punks who think the world owes them something. As much as I appreciate you laying out Dr. Karate, this is my show. Jay-Jay, you want to show these people how tough you are? Well, be my guest. In fact, I'll even give you a reason to smash crap over other wrestlers' heads. Cid!

[Cid stumbles out of the entrance curtain, now wearing a gold belt underneath his plaid jacket.]

Holbrook: Fans of the televised trainwreck that was the LWA might very well remember that the LWA Hardcore Title was last held by this man, Cid. Well, since I like broken tables as much as the next man, I thought we should re-instate this title under a new name... The UWS Hardcore Title.

[Cid beams a smile at the fans and rubs the belt with the sleeve of his jacket.]

Holbrook: You don't have any problems with that, do you Cid?

Cid: Heck no. It's a good thing I carry this baby around wherever I go.

Holbrook: Good. But we aren't going to do this the old way, because this is the new UWS. You might as well call this title Greed, because there is only one rule... possession of the title equates to ownership. No pinfalls, no submissions, no sanctioned matches, no time off. The man who holds this belt must live in constant fear of having it stolen, and can trust no one.

Gallivan: What the heck does he mean by that?

Jim: I think it's pretty obvious. You just need to smash the crap out of the champion and take the belt. Brilliant innovation from Ken Holbrook.

Holbrook: Jamison, you want to be hardcore? (he points at Cid) Well, here's your title. Come and take it.

Gallivan: The fans are cheering as Jamison bails out of the ring, but not before grabbing that dented steel chair.

[Ken Holbrook backs up against the entrance curtain while Cid switches to a Goldberg stance and gets ready to charge Jamison.]

Gallivan: Cid charges at him... BUT WALKS INTO A HORRIFIC CHAIRSHOT FROM JAMISON!!! Just like that, Cid drops to the floor. Jamison eyes Holbrook suspiciously as he rips the title off Cid's waist and straps it around his own.

Jim: Sheesh, that belt is hanging pretty loose. Somebody should fatten this kid up a little.

[Jamison raises his arm, and walks past Holbrook to the backstage area, receiving another cheer from the audience.]

Gallivan: So, is Jamison now our UWS Hardcore champion?

Jim: It sure looks like it. Man, this fed is crazy.

[Commercial Break...]

[The scene opens in Ken Holbrook's (formerly Craig Lassiter's) office. Mr. Toasty Bacon is standing in the corner of the room trying (and succeeding) to look dangerous. Bonnie Bellows is standing beside Ken's desk, holding her clipboard. Ken is watching a tape of FHW Ricochet. On it, Flashback is seen nailing Plague with a Northern Lights Suplex.]

Holbrook: Son of a bitch. I thought he suffered a neck injury.

Bonnie: Well, he was never checked out. He went down at the pay-per-view and we haven't seen him since. I had just assumed that Flashback was hospitalized.

Holbrook: Instead, he's wrestling for the competition. That's pretty sleazy. Cancel his paycheck for the PPV.

Bonnie: Are you sure? He did show up for the event.

Holbrook: I don't care. Nobody messes with the UWS. (he turns off the TV) Bonnie, has Tremere arrived yet?

Bonnie: Yes, he's in his dressing room.

Holbrook: Tell him I want to see him.

Bonnie: I've already told him. He said he'd try to free up some time for you, but that he couldn't make any promises.

Holbrook: What? Does he realize that I'm the LWA president?

Bonnie: I mentioned that. He said that he's the OWF and UWS champion, and has a lot on his plate.

Holbrook: Ingrate. After what Shane Brandon did for him. He'd better come around if he wants to continue to work in this business.

[There is a knock on the door.]

Holbrook: Come in!

[The door creaks open, and Ryan Lockheart walks in.]

Holbrook: What do you want?

Lockheart: Well sir. (he stands in front of Holbrook with his hands in his pockets) It's about this company restructuring.

[Ken just nods.]

Lockheart: Well, seeing how you got rid of the OWF announce team, I was wondering if you'd given any thought to reducing the number of ring announcers in the UWS.

Holbrook: Well, to be honest, I haven't given it much thought yet.

Lockheart: Well, I'd just like to volunteer myself for redundancy if it comes to that. Aspen Sandstrum is a great announcer, and I think you'd be better off keeping her if you're going to go with just one announcer.

Holbrook: Ok, I'll make a note of it. Thanks.

[Ryan Lockheart walks out of the room. Bonnie smiles as he leaves, but a sour look from Holbrook shoots the smile off her face.]

[The show cuts back to the ring, where said Aspen Sandstrum is looking very lovely in the ring.]

Aspen: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is a special challenge Lumberjack match! Coming to the ring at this time, from Long Beach, CA by way of Calgary, Alberta, Canada, and weighing in at 245 lbs... "THE THREAT" SHANE BRANDON!!!

[The lights dim for a mere moment, before an explosion of pyro casts the arena in a fiery red glow. "Revolution" by the Neurotic Outsiders blares over the arena loudspeakers, as Shane Brandon, led by a beaming Hoss Titan, steps through the entrance curtain. The crowds reaction does little to faze him as he walks to the ring with an arrogant grin and attitude. As Brandon enters the squared circle, he does a few stretches and shakes his head from side to side much like a boxer in preparation for the battle ahead.]

Aspen: And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time, from the Great White North, and weighing in at 235 lbs... HOSER!!!

[Hoser appears at the entrance curtain as "Dust" by Cypress Hill begins to play. He sees Brandon in the ring, and just charges.]

Gallivan: The bell rings and Aspen bails out of the ring. Julio Suave is going to handle the officiating in this one. Hoser charges in and is immediately set upon by Shane Brandon. Brandon catches him for a Front facelock to try and contain him, but Hoser is firing wild punches to Brandon's midsection! He pushes Brandon into a corner... and starts hammering with lefts and rights to the head and body! He's a man possessed!

Jim: It looks like he's still mad over Brandon's actions at the PPV. What a loser.

Aspen: And now... THE LUMBERJACKS!!!

["Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top begins to play, and a stream of well-coiffed men in very neat business suits step through the entrance curtain and make their way towards the ring. Each of them is carrying a briefcase.]

Gallivan: Waitaminute! They looks like the suits that showed up with Shane Brandon when he presented the UWS with his lawsuit! There's got to be a dozen of them!

Jim: Well, these men are lawyers, they will obviously keep things nice and legal.

Gallivan: Jim, might I remind you that you've been divorced 29 times.

Jim: Oh yeah, I almost forgot... FUCKIN' SHIT-EATIN' LAW-JOCKIES!!!

Gallivan: Lumberjack Lawyers... only in the UWS. Hoser is in real trouble here if he falls out of that ring. He continues to wail on Brandon in the corner. Hoss Titan is having a rather leisurely conversation with one of these lawyers. Brandon cinches Hoser for a waistlock, and lifts him up off the mat. He tries to walk him out to the center of the ring, but Hoser continues to pelt him with right hands!

Jim: How many right hands has he got?

Gallivan: Just the one, but he's hitting him with it repeatedly.

Jim: Well, you gotta clarify these things. Some of our biggest fans listen to us on the radio.

Gallivan: Brandon staggers under the weight of Hoser... AND FALLS BACK, DEPOSITING HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR! These lawyers are on top of him like the sharks that they are! They are brutally whalloping Hoser with those leather briefcases!

Jim: Very nice briefcases. Heavy wearing by the look of it, too.

