[A commercial for "Donnie Darko - out now on DVD!" goes off the air and the screen goes black. It is replaced after a few seconds by a warning screen.]

"The following program contains scenes of violence, coarse language, sexual scenes, offensive images, racial stereotypes, mature delicacies, drug use, anarchistic behavior, at least one thinly veiled reference to homosexuality (see if you can spot it!), and large unruly men in tight spandex. Viewer discretion is strongly advised."

"No, we mean it. These guys are seriously messed up in the head. It's not their fault. They all come from broken homes... especially Eric."

[The warning fades and the logo for the Underworld Wrestling Syndicate's Friday Night Blackened appears on the screen, accompanied by a cover version of "Blackened", originally by Metallica. The show cuts to the inside of an arena, where the fans are cheering wildly. The Syni-tron lights up to show clips from the previous show. Dr. Karate is shown smashing an XBox over Jamison's head while he is lying in a hospital bed. Another clip shows a quick montage of the Hardcore Title trades, with Burke laying out Dr. Karate, then Tumbler hitting Burke with a Missile Dropkick from the guardrail, then Burke hitting Tumbler with a fire extinguisher, and finally Tumbler stealing the belt from ringside during the injury to Eric Manson. A quick shot of Jack Spade's entrance is shown, then the clip shows him hitting Ken Holbrook with the Jack High off the top rope. Lee Todd is shown fighting off Dake Ken and Ice all by himself. Another batch of clips show sections off all the Quick Snap matches. Stu Price is shown cranking a Fujiwara Armbar on Dake Ken. Gabriel Blade is shown picking up Uesugi for an Inverted Shoulder Rack. The Native is shown leaping onto Dr. Karate from the top rope to the floor. Brian Thorn is shown hitting Paco with a Missile Dropkick. Shane Brandon is shown hitting Tumbler with a Fireman Cutter. Michael Burke is shown spinning Eric Manson with a Giant Swing. Edmund Paine is shown hitting Sin with a Frogsplash. And Lee Todd is shown nailing a Tombstone Piledriver on the UWS World Champion, Kurt Tremere. The clips end with a montage of shots from the Gabriel Blade / Shane Brandon match, ending with a splitscreen shot of Brandon slowly walking away from the ring and Gabriel Blade's bloody face watching him leave.]

[The Syni-tron fades and the cheers of the fans gets louder. The cameras pan across the crowd several times, then cut to a crane shot of the mammoth structure that is Jester's Pyramid. The 4 tier cage is built exactly like a pyramid, with each tier getting smaller as they go up. The outside is cage fencing, and the floors of the second and subsequent tiers are comprised of some sort of sheet metal. The camera pans across to show just how high the cage is by showing the size of the announce table from this height. With that done, it cuts to a wide shot of the UWS announce table.]

Gallivan: Good evening, wrestling fans! Welcome to UWS Blackened! I'm Johnny Gallivan, and with me as always, is Jim "The Killer" Browski. This Bangor, Maine crowd is packed into this arena to the extent that the law will allow. As you just saw, Jester's Pyramid is in front of us, and it is incredible, to say the least.

Jim: You said it. Over 40 feet tall at the tip, it's a gauntlet of steel and fencing complete with 4 ladders inside the first cage. The whole thing is built around an extra large ring and could very well contain the most violent match in wrestling history.

Gallivan: Fans, we've had to do something different here tonight. As you can see, Jester's Pyramid is already setup, but in addition to that match, we've got an OWF Division Title match that will go ahead in a regular ring. Well, that match already took place earlier tonight before the Pyramid was constructed. We will be showing that tape shortly, then returning live for Jester's Pyramid, the second event in the epic Iron Man Competition.

Jim: Epic is an undestatement.

Gallivan: Gabriel Blade current sits atop the leaderboard, thanks to an incredible performance against Uesugi, which took place after a 60 minute match against Shane Brandon. If anybody but Gabe had done it, I wouldn't have believed it. But this kid is really something.

Jim: During the first event, anybody could have walked away with 10 points. But tonight, just one man will rack up 10 points for the Iron Man.

Gallivan: That's right. No matter how he did in the first round, the man who makes it to the top of that cage tonight, will go a long way to becoming the 2003 Iron Man. Before that match, however, we've got Edmund Paine II, Stu-E Price, and Uesugi facing off in a Triangle match for the vacant OWF Division Championship. On a related note, we will have word sometime tonight on just who, if anyone, will replace Eric Manson in the Iron Man tournament.

Jim: We've heard tell of a mystery man, so the rumor mill elves have been working overtime.

Gallivan: True. We've heard just about every former UWS wrestler mentioned, and even a few FHW superstars.

Jim: I know who it is.

Gallivan: You do? Who?

Jim: Tony Schiavone.

Gallivan: Don't even joke about that.

Jim: David Arquette?

Gallivan: Just stop it.

[The show cuts to a crowd shot of the Civic Arena. The camera pans over rows of cheering fans, focusing on one crew in particular, sitting in the front row near the timekeeper's table. The first fan is about 5'8, 150 lbs, with short light brown hair, and is wearing a royal blue shirt with the Greek letters "Alpha Phi Omega" in yellow letters and holding a sign saying "Judgement Day is Coming, Prepare To Be JUDGED!" The second fan is around 5'10", 230 lbs, with long brown hair and a shaggy beard wearing a blue denim jacket over a black Demolition Man shirt with a sign saying "It's Demolition Time!" A third fan is near 6'2", 190 lbs with short dark brown hair, a goatee, a lip ring, and wearing an Eric Manson shirt and black and blue leather gauntlets with a sign reading "Eric Manson is Still my Champion!" The last of them is roughly 5'11" or 6' and 230 lbs with short black hair and glasses, wearing a shirt saying "Simply Perfect" and with a sign that reads "Brian Thorn: Your 2003 Iron Man."]

Gallivan: Just a few of the loyal UWS fans who have braved the cold here tonight.

Jim: Cold? It's not cold, it's friggin' cold! There's a difference.

Gallivan: Fans, it's time for our OWF Division Title. As we mentioned, this match has been pre-taped.

[The show cuts to a pre-taped segment. It's the same arena, but the extra-large ring doesn't have the giant cage pyramid surrounding it. The fans are a little sparser than the live footage. Aspen Sandstrum is standing in the ring.]

Aspen: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a Triangle match for the vacant OWF Division Title. The first pinfall or submission will determine the new champion. Coming to the ring at this time, accompanied by Dr. Karate. From Kyoto, Japan, weighing in at 219 lbs... UESUGI!!!

["Bad Blood" by Ministry begins to roar throughout the arena as Uesugi steps through the entrance curtain. He flicks back his soaking wet black hair, sending water flying into the air. Uesugi is shirtless and wearing plain black full-leg wrestling tights with no markings of any kind on them. Clenching and unclenching his fists, he calmly walks towards the ring. Dr. Karate follows Uesugi, his labcoat flapping behind him.]

Aspen: And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time, from Darlington, England, and weighing in at 240 lbs... STU-E PRICE!!!

[The arena goes absolutely pitch black for a few moments. A single spotlight appears and flashes around the arena before coming to a halt, right at the Syni-tron. Still in silence, it begins to come to life with the sound of a heartbeat ticking over and over as a few words appear on the screen.]

[A large explosion of pyrotechnics go off, and with that a large record scratch is heard; Bodyrock by Moby plays out through the speakers. Stu-E walks through the curtain, when he does a massive blue and white laser show kicks off as he slowly walks to ringside, stopping halfway. Stu looks around the arena before raising both arms in the air and running to the ring, rolling under the bottom rope. When inside the ring he goes to the corner and climbs the turnbuckle and waves to the crowd before sitting on the top turnbuckle.]

Aspen: And their opponent. Coming to the ring at this time, from Las Vegas, Nevada, and weighing in at 235 lbs... EDMUNE PAINE II!!!

[The spotlights on the entrance way seem to brighten for a moment before dimming to near darkness. The playfully brassy sound of "Death or Glory" sounds as a large man wearing a nicely tailored black suit emerges from the back. He pauses at the entrance, soaks in his surroundings, and then proceeds to walk several feet before he stops. He crosses his massive arms on his large, barrel chest and glares disdainfully out into the crowd. Moments later, a much physically smaller man emerges from the back. Two spotlights home in on the man and reveal him to the crowd as the words "The Duke of Paine" appear on the Syni-tron. The "Duke of Paine" makes his way slowly towards the ring dressed in a beautifully tailored black suit, white dress shirt, and silver tie. As the "Duke" walks by on his way to the ring, his larger companion follows. Stopping at ringside, the two men pause as Mr. Paine removes his jacket, tie and cufflinks and hands them over to his companion. As he ascends the steps leading into the ring, Mr. Paine undoes several of the upper buttons on his shirt as well as rolls up each of his sleeves.]

Gallivan: Well, at the last UWS Blackened, we saw that horrible accident that happened during the Eric Manson/Michael Burke match. We can tell you now that Eric Manson has suffered a very serious injury and will not be competing in the UWS for the forseeable future. Manson has been stripped of the OWF Division Title, and here we are tonight. Uesugi, Price and Paine will face off, and the winner will become the new OWF champion. DI Rogers calls for the bell, and here we go.

Gallivan: All three men are hanging back, waiting for one of the others to make the first move. Edmund Paine walks over towards Stu, who assumes a fighting stance. They lock up... and Paine breaks the hold. He reaches out... and runs his fingers down Stu's chest, seductively.

Jim: Oh dear.

Gallivan: Stu immediately takes a swing at Paine... but he ducks! Paine hoists up Stu... Atomic Drop by Paine! Uesugi charges in... nailing Stu with a Dropkick in the face that drops him! He gets back to his feet... but is Armdragged to the mat by Paine! Uesugi gets up again... but runs into a Backdrop to the mat! Uesugi rolls into a neutral corner, as does Stu-E Price. Paine backs up, and we are back where we started.

