[A commercial for "McMahons, showing Capital-H in a full body cast giving a 'thumbs-up'" goes off the air and the screen goes black. It is replaced after a few seconds by a warning screen.]

"The following program contains scenes of violence, coarse language, sexual scenes, offensive images, racial stereotypes, mature delicacies, drug use, anarchistic behavior, at least one thinly veiled reference to homosexuality (see if you can spot it!), and large unruly men in tight spandex. Viewer discretion is strongly advised."

"No, we mean it. These guys are seriously messed up in the head. It's not their fault. They all come from broken homes... especially Eric."

[Instead of the usual clips to start the show, the Blackened logo appears onscreen, then cuts to a shot backstage in the arena.]

[The banner hangs slightly crooked over the make shift podium, yellow with a bright red trim the words Bingo emblazoned across it Ron beams as he places a sign at the door. Bingo $3.50 cents, as he spots Lee heading down the corridor he grins side stepping so he stands in front of the sign.]

Todd: Alright free bingo, I love it the smile on those old folks faces warms this o'l grapplers heart, it's great to do something nice for a change. You got this covered right Ron, I'd do it my self but you know matches and shit.

[Tugging at his collar all of a sudden feeling a little warm Ron glances down making sure his signs properly shielded.]

Ron King: Yes indeed son got it covered, not at all profitalicious, completely out of the charitiosity of the worlds most facealicious team.

Todd: Good in that case I'll take that sign Ron after all the best things in life are free, like Stu's momma Ho ho ho, ha ha ha.

[Chuckling to himself Lee motions for Ron to turn the sign over to him. Ron roles his eyes as he grudgingly hands over the brightly painted sign, tucking it under his arm Lee gives the thumbs up before making his way down the corridor. Waiting till Lee turns the corner Ron smiles deviously.]

Ron King: Yo Damon bring out the back up sign.

[As Damon Lister brings out a secondary sign identical to the last Ron winks.]

Ron King: He he he good o'l Lee F'n' Todd predictelacious.

[As the silver haired parade makes it's way in you can almost see the dollar signs in the king of vocabularies eyes.]

[The show cuts to a hallway, where Craig Lassiter is speaking to Bonnie Bellows when Edmund Paine walks up to him. Paine is wearing the OWF Division Title around his waist.]

Paine: Hey, it's my old pal, Craigy, back in charge.

Lassiter: (rolling his eyes) What do you want, Paine?

Paine: Nothing, I just think it's interesting that I switched sides to the OWF not too long ago, and now you've switched sides as well. I didn't realize that we were both playing for the other side.

Lassiter: Well now you do, Paine. Listen, I'm pretty busy here, and you've got a big match tonight.

Paine: Oh, don't I know it. I want you to play close attention to my match, Craigy. Maybe you should even tape it, so that you can watch it home... later... tonight.

Lassiter: (non-plussed) Yeah, maybe I'll do that. Now I've got to be going.

Paine: Later, Craigy.

[The show cuts to a scanning crowd shot, showing rows of rowdy Vegas fans, then cuts to a wide shot of the announce table.]

Jim: They are both playing for the other side? Has Lassiter finally come out of the closet?

Gallivan: Well, I should be glad you didn't squeeze a switch-hitter joke in there.

Jim: Damn, that was my next line, you booger.

Gallivan: Good evening, wrestling fans, and welcome to Friday Night Blackened, coming to you live from Las Vegas, Nevada. The fallout from the Iron Man pay-per-view is still settling, and what in incredible way to end the biggest tournament in wrestling. I'm Johnny Gallivan, and with me, as always, is Jim "The Killer" Browski.

Jim: I thought we were short on time tonight?

Gallivan: We are. Fans, due to expanded war coverage, tonight's show is a truncated Blackened.

Jim: Good, more time to gamble. I'll give everyone a rundown of the Iron Man. Lots of blood, people almost drowned, and Lee Todd is the new Unified Champion.

Gallivan: Very succintly put. Speaking of injuries--

Jim: I wasn't speaking of injuries.

Gallivan: Ahem. Speaking of injuries, we have an exclusive interview with Shane Brandon later in the show as he will be appearing live via satellite. We last saw him being stretchered out of the ring at the Iron Man. "Demolition Man" Michael Burke has suffered no ill-effects from his swim in an icy lake, but apparently Kurt Tremere has exercised the out clause in his UWS contract after that incident. The former OWF and the first ever Unified champion is out of the fed.

Jim: Bastard. After I got a Kurt Tremere tattoo and everything.

Gallivan: Aspen is waiting in the ring, so it's time for our first contest.

Aspen: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is for the OWF Division Title, and is scheduled for one fall. Coming to the ring at this time, from Athens, Greece, and weighing in at 246 lbs... "SENTINEL" GABRIEL BLADE!!!

["And Justice For All" plays as Gabriel Blade steps onto the entrance ramp. Those observant of the human soul can easily see the wonder and awe still there in his eyes as he surveys the scene before turning to face the ring and marching resolutely forward.]

Aspen: And his opponent, the champion. Coming to the ring at this time, from Las Vegas, Nevada, and weighing in at 235 lbs... EDMUNE PAINE II!!!

[The spotlights on the entrance way seem to brighten for a moment before dimming to near darkness. The playfully brassy sound of "Death or Glory" sounds as a large man wearing a nicely tailored black suit emerges from the back. He pauses at the entrance, soaks in his surroundings, and then proceeds to walk several feet before he stops. He crosses his massive arms on his large, barrel chest and glares disdainfully out into the crowd. Moments later, a much physically smaller man emerges from the back. Two spotlights home in on the man and reveal him to the crowd as the words "The Duke of Paine" appear on the Syni-tron. The "Duke of Paine" makes his way slowly towards the ring dressed in a beautifully tailored black suit, white dress shirt, and silver tie. As the "Duke" walks by on his way to the ring, his larger companion follows. Paine makes a beeline for the announce table, as he rips off his break-away black suit.]

Jim: Oh no Edmund is coming over here... stay away you freak!!!!

Gallivan: (laughing) Oh god he's climbed on our announce table and he's dancing for you Jim.

[Jim covers his eyes as Edmund Paine swivels his hips in front of him.]

Jim: If I don't believe in him he'll go away...

Gallivan: Don't worry Jim he's gone now. (snickers)

Jim: ARGH!!!! You lied to me Johnny!

[Edmund slowly begins to pull down his wrestling trunks as Jim Browski dives behind his seat.]

Gallivan: He's wearing a G-string!

Jim: If that guy comes over here again I'll knock him out Johnny I swear!

[Paine climbs into the ring, where the Sentinel is already waiting.]