Gallivan: Brandon is taking a bit of a breather in that ring. The lawyers pick Hoser up, and send him roughly under the bottom rope back into the ring. Brandon is on him, stomping Hoser in the head! He picks him up, and Irish Whips Hoser off the ropes... Japanse Armdrag by Brandon! He flips back to his feet and grabs Hoser as he tries to stand... Backbreaker by Shane Brandon! Brandon teases a Figure-four, but Stomps Hoser in the stomach instead! Waitaminute! Brandon is headed up to the top rope! He gets his balance on the top, but Hoser is starting to get up! Brandon changes gears, and jumps off... NAILING HOSER WITH A DOUBLE AX-HANDLE! He picks up the winded Canadian and cinches him for a suplex... Snap Suplex by Brandon! He holds onto Hoser, and picks him up again... ANOTHER SNAP SUPLEX! Again, Brandon holds on and pulls Hoser back to his feet, still in that suplex position. He hoists him up... hesitates... DELAYED BRAINBUSTER BY THE THREAT!!! Instead of going for the cover, Brandon stands up and scans the crowd. The boos from this audience are pretty intense.

Jim: Hoser's 100% Canadian, and this Montreal crowd is not impressed with the way Brandon has been taking him apart. He's like a surgeon in there.

Gallivan: Yeah, Brandon who is technically Canadian, but has relocated to sunny Long Beach.

Jim: Y'ever been to Long Beach? Beautiful place. Much nicer than this spunkhole.

Gallivan: Shane Brandon is now grinning down at Hoser, who looks completely out of it. He rolls onto his stomach, and is trying to get up... but Shane hits him with a Legdrop across the back of the neck! The Threat drags Hoser to the middle of the ring, and now he's headed back up to the top rope!

Jim: This will do it. He's going to bring down the guillotine on Hoser.

Gallivan: Shane Brandon reaches the top rope, but once again, Hoser is getting up! He stumbles into the ropes... knocking Brandon onto the top turnbuckle!

Jim: Oooch. That's gotta hurt the old Threat-ticles.

Gallivan: Jim, don't ever say that again.

Jim: Yeah, you're right. It is pretty lame.

Gallivan: Hoser doesn't look like he's in much of a position to capitalize on this opportunity.

Jim: Do you get paid by the word, Mr. Dictionary? Just say, "he can't fight back."

Gallivan: Hoser looks up at Brandon sitting in the corner... AND DROPKICKS SHANE TO THE OUTSIDE! Waitaminute! Those lawyers were there to catch him! Now, Shane bodysurfs across the lawyers, and they deposit him onto the ring apron!

Jim: That's the only way to travel.

Gallivan: This reeks of favoritism. Craig Lassiter had hand-picked Lee Todd to be the LWA franchise, and now Ken Holbrook is doing the same with Shane Brandon!

Jim: Doncha love it?

Gallivan: NO, I don't! Just once I'd like to see a completely unbiased person in charge of the UWS. Brandon climbs through the ropes and Hoser is on him like a shot! He hits Brandon with a Lariat, almost sending him back to the floor! Hoser Irish Whips Brandon off the far ropes... but he holds onto the ropes to stop himself! Hoser charges at him, but Brandon catches him coming in... SPINE BOMB SLAM BY SHANE BRANDON!!!

Jim: Shades of D'Lo's Sky High.

Gallivan: Brandon rolls Hoser onto his stomach... AND APPLIES THE DOUBLE CROSS!!! He's got that modifed Dragon Sleeper locked on, and Hoser is in a world of hurt.

Jim: Make up your mind... is he on dream street, or in a world of hurt? Or is it both? Heck, one more locale-based cliche, and we'll have Hoser's full mailing address.

Gallivan: Julio, who's had an easy match of it so far, drops down to check on Hoser. Brandon has that double-arm crossface locked on tight, and Hoser has nowhere to go.

Jim: He could go to heartbreak hotel... or disfunction junction.

Gallivan: Brandon leans back even farther... and Hoser taps! Julio immediately calls for the bell, and puts a count on Brandon.

Jim: Hoser was probably still seeing double from that Lariat he got from Mike Burke at the PPV.

Gallivan: Brandon finally releases the hold, and these fans are just hating him.

Jim: Are people hissing? Where are we, San Francisco?

Gallivan: Julio checks on Hoser, who is holding his neck as Brandon bails out of the ring. Look at this, those lawyers are all congratulating him on his win!

Jim: Well, Brandon brings these lawyers lots of business. They are just showing their appreciation.

Gallivan: Hang on, Brandon pushes his way past the lawyers, and now he's got a steel chair! He tosses it into the ring, and the Threat is going back in! Julio immediately moves to stop him, but Hoss Titan climbs into the ring as well.

[Hoss casually, but seriously, warns Julio to get out of the ring, and after a nasty look from Brandon, he complies.]

Jim: Maybe their going to do an intervention on Hoser. I've always wanted to go to one of those.

Gallivan: Brandon walks across the ring and glares down at Hoser... AND SLAMS THE CHAIR DOWN ACROSS HIS TORSO! AND AGAIN! AND AGAIN!!! The fans start to throw junk into the ring...

Jim: Hey! Who threw this touque? (pause) Well, you're not getting it back!

Gallivan: Brandon is looking more serious than usual in there. Waitaminute! He's wrapping that steel chair around Hoser's leg!

Jim: Pillmanizer in the works!

Gallivan: Brandon jumps into the air... AND STOMPS DOWN ON THAT CHAIR! Hoser is in serious pain as Shane Brandon bounces off the ropes. He comes back... AND HITS THAT CHAIR WITH A RUNNING KNEEDROP!!!

Jim: Oh, I heard a crack!

Gallivan: Hoser shouts out in pain while Brandon just stares at him. Hoss says something to the Threat, and now they are leaving.

[The camera cuts to the announce table. Johnny Gallivan looks very upset, but Jim Browski is wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs touque on his head.]

Gallivan: Fans, this is a complete travesty! Shane Brandon has just assaulted Hoser after the match, and our medical team is already on its way to the ring. I can't believe Shane would do something like that.

Jim: Then, I guess you don't know Shane Brandon that well. Fans, you can send your "get well" messages to Hoser, care of the UWS Medical Centre, 100 Dream Street, World of Hurt, 11666. (he starts laughing)

Gallivan: This isn't funny, Jim?

Jim: No? You coulda fooled me.

[The show cuts back to Ken Holbrook's office. Holbrook has a devious smile on his face as he watches the UWS medical team dealing with Hoser in the ring on a TV monitor. There is a polite rap on the door, and Holbrook mutes the TV.]

Holbrook: C'mon it, Kurt.

[It is not Kurt Tremere, but Babe who enters the ring. She is wearing tight jeans and an oversized woolen sweater.]

Holbrook: Babe! Come in... make yourself at home.

Babe: I'm not here long, Ken. Johnny Lassiter hired me a few weeks ago, and he told me tonight that I was to report to you.

Holbrook: Really? (scratching his neckbrace) This must be my lucky day.

Babe: Listen, Kenny. I didn't know I'd be working with you, and frankly, I don't like it. So, don't push me, or I'll leave.

Holbrook: Calm down, honey. It just so happens that we can use you. Zeke has disappeared with a group of bikers, and we need a new interviewer for Blackened.

Babe: Ken, I came here to help out behind the scenes, not to be some eye-candy interviewing these idiots.

Holbrook: Sorry, honey. That's all we got. Consider yourself lucky that I'm not booking you in gravy matches.

[Babe is about to reply, but a knock on the door interrupts her.]

Holbrook: Just do what Cid tells you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a meeting with Kurt Tremere.

[Babe just shakes her head, and heads out of the room. As she leaves, Aspen Sandstrum walks in.]

Aspen: Um, Mr. Holbrook.

Holbrook: You're not Tremere.