Jim: All three guys brought their "A" game tonight.

Gallivan: Uesugi comes out of the corner, and makes a move towards Stu. They lock up, and Stu forces Uesugi into another corner. Rogers moves to step in, but Edmund Paine charges in and grabs Stu from behind...

Jim: Ooh uh.

Gallivan: ... with a waistlock. He tries to lift Stu up for a German Suplex, but he's still tied up with Uesugi! Uesugi breaks the tieup, and snaps off a Jab to the face of Stu-E. Paine pulls him away from the corner as Uesugi lifts himself up onto the second rope... BRIDGING GERMAN SUPLEX BY EDMUND PAINE! DI Rogers drops down for the count... 1... 2... NO! Uesugi leapt off the second rope, dropping an Elbow into the ribs, and broke the count. Uesugi flips up to his feet just as Paine scrambles back up... Dragon Legsweep by Uesugi on Paine! Uesugi drops a Flash Elbow onto Paine... but he rolled out of the way! Stu Price is back up, and backs against the ropes. Paine and Uesugi regain their vertical base and immediately lock up. Paine applies a Side Headlock, and Uesugi tries to hoist him up for an Atomic Drop... Headlock Takedown by Paine! He turns around... RUNNING KNEELIFT ON PAINE BY STU-E! Stu-E drops onto Paine, and hooks the leg... 1... 2... Kickout!

Jim: Looks like all three of these guys showed up tonight focused on the OWF belt. No games, no parlor tricks, just flat out wrestling.

Gallivan: Well, neither of these men have had a shot at the OWF title yet. Kurt Tremere was such a dominant champion. Now that he's out of the title picture, at least for the time being, these wrestlers see their opportunity. Stu has pulled Paine off the mat, and applied a Rear Chinlock. Uesugi is back up. He steps in... and fires off a vicious Snap Kick into the chest of Price! But he didn't break the hold! Uesugi fires off another Kick, this time to Stu's head! The Japanese Torpedo braces himself... Spinning Kick to the Jaw on Stu-E Price!

Jim: That broke it!

Gallivan: Stu collapses to the mat, and now Uesugi drops onto Paine for the cover... but Paine kicks out before a 1 count! They get back up, and Uesugi Irish Whips Paine off the ropes... Paine ducks under a Clothesline as he comes back and both men bounce off the far ropes. The come back to the center... and Paine Shoulderblocks Uesugi to the mat! Paine stomps Uesugi in the groin! Rogers gives him a warning, but Paine pays him no heed. He grabs Uesugi by the foot... Spinning Toehold by Edmund Paine! Rogers asks Uesugi if he wants to submit as Paine continues to spin.

Jim: Does Uesugi even know enough english to submit?

Gallivan: I certainly hope so. Hang on. Price is back up! He grabs Paine as he spins into that Toehold again... AND DDTS HIM TO THE MAT! Stu drops onto Paine for the cover, and Rogers makes the count... 1... 2... No! Uesugi kicked Stu in the side from the canvas, breaking the count! He climbs to his feet, and Stu does the same. Stu grabs Uesugi from behind... but Uesugi Mule Kicks Stu in the groin! He grabs Price by the head, and charges into the corner... Uesugi goes for the Acid Drop... BUT STU THREW HIM OFF! Uesugi lands in the middle of the ring, and is trying to get up. Price charges after him, catching him as he tries to stand... SWINGING NECKBREAKER BY PRICE! Both of his opponents are down, and Stu-E is headed up to the top rope!

Jim: Hold on, Paine is moving.

Gallivan: This match has been very fast-paced, with all these men skirting around the Cruserweight range in size. Price tries to balance himself on the top... but Paine charges into the corner! He hits Stu-E with a Low Blow... THEN GORILLA PRESSES HIM OFF THE TOP ROPE!!!

Jim: Shades of the Nature Boy and Sting.

Gallivan: Edmund Paine hangs back in the corner, waiting for Uesugi or Price to stand up. Price is the first one up... RUNNING CROSS CHOP BY PAINE! He drops onto Stu, and hooks the leg!

Jim: Uesugi is getting up!

Gallivan: Rogers makes the count... 1... 2... No! Again, Uesugi broke the count. He stomped Paine across the head just before the three count. Uesugi picks up Paine, boots him in the midsection... AND HITS A SITOUT POWERBOMB! Rogers drops down for the count... 1... 2... No! Paine nailed Uesugi in the head with his heel to break the pin. He is the first one up, but Stu-E is standing as well. Stu-E hits Paine with a Dropkick that sends him back into the corner! He runs in after Paine, and climbs onto the second rope. Stu-E does a little Goldust gyration before he starts hammering Paine in the head!

Jim: That's a little tit for tat on Edmund Paine.

Gallivan: Uesugi comes into the corner behind Stu. He backs into Stu and grabs him from behind under the arms into a Crucifix Powerbomb position!

Jim: This is gonna hurt!

Gallivan: Uesugi walks towards the middle of the ring with Price, and Edmund Paine is climbing onto the top rope! He leaps off... CRUCIFIX POWERBOMB INTO A TOP ROPE ELBOWDROP ON STU-E PRICE!!! Paine has the lateral press on Stu... 1... 2... No! Uesugi pulled Paine off him by the leg... and he's still got hold of it! Paine struggles to stand on one leg, and now he's hopping around as Uesugi continues to hold his foot. Uesugi fires off a Kick that connects across the chest of Price... ENZUIGIRI KICK BY EDMUND PAINE ON UESUGI!!! Paine crawls onto Uesugi and hooks the leg... 1... 2... Uesugi got a foot on the ropes!

Jim: That was close.

Gallivan: Edmund Paine is in control here now. He picks up Uesugi, and shoves him back against the ropes. Hang on! Paine is tying Uesugi's arms up in between the top and middle rope! Uesugi's pinned on those ropes, and Paine takes a step back as a smile appears on his face.

Jim: This is about to become "adult oriented."

Gallivan: Don't you mean, orientated?

Jim: Johnny, as you well know, there is no such word as orientated. The word, like orientation, comes from the root word "orient." Orientate isn't a word!

Gallivan: It's in the dictionary.

Jim: SCREW THE DICTIONARY! They'll be putting supposably in there soon enough. Those dictionary people are all in somebody's pocket anyway. They should all be shot. Them, and everyone who says "I could care less."

Gallivan: If I can head back to the match at hand? Now Paine is running his hands down Uesugi's chest, like he did with Price. Hang on! Price is crawling up behind Paine... SCHOOLBOY ROLLUP ON PAINE! Rogers drops down for the count... 1... 2... Kickout! Paine kicked out at the last second, narrowly avoiding a pinfall. Fans, this match isn't an elimination match, in case you were wondering. The first man to score a pinfall or submission will walk away with the OWF Division Title.

Jim: And another thing. Gerunds... what's up with gerunds?

Gallivan: I have a sinking suspician the Jim is dating a librarian.

Jim: How did you know?

Gallivan: I can read you like a book.

Jim: Oooh, and you make fun of my jokes?

Gallivan: Uesugi is struggling to free himself from the ropes, but DI Rogers takes a very hands-off approach to refereeing, unlike the former Julio Suave. Price and Paine are up, and they lock up again. Stu hits him with a Knee in the midsection... Gutwrench Suplex by Stu-E! He hooks the leg, and here's another cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Price is back up, and takes a look at Uesugi... HE CHARGES ACROSS THE RING, AND CLOTHESLINES HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!!!

Jim: He was nearly free. That'll take him out of the picture.

Gallivan: Paine is back up as Stu turns back towards him. He goes for a Running Kneelift... but Paine pulls back, somersaulting Stu over onto his stomach! He drops down for the Lateral Press, but Stu is in the ropes. Both men scramble to their feet, and Paine swings at Stu... BUT STU CATCHES HIM FOR A BACKSLIDE! Here's the count... 1... 2... Kickout! He scrambles back to his feet, and locks a Front Facelock onto Paine as he gets back up. Stu signals for the Price Tag!

Jim: That's the move he crippled Flashback with!

Gallivan: Crippled? You mean, that's the move he sent Flashback to FHW with. Come to think of it, with Stu's recent pro-FHW stance, maybe he and Flashback had that bogus injury planned all along.

Jim: There you go again, with your conspiratorial mind.

Gallivan: Stu tries to lift Paine up... but he blocks it! Paine rolls him up for a Small Package, and Rogers makes the count... 1... 2... Kickout! The two make it back to their feet again, and Paine walks into a boot to the stomach! Stu cinches him up in a powerbomb position... BUT PAINE REVERSES IT INTO A FACESLAM! He hooks the leg, and here's another cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Hang on, Uesugi is sliding back into the ring. Edmund Paine is back up. Uesugi charges at him, firing off a Dropkick to the Knee... but Paine dodged it! He grabs Uesugi with a waistlock from behind as he gets back to his feet.

Jim: Bridging German again?

Gallivan: Uesugi fires a Back Elbow into the side of Paine's head, but he still holds on! Hold on, Stu-E Price is back up! Price charges the two... hitting Paine in the back with a Running Clothesline! He's still holding onto Uesugi! Stu-E grabs Paine with a waistlock.

Jim: This looks like some perverse daisy chain.

Gallivan: Stu-E Price hoists up Pain for a German Suplex, and Paine has still got Uesugi! DOUBLE BRIDGING GERMAN SUPLEX!!!

Jim: Holy crap! Stu german suplexed Edmund Paine, and Paine german suplexed Uesugi!

Gallivan: Price showed a lot of power there, lifting both men! Both Price and Paine have tried to bridge, but all three men's shoulders are on the mat! DI Rogers drops down for the count... 1... 2.... 3!!!

Jim: Who won?

Gallivan: I saw some movement before the 3 count, but even I'm not sure. Rogers has called for the bell, and now all three men are slowly getting back to their feet. We've got a winner and a new champion, but we don't know who!