Gallivan: There's the bell and Paine and Gabe lock up in a collar and elbow tie-up. Gabe throws Paine down to the mat hard, Edmund looks up at Blade smiling at him.

Jim: The guys a freak giving me a lap dance now I know I'm irresistable, but there was no need for that he should control himself!

Gallivan: Edmund is a strange competitor do you see the ring attire he's got on, have you seen anything like that before Jim ?

Jim: Yeah I have a pair at home but his has one of those cock pieces in to make his package look bigger I don't need that I already have a big enough package to satisfy the ladies!

Gallivan: Please Jim for once could you help me call the match?

Jim: If Kurt Tremere ever fights Shane Brandon I'll give you the best commentary you've ever seen, but until that day your on your own.

[Browski pulls out a Shane Brandon action figure as well as a Gabriel Blade one and begins to make Shane beat up Blade with ease.]

Gallivan: What are you doing?

Jim: Rewriting history. WWE does it all the time.

Gallivan: Blade whips Paine of the ropes and nails him with a hard lariat knocking Paine down who now retreats in to the ropes.

Jim: What's the difference between a lariat and a clothesline?

Gallivan: Well a lariat is hit with the left arm and the clothesline is hit with the right arm. Edmund Paine now lunges at Gabes leg and takes him down with a leg sweep he then drops the elbow down on Gabe's knee joint.

Jim: So just because people are left handed there move gets called a different name now that's discrimination!

Gallivan: Since when have you cared about discrimination Jim?

Jim: I don't but talking about that is more interesting than this homo wrestling, WAIT A MINUTE!!!

Gallivan: What?!

Jim: Paine has locked on the very devastating hold of the ANKLE BITE!!! He's trying to give Blades leg a love bite DAMN IT!

Gallivan: Paine let's go of the hold after a four count and smiles as he looks out in to the crowd the guy is not right in the head, but atleast he has one advantage nobody ever knows what he's going to do next. Newly re-hired Julio Suave is doing the honors for this OWF Title match.

Jim: Hey I think Gabe liked that Johnny, I always thought he was a bit fruity.

Gallivan: Please!!

Jim: Please what? Your going to have to start making more sense Johnny or I'll get you fired I have the power to do that don't you know!

Gallivan: Blade now is up and Edmund Paine capitalises by locking on a front headlock.

Jim: You know Johnny he doesn't really want to hurt Blade with that move he's just trying to force Blade's head in to his crotch, show that bitch Blade who the man is Eddie!

Gallivan: That outburst was a little scary, Jim.

Jim: Yeah, well I've been mixing cold medication, so I'm feeling kinda weird tonight. What's your excuse?

Gallivan: Gabe hoists Paine up and charges in to the corner with him spearing him that's gotta knock the wind out of you, Blade mounts Paine....

Jim: I forget Johnny am I watching a gay porno here or a wrestling match?

Gallivan: Will you be serious!

Jim: What's the matter Gorilla did did they forget to bring you your banana?

Gallivan: What are you talking about?

Jim: Sheesh! You really have to do your home work Johnny.

Gallivan: Are you doing Heenan now? Who's next, Lawler?

Jim: NEVER!

Gallivan: I think I hit a nerve there, fans. Edmund Paine now has Gabe down and is climbing to the top rope he begins to swivel those hips again and dives of with a Leg Drop NO!!!! He missed The Sentinel managed to roll out of the way!

Jim: What happened? I got temporarily blinded by Paine and his damn dancing, never mind white guys can't jump gay guys can't DANCE!

Gallivan: Blade now limps over to Paine and picks him up he hoists him high up and drives him down with a powerbomb he goes for the cover 1...2...Kickout.

Jim: What a sloppy cover he didn't even hook the leg that's the problem with young guys today they make stupid mistakes like that!

Gallivan: He did hook his leg though.

Jim: Damn it Johnny! Don't you know anything did you never watch Sir Bobby and The Gorilla at work! I'm playing the "everything's black and white one-dimensional heel announcer."

Gallivan: I was partial to Lord Alfred, myself.

Jim: Limey fruitbat.

Gallivan: Gabe drops another elbow down on Paine's chest working him over sufficiently now he picks him up for a running powerslam... No Edmund slipped down his back TESTICULAR CLAW!!!

Jim: Oh Lordy lordy that's the most devastating counter I've ever seen!

Gallivan: Gabe elbows Paine in the head breaking that deadly manuever he swings round and nails a DDT, that's the thing that makes Sentinel so great he's ready for anything.

Jim: What does that have to do with this match Johnny in the ring is Gabriel Spade and Ed Paine! The Sentinel is Hellfire dummy!

Gallivan: No Jimmy he was only disguised as the Sentinel.

Jim: That's not what my Day-Ny-Quil says. So stop trying to cover up your dumbness Johnny Boy and do what you do best and bring me a sammich!

Gallivan: He's gone from Bobby Heenan to Fred Sanford fans. Gabe is now looking to finish off Paine now I think he's stalking him he's locked on the Gateway to Eternity!!!

Jim: Do you think Paine is enjoying that hold?

Gallivan: Paine has laid down and Gabe is on top for the pin 1...2...3!!! It's Over Gabriel Blade is the New OWF Divisional Champion!

Jim: Bah! He wouldn't have won if I was in the ring with him. Afterall, I am a two time Hardcore champion Johnny!

Gallivan: You know, I might get a chance to forget that if you weren't always reminding me.

[The locker room littered with assorted shirts and trainers can belong to but one group, as Stu nips out to get something from the canteen Lee approaches Tumbler, looking a little pensive he forces a smile.]

Todd: He's my dog and all friends to the end, outside the ring that ain't gonna change but I don't trust him professionally Tumbles. I look in his eyes and all I see is green.

[Looking up from polishing his belts Tumbler looks puzzled.]

Tumbler: Must be contacts or something Stu has brown eyes, I'm sure of it.

[Scratching the back of his head Lee frowns.]

Todd: I'm not saying it'll happen but Stu could turn, just watch the monitor and if things start looking a little shady get your ass out to the ring. If Stu does switch teams your quite within your rights to wrestle this match. I know Stu like the back of my hand Tumbler and those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.

[Grinning Tumbler nods.]

Tumbler: Cool a time machine.

[Shaking his head Lee takes a seat and tends to securely taping his fists.]

[The show cuts to another room backstage, where Curtis Slamm is talking on a cellphone. A very loud female voice can be heard on the other end.]

Slamm: I mean... what's the point? I'll be facing two of them! And I know Tumbler will be ready to jump in at any time.