Aspen: No... I'm not.

Holbrook: I'm very busy, Miss Sandstrum. So, unless you've come to give me a massage, then you'd better keep it short.

[Despite her obvious annoyance at that last comment, Aspen composes herself.]

Aspen: It's about these layoffs. I'd just like you to know that if you do decide to get rid of one of the ring announcers, I've got a standing offer from OEWA in Minnesota. So, I think you'd be best to keep Ryan Lockheart and let me go.

Holbrook: (grinning) Well, I'll make a note of that.

[Aspen nods her head to Holbrook, and walks out of the room. Ken picks up the remote, but before he can turn the sound back up, "Illegally Extreme" Eric Manson bursts into the room. Before he can react, Manson slams his hands down on Holbrook's desk.]

Eric: What the hell are you doing, giving some new punk an OWF title shot?! I've been busting my ass for this division since we opened. I got screwed over at the pay-per-view because of my partner. Are you forgetting that I pinned Archangel, not once... but twice? I demand a title shot.

Holbrook: You little punk.

[As if waiting for something like this, Mr. Toasty Bacon enters the office silently, and steps in between the two just as Manson looked ready to hit Holbrook. Manson fights back, but Mr. Toasty Bacon pins his arms behind him.]

Holbrook: Listen to me. You don't "demand" a title match in my fed. You want a match? I'll give you a match. Tonight, you get to "test perfection." That's right, you can take all that anger and put it up against Brian Thorn tonight. And if, by some miracle, you win... then you can have your OWF Division Title match.

[Manson stops struggling, and Mr. Toasty Bacon releases him.]

Eric: That's fine by me!

[Manson storms out of the room, and Ken Holbrook looks up at Mr. Toasty Bacon.]

Holbrook: Where's Kurt Tremere?

[In response, Mr. Toasty Bacon just shrugs.]

[The show cuts to another backstage shot, where Jamison is grazing over a large salad and deli-meat table, the UWS Hardcore Title hanging loosely around his waist. Then, Scar steps into the room, drinking from a water bottle. After picking at a few slices of meat, Scar sizes up Jamison.]

Scar: Hey, you're Jamison, right?

Jamison: That's right.

Scar: Not bad, winning a UWS Title as fast as that. (holding out a hand) Scar. I'm in the LWA Division.

[Jamison looks at the oddly dressed wrestler with disgust.]

Jamison: Divisions don't mean dick. In case you haven't heard, I am the future.

[Scar withdraws his hand, looking equally disgusted. Jamison turns away with a rather hefty sandwich, leaving Scar to fume.]

Scar: Hey, Futureman!

[Jamison turns around, and catches a facefull of thin-sliced ham.]

Jamison: Ach, you--

[In a second, Scar grabs a serving tray from the table, empties its contents on the floor, and slams the tray across Jamison's head. The voices of the announcers suddenly cut into the action.]

Gallivan: Well, it looks like we've got havoc backstage!

Jim: Hey, that's a waste of good ham!

Gallivan: Jamison stumbles back, more shocked than hurt, as Scar climbs up onto the serving table! He leaps off... AND HURACANRANAS JAMISON ACROSS THE ROOM! What a move! Scar is back up, and boots Jamison in the head. He grabs for the Hardcore Title, but Jamison hits him with a Low Blow! He gets back to his feet, and grabs Scar by the throat... AND CHOKESLAMS HIM THROUGH THE DELI TABLE!!!

Jim: Jamison's not very big, but neither is Scar.

Gallivan: Jamison jumps up... and takes off!

Jim: I guess he'll hold onto that belt for a little longer.

[Just as Jamison flees the room, a huge man over 6 and a half feet tall walks in. He has very pale skin and is very built. He has short jet black hair and his face is covered by a pale gray mask. Shirtless, he wears black leather pants with detailed gothic crosses going down each leg that are highlighted in dark blue, along with black boots and long black gloves that have a single layer of metal studs around the wrists, as well as a black leather band around his bicep on each arm.]

Jim: Who the hell is that?

[The man looks at Scar, who is slowly getting to his feet.]

Gallivan: This guy boots Scar in the ribs! He lifts him up for what looks like a powerbomb... hoists him up in a crucifix position, and just stands there! Scar is struggling, but this guy is just holding him there! He turns away from the deli tray... CRUCIFIX POWERBOMB ON SCAR ONTO THE CONCRETE FLOOR!!!

Jim: Oh man! Scar's been busted wide open.

[The man stands up and looks down at Scar with a look of pity in his eyes.]

Man: Greed.

[With a single word, he walks out of the room, leaving Scar bleeding on the floor.]

Gallivan: What the hell is going on around here?

[The show cuts back to ringside, where Aspen Sandstrum has just made it into the ring.]

Aspen: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a special challenge match. Making his way to the ring, standing at 6 feet tall and weighing in at 235 lbs, from Hollywood, California, he is the ultimate model of perfection in a mortal man, he is, BRIAN THORN!!!

[In Thorn's voice we hear the word "Ultimate" over the sound system as a spotlight shines down on the entrance ramp to a waiting Thorn. "Model" is spoken the same way as another spotlight hits him from a different angle, and Thorn raises his arms in acceptance of the appreciation the fans must have for him. "Of" is heard as a third spotlight shines down on the man with the million-dollar smile. "Perfection" sounds in Thorn's voice as a fourth and final spotlight engulfs Thorn. Suddenly "Tear Away" by Drowning Pool plays over the sound system and all four spotlights follow Thorn down the entrance ramp. On the Syni-tron we see images of Thorn in his glory, hitting the Double Take, flashing his "million dollar" smile, women hanging off of both arms, and then a closeup of the arrogant face. Thorn takes his time walking down the entrance ramp, letting his music play through. Once in the ring he flashes his "million dollar" smile once again, the music fades, and the lights come back on.]

Jim: Manson's big mouth got him into this match. Some people are just ingrates, you know that?

Gallivan: Jim, Manson has a good point. They gave Hellfire a title shot without proving himself.

Jim: Well, it doesn't matter anyway. Brian Thorn is going to add to the growing list of ex-OWF wrestlers. Aspen. And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time, accompanied by Malice. From New York City, and weighing in at 268 lbs... "ILLEGALLY EXTREME" ERIC MANSON!!!

[Lights go out as "Welcome Burden" by disturbed starts to play. Pyro goes off. He slowly stalks to the ring. Climbs up the steps and enters the ring.]

Gallivan: Fans, we have gotten word that Hoser has suffered a broken ankle from that post-match attack by Shane Brandon. We are awaiting word on the condition of Scar, but it doesn't look good.

Jim: So, what are we down to... four wrestlers? Five?

Gallivan: DI Rogers is going to officiate this one. Brian Thorn locks up with Manson, and immediately applies a Side Headlock! Manson shoves him off the ropes to break the hold. Thorn comes across the ring... and runs into a Shoulderblock by Manson! He does go down. Thorn retaliates with a Standing Dropkick to Manson! This time it was Manson who didn't go down. Thorn is back up, but Manson hits him with a Clothesline that sends him against the ropes! Thorn comes back with a Snap Kick to the ribs on Manson! Manson covers up and hits Thorn with a big right hand to the head! He boots him in the guts... PUMP-HANDLE SLAM BY ERIC MANSON! Manson goes for the cover, but Thorn is in the ropes. Rogers steps in to break it up. He pulls Manson off Thorn just as the Perfect One gets to his feet. Thorn throws another dropkick... BUT MANSON DUCKED AND THORN HIT ROGERS IN THE FACE!!!

Jim: What a dope!