[As the fans start to get antsy, DI Rogers bails out of the ring to talk to the timekeeper. After a minute or so, the Syni-tron lights up.]

Gallivan: Looks like we are going to get a replay of that last move.

[The clip shows the double german suplex, and then switches to slow motion as DI Rogers begins to make the count. He slams his hand down for a 1 count, and Stu Price lifts his shoulder up. Then, just after Rogers hits the mat for the 2 count, Edmund Paine's shoulder comes up. Rogers slams down for 3, and Uesugi's shoulder comes up just a split second after.]

Jim: What the hell does that mean? Who wins?

Gallivan: Fans, it looks like Uesugi was pinned, and Paine had the suplex on him, so Edmund Paine is our winner!

Jim: Oh, Stu's not gonna like that.

Gallivan: Incredible close finish, regardless. Here's the official decision.

Gallivan: Stu-E Price is furious at the result, and storms out of the ring. Uesugi slides out, and heads backstage as Rogers hands Edmund Paine the OWF Division Title. Just two weeks ago, Paine was an LWA wrestler competing for the LWA Division Title, and now he's the OWF champion!

Jim: I can only imagine what kind of twisted celebration he's got planned.

Gallivan: So I take it you won't be attending.

Jim: Watch it, Gallivan. I'm old school baby, not girls school.

[The pre-taped segment ends, and the show cuts back to the live event. The cameras pan across the cheering fans. There are signs there reading "LWA 4 Life!", "I Came with Trevor", "Who Farted?", "Goldberg Fears The Sentinel", "FHW SHMEFHW", "We Want Boobies", "I Want Weekly Blackened", "I AM IRON MAN!", and "Gary Frat is the Father of my Children."]

[The show cuts to the backstage area where Brian Thorn is completely ready to go. He's talking on a phone for the moment.]

Brian Thorn: Yeah, I'm ready... I know it's going to be tough, but I've got some plans I've been thinking up. Yeah... uh huh. Well, we'll see in the end. Okay, yup... thanks a bunch Mr. Lassiter. Enjoy the match.

Gallivan: Mr. Lassiter? We know Thorn and Johnny Lassiter have some sort of deal worked out, but what has Thorn devised here tonight?

Jim: Well, I doubt he's talking to Craig Lassiter. Nobody calls him Mr. Lassiter.

[As Thorn is walking off, he passes a bathroom. The door opens and Thorn is knocked back by the smell. A few seconds later a member of the ring crew walks out.]

Brian Thorn: Dear God, what the hell died in there?

Guy: Heh, just some bad food.

Brian Thorn: Well, thats why we have air circulation systems. Anyway, I've been meaning to talk to you. You got that present I sent you, right?

Guy: Yeah, we all did, actually.

Brian Thorn: Good, good. Well, you better get out there. The match is about to start and we don't want any problems tonight.

[Thorn pats the man on the shoulder, who then runs off towards the stage. Thorn looks at his hand and his face contorts. He quickly finds something to wipe his hand off, and continues down the hall. The scene cuts back to ringside.]

Gallivan: Did that seem a bit fishy to you?

Jim: I have no idea what you're talking about.

[As the show cuts back to the ring, the distinct opening of Sweet Child of Mine tears through the arena and dry ice fills the ramp. A hush of anticipation washes over the arena all eyes fixed on the ramp, suddenly a voice cuts in over Lee F'n' Todd's destinctive theme music.]

Tumbler: Damn it Lee we always use your theme, can't we use mine for a change?

[An annoyed growl bearly audible followed by a record scratch and Come Out and Play by the Offspring rocks out in the place of Sweet Child of Mine.]

Tumbler: See now we can enter in style.

Todd: Just get your fat ass out of the gorilla position and on to the ramp before these fans lose interest dumb ass.

Jim: Oh man, do we have to let these goobers out here?

Gallivan: I'm afraid we do, Jim.

Lockheart: Without any further delay hailing from Darlington England ladies and gentlemen I give you two thirds of the artists formerly known as the U.K. Crew!

[As the anouncers voice echoes over the arena Tumbler enthusiastically skips down the aisle displaying his GHITW title and Hardcore championship for all to see. Lee follows behind looking less than impressed with the entrance.]

[Grabbing the microphone from the anouncer Tumbles jumps back onto the entrance ramp, and takes the initiative in this verbal offering as Lee stands off to his left, looking less than thrilled to be here.]

Tumbler: I'm here to clear up a heinous misconception, a hideous lie a big fat untruth. I am your multiple champion and quite frankly I'm sick and tired of all this nonsense it happened in the FHW and it's happening here and we just won't stand for it will we Lee.

[Momenterally distracted by the broad in the first row flashing him Tumbler nudges his elder brother prompting his response.]

Todd: Uhm no, it has to uhm stop.

Tumbler: Ahmen to that, for starters there is no U.K. Crew it ceased to exist, let it go already and if there were a U.K. Crew my esteemed older brother would not be the leader. The U.K. Crew is errr I mean was a joint venture and even though we just keep Stu around to make the tea even he's considered on equal ranking with me and my brother. It's obvious I'm the most talented of this trio any way so if there were to be any misconception it should be that I'm the leader isn't that right Lee?

[Lee who's been rolling up his favourite "I'm a face now" T-Shirt to reveal an "I'm the Leader" shirt underneath smiles.]

Todd: That's right Tumbles this is an equal partnership and even though I'm the world champion and my acolades by far outweigh you and Stu's that doesn't make you two any less of a wrestler.

Tumbler: That's right..... no wait a minute how dare you, theres not a belt on gods green earth that out ranks my wonderful sparkling GHITW title and you know it.

Gallivan: I'd like to remind the fans in attendance and watching at home that the UWS has not sanctioned the GHITW title, whatever that stands for.

Jim: I know what it stands for... but I'm not saying.

Gallivan: Why not?

Jim: Just to be a bitch.

Todd: Ok, ok I digress but whilst we're on the subject of the U.K. Crew could Jim Browski please come up here onto the entrance ramp?

Jim: What? What the hell do they want with me?

Gallivan: (snickering) Why don't you just head up there and find out?

Jim: You think I'm scared? Screw you, Gallivan. I'm a former Hardcore Champion, I'm not afraid of these guys. Hell, maybe I'll just take my belt back from Tumbler right now.

[Jim takes off his head set and heads around the caged ring, looking a little hesitent he climbs up onto the entrance ramp. Grabbing a mic of his own he smiles.]

Jim: If this is about the $20 I owe you guys I'll pay you after the show, I'm trying to work here guys.

Todd: No Jim this isn't about the money you've owed me for over three months, this is about the blatant disrespect you showed us last week, as we put on a wrestling clinic defending our tag team championships.

Jim: But we asked your writers for the na.......

Tumbler: Shut up Jim!

Todd: Yeah shut up Jim, those ridiculous names were totally out of line, I'd whoop your arse right here right now, teach you a lesson but alas.

[Points to shirt.]

Todd: I'm a face now.

Tumbler: But I'm not.

[As Tumbler prepares to clock Jim with the Hardcore Championship Jim spins round yanking the belt clean out of Tumbler's hands. Spinning and ducking he comes up knocking Lee clean out with the UWS Hardcore Championship.]

Tumbler: My belt my precious second favourite belt!

Jim: Yeah, you got knocked the Firk out.

Tumbler: Yoink.

[Taking just a second too long to celebrate his power play Tumbler yanks the belt free of Jim's hands and scampers off backstage leaving his prone partner seeing stars in the ring. Jim takes a second to point to his "snot money" T-shirt, and gets a decent reaction from the fans before heading back to his announce position.]

Gallivan: What the heck was that all about?

Jim: I was attacked! You saw it! I was merely defending myself in there.

Gallivan: Fans, Lee Todd is being attended to, and it looks like he's slowly coming to his senses. Jim, you can't KO the LWA Division champion like that, it diminishes the value of the title. Not to mention your use of the four-letter word, firk.

Jim: Well, Lee Todd should have thought about that before he called me out. Besides, I don't care about that. You know why?

Gallivan: Why?

Jim: BECAUSE I'M A TWO-TIME HARDCORE CHAMPION!!! WHEEEEEEE!!!

[Jim stands up on his chair and starts to rile up the fans to start a "snot-money" chant.]

Gallivan: Thank heavens. I'm being told that we are heading backstage. Hopefully when we return, Jim will have calmed down.

[The show cuts backstage, where Tumbler is running around trying to look for suspicious attackers, he suddenly halts and see's a security guard he quickly places the hardcore title under his shirt and grabs his GHITW championship off his shoulder. He walks over with a smile on his face.]

Tumbler: Hey George!

[Tumbler greets the guy with a slap on the back, then backs away for a second as the guy looks a little pissed. Tumbler presents the GHITW championship in his right hand.]

Guard: My name isn't Geo--

Tumbler: Yeah whatever! I'm here to teach you a history lesson about this title did you know I have held this title for an entire Seven hundred billion five million nine hundred and 27 minutes and counting?

[The security guard doesn't seem to want to know about Tumbler's title.]

Tumbler: Now I would love to defend it here in UWS but all the athletes are too fat!

Guard: Doesn't Brian Thorn weigh less than you?

Tumbler: Please I weigh seventy five pounds of pure muscle, now don't interupt me George it's rude, as I was saying this title is my favourite even better than the hardcore title!

[The Security Guards eyes light up.]

Guard: By any chance do you have that on you?

Tumbler: Err no of course not.... I gotta go now

[Tumbler backs away as George begins to walk towards him before we know it we have a chase going on backstage.]

Gallivan: Well fans, our only other match tonight is Jester's Pyramid! A giant cage with just one entrance and one exit, and they are forty feet apart. Sixteen men will enter, and only one man will make it to the very top. It has potential to be the most chaotic thing we've ever done. There's no time limit on this one, and it could well go all night.