Voice: We've worked hard to get this match, and backing out is NOT an option, Curtis. I don't care if you do have to wrestle all 3 of them. You'll wrestle them, and you'll beat them. Do you hear me?

Slamm: Yes.

Voice: Good! Now get out there and win. We don't want a repeat of the Iron Man, now do we?

[Slamm folds up the phone, seething with rage, and drives a fist through the wall. He turns to leave, just as Craig Lassiter walks into the room.]

Lassiter: Curtis, buddy. You ok?

Slamm: (under his breath) Fine.

[Craig puts his arm out, blocking Slamm, but lowers it as Slamm finally looks him in the eyes.]

Lassiter: Listen, you haven't said five words to me since you've been back. What do you say about a couple of beers after the show? You know, catch up on old times?

Slamm: I'm busy. Sorry.

[Slamm walks past his old friend, leaving Craig Lassiter with a worried look on his face.]

[The show cuts back to ringside, where Ryan Lockheart is standing in the ring.]

Lockheart: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the UWS Tag Team Championship. Coming to the ring at this time, the challengers... CURTIS SLAMM AND STU-E PRICE!!!

[The house lights go out as the opening guitar riff from "Among The Living" begins. At the top of the rampway smoke fills the entrance into the arena. From out of the cloud, draped in a long robe with the hood coming over his face, a figure stands with his hands spread a few inches apart down at his waist. As the music continues, the figure starts to shuffle his feet. As the music hits a high point the house lights flash on and there stands Curtis Slamm, his head tilted to the sky and his hands raised up over his head, he releases an incredible yell. He undoes his robe and paces across the stage for a moment. Then Slamm stomps down to ringside where he jumpS up onto the apron and through the ropes.]

Gallivan: As we found out at the pay-per-view, Curtis Slamm will have to go solo tonight, because Stu is wrestling for the champions.

Lockheart: And their opponents, representing the UK Crew... LEE F'N' TODD AND STU-E PRICE!!!

[The arena's plunged in to darkness as Sweet Child of Mine kicks in, dry ice billows out of the entrance way as the silhouette of one Lee F'n' Todd fills the entrance. Taking a swig of Brown Ale he takes a deep breath before walking through the curtain. In addition to the Unified Title around his waist, Lee is carrying the LWA Division Title, as well as both Tag Team belts. As he walks his eyes remain locked on the ring, never once leaving the ring ropes. Ron excitedly bounds down after him excitedly pronouncing the man has arrived. Rolling under the bottom rope he pulls his shirt off over his head and adjusts his elbow pads. Slowly rotating his neck he leans against the ropes his whole body tense as Ron scours the ringside area for a live microphone. Taking the microphone Ron heads for the centre of the ring now lit by a spotlight.]

Ron King: Ladies and gentleman it is my humbleistic honour to bring to you the most grapletastic megastar you've ever had the privilege to see lace up a pair of boots. Holding more victories than any of his peers, draped with more gold than Mr. T, Hits harder than Rocky and faster than Speedy Gonzales the man of a million moves, lord of luchadores, the grandest of the gladiators, purest of the puresoes, more hardcore than your fat momma and the biggest face this worlds ever known. (pauses for breath) I give you your reigning UWS Tag Team and Division Champion, as well as the Unified World Heavyweight Champ... the Darkness from Darlington, 230lbs of lean mean wholesome goodness, the man that carries just 2.5% body fat... gods gift to wrestling... LEE F'N' TODD!

[Raising both arms high in the air pyros shoot from the corner of the ring as attendants shoot "I'm a face now" shirts in to the crowd out of cannons. Taking one last mouthful of water Lee hands his bottle to the attendance as he circles the ring like a lion waiting for the bell.]

Ron King: (under his breath) Oh, and his partner... Stu something.

[The arena goes absolutely pitch black for a few moments. A single spotlight appears and flashes around the arena before coming to a halt, right at the Syni-tron. Still in silence, it begins to come to life with the sound of a heartbeat ticking over and over as a few words appear on the screen.]

[A large explosion of pyrotechnics go off, and with that a large record scratch is heard; Bodyrock by Moby plays out through the speakers. Stu-E walks through the curtain, when he does a massive blue and white laser show kicks off as he slowly walks to ringside, stopping halfway. Stu looks around the arena before raising both arms in the air and running to the ring, rolling under the bottom rope. When inside the ring he goes to the corner and climbs the turnbuckle and waves to the crowd before sitting on the top turnbuckle.]

Gallivan: It looks like Lee and Slamm will start this one off as DI Rogers calls for the bell. Slamm shakes out his hands as he circles Lee, looking for an opening. Lee seems a little aprehensive, as Slamm has been a bit of a wildcard thus far in the UWS.

Jim: That's saying something. At the Iron Man, he was trying to help Lee win the Unified Title, and now he's trying to take the tag straps from him.

Gallivan: They lock up, and Slamm pushes Lee against the ropes. Lee is still probably feeling the effects of that brutal finals match against Gabriel Blade. Slamm belts Lee with a Forearm shot to the chest... and another! He grabs Lee by the arm and Irish Whips him off the ropes. He goes down for a Backdrop, but Lee leapfrogs over it! Stu is reaching out for the tag, but Lee ignores him as he heads off the ropes. Slamm spins around... but catches a Running Knee to the chest! Lee grabs Slamm by the leg... SPINNING TOEHOLD BY LEE TODD! Lee spins through several times... but Slamm kicks him off when he goes for another one.

Jim: If Lee is still feeling the effects of that match, he's hiding it pretty well.

Gallivan: Slamm gets back up, but Lee applies a Side Headlock as he does. He grinds on Slamm's ears, but Slamm picks him up... Back Suplex by Curtis Slamm! Slamm tries to bridge back into a pinning attempt, but Lee rolls out of it. Both men struggle to their feet, and Lee punches Slamm in the face! Slamm fires back a punch of his own, followed by a Knee to the midsection! He cinches up Lee... Gutwrench Suplex by Slamm! Slamm pulls Lee up off the mat... and applies a Rear Chinlock.

Jim: Slamm's facing 2 men here, so he's gonna have to conserve his energy. Smart move.

Gallivan: DI Rogers checks to make sure Slamm doesn't turn this into a chokehold, and asks Lee if he wants to give. Lee reaches up, grabs a handful of Slamm's hair... then releases it.

Jim: Lee's goin' too far with this whole face gimmick. If you can't pull hair, what's the point of being a pro wrestler?

Gallivan: Lee brings his hands up, and tries to force his way out of the hold. Slamm's got it locked on tight, but Lee gets hold of Slamm's hand. He twists it... COUNTERING OUT OF THE HOLD WITH A CHICKENWING!

Jim: This isn't just old school, this is prehistoric school.