Gallivan: Manson runs over... and hits Thorn with a huge Splash that knocks the wind out of him! Now, he rolls out of the ring, and he's going for a chair!

Jim: Are we going to have to take these chairs away from ringside? They are definitely being abused.

Gallivan: Manson rolls into the ring with that chair, and DI Rogers is still down! Hang on, Thorn is back up as Illegally Extreme walks across the ring. He raises the chair... BUT THORN DROPKICKS THE CHAIR INTO MANSON! Manson went down in a heap, and now Thorn picks up the chair himself!

Jim: These fans are actually cheering. They want to see Thorn use the chair. What a bunch of sickos.

Gallivan: Do you want to see Thorn use the chair?

Jim: Yes... but for completely different reasons than these freaks.

Gallivan: Thorn picks up the chair... and sets it upright on the canvas. He picks up Eric Manson... AND APPLIES A REAR CHINLOCK WHILE SITTING ON THE CHAIR!

Jim: (laughing) Listen to those idiot fans booing him! This is too easy.

Gallivan: Thorn cranks down on Manson, and I think he's actually putting him out! Thorn drops Manson to the mat, and he's pointing to the top rope! Rogers is slowly getting back up, and he tosses that chair out of the ring. Thorn sets himself on top, and dives off... PERFECT PRESS BY THORN!!! NO! Eric Manson goes his knees up... and that had to hurt Thorn an awful lot!

Jim: I think he was playing possum. Looks like Thorn was taking this kid for granted.

Gallivan: Manson is up, and Thorn is still doubled up, holding his ribs. Manson grabs him from behind... SILENCER BY ILLEGALLY EXTREME!!! He caught Brian Thorn with that Inverted DDT into an Elbow to the Throat, and now he hooks the leg... 1... 2... 3! I can't believe it!

Jim: No way! Thorn was undefeated!

Gallivan: He's not anymore. Eric Manson has added Brian Thorn to the list of wrestlers that have underestimated him, and it looks like he will get an OWF Division title match afterall. Hold on, fans. I'm being told that there's a commotion backstage!

[The show cuts backstage, where Jamison is on the floor of a dressing room. Leo Kirk is stomping on the downed wrestler like a madman.]

Gallivan: It looks like Leo Kirk has ambushed Jamison backstage in the hopes of getting that Hardcore Title! Jamison has a nasty red mark across his forehead, so I'm guessing he took a lockeroom door to the head!

Jim: What are you, frickin Quincy?

Gallivan: Kirk drops down, and tries to pull the belt off Jamison... but he thumbs Kirk in the eyes! Leo Kirk falls back onto his butt as Jamison tries to stand. Hold on!

[That large man who attacked Scar steps into the lockeroom behind Leo Kirk. He grabs Kirk from behind.]

Gallivan: It's that guy! He grabs Kirk from behind with a Cobra Clutch! Jamison is just looking up, bewildered, but he's no fool. He scrambles to his feet, and runs past the monster, out of the room. This massive man lifts Kirk up... AND HE'S SHAKING HIM AROUND IN THAT COBRA CLUTCH LIKE A RAGDOLL!!!

Jim: He's hanging him!

Gallivan: Leo Kirk has started to fight back, but his struggles quickly cease! He's completely out! This big guy raises Kirk even higher... AND SLAMS HIM ONTO THE COLD CONCRETE FLOOR WITH A COBRA CLUTCH SLAM!!! Just like Scar before him, Leo Kirk is down and out!

[The big man looks over at the camera, which starts to shake. The breathing of the cameraman can now be heard.]

Man: Greed.

[With that, he walks out of the room.]

[The show cuts back to ringside, where Aspen Sandstrum is waiting in the ring.]

Aspen: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the OWF Division Title. Coming to the ring at this time, accompanied by Carrie. From Newark, New Jersey, and weighing in at 250 lbs... HELLFIRE!!!

[Rob Zombie's "Living Dead Girl" hits the airwaves as walls of flame begin to line each side of the entrance ramp and red lights flood the arena. Hellfire steps through the curtains, with his valet Carrie following close behind. With one swift movement, he jerks his head up in the air and spews flames from his mouth. He then finishes his journey to ringside, steps through the ropes, and awaits his opponent.]

Jim: You know, when this guy was younger, he was known as Heckfire

Aspen: And his opponent, the OWF Division Champion and the UWS Unified World Heavyweight Champion! Coming to the ring at this time, from Toledo, Ohio, and weighing in at 248 lbs... KURT TREMERE!!!

[The lights flicker out, and as the sound of wind fills the arena, a low blue light slowly lights the crowd. After a moment, a voice can be heard echoing through the PA.]

[The blue lights slowly grow a little brighter moment by moment.]

[At the end of the last line, the lights vanish and the arena is engulfed in darkness and silence..]

[As the scream is heard through the PA, 4 blue spotlights shine on the entrance, and "Superstar" by Saliva begins to blast out of the speakers, almost simaltaneosuly with a large pyro explosion on the ceiling and ramp. As the smoke clears, Kurt Tremere is standing in the middle of the entrance, looking over the crowd. The spotlights begin to strobe with the beat of the song, and they follow Kurt down the aisle as he begins to walk. Kurt ignores the crowd, not once even looking at them as he walks. The spotlights follow Kurt up the stairs and onto the apron where he wipes his feet, but then go out as he jumps over the ropes and into the ring. It's only dark in the arena for a moment, because on cue with the next loud beat of the song, more explosions go off, and as the lights come back on, Kurt Tremere is standing in the middle of the ring with his arms raised in the air, and what appears to be glass raining down on him. When the music and fireworks finally cease, Kurt walks over to the corner, lies on top of it ala Shawn Micheals, and adjusts his one elbow pad on his right arm.]

Gallivan: Well, we don't know much about Hellfire at all Jim. Somebody backstage, presumably Ken Holbrook or Cid, thought this guy warranted an OWF Title shot.

Jim: Well, if you ask me, the flashier an entrance, the weaker the wrestler. Most guys with big intros are just overcompensating.

Gallivan: In that case, this match should be a draw. On a serious note, the OWF Division is in serious trouble. Flashback has jumped to FHW after faking an injury, Archangel and Crusader are missing. Red Zachary was involved in that horrible accident that may have ended his career. And just tonight, we've seen Leo Kirk and Hoser both suffering injuries that could put them on the shelf indefinitely.

Jim: The OWF Division is cursed, it's as simple as that. We got rid of Grumpy and Dutch... the UWS should just boot the whole division out.

Gallivan: Well, I'm not sure if I agree with that sentiment, but with so many wrestlers leaving, it's not really that shocking that a rookie gets a title match in his debut. I've been told that Hellfire has already signed an OWF contract. The real question is... can Hellfire stand up to the Unified Champion, Kurt Tremere?

Jim: I doubt it. He's a big man, but Tremere is just... the best.

Gallivan: The two lock up, and Hellfire immediately throws Kurt across the ring with a Hiptoss! Tremere is back up, but Hellfire hits him with a vicious Clothesline! Before Kurt can recover, Hellfire picks him up, and Bodyslams him to the mat!

Jim: Tremere's no slouch in the size department, but he's the smaller man in the ring for this match.

Gallivan: Hellfire drops down onto Tremere with an Ax-handle chop across the back, and now he cinches him for a powerbomb. Hellfire lifts him up... BUT TREMERE REVERSES IT INTO A FACESLAM!

Jim: Shades of X-pac. Or is it Syxx?

Gallivan: I think he goes by the name Syxx-pac.

Jim: Bah, whenever I want to get his attention, I just yell "OVERRATED!" He always turns his head for that.