[And Justice For All plays as Gabriel Blade steps onto the entrance ramp. Those observant of the human soul can easily see the wonder and awe still there in his eyes as he surveys the scene before turning to face the ring and marching resolutely forward.]

Jim: Aw, what is he doing here? Can't we just see some mayhem and be done with it?

[Gabe stops at the end of the entrance ramp, then calls for a mic. He is given one by a ring attendant, tucks it into his tights, then climbs up the side of the first tier. He stands on the roof of the first tier cage and leans against the wall of the second tier as he pulls out the microphone to speak.]

Jim: Explain to me how this kid can still walk, Gallivan.

Gallivan: I don't know. Sheer determination?

Jim: I got a word for it, and it ain't determination.

[Gabe asks for a microphone, which is handed to him by a ring attendant. He raises it to his mouth, but pauses as the fans give him another cheer.]

Gallivan: That's what it's all for, Jim. That roar.

Jim: Yeah... that and the poontang.

Gabriel Blade: Tonight...

[Gabe continues, but is suddenly drowned out by "Carousel" by Mr. Bungle screaming over the arena sound system. He lowers the microphone, and turns back towards the entrance curtain, where Ken Holbrook is walking out. Holbrook is dressed in his favorite purple suit with bright green shirt underneath, and still wearing a red neckbrace.]

Gallivan: Amnesty International should really do something about that suit, considering all the human suffering that goes along with it.

Jim: Shut up.

[As Holbrook's music fades, Gabe tries to speak, but realizes that his microphone has gone dead. Ken Holbrook raises a mic of his own.]

Holbrook: Stop right there. Mr. Blade. I don't want to hear another word from you about fate, or judgement, or honor, or the warrior code.

Jim: All I know about warrior code is that you need it before you can build archers.

Gallivan: What?

Jim: My nephew wrote that joke. I don't know what the hell it means though.

Gallivan: Fans, if you've understood Jim's "vague" joke of the week, send a self-addressed stamped envelope to UWS headquarters and receive a free "I Got Nothing Better to do with My Time" T-shirt.

Jim: Johnny, your attitude is disturbing.

Holbrook: Frankly Blade, I don't ever want to hear another word from you again, at least not on my show. You have continued to play the part of the hero in the UWS, which is fine, but why does it always seem to be at my expense?

Gallivan: Maybe cause Holbrook's a villain?

Jim: Shush!

[Holbrook starts walking towards the ring, slowly. Gabe climbs down the side of the cage, and stands back on the end of the entrance ramp staring out at him.]

Holbrook: I gained the loyalty of the most dangerous man in the UWS, Judas Dagon... and what did you do? You broke him, plain and simple. Not only that, you put your filthy hands on me, and treated me like common talent.

Gallivan: The boys in the back won't appreciate that remark.

Holbrook: Some might say I got what was coming to me, and by putting myself into a match, I accepted the risk. But I saw something in your eyes that night in the Cage of Justice, Gabriel Blade. I saw that sadistic look in your eyes when you got your hands on me. Was that justice, Mr. Blade? Was it justice for your partner to try and kill me with that sword of damocles? Was it justice to temporarily paralyze me?

Gallivan: Come on! Holbrook is painting himself as the victim here. He knew full well what would happen to him, and he still went into that cage.

[Holbrook walks to the end of the entrance ramp, using his silver Jester-headed cane to support him.]

Holbrook: Then, when I was given the job of turning this company around, it seemed like you were constantly underfoot.

Jim: That's a big man to be underfoot.

Gallivan: I think it's a figure of speech.

Holbrook: Shane Brandon should be sitting backstage right now with that LWA Division Title around his waist, but he's not. I'm trying to raise the ratings on this show and compete with FHW, but not only do I have to deal with Lee Todd hanging onto the LWA and UWS Tag titles, but I've got to deal with you interfering with Shane Brandon.

[Holbrook pokes Gabe in the chest as he says this, prompting a response from the audience.]

Holbrook: Brandon isn't in the right place right now, mentally. He's been temporarily derailed thanks to the likes of you and Lee Todd. So, again you have interfered with my plans, and indirectly sabotaged your own company. And on top of it all, when are ratings are slowly climbing, and on the night of my greatest creation, Jester's Pyramid... you come out here unannounced, and intend on speaking?

[Again, he pokes Gabe, but this time it is more of a shove. Gabriel Blade just continues to stare at Holbrook, not moving.]

Holbrook: You may think this is a game, Mr. Blade, but it is not. Every second you stand out here and drone on about justice and whatnot, people at home are tuning out. They are flipping over to watch the Roman Gladiator instead of you.

Gallivan: He can't mention him!

Jim: Gladiator? Maybe he's the mystery man!

[He gives Gabe a proper one-handed shove, but the Sentinel barely budges. The fans are getting louder. The fact that Gabe hasn't displayed any emotion looks to be making Holbrook even angrier.]

Gallivan: Ken Holbrook is really pushing his luck here. A lesser man would have hit him by now.

Holbrook: Gladiator. Now there's a man who you can build a company around. He doesn't say much, but gets the job done. But what exactly do you offer, Mr. Blade? Excitement? Entertainment? Hope? No. You're just a repackaged LWA legend. A little younger, a little smaller... and a whole lot less interesting.

[The crowd responds again, and several chants of "HIT HIM" start up in the back. Gabriel Blade continues to stare at Holbrook.]

Holbrook: You are a blight on my organization, Mr. Blade. Do you have a title? No. Are you a legitimate legend in this ring, like Shane Brandon or Kurt Tremere? No. Do you have something important to say? No. So what gives you the right to come out here and impose yourself on my fans, Mr. Blade? Now why don't you get your ass out of my sight before I pull you out of this Iron Man Competition that you're so worked up about.

Gallivan: He can't do that!

Jim: No? You just watch.

[Despite the roar of the fans, Gabriel Blade simply starts to walk towards the backstage area. The crowd is almost immediately deflated, and Ken Holbrook looks on with a smile. He turns away from Gabe and addresses the crowd, pointing back at the Sentinel.]

Holbrook: That, my dear ladies and gentlemen... is a coward, pure and simple.

[Holbrook continues to address the fans as Gabe stops in his tracks behind him.]

Holbrook: It's my way, or the highway, and the sooner everyone realizes that, the sooner this fed will run that much more smoothly. This goes to the Todd boys as well. They--ack!

[Holbrook stops in mid-sentence as Gabriel Blade grabs him by the scruff of the neck. He releases him, and Holbrook spins around, his face getting red again.]

Holbrook: You stupid son-of-a...

[The crowd freaks as Gabe grabs Holbrook by the neckbrace, and lifts him up with one hand.]

Jim: He can't hit the boss!

Gallivan: Do you really think he's going to let Holbrook stay out here, spewing that venom? Gabe's doing everyone a favor.

Jim: Yeah, but Jack Spade put his hands on Holbrook last show, and where is he now? I'll tell you where he is. He's back in Japan somewhere, wrestling for a handful of rice a day. It's a simple philosophy... don't mess with the Jester.

[Another chant of "HIT HIM" begins, this one much louder. Holbrook is still holding onto the microphone as he tries to pull himself free of the Sentinel.]

Holbrook: You wouldn't dare!

Gallivan: Gabe grabs Holbrook by the throat! He cinches him up... URINAGE BY GABRIEL BLADE ONTO THE ENTRANCE RAMP!!!

Jim: Damn! That's not right!

Gallivan: If it ain't right, there's an arena full of fans who are wrong. They are giving Gabe a standing ovation as he stands up, dusts himself off, and heads backstage. Ken Holbrook is lying on the canvas, and he's out! Security has once again left the LWA President unprotected, but that's the way these fans like it. They are dragging Holbrook out of the ring area now.

Jim: Gabriel Blade is becoming a big bully. One of these days, somebody is going to take him down a peg.

Gallivan: I could have easily said the same about Ken Holbrook. Only in his case, it would be true.

Jim: Aw, shaddup.

Gallivan: Fans, the ring attendants who will be manning the trapdoors are ready. Mr. Toasty Bacon and Seun, the sexiest man over 700 lbs are ready to handle security. And we are ready. Ryan Lockheart is standing beside the pyramid, so let's get to the intros!

Lockheart: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is the third event in the 2003 Iron Man Competition! Here are the rules. All sixteen competitors will enter the first tier of the cage and after 10 minutes the first set of trapdoors will be opened. Eight competitors will advance into the second tier before the trapdoors are closed. Competitors will continue in this manor until just two competitors make it to the fourth and final tier of the cage. The competitor who makes it through the last trapdoor, and onto the roof of Jester's Pyramid, will become the winner, and will receive 10 points towards the title of 2003 Iron Man.

Jim: Get on with it!

Lockheart: Coming to the ring at this time, accompanied by Dr. Karate. From Kyoto, Japan, weighing in at 219 lbs... UESUGI!!!

["Bad Blood" by Ministry begins to roar throughout the arena as Uesugi steps through the entrance curtain. He flicks back his soaking wet black hair, sending water flying into the air. Uesugi is shirtless and wearing plain black full-leg wrestling tights with no markings of any kind on them. Clenching and unclenching his fists, he calmly walks towards the cage, then climbs in through the door.]

Gallivan: Uesugi was impressive in the OWF Title match, but I really think Dr. Karate is doing more harm to his career than help.

Lockheart: Coming to the ring at this time, from the Kung-Fu Kollege of Kucamonga, and weighing in at 231 lbs... DR. KARATE!!!

["Kung-fu Fighting" begins to play as Dr. Karate steps through the entrance curtain. He makes his way to the ring, amidst the boos of the fans, flapping the tails of his labcoat behind him. He climbs into the cage.]

Gallivan: Dr. Karate told us before the show that he had a little something special up his sleeve for this match. He's already got his man Uesugi in there to watch his back, but we have no idea what his secret weapon is. Karate and Uesugi are inside that cage, and they immediately start talking to one another.