Gallivan: Lee pulls Slamm to his feet, applying more pressure on the chickenwing. Slamm reaches back with his free hand, but Lee is staying out of harm's way. Lee hoists Slamm up off the mat... CHICKENWING SLAM BY LEE TODD! Lee turns toward his corner, and reaches out to tag Stu... but pulls his hand back!

Jim: Ha! Sucker!

Gallivan: Lee turns back at Slamm, who is cradling that arm as he gets back to his feet. Lee charges, but Slamm ducks under a Clothesline... CATCHING LEE FOR A CANADIAN BACKBREAKER! Slamm hooks the leg, and here's the count... 1... 2... Kickout!

Jim: Stu was halfway in the ring, ready to break up the pin. Slamm definitely has his work cut out for him tonight.

Gallivan: He's wrestling in a daze. We saw from that phone conversation before the match that he doesn't want to be here. Slamm is back up, and grabs Lee by the leg... but Lee snaps out a kick that catches Slamm right in the kneecap! He backs off, giving Lee a chance to get back to his feet. Slamm limps out of the corner, but Lee hits him with a Knife-edge Chop as he does! And another!

Jim: Wheeeee! That old scientific discussion has finally been put to rest. Nurture Boy beats Nature Boy!

Gallivan: Slamm swings at Lee, but he blocks it and kicks Slamm in the guts. Lee cinches him up, and hooks a leg... FISHERMAN BUSTER BY LEE TODD!!! Lee rolls back onto Slamm for the cover, but Stu is leaping up and down, begging for a tag! Lee looks up... and rolls off Slamm. He grudgingly reaches over, and tags off to Stu.

Jim: Lee already used Stu's finisher for him. What a pal.

Gallivan: Stu climbs into the ring, and starts running off the ring ropes, waiting for Slamm to get back up. He stops as the fans begin to boo, and stands on the bottom rope to shout at a few fans in the front row.

[Lee shouts at Stu, and points at Slamm, who is slowly getting back to his feet.]

Gallivan: Stu fires off a few expletives at the fan, then turns back to the task at hand. He reaches Slamm as he struggles back to his feet... AND SLAPS HIM IN THE FACE! Now, Stu just hits him with a couple slaps to both sides of the head.

Jim: What is he doing?

Gallivan: Looks like he's either trying to slap some sense into Slamm, or goad him. Either way, it's not a wise move. Stu shoves Slamm, then applies a collar-and-elbow tieup. Hang on! Slamm grabs Stu's left hand... and applies a Thumblock! Stu immediately drops to his knees... AND HE'S SUBMITTING!

Jim: Wuh?

Gallivan: Stu is screaming in pain, and DI Rogers is calling for the bell!

Jim: I knew Stu was a wuss, but this is rediculous.

Gallivan: Lee is dumbfounded on the ring apron. Slamm releases Stu... and now Stu is jumping up and down! Stu hugs Slamm, who quickly shoves him away. But he allows Stu to raise his arm! Fans, I'm completely confused.

Jim: As usual, it's up to me to explain everything so that a four-year-old could understand it. Stu gave up. That means, Stu and Slamm are the new champs! Finally, we've got tag champions that we can believe in!

Gallivan: Lee is starting to look very pissed off. Stu slides out of the ring, and grabs the UWS Tag Titles. He's holding the belts in front of Lee now, taunting him with them. Lee is still standing on the ring apron, just staring at his old friend.

Jim: This is too great!

Gallivan: DI Rogers is talking to Ryan Lockheart on the outside, and Ryan is there to make the official decision.

Lockheart: Ladies and gentlemen, due to the rather odd situation of Stu Price being a member of both teams, Stu did indeed submit, giving Curtis Slamm's team the win.

[In the ring, Stu starts jumping up and down, waving the belts around.]

Lockheart: But, Stu Price also submit, giving Lee Todd's team the win!

Jim: What?

Lockheart: So, we have no choice but to declare this match... A DOUBLE SUBMISSION!!! The UK Crew are still the UWS Tag Team Champions!

Jim: Travesty! Stu screwed Lee and Tumbler fair and square!

Gallivan: Curtis Slamm just looks frustrated over the whole affair. He rolls out of the ring, and heads backstage, leaving Stu in the ring with the belts.

[The fans cheer as Lee finally steps through the entrance ropes.]

Gallivan: Stu drops one of the belts and holds the other up like a weapon!

Jim: Hit him Stu! Take the initiative! Be a man!

Gallivan: Lee just stares at Stu, telling him to bring it on! Stu is glancing left and right, but he's hesitating. Waitaminute! Lee is actually turning around! He's giving Stu his back!

Jim: Oh man, he's gonna regret that.

Gallivan: These fans want to see these two fight, but Stu is still hesitating! Finally, Lee turns around, and yanks the belt out of Stu's hand. He grabs the other one from the canvas, and just shakes his head at Stu before bailing out of the ring.

Jim: Once again, Stu is left limp.

Gallivan: Stu Price is looking incredibly angry in that ring, but I don't know if he's mad at Lee or at himself.

[The show cuts backstage, where Tumbler is watching the match on a TV monitor.]

Tumbler: That Stu, won't he ever learn?

[Then, there is a voice from a nearby office.]

Voice: Batter-up!

[Tumbler turns towards the voice, just as Dake Ken, dressed in full cricket gear, leaps out of the office. He brains Tumbler across the side of the head with a cricket bat, knocking him to the floor. Tumbler drags himself up to his hands and knees, but Ken brings the bat down across Tumbler's back, breaking it in half, and knocking the wind out of Tumbler.]

Dake Ken: (pulling off his headgear and tossing it to the floor) You know something? This English bastardization of the great American game that you people call Cricket is as big a sacrilege as someone like you holding the UWS Hardcore Title, Tumbler. And tonight, I fix half of that.

[Dake reaches down and rips the Hardcore Title off Tumbler's waist as the former champ gasps for breath. Dake tosses the belt over his shoulder, and is about to walk off, but changes his mind and kicks Tumbler in the ribs with a heavily padded leg.]

Dake Ken: That one's for baseball.

[With that, Ken drops the broken cricket bat, and walks out of the room.]

[The show cuts back to the announce table at ringside.]

Jim: The reign of Tumbler the Magnificent has come to an end! Woe betide Dake Ken and his unholy ways.

Gallivan: What?

Jim: Dunno, thought I'd go a little Broadway.

Gallivan: I don't know what that was, but it wasn't Broadway.

Jim: Sorry, this shortened show is messing with my timing.

Gallivan: Fans, for those of you who missed it, take a look at this footage from Iron Man 2003.