Gallivan: Tremere is up on his knees, and starts firing forearm and elbow shots to the back of Hellfire's head! He locks on a Front Facelock, but Hellfire starts to lift him off the mat. Kurt underhooks... Butterfly Suplex on Hellfire! He floats over for a cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Kurt grabs Hellfire as he gets back to his feet, and locks on a Side Headlock.

Jim: I didn't expect to see a wrestling match between these two.

Gallivan: Well, Tremere's wrestling a very conservative game thus far. He doesn't know a lot about this challenger, so he's still feeling him out.

Jim: The sign of a great champion.

Gallivan: Hellfire rams a few Forearm shots into Kurt's kidneys... AND LIFTS HIM FOR A BACK SUPLEX! This time, it's Hellfire who is the first to get to his feet. He grabs Kurt... and hurls him into the turnbuckle! Kurt bounces back out as Hellfire bounces off the ropes... BULLDOG BY HELLFIRE! He rolls over the OWF champ, and here's the count... 1... 2... Kickout! DI Rogers has been on top of this match, and that's a good thing.

Jim: The OWF Division title is on the line here. He'd better be on top of the match.

Gallivan: Hellfire is up and pulls Kurt to his feet. He grabs Kurt by the waist from behind and turns him over... INVERTED BEARHUG BY HELLFIRE!

Jim: Or should we call him Eriflleh?

Gallivan: That's right fans, if any of you get that reference from Jim Browski, just send your ticket stub to UWS headquarters for a free replica UWS Unified World Title belt.

Jim: It's not that obscure.

Gallivan: We'll see. Tremere is in trouble in there. Rogers checks on him. Jim, is there any way to escape from an inverted bearhug?

Jim: Yep.

Gallivan: Would you care to tell us what it is?

[There is a "ooh" from the crowd as Kurt Tremere rams the back of his head into the groin of Hellfire, breaking the hold.]

Jim: That would be it.

Gallivan: Hellfire crumpled, but Kurt's not in much of a position to capitalize as he's still winded. He's slow to get up, as is Hellfire. The two meet up in the middle of the ring and lockup... Small Package by Tremere! Rogers makes the count... 1... 2... Kickout!

Jim: Shoulda grabbed the tights!

Gallivan: Both men scramble back to their feet, trying to take the advantage. Kurt strikes first with a Elbow smash to the head of Hellfire! Hellfire comes back with a heaping Forearm shot across the chest and sends Kurt back a few steps. Hellfire swings, but Kurt ducks under a Clothesline! He grabs Hellfire for a Back Suplex... but he flips back behind him! Hellfire cinches Kurt for a Waistlock... but Kurt blasts him with a Back Elbow to the temple! And another! And another! Kurt goes for a fourth Elbow, but Hellfire releases the waistlock and ducks! Kurt spins around, bringing up his foot for a side kick... BUT CATCHES DI ROGERS ACROSS THE HEAD!

Jim: Why is it always Rogers that gets knocked down? Julio gets off far too light in this fed, believe me.

Gallivan: As Rogers collapses, Hellfire catches Kurt's leg... BLAZING INFERNO BY HELLFIRE!!! He caught Kurt Tremere with that T-Bone Suplex with authority! Hellfire is slow to capitalize, but finally crawls onto Tremere... but there's no ref to count!

Jim: Oh crap, here we go again. Who's the FHW champion this week?

Gallivan: Hellfire is slow to get up. Those back elbows must have done more damage than we thought. Tremere makes no bones about using that heavily padded elbow in the ring. Hellfire looks a little groggy in there.

Jim: He still looks better than Tremere. C'mon champ! Get up!

Gallivan: Hellfire grabs the double champion and drags him to his feet. He moves around behind Tremere, and signals for The Fire Pit! Hellfire hooks Tremere with a Cobra Clutch... STUNNER OUT OF NOWHERE BY KURT TREMERE!!!

Jim: Yes!

Gallivan: Instead of trying to capitalize, Tremere drags himself towards one of the corners and retrieves the OWF Division Title that was sitting on the apron! These fans are booing him because they know what's coming. DI Rogers is still down and now Kurt Tremere is back to his feet, holding that belt! Hellfire is also slow to get up and it looks like he's holding his jaw.

Jim: He's been jaw-jacked by Tremere's stunner.

Gallivan: Hellfire is up, but Tremere is just waiting for him to turn around! He raises the belt as Hellfire turns around... HOLY SHIT! HELLFIRE JUST SPIT A BALL OF FLAME IN KURT TREMERE'S FACE!!!

Jim: Correction, he spit a ball of flame in the direction of Kurt Tremere's face. The champ was quick enough to bring that belt up to protect himself.

Gallivan: The OWF Title took the force from that fireball... and now Kurt drops it!

[Kurt shakes his burned fingers as the smoking belt drops to the canvas.]

Jim: Better the belt than your face!

Gallivan: Hellfire charges at Tremere... but he ducks under a Clothesline by the big man! Hellfire turns back... but catches a boot in the stomach by Tremere! Tremere grabs him by the head... SINGLE-ARM DDT BY KURT TREMERE!!! Hellfire came down face-first onto that still smoldering belt!

Jim: What ye sow, so shall ye reap.

Gallivan: Kurt rolls Hellfire over and hooks the leg! DI Rogers is barely conscious, but he looks up and makes the count... 1... 2... 3!

[Kurt grabs the still hot belt by the leather strap and rolls out of the ring. He quickly retrieves his UWS World Title and heads away from the ring area to the boos of the fans. The cameras cut to the announce table. Jim is still wearing his Maple Leafs touque.]

Jim: Tremere is the greatest champion ever!

Gallivan: He barely escaped that match with his title. Well, it looks like Tremere will face off against Eric Manson at the next Blackened for the OWF Division title. No rest for the wicked.

Jim: And no rest for Tremere either.

Gallivan: That's who I was talking about.

Jim: Tremere isn't wicked! He's misunderstood.

Gallivan: I think he's understood quite clearly. Despite the loss, Hellfire was very impressive in his debut. I think we are going to see some big things out of this man. Fans, they are clearing out the ring now for our main event.

Jim: And for once, our main event is going to live up to the hype. The UK Crew will get a chance to show us how it's done when they take on Gabriel Blade and Michael Burke.

Gallivan: There's definitely no love loss for this match. We'll be right back after this...

[Commercial break...]

[When the show returns, Ryan Lockheart is standing in the ring, microphone in hand.]

Lockheart: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a 3-on-2 handicap match, and is for the UWS World Tag Team Titles. Coming to the ring at this time, the challengers... at a combined weight of 702 lbs... LEE F'N' TODD, TUMBLER, AND STU-E PRICE!!!

[The lights in the arena dim as Sweet Child of Mine rips through the arena, dry ice fills the aisle as Lee F'n' Todd steps through the curtain a bottle of brown ale held high above his head in his left hand. A two fingered salute on his right. Strolling down the aisle he's followed by a trench coat clad Lola. Making a slow march to the ring he hops up on the apron knocks back his ale before handing the bottle to Lola. Climbing through the middle rope he pauses like an agitated Lion waiting for his opponents.]

[The lights in the arena dim as the initials GHITW light up the ring in bright neon green, the text begins to swirl faster and faster till it morphs in to a bullzeye. Come Out and play cuts out as a thunderous boom echo's throughout the arena and Tumbler leaps from the rafters on a bungy cord landing dead centre in the ring. Spinning around possing for the crowd attendents rush to the ring to unhook his equipment before the match starts.]