Jim: Just sorting out their gameplan.

Lockheart: Coming to the ring at this time, accompanied by Ice. From Toronto, Ontario, and weighing in at 287 lbs... DAKE KEN!!!

["Parabola" by Tool begins to play as the lights dim in the arena. As the lyrics begin, Dake Ken steps through the entrance curtain. He stands for a while looking at the crowd. He start to walk down the ramp, he stops at the middle and pauses. He goes to the cage and climbs in.]

Gallivan: Dake Ken climbs through the cage door. Hang on! They aren't waiting for the bell... or the rest of the competitors! Dr. Karate and Uesugi are double-teaming Dake Ken inside that ring. Uesugi hit him with a Leg Lariat as he stepped through the ropes! Now Dake Ken is down and Uesugi and Dr. Karate are stomping and kicking at him! Dr. Karate picks up Dake Ken, and fires him off the ropes... DOUBLE SUPERKICK BY KARATE AND UESUGI!!!

Jim: Now that's teamwork!

Lockheart: Coming to the ring at this time, from Tampa Bay, Florida and weighing in at 376 lbs... PACO!!!

[Paco's Music blares over the PA as the stadium lights go out. The lights flicker as Paco runs down the aisle. The lights come on fully and Paco jumps into the cage ready to fight.]

Gallivan: Paco charges through the cage door and through the ropes into the ring. He runs at Karate and Uesugi... DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE BY PACO! Now the big man grabs Dr. Karate, runs across the ring with him... AND RAMS HIS HEAD INTO THE SIDE OF THE STEEL CAGE! Paco turns around... AND IS HIT BY A ROARING ELBOW BY UESUGI! Paco staggers back into the corner, and Uesugi jumps onto the second rope and starts hammering punches and palm thrusts into his head! Dake Ken is slow to get up and he picks up Dr. Karate. One-armed Slam by Dake Ken!

Lockheart: Coming to the ring at this time, from Darlington, England and weighing in at 232 lbs... LEE F'N' TODD!!!

Gallivan: Some say Lee is the man to watch in this one.

Jim: I say he's the man to watch bleed.

[The lights in the arena dim as Sweet Child of Mine rips through the arena, dry ice fills the aisle as Lee F'n' Todd steps through the curtain a bottle of brown ale held high above his head in his left hand. A two fingered salute on his right. Making a slow march to the ring he walks up to the cage, knocks back his ale before handing the bottle to a ring attendant. Lee climbs into the cage.]

Gallivan: Lee comes in just as Dake Ken turns around. He boots Ken in the stomach... and Powerbombs him to the mat! Now Lee grabs Dr. Karate by the feet before he can get up, and turns him over for a Boston Crab!

Jim: We are getting plenty of action before the bell. I can only imagine what this match will be like once all 16 men get in there!

Gallivan: Uesugi is still hammering punches into the head of Paco on the other side. Waitaminute! Dake Ken is back up... AND HE CLOBBERS LEE FROM BEHIND! Ken is still groggy from that attack earlier, but now he grabs Lee for a Side Headlock... and runs him head-first into the middle turnbuckle!

Lockheart: Coming to the ring at this time, from Darlington, England, and weighing in at 240 lbs... STU-E PRICE!!!

[The arena goes absolutely pitch black for a few moments. A single spotlight appears and flashes around the arena before coming to a halt, right at the Syni-tron. Still in silence, it begins to come to life with the sound of a heartbeat ticking over and over as a few words appear on the screen.]

[A large explosion of pyrotechnics go off, and with that a large record scratch is heard; Bodyrock by Moby plays out through the speakers. Stu-E walks through the curtain, when he does a massive blue and white laser show kicks off as he slowly walks to ringside, stopping halfway. In his hand is a clear plastic bag with frost all over it. Stu looks around the arena before raising both arms in the air and running to the cage.]

Jim: What the hell is he carrying?

Gallivan: I'm not sure. Stu climbs in, and runs right past Lee! He charges across the ring... and hits Uesugi with a Dropkick in the back! Uesugi fell forward onto Paco, who is still in the corner. Paco walks out of the corner with Uesugi on his shoulder... INVERTED ATOMIC DROP BY PACO! Paco dropped Uesugi... AND STU PRICE WHALLOPS HIM WITH THAT BAG OF... FROZEN CRUMPETS?

Jim: Take that! You can't blame Stu for being pissed. Uesugi cost him the OWF title earlier tonight.

Gallivan: Stu starts stomping the hell out of Uesugi, but Paco nails him with a heavy right hand! And another! He shoves Stu into the corner, and now Paco and Stu are trading shots!

Lockheart: Coming to the ring at this time, from Darlington, England and weighing in at 230 lbs... TUMBLER!!!

[The lights in the arena dim as the initials GHITW light up the ring in bright neon green, the text begins to swirl faster and faster till it morphs in to a bullzeye. Come Out and play cuts out as a thunderous boom echo's throughout the arena and Tumbler leaps from the rafters on a bungy cord landing on the entrance ramp. Spinning around posing for the crowd attendents rush to the him to unhook his equipment before the match starts. Tumbler is carrying a large plastic grocery bag and wearing the UWS Hardcore Title around his waist. He heads into the cage.]

Gallivan: Looks like Tumbler got away from that security guard.

Jim: He's actually bringing the Hardcore title into that cage? Oh man, that's gonna be chaos.

Gallivan: Well, it does double as a useful weapon. Tumbler, who hasn't actually had a sanctioned singles match in the UWS, is quite proud of being undefeated. He climbs into the cage, dropping his grocery bag, and attacks Dake Ken, who was stomping on Lee Todd. Tumbler hits him with a running Forearm to the head, knocking him back... and follows it up with a Standing Dropkick! Tumbler helps Lee to his feet, and now both of them start firing punches into Dake Ken in the corner! Dr. Karate is back up and he's pulled Uesugi into a clear corner and they're taking a breather. Lee pulls Dake out of the corner and cinches him up and Tumbler climbs up to the second rope... SPIKE UNDERHOOK PILEDRIVER ON DAKE KEN!!!

Jim: Oof! That's gonna knock Ken out of it for a while.

Gallivan: Lee and Tumbler charge across the ring and team up with Stu! The three of them attack Paco and start hurling punches at him!

Jim: Those British goobers are fighting off everyone else!

Gallivan: Well, they work together when all is said and done. Hang on! Dr. Karate and Uesugi just grabbed one of those ladders! They each grab an end and run at the Brits... SLAMMING THE LADDER INTO ALL THREE OF THEM!!!

Lockheart: Coming to the ring at this time, from Burkettesville, MD, and weighing in at 345 lbs... SIN!!!

[The lights go out and an eerie silence is heard as suddenly "Black All Over" blares throughout the pitch black arena and dark blue smoke fills the entrance ramp. The one named Sin stands at the end of the isle and raises his gloved black hands over his head, saying a prayer to himself, then without a word, he dashes towards the cage.]

Gallivan: Now, you can see why Jester's Pyramid is built around an extra-large ring. It's going to get pretty crowded in there when everybody arrives. Hang on! Sin has paused at the entrance to the cage. He looks over at Seun, who is eating from a bucket of chicken at ringside!

Jim: Now I don't think he wanted to do that.

Gallivan: Sin charges at Seun, hitting him with a Running Clothesline! He starts pounding on the big man, who is trying to fight back with one hand. His other hand is still hanging onto that bucket of chicken!

Jim: Priorities.

Gallivan: In the ring, the Brits are trying to fight their way out of the corner, but now Paco has stepped in to help Karate and Uesugi hold them in. Outside, Sin grabs Seun by the head... AND RAMS HIM INTO THE SIDE OF THE CAGE! He now grabs Seun, and Irish Whips him into the steel guardrail! Sin charges at him... AND NEARLY DECAPITATES HIM WITH A VICIOUS MAFIA KICK!!!

Jim: Wow!

Gallivan: Seun drops to the ground. He's still recovering from a neck injury at the hands of Judas Dagon, and now he may have re-injured it. Sin is just standing over him.

Jim: Judge, jury, and executioner.

Gallivan: Inside the Pyramid, Uesugi and Dr. Karate have Stu and the Todd brothers pinned in that corner with the ladder! Paco steps in, reaches his long leg in over the ladder... and starts choking Lee with his foot!

Jim: Security is having a tough time trying to get Sin in that cage.

Gallivan: Mr. Toasty Bacon, who was away from the ring when Sin came out is finally there, and now he's jostling with Sin, along with several members of the UWS security team.

Lockheart: Coming to the ring at this time, from Athens, Greece, and weighing in at 246 lbs... "SENTINEL" GABRIEL BLADE!!!

[And Justice For All plays as Gabriel Blade steps onto the entrance ramp. Those observant of the human soul can easily see the wonder and awe still there in his eyes as he surveys the scene before turning to face the ring and marching resolutely forward.]

Jim: Is Lockheart getting paid by the hour with this intros? This could take all night!

Gallivan: Gabriel Blade makes a beeline for Sin! He charges through the security, and pelts the big man with an Overhand Right! Now, Gabe starts firing heavy punches into the head of Sin, who is firing them back! Sin hits Gabe with an Elbow shot to the face, then grabs him by the hair. He tries to ram Gabe's head into the cage, but he gets a foot up to block it! Gabe fires back an Elbow into the guts of Sin, then grabs him by the waist... CANADIAN BACKBREAKER BY THE SENTINEL ON THE CONCRETE FLOOR! The crowd loves it! Gabe gets back up, and now he's dragging Sin towards the entrance to the cage. Gabe forcibly hurls him into the cage, and follows the big man in.

Jim: Doesn't Gabriel Blade have enough enemies?

Gallivan: Well, he didn't like what Sin was doing, so he took matters into his own hands. Good thing too. Heaven knows what he might have done to Seun. Paco has stoped choking Lee and now he backs up while Karate and Uesugi still hold the ladder. Paco charges into the corner... AVALANCHING THE LADDER! The Todds and Stu Price are being crushed in that corner.