[The Syni-tron lights up, showing a clip from the Sentinel/Brandon match.]

Gallivan: The Sentinel manages to get back to his feet... AND SIGNALS FOR JUDGEMENT DAY! He pulls Brandon up by the hair, and locks on a Dragon Sleeper... but Brandon raked the eyes, breaking the hold! I thought it was finally over there, and so did this crowd. Gabe stays upright and staggers back against the ropes... and Brandon is actually getting back to his feet! Both men are very shaky, and are barely mobile as Gabe staggers towards Brandon... hitting him with a thunderous left hand! Brandon fires back a punch of his own, and now both men are just flailing away at each other! Despite the fact that they can barely stand, those punches are still hurting as they draw on some untapped resource of power! Blood is flying with every shot that Brandon fires, and Brandon takes a half a step back every time Gabe connects with one of his shots. Brandon goes for another right, but Gabe blocked it... and drives a Knee into the stomach of Brandon! He cinches the Threat up... AND POWERBOMBS HIM TO THE CANVAS!

Jim: Gabe's holding him down for the cover! This could do it!

Gallivan: Rogers slides across for the count... 1... 2... NO! Gabe lifts Brandon clear off the canvas... AND POWERBOMBS HIM AGAIN!!!

Jim: BANG!

Gallivan: Again, Rogers makes the count... 1... 2... NO! Again, Gabe lifts Brandon up, maintaining that Powerbomb position... AND POWERBOMBS BRANDON AGAIN!!!

Jim: POW! This is like watching a public execution!

Gallivan: Instead of maintaining the cover, Gabe breaks free, steps his foot in... AND TURNS BRANDON OVER INTO A SHARPSHOOTER!!!

Jim: Deja vu!

Gallivan: There isn't a fan in this building who isn't on their feet right now, myself included, as Gabe leans back, bending Shane with that Sharpshooter!

Jim: I'm not standing up for this goober.

Gallivan: Rogers checks on Shane Brandon, but it looks like the Threat is out! His eyes are closed and he's not moving! Gabe is pulling back for all he's worth! Rogers takes another look at the Threat... AND CALLS FOR THE BELL!!!

Jim: NOOOOOOOOO! This can't be!

[A flash of white noise envelops the picture. Quickly thereafter, screens nationwide light up with the close up image of a muted red backdrop. Our view gradually begins to pull back, better revealing a small, rather non-descript studio setting; a setting from which a staff member scurries out from after attending to some last minute duties. It is then the camera finally focuses upon a casually dressed Shane Brandon who, as he adjusts a small clip-on microphone attached to his shirt collar, delivers a slight smile to the fans at home. While "The Threat" further settles himself into an awaiting canvas-backed chair, his Texan manager Hoss Titan enters the scene gesturing with a tip of his Stetson hat.]

Gallivan: Shane - Johnny Gallivan and Jim Browski here. First of all, we'd just like to thank you for taking a moment to be with us via satellite.

[Brandon offers another reasonably friendly, if not tempered, smile.]

Brandon Gentlemen, trust me when I say that it's my pleasure to spend just a little more time with the fans out there, even if my message is none too pleasant in its own right.

Gallivan: Speaking of that very message, Shane... At this point we have all witnessed the scene just after your Iron Man bout with Gabriel Blade. If you could just put all the speculation to rest and give us an update on your current health.

Brandon Mr. Gallivan... Johnny, if I may... I've heard all the rumors too. And you can't possibly know how badly I wish that I could simply sit here and deny them. But the cold hard truth is, I visited with a fine physician mere hours ago - an event that has taken place several times since the pay-per-view telecast. Unfortunately, his prognosis today proved to be no more comforting then the ones that came before it... And, well...

[Brandon aimlessly eyes the featureless room as Titan gently pats him on the shoulder. Exhaling the remnants of deep breath, Shane clears his throat before continuing...]

Brandon Well, it seems I have a rather tough road ahead as I recover from a dehabilitating injury...

[Leaning further into the picture, Hoss Titan peers at the camera with a hangdog expression of his own.]

Hoss Titan: The neck is a' complicated lil' devil. Yes sir, a complicated an' difficult-to-diagnose-or-disprove-in-a-court-of-law monster, is what it is!

Gallivan: A neck injury? We had word it was the lower back which--

Hoss Titan: Sure, sure... Back... Back a' the neck! Yep. The trachea area is jus' peachy keen, but it's the spinal thing-a-ma-bob that--

Brandon

[waving Titan to a verbal halt] Please, please, let's not get caught up in the unfortunate details. You see, despite the fact that whenever the letters 'LWA' grace a marquee, its Shane Brandon that the people will forever think of... Despite the fact that Shane Brandon was the last champion to hold its only real title... And yes, despite the fact that Shane Brandon has made most wrestlers today utterly obsolete... I'm here to announce that I will not be able to compete for what is, at this point, an unspecified yet significant length of time.

Hoss Titan: DAMN YOU GABE BLADE!!!

[Biting at his lower lip, Shane's face twists into a grimace...]

Brandon No, no, Hoss. This isn't about blame...

[Cocking his head with a smirk] Although if it was, Gabriel certainly wouldn't be a bad place to start. You know, I always knew he was mean spirited but-

Gallivan: With all due respect Shane, your 'unfortunate' injury does seem to coincide with a recent disinterest - even distain - for this industry. An attitude, might I add, that has been documented on recent UWS telecasts.

Brandon Johnny, I can assure you that was all pure showmanship - Character development, if you will. And don't think for one second I'm not driven mad that the last impression many fans will have of an active Shane Brandon is of a man burned out when it comes to this business. Truth be told, I had planned to work long and hard with this company for many years to come. As a matter of fact, it just so happens I was about to run a program with the Shinobi's.

Hoss Titan: Yep, help elevate them boys to the prominence they deserve. 'Specially, number fo'- hell of a' talent, that fella!

[Shaking his head tiredly, Brandon manages to continue...]

Brandon Sadly, that just wasn't to be.

Hoss Titan: Shane Brandon - Team-player-extraordinar! An' don't ya' forget it!

Jim: Mr. Titan, in light of the awful news, what does this mean for you?

Hoss Titan: Heck Jimmy, the Good Lord knows I love this here bid'ness like a child...

[Taking off his Stetson, Titan clutches it tightly against his chest...]

Hoss Titan: But sometimes daddy gotta go away fer' awhile - An' it ain't that he don't love ya, but he an' mommy jus' needs some time apart. Sure, maybe we could jus' sit on down an' work through this if yer' momma wasn't stoopin' the pool boy every time yer' ol' pa is at work, but I guess ya'll have ta' get an' explanation from that cheap, no good harlot!!!!