[The arena goes absolutely pitch black for a few moments. A single spotlight appears and flashes around the arena before coming to a halt, right at the Syni-tron. Still in silence, it begins to come to life with the sound of a heartbeat ticking over and over as a few words appear on the screen.]

[A large explosion of pyrotechnics go off, and with that a large record scratch is heard; Bodyrock by Moby plays out through the speakers. Stu-E walks through the curtain, when he does a massive blue and white laser show kicks off as he slowly walks to ringside, stopping halfway. Stu looks around the arena before raising both arms in the air and running to the ring, rolling under the bottom rope. When inside the ring he goes to the corner and climbs the turnbuckle and waves to the crowd before sitting on the top turnbuckle.]

Gallivan: This is what we've all been waiting for. The Sentinel and the Demolition Man proved it to everyone at the pay-per-view, beating 3 teams in one night to become the UWS Tag Team Champions. This, even after Gabriel Blade fought what could have been the match of his life against the monster, Judas Dagon.

Jim: Yeah, but tonight, his bubble bursts. The UK Crew are about to show the UWS why they have dominated every fed they have ever been a part of. The New Sex & Violence's title reign will be short indeed.

Lockheart: And their opponents, the UWS World Tag Team Champions! Coming to the ring at this time, at a combined weight of 503 lbs... "SENTINEL" GABRIEL BLADE AND "DEMOLITION MAN" MICHAEL BURKE!!!

["And Justice For All" plays as Gabriel Blade steps onto the entrance ramp. Those observant of the human soul can easily see the wonder and awe still there in his eyes as he surveys the scene before turning to face the ring and marching resolutely forward.]

[The fans give a decent reception for Michael Burke, who steps through the entrance curtain while Gabe's theme music continues to play. He walks towards the ring in his wrestling gear with a very determined look on his face.]

Lockheart: Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to announce the special guest color commentator for this match... RON KING!!!

["America" by Spinal Tap begins to play as Ron King heads towards the announce table. He waves his ring-studded hands at the fans and takes a position next to Jim Browski.]

Gallivan: Good to have you aboard, Ron.

Ron King: Well, it's wonderarishical to be here tonight on this fantabulous night of extra-curricular displays of physical incongredulity.

Jim: Yeah, what he said.

Gallivan: Well, the combatants are ready, but we don't have a ref.

[Suddenly, "Refuse/Resist" by Apocalyptica begins to play and Craig Lassiter steps through the entrance curtain. Lassiter is wearing black slacks and a black and white striped shirt. He walks to the ring to half decent applause, and takes a position in the ring.]

Gallivan: The wrestlers look surprised to see him here, and so am I. Is Craig Lassiter now an official in the UWS?

Jim: Oh, this is sweet. Lassiter and Holbrook are like opposite ends of some cosmic scale. Whenever Craig is on top of the world, Holbrook is in the dumps, and vice versa. Ken Holbrook started out his career as an LWA referee, and has now become the LWA President. Craig Lassiter has gone from being LWA President to a lowly ref. It would be pretty sad... if it wasn't so damn funny!

Gallivan: Yeah, well Gabriel Blade doesn't find it funny. He was pretty vocal about Lassiter's bias towards Lee Todd.

Jim: Hey, even when he was LWA President, Craig Lassiter didn't have authority to sanction UWS Title matches. This match came down from the big boss.

Gallivan: Regardless, Gabriel Blade is having a rather heated conversation with Craig Lassiter.

[Lassiter isn't saying much back. He holds up his hands in mock surrender, and Michael Burke steps in between them, trying to calm Gabe down.]

Gallivan: Lassiter calls for the bell and here we go! Stu-E Price is going to start this match off against Michael Burke. They lock up, and Burke hits Price with a Bodyslam. He's up again, and Burke drops him with a Clothesline! Stu barrel-rolls into his corner, and tags off to Lee Todd. He quickly climbs out to the ring apron, as Lee steps in. Lee locks up with Burke... but Burke double-arm tosses him into his corner! Lee comes back out, but Burke hits him with several Jabs to the midsection! Lee hits him with a left in the face... and a right... but Burke shoots on him, knocking him to the canvas! Now, both are trading punches, and Michael Burke usually comes out on top after these exchanges. Craig Lassiter puts a count on Burke for the boatload of closed fists he's raining down on Lee Todd. After five, he warns Burke, then pulls him off.

Jim: That was fair. No bias there.

Gallivan: No, not yet. Craig releases Burke, who waits on Lee Todd. He charges him... but runs into a Knee to the Midsection by Todd! Lee Hiptosses Burke to the mat, but the Demolition Man is quick to get up. Lee hits him with a Kneelift as he gets up, and that send Burke back into his own corner. Burke reaches back... and tags off to the Sentinel!

Jim: This should be interesting.

Gallivan: Gabriel Blade jumps over the top rope into the ring with a grin on his face. Lee doesn't back down. They lock up, and Gabe whips Lee off the ropes... Lee ducks under a Clothesline attempt by Gabe and bounces off the far ropes... Lee catches Gabe as they head back... CANADIAN BACKBREAKER BY LEE TODD! He hooks the leg, and Craig Lassiter is right there... 1... Kickout. Lee scrambles to his feet... AND PUNTS GABRIEL BLADE IN THE RIBS! He drops onto the Sentinel with an Ax-handle chop across the back of the head, and now he applies a Front Facelock on Gabe! Hold on! Lee works that hold into a choke... but Craig Lassiter puts a count on him!

Jim: Looks like Craig is trying to atone for his sins.

Gallivan: Lee looks shocked, but breaks the choke at five. He pulls Gabe up to his feet and cinches him up... Snap Suplex by Lee Todd! Now, Lee is up and grabs Gabe by the feet... FIGURE-FOUR BY LEE TODD!

Ron King: Abso-fantabulous!

[At this, Stu-E Price drops off the ring apron and heads over to the announce table. He grabs an empty chair from ringside and seats himself next to Ron, taking his headset away from him.]

Gallivan: Stu, what are you doing?

Stu-E: These guys have this match well in hand. I figured I'd take a break and join you guys. I can't believe I'm sitting here, with Peter Roberts and Fred Estridge. This is better than winning the tag titles.

Gallivan: I think you're a little confused, Stu. This is the UWS, and it's Gallivan and Browski.

Stu-E: Ah sorry. Johnny Gallivan and Jim Browski. Hey Jim, are you Jewish?

Jim: Well, even if I am, you're not going to get close enough to find out... pervert!

Stu-E: I know somebody who can tell me... Johnny Boy?

Gallivan: Hey, don't bring me into this rediculous conversation. In the ring, Gabriel Blade is trying to drag himself closer to the ropes to break this figure-four. Craig Lassiter is keeping an eye on the situation in the ring.

Stu-E: Johnny and Jimmy, sitting in a tree... F.. U.. C.. K.. I.. N.. G...

Jim: You better watch yourself mister.

Gallivan: Gabriel Blade is inching closer to the ropes, but Lee Todd is doing everything he can to keep him in the middle of the ring. Hang on! Lee reaches up and grabs onto the bottom ropes behind him! That stopped Gabe dead... but Craig Lassiter puts a count on Lee! Lee releases the ropes, and the figure-four.

Stu-E: I'm better than Jim because God made Jews with a little less meat.

Jim: You friggin' anti-semite!

Gallivan: To be honest, Jim. You thought this was cool when Kurt Tremere did it.

Jim: It's different when Tremere does it!

Gallivan: Gabriel Blade is up, but Todd hits him with a Snap Kick to the side of the leg! He follows it up with a Dropkick to the Knee! Lee grabs Gabe by the foot, and reaches back... and tags off to Tumbler!

Jim: Gabriel Blade and Kevin Burke are in.... I mean, Michael Burke.