Jim: These guys might be close friends, but I don't know if they've ever been closer than this.

Gallivan: On the other side of the ring, Gabe is raining down punches on a bewildered Sin. He picks him up, and hoists Sin up onto his shoulder... POWERSLAM BY GABRIEL BLADE!

Jim: Shades of the late British Bulldog.

Gallivan: Speaking of British Bulldogs, the Brits are finally shoving their way out of the corner! The three of them push that ladder out, overpowering Karate, Uesugi, and Paco. Stu and Lee hold their position while Tumbler takes a step back... AND DROPKICKS THE LADDER INTO THEM! Karate, Uesugi, and Paco are all down! The former UK Crew immediately starts to stomp and punch the downed competitors. Our ring crew are having a hard time, but four of them are helping Seun to the backstage area.

Lockheart: Coming to the ring at this time, from Boston, MA, and weighing in at 257 lbs... "DEMOLITION MAN" MICHAEL BURKE!!!

[The fans give a decent reception for Michael Burke, who steps through the entrance curtain to silence. He walks towards the ring in his wrestling gear with a very determined look on his face.]

Gallivan: Burke climbs into the cage, and charges across the ring... SPEARING TUMBLER TO THE MAT!!! Burke starts to pummel Tumbler with lefts and rights, and almost immediately Stu and Lee step in to stop him. Stu hits Burke with a falling Dropkick to the side of the head! Lee hits Burke with a Knife-edge Chop to the chest as he gets up... and another!

Jim: Wheeee!!

[Several of the more misguided fans actually chant "Wheeee!" along with Jim.]

Gallivan: Lee pulls Burke off his brother, and Irish Whips him off the ropes... Spinning Back Elbow by Lee Todd! Stu reaches down his hand and helps Tumbler back to his feet... WAITAMINUTE! SHORT-ARM CLOTHESLINE BY STU-E PRICE!!! While Lee hits Burke with a Kneedrop, Stu reaches down... AND RIPS THE HARDCORE TITLE OFF TUMBLER!

Jim: Friends no more!

Gallivan: That was probably payback for that ro-sham-bo shot Tumbler gave Stu a while back. Paco is back to his feet, but Stu spins around defensively. He runs at Paco... AND KONKS HIM IN THE HEAD WITH THE HARDCORE TITLE! Paco drops, and now Stu has backed into one of the corners, defensively. Dr. Karate is up and he sees Stu with that belt. He charges in... BUT RUNS INTO A SPINEBUSTER FROM STU!

Jim: He dropped the belt!

Gallivan: Uesugi sees his opportunity, and dives across the ring! He grabs the belt!

Jim: Oh, I can see I'm gonna need a scorecard to keep track of the Hardcore Title in this one.

Gallivan: Lee Todd sees what's going on,and now he comes after Uesugi. Uesugi backs against the ropes... and tosses the belt to Lee Todd!

Jim: What?

Gallivan: VAN DAMINATOR BY UESUGI!!!

Jim: He gave Lee that belt in order to lay him out with it!

Lockheart: Coming to the ring at this time, from Las Vegas, Nevada, and weighing in at 235 lbs... EDMUNE PAINE II!!!

[The spotlights on the entrance way seem to brighten for a moment before dimming to near darkness. The playfully brassy sound of "Death or Glory" sounds as a large man wearing a nicely tailored black suit emerges from the back. He pauses at the entrance, soaks in his surroundings, and then proceeds to walk several feet before he stops. He crosses his massive arms on his large, barrel chest and glares disdainfully out into the crowd. Moments later, a much physically smaller man emerges from the back. Two spotlights home in on the man and reveal him to the crowd as the words "The Duke of Paine" appear on the Syni-tron. The "Duke of Paine" makes his way slowly towards the ring dressed in a beautifully tailored black suit, white dress shirt, and silver tie. As the "Duke" walks by on his way to the ring, his larger companion turns around and heads backstage. Stopping in front of the cage, Mr. Paine pauses to remove his jacket, tie and cufflinks and hands them down to a ring attendant. Paine rolls up his sleeves as he climbs through the cage door.]

Gallivan: In the ring, Stu Price charges over to Lee Todd, and grabs the Hardcore Title! Hold on! Edmund Paine runs after him! SOMERSAULT BUTTSLAM INTO THE CORNER ON STU! Paine holds him in the corner holding onto the ropes with his hands, and wiggles his butt against Stu's groin! He gives a little gyration... then rams his ass into Stu again!

Jim: Eeewwww.

Gallivan: Paine turns around... and grabs the Hardcore Title from Stu!

Jim: That's two belts he's taken from Stu tonight!

Gallivan: There is mayhem in that cage, and we've still got wrestlers who haven't been announced yet! Fans, I apologise for any action I might miss, but I'll call as much of it as I can. Gabriel Blade picks up Sin... JUDGEMENT DAY BY THE SENTINEL!!! He dropped Sin with that Inverted DDT! Lee Todd has been busted open from that Van Daminator with the Hardcore Title. Michael Burke straddles Lee Todd... AND APLIES A CAMEL CLUTCH TO HIM! Uesugi leaps off the ropes for an Asai Moonsault on Paco... BUT HE GOT HIS KNEES UP! Uesugi rolls off in a crumpled heap. Edmund Paine drops the Hardcore Title onto the mat, and puts Stu's head between his legs! He's going to piledrive him on that belt!

Jim: Can this match get any wilder?

Lockheart: Coming to the ring at this time, from the Jungles of Africa and weighing in at 155 lbs... THE NATIVE!!!

[Strange tribal drums begin to play and a wild figure breaks through the entrance curtain. The Native, wearing just a loincloth and necklace of teeth, charges towards the ring holding his turkey leg aloft in one hand.]

Gallivan: You had to say it, didn't you?

Jim: Yep.

Gallivan: Paine is hesitating. I guess it isn't every day he gets Stu's head between his legs. The Native climbs through the cage door and charges across the ring... BELTING PAINE ACROSS THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH THAT TURKEY LEG!!!

Jim: That's a weapon! He can't bring weapons into this cage!

Gallivan: That drumstick has some pretty hefty weight behind it, and Paine drops to the mat.

Jim: Pick up the belt! You can be the Hardcore Champion!

Gallivan: The Native looks down at the belt on the ground... AND STARTS HAMMERING STU PRICE WITH THE DRUMSTICK! Michael Burke is still punishing Lee Todd with the Camel Clutch. Dr. Karate and Uesugi are now working over Paco in the corner, stomping the hell out of the big man. Uesugi is still holding those ribs, and he might have some damage done to them. Tumbler is back up, but Gabe hits him with a Knife-edge Chop! He Irish Whips Tumbler into the ropes... BUT TUMBLER COMES BACK WITH A DIVING HEADBUTT TO THE STOMACH! He grabs the doubled over Sentinel, and cinches him up... PILEDRIVING HIM ONTO THE MAT!

Jim: That's a big man to take a piledriver. Gabe's in serious trouble.

Lockheart: Coming to the ring at this time, from Toledo, Ohio, and weighing in at 248 lbs... KURT TREMERE!!!

[The lights flicker out, and as the sound of wind fills the arena, a low blue light slowly lights the crowd. After a moment, a voice can be heard echoing through the PA.]

[The blue lights slowly grow a little brighter moment by moment.]

[At the end of the last line, the lights vanish and the arena is engulfed in darkness and silence..]

[As the scream is heard through the PA, 4 blue spotlights shine on the entrance, and "Superstar" by Saliva begins to blast out of the speakers, almost simaltaneosuly with a large pyro explosion on the ceiling and ramp. As the smoke clears, Kurt Tremere is standing in the middle of the entrance, looking over the crowd. The spotlights begin to strobe with the beat of the song, and they follow Kurt down the aisle as he begins to walk. Kurt ignores the crowd, not once even looking at them as he walks. The spotlights follow Kurt as he steps into the cage.]

Gallivan: Tremere has a grin on his face as he enters. He runs to the middle of the ring, and slides down on his knees in front of Lee Todd! Tremere just stares at Todd's bloody face as Michael Burke continues to apply pressure with that Camel Clutch. Tremere grins at Lee's face, then gives him a little slap. Tremere is enjoying this... BUT LEE SPITS AT HIM!

Jim: Ooh, Lee Todd just did a very stupid thing.

Gallivan: Kurt Tremere wipes the spit and blood off his face... and plants his palm on the head of Lee Todd... and pushes!

Jim: Ouch!

Gallivan: He's providing Burke with added leverage, and that's got to hurt Lee an awful lot. In one corner, Dr. Karate is holding Paco down, and now they've got one of those ladders draped across him. Uesugi is climbing up onto the top rope! The Native looks at his turkey leg, which is all but demolished. He takes a bite from what remains, and tosses it to the mat.

Jim: The belt is still lying on the mat, you retard! Pick it up!

Gallivan: Native again walks past the belt, and picks up Edmund Paine. He hammers Paine with a couple of lefts and rights... but Paine hits the Native with a Knee to the midsection... ROYAL OCTOPUS HOLD BY EDMUND PAINE!!!

Jim: Well, he's just got access to all of the Native's fun-bits with that move, doesn't he?

Gallivan: He sure does. Uesugi leaps off the top rope... FROGSPLASH ONTO THAT LADDER!!! He crushed Paco underneath it, but I think he did more damage to himself. He rolls onto his side, clutching at his ribs. On the other side of the ring, Tumbler has climbed up to the top rope... but Gabriel Blade is back to his feet! He stumbles into the ropes, knocking Tumbler to a seated position on the top rope! Gabe climbs up after him, fires a couple punches into the head of Tumbler... AND HURRACANRANAS TUMBLER OFF THE TOP!!!

Jim: What?!!! Does he think he's a Luchadore?