[Feeling the presence of quizzical glances, Hoss simply beams a sheepish smile.]

Hoss Titan: Yeah, it's kinda like that. Point is--

Brandon Point is gentlemen, Gabriel Blade has his revenge. Lee Todd? Well, he has plenty of gold. And then, there's me... with nothing.

[Unleashing another pensive breath, the grappler offers a slight shrug...]

Brandon Well, nothing but all this new found free time. And my full pay. Then there's the insurance settlement, of course...

[Hoss subtly nudges an elbow into Shane ribs.]

Brandon Oh yeah - And the endless back pain. The vicious, vicious agony... But hey, I promise you, right here, right now, I'll find a way to make it through.

[A faint smirk and Brandon gives a mock salute.]

Brandon Good night and God bless.

Gallivan: Wait. What about--

[Suddenly, with a quick flicker, the screen plunges into blackness. Our shot promptly returns to the ringside broadcast position.]

Jim: Wow. Some touching, thought provoking words from Shane Brandon. Hopefully he'll be in all of our prayers.

Gallivan: Yeah... I suppose. Okay folks, let us turn our attention back to the ring where--

Jim: ARRGHH!

Gallivan: What?!

Jim: I... I just 'turned my attention back to the ring' a little too fast... I think I pulled something. Oh my... You know, I had planned to announce with this company for many years to come but I--

Gallivan: Our contracts aren't guaranteed, Jim.

Jim: Oh. Sooo, this next match is a real doozy, huh Gallivan?!

Gallivan: It sure is. Ken Holbrook, stuck for someone to face Lee Todd, has had to lace up the boots himself. Let's head to the ring, where Ryan is ready for the intros.

Lockheart: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the LWA Division Title. Coming to the ring at this time, the challenger. From Las Vegas, Nevada, and weighing in at 230 lbs... KEN "JESTER" HOLBROOK!!!

["Carousel" by Mr. Bungle begins to play, and Ken Holbrook steps through the entrance curtain. He is dressed in a purple and green mixed full body wrestling suit. In his hand, is a silver Jester-headed cane. Despite his humorous appearance, Holbrook is stone-faced as he walks to the ring.]

Gallivan: Believe it or not, Holbrook is actually getting some applause, seeing that this is his hometown.

Jim: Yeah, but most people cheered when they said Vegas, and have gone back to booing him.

Lockheart: And his opponent, the champion. Coming to the ring at this time, from Darlington, England and weighing in at 232 lbs... LEE F'N' TODD!!!

[Lee walks out through the curtain as "Sweet Child o' Mine" begins to play. Gone are teh rest of his belts, and Lee is just carrying the LWA Title over his shoulder as he walks to the ring.]

Gallivan: Holbrook's wearing his headset so that he can converse with with the production truck.

[Ken taps his headset, and his voice booms over the arena through the mic.]

Holbrook: Ok, let's get a few things straight. I've been hearing a lot of crap backstage about how I'm putting my life on the line here tonight. Well Lee, I don't intend to let you leave this ring with that LWA Division Title. You get to sit on that Unified Belt until Fool's Gold, but tonight... the LWA Title comes home to the LWA Division. Now, before we get started, I'd like to announce my oh so very special guest referee.

Gallivan: Guest referee? What is Holbrook trying to pull?

Jim: Calm down, Gallivan. I'm sure it will be someone completely unbiased.

Holbrook: Ladies and gentlemen... BRIAN THORN!!!

[Ken smiles at Lee, then waves his arm towards the entrance as Thorn steps out wearing a white striped shirt and black pants.]

Gallivan: This is just rediculous.

Jim: Johnny, it's a proven fact that DI Rogers can't be trusted as a ref.

Gallivan: That's crap, and you know it. Rogers is being sent out of the ring by Holbrook, and Lee doesn't look too pleased. Brian Thorn climbs into the ring, and he calls for the bell!

Gallivan: Lee heads straight for Ken, who just covers up... AND LEE BOWLS HIM INTO THE CORNER! He steps in, blasting Holbrook with a Knife-edge Chop... and another!

Jim: Wheeee!

Gallivan: Lee hits Holbrook with another chop, but Thorn steps in and shoves Lee out of the corner! There's no way Lee is going to get a fair shake here.

Jim: I disagree. Brian Thorn has always proven that he-- Oops, he just punched Lee.

Gallivan: What the hell? Lee was arguing with Thorn, and he just hauled off and punched him right in the face! Now, Lee grabs Thorn by the shirt, and pushes him up against the ropes!

Holbrook: (pulling himself out of the corner) Hold on there, Lee! I think I forgot to mention, but there's an added stipulation to this match... THE TITLE CAN CHANGE HANDS ON A DISQUALIFICATION!

Gallivan: WHAT?

Jim: Brilliant! If Lee so much as hits Thorn, he can kiss that title goodbye.

Gallivan: Thorn is smiling at him, and pointing back at his opponent. This is rediculous. Lee turns his attentions to Holbrook, and I guess he will have to do. Lee charges in, but Ken dives out of the corner... but Lee puts on the brakes! Holbrook tapes his temple to indicate some sort of mental faculties... AND LEE HITS HIM WITH A RUNNING CLOTHESLINE FROM BEHIND! Now he's stomping on Holbrook on the mat! Waitaminute! Thorn charges Lee from behind... NAILING HIM WITH A SNAP KICK TO THE LOWER BACK! He spins around... CATCHING LEE WITH A SPINKICK IN THE FACE!!!

Jim: That's what I like to see, Johnny. A ref taking charge in that ring.

Gallivan: Lee hit the canvas, and now Thorn is helping Ken Holbrook to his feet. He charges off the ropes... RUNNING SOMERSAULT LEGDROP ONTO LEE TODD!!!

Jim: Hey! That was pretty shnazzy for the LWA Prez.

Gallivan: Holbrook lies across Lee, and hooks the leg. Thorn is right there for the count... 1.. 2.. Kickout!

Jim: That was close!

Gallivan: Only because that was a ludicrously fast count! It isn't bad enough that Lee Todd has already wrestled tonight, but he's basically facing 2 men in there. Ken Holbrook pulls Lee back to his feet, and he's cinching him for a Piledriver... BUT LEE COUNTERS INTO A BACKDROP! Thorn charges at him, but Lee ducks! Thorn puts on the brakes as he reaches the ropes, and just sneers at Lee. Lee grabs Holbrook as he tries to stand, and locks on a Front Facelock... BUT THORN GRABS HIM FROM BEHIND, HOOKING HIS ARMS! He's holding Lee... AND NOW HOLBROOK STARTS PUNCHING LEE IN THE FACE! Ken is firing lefts and rights, and Lee can't even defend himself!