Stu-E: Jiiim, you gotta concentrate some more. How bout... I'll do the commentary for a few weeks, and we'll send you to a concentration camp.

Jim: Don't make me clock you, buddy.

Stu-E: Why?

Jim: Because I get fined every time I punch a guest commentator.

Gallivan: Gee, I never thought I'd miss the color commentary of Ron King. Tumbler grabs the top rope, and hits Gabe with a Somersault Senton into the ring!

Stu-E: I taught him that move.

Gallivan: Tumbler is up and drags Gabe to his feet. He hits him with a Savate Kick, but Gabe catches his leg... Dragon Screw Legsweep by Gabe! Gabe follows this up by turning it over into a Half Crab! Tumbler's almost close enough to his corner to tag, but not quite. He's in some serious pain in there.

Stu-E: Don't tell anybody I told you this, but Tumbler's favorite drink is... wine.

Gallivan: Tumbler tries to reach his corner... BUT GABE JUST PULLS HIM ACROSS THE RING TO HIS OWN CORNER!

Jim: Now there's power.

Gallivan: Gabe tags off to Burke, still holding the half crab. Michael Burke vaults himself over the ropes into the ring... SPLASH ON TUMBLER'S BACK! Gabe heads to the ring apron, and Burke drops a meaty Elbow onto Tumbler. Craig drops to administer the count, but Burke isn't going for the cover. He picks up Tumbler... and applies a Bearhug!

Jim: Lots of weardown moves in this one. These guys are all taking this match very seriously.

Stu-E: Right on.

Jim: Well, except for one guy.

Gallivan: Tumbler is losing air quickly. He tries to fight out of the move by firing a few punches into the head of Burke... but Burke just rams him back-first into the turnbuckle! He breaks the bearhug, and peppers Tumbler with a few shots to the ribs! Tumbler fires back a Chop against Burke! And again! Burke grabs him for a Side Headlock, and starts pulling him into the middle of the ring.

Jim: This has been a pretty clean match so far. What's up with that?

Stu-E: (buuurp) Sorry.

Gallivan: Tumbler shoves Burke into the ropes, breaking the hold. Burke bounces off the far ropes... tagging off to Gabriel Blade in the bargain! They head towards the center of the ring... AND TUMBLER DROPKICKS BURKE, SENDING HIM THROUGH THE ROPES TO THE FLOOR! Tumbler is up, but Gabriel Blade is in the ring, and waiting for him to turn around... SPEAR BY THE SENTINEL!!! He's on Tumbler's chest, and he's just pounding on him! Tumbler brings a Knee up into Gabe's side, knocking the wind out of him. Tumbler rolls out from under the Sentinel... and manages to tag off to Lee Todd! Lee charges into the ring, hitting Gabe with a Cross Bodyblock! He hooks the leg of Gabe, and here's a count... 1... 2... Kickout!

Stu-E: Before I forget fans, if you don't want to watch this... whatever Lee Todd's trying to do, you can me Stu-E Price going against the Roman Gladiator in a world title match on FHW programming.

Jim: You can't promote our competition on our program, you retard!

Stu-E: I'm not gonna sit here and argue. All I'm saying is, people like a choice. If they want to watch FHW, they can see me in the main event, or they can flip to the UWS and see me in a poncy tag team title match.

Gallivan: Lee and Gabe are back up, and they lock up in the middle of the ring. Gabe fires Lee off the ropes... tossing him into the air with a huge Backdrop!

Stu-E: Besides, at least FHW's putting out shows every week... not every two weeks.

Jim: Hey, a two-week schedule is what allows you to wrestle in FHW... ya scab!

Stu-E: Ah Jeez, relax. It's just a bit of self-promotion.

Gallivan: Gabe hits him with a Legdrop, then drags him back to his feet. He hooks Todd for a front facelock... but Lee counters with an Inverted Atomic Drop! He boots Gabe in the guts and cinches him up for a Suplex... BUT DROPS HIM GUT-FIRST ACROSS THE TOP ROPE!

Jim: Take that, Sentinel! Gabe was campaigning for Lee getting a night off earlier this week. It sounds like he's just afraid of him.

Stu-E: Come on, who wants to sit at home and watch people like Brian Thorn, "Demolition Man" John Spartan... and Paco... and Hoser?... I mean, who are these people, really?

Jim: Are you still here?

Gallivan: Lee charges off the ropes... AND KNOCKS GABE OFF THE ROPES WITH A SCISSOR KICK TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!!!

Jim: Looks like the Crew is doing pretty good without you, Stu.

Gallivan: Yes Stu. Aren't you concerned about getting overshadowed by the Todd brothers?

Stu-E: Don't be fooled by the friends I hang wit'... I'm still Stu-E, number one brit.

Gallivan: In the ring, Lee Todd is waiting on Gabe. He hits him with several jabs to the head as he clamors to his feet. Lee swings at Gabe... but he catches his arm... URINAGE BY THE SENTINEL!!! He drops onto Lee Todd, and this could be it! Craig Lassiter drops down for the cover... but Tumbler has climbed onto the top rope!

Jim: Hey, Lassiter! Do something about this!

Gallivan: Before Craig even knows what's happening, Tumbler leaps off the top... FLYING HEADBUTT ON GABRIEL BLADE!!! On the other side of the ring, Michael Burke looks pissed. Hang on! He's climbing up to the top rope too! Craig Lassiter is putting a count on Tumbler, but Burke flies off the top... SNUKA SPLASH ON EVERYONE!!!

Jim: Holy crap!

Gallivan: He landed on Tumbler, who was on Gabe, who was on Lee!

Stu-E: I gotta get some of this.

Gallivan: Stu-E Price has left our announce table, and he's headed up to the top rope as well! Craig Lassiter is now counting everyone out in the ring, but Stu-E is on the top rope... TOP ROPE SPLASH BY STU-E PRICE!!! Price just crashed onto everyone, and we've got a huge pile of detritus in the ring!

Jim: A pile of what?

Gallivan: Craig Lassiter doesn't know what to do! Stu Price now puts one foot on the pile of humanity, and raises his arms in the air!

Ron King: Inhumanical display of ultraviolent concrashination!

Gallivan: Oh great... Ron's back.

Jim: Try to contain your enthusiastical conflabulations, Gallivan. Dammit, he's got me doing it!

Gallivan: In the ring, Craig Lassiter is trying to corrale Stu Price out of the ring, but he's not going. He drags Burke off the pile, and cinches him for what looks like the Price Tag! Hold on! Burke hits Price with a vicious Jab to the solar plexus!

Ron King: Solar plexorific!

Gallivan: He repositions on Stu... STANDING SPINEBUSTER BY THE DEMOLITION MAN! Craig Lassiter has just backed into one corner, and he's going to let this match continue. Burke picks up Stu... and hurls him into the turnbuckle! Burke charges in... AVALANCHE ON PRICE IN THE CORNER! Burke grabs Stu-E by the hair... AND TOSSES HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!

Jim: Turn around, Burkeheart. Tumbler's back up!

Gallivan: Burke takes a second to respond to the cheers of the fans, who have been on their feet for this whole match, and turns around... SUPERKICK TO THE CHIN BY TUMBLER! Burke slumps into the corner, and Tumbler picks up Gabriel Blade. Lee Todd, who was on the bottom of that pileup, is still not moving. Tumbler Irish Whips Gabe off the ropes... BUT GABE SPEARS HIM TO THE MAT!!! He's still out of it, but that's not stopping the Sentinel from fighting back! He grabs Tumbler by the feet... AND APPLIES A BOSTON CRAB! Michael Burke is shaking off the cobwebs, and heading over towards Lee Todd! Burke picks up Todd, and shoves him into the corner... Shoulderblock by Burke... and another... and another! On the other side of the ring, Tumbler is reaching for the ropes... and he makes it! Gabe doesn't even wait for the count. He breaks the hold, and picks up Tumbler... locking on a Dragon Sleeper!