Lockheart: Coming to the ring at this time, from Long Beach, CA by way of Calgary, Alberta, Canada, and weighing in at 245 lbs... "THE THREAT" SHANE BRANDON!!!

[The lights dim for a mere moment, before an explosion of pyro casts the arena in a fiery red glow. "Revolution" by the Neurotic Outsiders blares over the arena loudspeakers, as Shane Brandon, led by a beaming Hoss Titan, steps through the entrance curtain. The crowds reaction does little to faze him as he walks to the ring with an arrogant grin and attitude.]

Gallivan: Here comes Brandon! Gabriel Blade drags himself to his feet, and he's still dazed, but seeing Brandon looks like it's giving him renewed energy. Blade has been waiting patiently for two weeks to get his hands on The Threat, and so have we.

Jim: You want to get your hands on Shane Brandon?

Gallivan: No, I mean that we've also been waiting patiently.

Jim: Well, that wasn't clear in your original statement. You really should think before you speak. The rules of grammar are there for a reason, you know.

[Brandon takes his time walking to the ring. As he reaches the cage door, he looks in at Gabriel Blade, who is now up and waiting for him. Shane takes a step back and looks up at the imposing structure of the cage. Then, without a word, he turns and heads back down the entrance ramp towards the backstage area.]

Jim: Where's he going?

Gallivan: Hoss Titan looks rather flustered as Brandon just walks towards the back! He's arguing with the ring crew to keep the cage door open. I can't believe Shane Brandon just walked away like that. What a coward!

Jim: Coward shmoward... that's just smarts! Something you know nothing about.

Gallivan: How is it smart not to enter the Pyramid? Shane's basically giving up on 10 points just like he did in the first round.

Jim: Ok, I admit at first glance it doesn't look all that smart. But I'm sure Brandon has something cooking.

Lockheart: Making his way to the ring, standing at 6 feet tall and weighing in at 235 lbs, from Hollywood, California, he is the ultimate model of perfection in a mortal man, he is... BRIAN THORN!!!

[In Thorn's voice we hear the word "Ultimate" over the sound system as a spotlight shines down on the entrance ramp to a waiting Thorn. "Model" is spoken the same way as another spotlight hits him from a different angle, and Thorn raises his arms in acceptance of the appreciation the fans must have for him. "Of" is heard as a third spotlight shines down on the man with the million-dollar smile. "Perfection" sounds in Thorn's voice as a fourth and final spotlight engulfs Thorn. Suddenly "Tear Away" by Drowning Pool plays over the sound system and all four spotlights follow Thorn down the entrance ramp. On the Syni-tron we see images of Thorn in his glory, hitting the Double Take, flashing his "million dollar" smile, women hanging off of both arms, and then a closeup of the arrogant face. Thorn takes his time walking down the entrance ramp, letting his music play through. Once at the ring he flashes his "million dollar" smile once again, the music fades, and the lights come back on.]

Gallivan: Thorn is in the ring, and Hoss is still protesting, but they are going to lock the cage door anyway! It looks like Shane Brandon is going to eliminate himself from a repeat of the title of Iron Man.

Jim: Never say never. There's still 3 events to go after this one.

Gallivan: There goes the bell, and this match is officially started! The ring attendants, guarded by Mr. Toasty Bacon, are locking the cage door. The clock has started and we've got 10 minutes before those 4 trapdoors are opened. As there are no managers allowed at ringside, Hoss Titan is being sent backstage. Hoss looks more stressed than normal, which is saying a lot.

Jim: The match is just starting? We've already seen plenty of mayhem.

Gallivan: Gabe heads for Brian Thorn... but Tumbler grabs him by the foot from the canvas! Gabe turns around and hammers Tumbler with a right hand... BUT THORN HITS GABE FROM BEHIND WITH A SPINNING HEEL KICK THAT SENDS HIM TO THE MAT! Instead of following up, Thorn heads over to the corner where Stu Price has retrieved the Hardcore Title! Thorn runs in... hitting Stu with a Running Knee to the chest! He grabs Stu by the arm... Ipponzei by Brian Thorn! Thorn picks up the Hardcore title!

Jim: Yet another champ.

Gallivan: Dr. Karate runs across the ring to Thorn... BUT THORN BRAINS HIM WITH THE BELT!

Jim: He's on fire!

Gallivan: Now, Stu is back up, and he grabs the end of the Hardcore Title! Thorn refuses to let go, and both men are pulling at it. Hold on! Thorn lets go! Stu falls back, the Hardcore Title in his hands... ENZUIGIRI KICK BY BRIAN THORN!!!

Jim: Pow! He hit Stu with that kick to the back of the head, and Stu-E is out! He may have the belt, but he is O... U... T... out!

[Suddenly, the trapdoor nearest Brian Thorn's head slides open. Thorn see it and immediately heads for a ladder which is against the nearby cage wall.]

Gallivan: What the hell is going on?

Jim: Looks like a technical glitch on the part of our normally proficient ring crew, wouldn't you say so, Johnny?

Gallivan: No I would not. Brian Thorn has that ladder setup, and he quickly climbs up it, and through the trapdoor! I'd say that Brian Thorn has bribed one or more of the ring attendants, and now he's advanced to the second tier not only early... but he's got no competition up there! They've shut the trapdoor behind him!

Jim: Well, they can't leave it open. It'd be chaos.

[Brian Thorn takes a few steps around the sheet metal floor of the second tier cage, then leans against the wall and takes a breather.]

Gallivan: Thorn was the last man announced, and now a few minutes later, he's on his own in the second tier! That reeks of subtrefuge to me. Dake Ken is finally getting back to his feet in there. He teams up with Tumbler, who is stomping on a downed Gabriel Blade. Michael Burke finally releases the Camel Clutch on Lee Todd... AND POPS KURT TREMERE IN THE HEAD! Tremere hits him back, and now both men are trading punches in the middle of the ring. Dr. Karate and Uesugi are still pounding on Paco, but the big man isn't fighting back anymore. Dr. Karate is keeping an eye on the rest of the competition. Edmund Paine releases the Native from that Octopus hold, and now he's doing a bit of a dance over him! Lee Todd has rolled underneath the ropes and he's taking a breather against the cage wall.

Jim: Poor baby. He's had a rough night.

Gallivan: Tumbler and Dake Ken are still stomping on Gabriel Blade. Dake Ken grabs him by the legs, and now Tumbler is climbing up to the top rope! Gabe is in real trouble here. Hang on! Michael Burke just rocked Kurt Tremere with a huge right hand. He grabs Tremere... and Irish Whips him hard into the turnbuckle! Now, he charges across the ring... LARIATING DAKE KEN IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD! Ken staggers forward, but Tumbler still leaps off the top rope... 450 SPLASH BY TUMBLER ON GABRIEL BLADE!!! Michael Burke immediately steps forward... AND HITS TUMBLER WITH A LEGDROP ACROSS THE BACK OF THE HEAD!

Jim: He tried to bail out his partner, but was a second too late. Waitaminute! It's The Shinobis!

Gallivan: What?

[The theme for Ninja Gaiden briefly plays as two men in black ninja outfits with the roman numerals "I" and "II" on their chests charge through the entrance curtain, and towards the ring.]

Gallivan: Shinobi II has a bamboo cane, and Shinobi I is carrying a steel chair!

Jim: Cool!

Gallivan: No, it's not cool! The Shinobis are not part of this event! And now they are charging the ring with weapons in hand!

Jim: It's not a party without the Shinobis.

Gallivan: Dr. Karate has moved over to the cage door, and he's shouting at the Shinobis to hurry up. Shinobi I comes around the side of the cage... AND SMASHES THE CHAIR ACROSS THE HEAD OF MR. TOASTY BACON!!!

Jim: He crumpled his cool little Mr. Fuji hat!

Gallivan: I'm afraid he's done worse than that. While Shinobi I threatens to decapitate the rest of ringside security, Shinobi II is unlocking the cage door!

Jim: Where did he get a key?

Gallivan: The Shinobis have proven to be rather resourceful in the past. In the ring, Dr. Karate is laughing like a madman! During the first Iron Man, Dr. Karate had the Shinobis help him throughout the event. I guess this was his secret weapon. The Shinobis climb into the ring and attack! Shinobi II smashes that bamboo cane across the back of Edmund Paine's head, dropping him to the mat! Shinobi I runs over to the native... AND HITS HIM WITH AN ARABIAN FACEBUSTER WITH THAT CHAIR! Dr. Karate and Shinobi II are now stomping the hell out of the Unified Champion, Kurt Tremere! Uesugi comes over, and now all three of them are stomping him! Shinbi I comes over... and now he joins in!

Jim: Don't hurt Tremere! He's my favorite!

Gallivan: Tremere is being bum-rushed by four men! The Shinobis take a step back, leaving Karate and Uesugi doing the damage. Waitaminute! Shinobi I grabs Dr. Karate by the shoulder, and spins him around. Shinobi I boots Dr. Karate in the midsection, and cinches him up... JUMPING PILEDRIVER BY SHINOBI I!!!

Jim: It's chaos, I tells ya! There's no friends inside that cage!

Gallivan: Hold on! Shinobi II looks as shocked as we are! Shinobi I gets back to his feet, and Shinobi II shoves him! Shinobi I shoves him back!

Jim: Oh no! Are the Shinobis breaking up?

Gallivan: Shinobi II rams the end of that bamboo cane into the ribs of Shinobi I! Shinobi I takes a swing at his partner, but he ducks! Shinobi II grabs Shinobi I by the arms from behind!

Jim: Rogue Shinobi! Rogue Shinobi! Man down! Film at eleven!

Gallivan: Shinobi II is holding Shinobi I's arms behind his back. Uesugi comes over... and he starts hammering punches into the stomach of Shinobi I. Now he reaches up at his head... and he's ripping Shinobi I's mask off! MY GOD! IT'S SHANE BRANDON!