Jim: Well... ok, I can't even defend this. It's just blatant cheating.

Gallivan: Now, Ken has headed over to the corner, and retrieved his silver Jester-headed cane! He moves back in front of Lee. Waitaminute! Here comes Sin!

[A roar breaks from the crowd as the big man tears through the entrance curtain and runs towards the ring.]

Gallivan: Sin steps over the top rope and Thorn immediately releases Lee and charges at him! He crashes into the big man as he comes through the ropes and both of them fall to the mat, throwing punches at each other! They roll out of the ring, still brawling!

Jim: That's a DQ! New Champ! New Champ!

Gallivan: Sorry to say it, but DI Rogers has climbed back in the ring to take over from Thorn. Lee grabs Ken and applies a very stern Front Facelock! He's cranking on Holbrook, trying to snap his neck!

Jim: Well, that's not nice.

Gallivan: Rogers is checking on Ken, and he looks to be in tremendous pain! Lee Todd is sick of this, and Holbrook's taking the brunt of it. Outside the ring, Thorn is back up... BUT SIN HITS HIM WITH A CLOTHESLINE THAT SENDS HIM OVER THE STEEL GUARDRAIL, INTO THE CROWD!!! Sin follows him over, and now they are brawling through the fans!

Jim: Hey, save it for the match!

Gallivan: Rogers checks the facelock to make sure it isn't a choke... AND HOLBROOK SUBMITS! He's waving and tapping, and Rogers calls for the bell!

Jim: Well, that was anti-climactic.

Gallivan: Lee releases the LWA Prez, and raises his hand as these fans begin to cheer. Hang on! Holbrook just grabbed that Jester-headed cane, and he's hiding it under his arm!

Holbrook: (gasping) Lee, don't celebrate just yet... BECAUSE THIS IS A NO-SUBMISSION MATCH!!!

Gallivan: Oh, for heaven's sake! Is there anything Holbrook won't stoop to to take that belt off Lee?

Jim: Gallivan, you've got it all wrong. If Holbrook just wanted to take that belt off Lee, he would just strip him of the belt.

Gallivan: Guess again. I was talking to Craig Lassiter today, and he told me that Division presidents don't have that kind of power. Stripping a wrestler of a title has to come down from UWS management. The Division presidents are limited in just what they can do. And it looks like Ken Holbrook is using every inch of power he's got to take that belt. Lee Todd turns back to Holbrook, and just shakes his head in disbelief. Thorn and Sin are lost somewhere in the fans, so Ken's on his own in there.

Jim: Hey, the man's a former Tag Champion, he's no slouch.

Gallivan: Lee charges in at Holbrook... BUT HE BRINGS THAT CANE UP INTO THE GUTS OF LEE!!!

Jim: He speared him!

[As Lee drops to the canvas, Ken warns Rogers not to ring that bell.]

Holbrook: Oh, one more stip, Lee... THIS IS A NO DQ MATCH!

[As he says that, Holbrook brings the cane down across the head of Lee, dropping him to the mat.]

Gallivan: I thought the belt could change hands on a DQ?

Jim: Well, it can, there just won't be any disqualifications for that to happen. I'm sure Ken organized all these stipulations in advance, but he just forgot to let Lee know about them.

Gallivan: My ass. Ken is wailing away on Lee with that cane, and now he rolls Lee over for a cover. Rogers isn't too pleased with his boss, but he makes the count anyway... 1... 2... Kickout! Holbrook is cursing in that ring, and now he's shouting at Rogers. He nails Lee with the cane again, then tosses it aside, lifting Lee to his feet. He slaps on a Front Facelock... and he's signalling for the Killing Joke!... BUT LEE REVERSES IT INTO AN INVERTED ATOMIC DROP! Lee bounces off the ropes behind him... TOSSING HOLBROOK ACROSS THE RING WITH A FLYING HEADSCISSORS! Holbrook crawls across the ring, grabbing his cane... BUT LEE STOMPS ON HIS FINGERS! Lee boots the cane out of the ring, and pulls Ken to his feet... AND DDTS HIM TO THE CANVAS!!! Lee drops onto Ken for the lateral press as Rogers makes the count... 1... 2... No! Lee pulled Ken's shoulders up!

Jim: Oh crap.

Gallivan: These fans are cheering Lee on now as he pulls Holbrook back to his feet. Lee boots him in the guts... FUCK U BY LEE TODD!!! Lee stands up, and places a foot on Holbrook's chest... 1... 2... 3! This sham of a match is finally over!

Jim: Well, you can't say Ken didn't try. Dammit, somebody will come along who can knock Lee off that perch one of these days.

Gallivan: Fans, I've been told that Zeke has caught up with Brian Thorn and Sin, who are still fighting. Since their match is a Falls Count Anywhere match, we are just going to pick it up in progress.

Jim: Waitaminute! Holbrook is up.

[Ken Holbrook has dragged himself across the ring on his stomach, and now he's shouting to Lee Todd, who has almost reached the backstage area.]

Holbrook: LEE!!!

[Lee stops, and turns around.]

Holbrook: Lee! You WILL lose that belt at Blackened. Because I'm putting you up against your old pal... STU-E PRICE! Oh, and just to make sure Stu has an easy night of it, I've already signed off on a warmup match for you Lee, to take place right before your LWA Title defense. Lee Todd, Brian Thorn, and Gabriel Blade, in a triangle match! In two weeks, Lee, you'll learn why you should have just given in. You can't fight me Lee... because I will always win.

Gallivan: Well, he didn't win tonight.

Jim: You know what he means. He always wins in the long run.

Gallivan: If Lee thought tonight was rough, next Blackened he definitely has his work cut out for him. Gabe, Thorn, and Lee, in a Triangle match? And, putting the belt on the line against his buddy Stu? Looks like a rough night for the Unified Champ.

[The show cuts backstage, where Zeke is following Sin and Thorn with a camera. Julio Suave is in front of him, trying to keep an eye on the action.]

Jim: You think we'll get to see a chair used Johnny ?

Gallivan: It's likely Jim although if we do I don't think it'll be Thorn swinging it, he finds the use of weapons intorerable Jim.

Jim: Makes you wonder why he signed up for this one then doesn't it then Johnny, perhaps he hit the medicine cabinet a little too hard when visiting those sick little kids.

Gallivan: Well it wouldn't be the first time we've had folks on our show under the influence and I'm sure it wouldn't be the last but I sincerely doubt that's the case Jim.

Jim: Hey Johnny you know those great hardcore matches that sprawl out all over the arena, well this ain't one of them these two have been spending more time in the mens toilets than George Michael.