Jim: This is chaos!

Gallivan: On the other side of the ring, Burke pulls Todd out of the corner, and cinches him for what looks like a powerbomb! Hold on! Todd brings up his head into the groin of Burke, breaking the hold! He boots Burke in the guts, and turns him over for what looks like a Neckbreaker! Meanwhile, Gabriel Blade hoists up Tumbler for that inverted brainbuster... FUCK U BY LEE TODD!!! JUDGEMENT DAY BY THE SENTINEL!!!

Jim: Wow! The fans are ready to blow the roof off this place!

Gallivan: Both Todd and Gabe drop onto Burke and Tumbler for the cover, but Craig Lassiter isn't counting! Apparently, Todd and Gabe are still the legal men in this one!

[The two of them look across the ring at each other, and jump to their feet at the same time.]

Gallivan: Todd and Gabe charge each other as Craig Lassiter rolls Burke and Tumbler out of the ring!

Jim: One on one at this point!

Gallivan: They lock up, but Todd rakes the eyes of Gabe! He Fireman Carries him to the mat... then drives a Kneedrop into the throat of Gabe! Todd goes for the cover, but Gabe hooks his head, folding him up for a Small Package! Craig Lassiter is right there to make the count... 1... 2... Kickout! They both scramble to their feet... and Gabe nails Todd with a Clothesline! He hits him with another... THAT SENDS TODD OVER THE TOP ROPE! Hang on! Todd held onto the rope, and is standing on the ring apron. Gabe charges in for a Shoulderblock, but Todd vaults himself into the ring... SUNSET FLIP BY LEE TODD! Here's the cover... 1... 2... No! Gabe booted Todd in the head to break the count. They are both up again, but Gabe boots Todd in the midsection! He grabs him for a Front Facelock... TORNADO DDT BY THE SENTINEL!!!

Jim: That was out of nowhere, and I think Todd is done!

Gallivan: These fans are actually cheering both of these men. Gabe takes a second to drag Lee away from the ropes and drops down for the cover... 1... 2... No! Lee Todd kicked out! Gabe is up and drives a Knee into Todd's chest! He reaches down... GATEWAY TO ETERNITY BY THE SENTINEL!!!

Jim: He beat Judas Dagon with that move, so Todd's in real trouble.

Gallivan: Craig Lassiter is right there to ring the bell... BUT TODD BRINGS A KNEE UP INTO THE GROIN OF GABRIEL BLADE! Lassiter is warning Todd, who is hacking and coughing, trying to get his breath back. Gabe is crawling across the ring on his hands and knees as Todd strikes... MAJISTRAL CRADLE BY LEE TODD! Craig makes the count... 1... 2... NO! Gabe kicked out! These two are slow to get up, but they do. Todd boots Gabe in the stomach, and cinches him for the Fuck U... BUT GABE REVERSED IT INTO A BACKSLIDE! Here's the count... 1... 2... No! Todd got a shoulder up before the three count!

Jim: I hope this doesn't become a trend, but I've actually got to give credit to Craig Lassiter. Despite the fact that he's Lee Todd's biggest fan, he's actually calling this match right down the middle.

Gallivan: I think Craig was embarrassed by his own actions at the pay-per-view. He and Reaper really lost control during that unified title match. In the ring, both men are up again! They lock up, and are jostling for position. Gabe takes control, and Irish Whips Todd off the ropes... but Todd reverses it! Gabe comes back... HOTSHOT BY LEE F'N' TODD!!! He garotted Gabe across that top rope, and now he's going for the cover... BUT LEE'S GOT HIS FEET UP ON THE ROPES FOR LEVERAGE! 1... 2... NO! Craig Lassiter stopped the count, and now he's warning Lee Todd!

Jim: What? Is using the ropes for leverage illegal these days?

Gallivan: Yes, Jim. It is. Todd is a professional, and doesn't waste much time yelling at Lassiter. He heads up to the top rope, and Gabe is still struggling for breath. Lee balances on the top, and Gabe is going nowhere... TOP ROPE ELBOWDROP BY LEE TODD!

Jim: (in a gruff voice) Ooooooooh yeaaaaaaah!

Gallivan: Craig Lassiter is right there as Lee hooks the leg... 1... 2... 3! NO! Craig calls off the cout! Gabe got a shoulder up just before the 3 count!

Jim: No way!

Gallivan: Lee picks up Gabe and cinches him for a Piledriver... BUT GABE REVERSES IT INTO A BACKDROP! He's still in this match! Gabe staggers over to the ropes, and holds himself up. Behind him, Lee Todd is slow to get up. Gabe turns around and Lee charges him... BUT GABE SIDESTEPS, HURLING LEE INTO THE CORNER! Now, Gabe charges into the corner after him... NAILING LEE WITH A RUNNING KNEE TO THE FACE!!!

Jim: Ouch!

Gallivan: Gabe grabs Lee by the arm... AND FIRES HIM HARD INTO THE OPPOSITE TURNBUCKLE!!! Lee slammed into that corner with incredible force! He staggers out, and Gabe catches him for what looks like a Urinage... REVERSE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP BY LEE TODD!!! Both men are down, and Lee is in no position to capitalize! Craig Lassiter is counting both men down.

Jim: Are we gonna have a draw?

Gallivan: I don't know, but both men are completely spent. Lee Todd is crawling to the ropes... and he pulls himself back to his feet! That stopped the count, and Gabriel Blade is slowly getting up as well.

Jim: As different as these guys are, they sure fight the same.

Gallivan: Todd comes across the ring, but Gabe is the first one to strike! He swings at Todd for a Clothesline... but Lee reverses it into a Crucifix! Hold on! Gabe isn't going down! He's holding Todd across his back... SAMOAN DROP BY GABRIEL BLADE!! Waitaminute! Lee Todd held onto the crucifix... AND HE PULLS GABE'S SHOULDERS BACK ONTO THE MAT! Here's the cover... 1... 2... 3!!!

Jim: What a move!

Gallivan: Craig Lassiter is calling for the bell! We've got new UWS World Tag Team Champions! In the ring, Lee Todd can't even stand! Even after getting crushed by that Samoan Drop, Lee managed to hook Gabe's shoulders to the mat.

Jim: Well, that's what happens when you're a veteran. You make up for the fact that you're not as fast as you were, by being a little better.

Gallivan: These fans are giving Todd and Gabe a standing ovation, and Ryan Lockheart is handing Craig Lassiter the UWS Tag Titles. He hands one to Todd, who is still down. Now, Tumbler crawls back into the ring, and Craig hands him the other belt. He raises Tumbler's hand, then heads over to check on Gabriel Blade.

Jim: Man, Gabe and Burke gave it their all tonight, and if it wasn't 3-on-2, then I think they would have had this match.

Gallivan: Well fans, we are out of time. I'm not sure just how 3 men will defend the UWS Tag Team Titles, but we'll find out in two weeks at the next UWS Blackened! Don't you dare miss it!

[The end credits start to roll as the camera pans around the ring. Craig Lassiter is standing with Gabriel Blade, who is checking on his partner, Michael Burke. Tumbler helps Lee Todd to his feet, as both raise their tag titles. The last shot shows Stu-E Price, lying on the floor on the outside, looking up at the Todd brothers.]