Gallivan: Well that's what happens when you accidently catch a mans giant Wooden Cross at the urinals, one has to wonder did Brian Thorn really miss fire or was his aim as perfect as always.

Jim: I don't know Johnny but I really could of done without the close up we got of the incident from camera 2, why the hell did we have a camera man in the mens rooms any way.

Gallivan: Camera men have bladders too Jim.

Jim: Yeah well he should tie a knot in it, damn unprofesionalisim.

Gallivan: Either way it looks like this contests gotten off to a premeture start, Sin punishes the UMP with a crushing blow to the abdomen, I don't know where he learned to fight like that but this guy's getting deep down under the rib cage with those shots.

Jim: UMP?

Gallivan: Oh my word Sin just tossed Brian Thorn clean accross the room, Thorn looks a little dazed his eyes seem to be a bit glassy as he shuffles backwards across the floor.

Jim: Umpalumpa?

Gallivan: Ultimate Model of Perfection Jim and speaking of the UMP he looks to be in real trouble here, Julio Suave is there, ready to count a pinfall, if one occurs.

Jim: Geez everyone needs the toilet at the same time, what is this, something in the water?

Gallivan: Sin lunges in he swings but Brian Thorn ducks it he weaves back up catching the big man's arm, Thorns giving up a lot of body weight here yet he's using his legs momentum to push off Sins chest and role through in to an arm bar.

Jim: Well looky here Bible Boy's really in trouble now, Thorns got this hold cinched in tight, you might even say it's the perfect maneuvre.

Gallivan: It's certainly an interesting approach to such an unrestrictive match, in fact a submision hold this early in a Falls Count Anywhere environment is unprecidented Jim.

Jim: Well it seems we've finally got a Zebra on the scene Johnny but the Sinsterlooks to be making a move.

Gallivan: He's latched on to some plumming Jim and he's slowly but surely lifting him self up to a vaertical base, Throns hanging from his arm Jim and this man's actually managing to walk with him tearing at those tendens in his right arm, what grit, what determination.

Jim: Sins heading for a cubicle, Johnny I don't like the looks of this.

Gallivan: He just dumped Thorn head first in to the bowl, I sure hope the last occupant remembered to flush.

Jim: Oh the memories Johnny, so many painful memories, please not again...... please I'll give you my lunch money.

Gallivan: I think Thorns more agitated than hurt by that maneuvre but he certainly released that arm lock in a hurry, Sin now holding his arm instinctively as Thorn leaps off the old porecline throne with a ferocious flying kick.

Jim: He taught Jackie Chan how to kick you know Johnny?

Gallivan: Perhaps Jackie should of returned the favour and taught Thorn the importance of using weapons, as a means of survival.

Jim: Bite thy poison tongue Johnny it's a well known fact Brian Thorns hands are registered as lethal weapons, his feet too this guy comes with more paper work than my last annulment.

Gallivan: Thorn takes a hold of a stunned Sin and runs his head in to the door.

Jim: You mean through the door don't you, HERES JOHNNY!!!!!!!!!

Gallivan: I'm sure the fans are well aware that I'm here, we've been on the air for some time now Jim.

Jim: I was refering to the classic Shining clip Johnny, can some one please find me a broadcast partner with just a little bit of credibility, I mean come on even Schivonie did a better job than this.

Gallivan: Alright that's it I'm not speaking to you. We got a code, Jim. I don't call you Lawler, and you don't call me Schiavone. Got it?

Jim: I guess.

Gallivan: Good.

Jim: Well these two boys seem to be really getting in to the swing of things now, this ones spilled out in to the backstage area and well to say this is the UWS things seem reletively quiet back there, did some one fart or something?

Gallivan: Well the producers are telling me I've got to call this segment but rest assured I do so under protest, Tony Schivonie, Tony Schivonie of all people Jim you know how much I hate that guy.

Jim: Sin has a hold of an conveniantly placed Singapore Cane and he's really letting the Perfect one have it now, he's beating the UMP like a red headed step child.

Gallivan: Overused cliche aside... Wait who's that, is that Andrea, that's Andrea Jim and she's pleading with Sin to stop, Thorns bleeding all over the place, and and oh no Andrea just launched her self at Sin she's on his back and she's hammering away to little avail.

Jim: I wonder if Sin likes it rough.

Gallivan: He just shrugged her off like she was nothing, wait he's turning round, he's turned her focus on that tiny little woman, what's he saying Jim, I can't quite make it out, what's he saying.

Jim: I do beleive he just made reference to the Whore of Babylon Johnny.

Gallivan: He's going to cane her Jim, that sick son of a bitch is going to cane her!

Jim: You know I saw a channel on cable that aired a show like this, but erm I think that was PPV Johnny.

Gallivan: Wait a minute that's Lee F'n' Todd, he just jumped Sin, where the hell'd he come from?

Jim: What like I'm supposed to know, wherever he came from? Lee was leaving after his match, and he just saved Andrea and well I don't think Brians going to be too pleased about where Lee has his hand right about now.

Gallivan: I don't beleive it... did he just say how you doing?

Jim: With lines like that is it any wonder he never gets laid?

Gallivan: Well it seems the self professed face is escorting Andrea to safety, in the meantime Thorn just took the upper hand with a fluid standing headscisors.

Jim: Perfect did you see that Johnny that was perfect, now watch as he takes his time and regains his bairings that's the mark of a true profesional nothing phases him.

Gallivan: I think that phased him Jim, Sin just leveled Thorn with a vicious lariat, and now what's he doing Sin just reached up and tore down a lighting strip.

Jim: Well Sins always been a little fanatical about his faith, perhaps he just wants to show Thorn the light.

Gallivan: He just rammed that strip light hard in to Thorns sternum that's got to have broken at least a few ribs. Sin now cinches Thorn into a powerbomb position, and he's signalling for the Damned! He hoists Thorn up into that Crucifix Powerbomb position... Waitaminute! Thorn reaches his legs up, and he's trying to get purchase off that light fitting. OHMYGOD!!!

[Thorn's foot catches a stray wire from the torn fitting, and there is a huge flash and a loud "whoomph" sound. The picture turns to static for a few seconds, then cuts to the announce table.]

Gallivan: Dear God! Thorn must have hit a live wire, and both men were electrocuted.

Jim: Ohno, they aren't gonna start stuttering are they?

Gallivan: Jim, this is serious! Fans, I'm being told that attendants are rushing to the scene, but we are out of time!

Jim: What a gyp!

Gallivan: Fans, don't miss the next Blackened, when we'll be live from Seattle. Until next time... Goodnight!