Jim: Ha! What did I tell you, Gallivan? I knew Brandon would have a plan all along.

Gallivan: Shinobi II releases the ninja-suited Brandon for a second, but then grabs him from one side. Uesugi hits him with a Forearm shot to the head, then moves over to the other side... DOUBLE SIDE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP ON SHANE BRANDON! Shinobi II is up now, and he's got that bamboo cane... AND HE'S BEATING SHANE BRANDON WITH IT!

Jim: And look at Brian Thorn! He's lying on his back and taking a nap on the second tier!

Gallivan: Because of the metal floor of the cage, Thorn can't see what's going on in the cage below, so he's just got to wait. Across the ring, Michael Burke has Tumbler pushed back into a corner, and he's hammering him with Shoulderblocks in the midsection. Gabriel Blade and Dake Ken are both still down. Lee Todd is still resting against the wall. Stu Price is out, Sin is out, Paco is out! The Native is out! Waitaminute! Edmund Paine crawls over to the corner... and he's retrieved that Hardcore Title!

Jim: I've already lost count. Our statistician will have to find out how many times that belt has traded hands tonight.

Gallivan: Michael Burke tries to hoist Tumbler up onto the top rope, but he won't have it. Tumbler snaps off a Jab to the throat of Burke. Tumbler lifts Burke up by the waist... HOTSHOT BY TUMBLER!

Jim: Check out Shinobi II!

Gallivan: He's smashing the hell out of Shane Brandon with that cane! He smacks Shane across the head, over and over! The cane is splitting and coming apart with every shot! What the hell has got into him?

Jim: Shinobi II must really be pissed that his tag partner got waylaid before the match. He's probably thinking about poor old Shinobi I, hogtied and hurt in some dark closet somewhere in this dismal arena.

Gallivan: Shinobi II pauses to catch his breath. He drops what's left of the cane, which isn't much, and Uesugi starts stomping on the downed Brandon. Hold on! Shinobi II reaches into his tights... and pulls out a chain!

Jim: They came prepared tonight.

Gallivan: He wraps it around his hand, grabs Brandon by the hair with his free hand... AND STARTS POUNDING ON BRANDON'S HEAD!!! Shane has already been busted open, and Shinobi II is just tearing him up even more!

[Shinobi II takes a step back, and rips off his own mask.]

Gallivan: IT'S CRAIG LASSITER!!!

Jim: What!?!

Gallivan: Craig Lassiter is dressed as Shinobi II! They had the same idea! Lassiter and Brandon were both disguised as Shinobis and they had no idea the other one was doing the same thing!

Jim: I thought he was retired! What the hell is he doing in there?

Gallivan: That explains his attack on Shane Brandon. Brandon's lawsuit was the final straw that got Lassiter fired. Uesugi looks completely shocked. He leaps at Lassiter... AND HURRACANRANAS HIM TO THE MAT! Fans, I'm being told that Craig Lassiter is the mystery man! He's officially in this match... and he's officially part of the Iron Man tournament!

Jim: That's not right! He stole Shane Brandon's brilliant idea, and now he's inserting himself into the event?

Gallivan: No. Lassiter is filling Eric Manson's spot, and although he's missed one event, the relatively low scoring of the Quick Snap means that everyone is still in this one. And, it's also official that Shane Brandon is in this match as well.

Jim: Well, at least we know now where he got a key to the cage door. Lassiter probably got it from one of his good friends in the ring crew.

Gallivan: Fans, we are getting closer to that 10 minute mark when the doors will officially open. I can only assume that the powers that be will only allow 7 wrestlers to advance, because Brian Thorn is already relaxing inside the 2nd tier cage. Edmund Paine charges across... AND LAYS OUT UESUGI WITH THAT HARDCORE TITLE! Hang on! Paine has strapped on the Hardcore Title, and he's setting up one of those ladders.

Jim: Paine may not look it, but he's smart. He knows those doors are gonna open any minute now, so he's getting ready ahead of time.

Gallivan: Paine is climbing up that ladder, and just about everyone else is down!

Jim: Not Tumbler!

Gallivan: As Paine gets three quarters of the way up the ladder, Tumbler charges across... AND KNOCKS IT OVER!

Jim: OOOOOH!

Gallivan: Paine got crotched on that top rope! Now Tumbler grabs his bag of groceries, swings it over his head... AND SLAMS IT INTO EDMUND PAINE!! Paine's head just bounced off the side of the cage.

Jim: There's the bell! The doors are open!

Gallivan: Paine has fallen off the top rope, slumping against the side of the cage. Tumbler sees the open trapdoors, and sets the ladder back up! Hold on! Gabriel Blade is back up, and he's heading for Tumbler!

Jim: Tumbler's carrying that bag with him! He must want a snack for later.

Gallivan: Gabe charges across... and Shoulderblocks the ladder! NO! Tumbler is hanging from that trapdoor by one hand!! He tosses his bag up to the second tier... AND CLIMBS UP AFTER IT! Tumbler has advanced, thanks to his incredible quickness and agility.

Jim: Yeah, and he's got maximum charisma, too.

Gallivan: Below, Gabriel Blade has picked up the ladder. He sets it up, but Lee Todd is making his move!

Jim: Lee was playing possum until those doors open. That's the mark of a veteran of this game.

Gallivan: Gabe starts climbing up one side of the cage as Lee heads over and starts climbing up the other! Hold on! Michael Burke has grabbed one of the other ladders, and he's setting it up underneath another trapdoor. Craig Lassiter heads over... and he's offering to hold the ladder for Burke!

Jim: That reeks of a setup.

Gallivan: Burke hesitates, but heads up the ladder anyway! In the second tier, Brian Thorn hasn't made a move! He's leaning against the wall of the cage watching Tumbler reach into that grocery bag... AND HE'S GOT MELONS! On the first ladder, Gabe and Lee have reached the top... AND THEY'RE TRADING PUNCHES ON TOP OF THE LADDER! Michael Burke reaches the top of the ladder... BUT TUMBLER HURLS A MELON DOWN THROUGH THE TRAPDOOR ONTO HIS HEAD!!! The melon explodes, and Burke falls off the ladder to the canvas!

Jim: Those melons can be dangerous.

Gallivan: Especially in the hands of a Todd.

Jim: You're a Todd.

Gallivan: You're a Todd.

Jim: Well then, you're a Price.

Gallivan: Ouch, low blow. Lee Todd and Gabriel Blade are just smacking each other senseless on top of that ladder. Lee grabs Gabe by the ear... and bounces his head off the top of that ladder! On the other ladder, Craig Lassiter is now taking his chances climbing up it. Hang on! The bloody Shane Brandon is up! He climbs onto the ladder behind Gabriel Blade, cinching a waistlock... GERMAN SUPLEX OFF THE LADDER BY SHANE BRANDON!!!

Jim: Holy crap!

Gallivan: There was no way Gabe could protect himself from that blindside attack. Waitaminute! Lee Todd grabs the trapdoor... BUT GETS A MELON SMASHED AGAINST HIS HEAD!!! Todd drops like a brick, hitting the canvas underneath him!

[On the second tier, Tumbler looks down and see what he's done. He holds up his hands in a plea of innocence down towards his unconscious brother.]

Jim: Yeah, he looks innocent alright.

Gallivan: Hold on! Craig Lassiter is at the top of that ladder... AND HE'S THROUGH THE TRAPDOOR TO THE SECOND TIER!

Jim: Now Thorn makes his move!

Gallivan: Thorn steps away from the side of the cage... AND SUPERKICKS TUMBLER IN THE FACE! Tumber was still looking down at Lee Todd, and didn't see it coming! Craig Lassiter charges at Thorn... CLOTHESLINING HIM INTO THE SIDE OF THE CAGE!

Jim: There's no ropes on that second tier, and that cage was bulging pretty badly. It wouldn't take a hell of a lot of force to bust the side out of that thing.

Gallivan: Brian Thorn comes back, hitting Lassiter with a European Uppercut! And another! Craig Lassiter nearly falls through one of those trapdoors! Thorn leaps up for a Hurracanrana... BUT LASSITER POWERBOMBS HIM ONTO THAT SHEET METAL FLOOR! Lassiter rolls onto Thorn, gasping for breath... and he's trying to shove Thorn out that trapdoor! In the first tier, Shane Brandon is stomping on Gabriel Blade. Kurt Tremere is up... and hits Brandon with a Lariat from behind! He hooks up the Threat from behind... HIGH ANGLE BACK SUPLEX BY TREMERE! Edmund Paine is slowly crawling back into the ring!

Jim: Stu Price is moving again, too.

Gallivan: Price has been out for ages after the enzuigiri from Thorn, but he's slowly moving again. Tremere starts beating on Shane Brandon and Edmund Paine starts climbing up a ladder! Paine still has the Hardcore Title, and he's persistant, if nothing else. Stu Price sees him, and charges! He bowls the ladder over... BUT PAINE IS HOLDING ONTO THE TRAPDOOR! He's hanging off it, trying to pull himself up... BUT STU GRABS ONTO HIS FEET! Stu is clawing at Paine, trying to pull him back down. Hang on! The Native is back up! The Native springs onto Stu's shoulders like a monkey! Now, he's climbing Edmund Paine, using him like a ladder! The Native climbs through the trapdoor... AND HE'S ADVANCED! Edmund Paine is still hanging there, with Stu trying to pull him down!

Jim: That's twisted.

Gallivan: In the second tier, Thorn and Lassiter are still grounded, punching and kicking at each other. Thorn isn't a grappler, but he's holding his own in this impromtpu schoolyard scrap. The Native hits Tumbler just as he gets back to his feet... Clotheslining him to the steel floor! Native drops onto Tumbler, and starts ramming his head into the metal floor! Below, Stu reaches up... AND PULLS THE HARDCORE TITLE OFF EDMUND PAINE'S WAIST! He falls to the floor in the process, leaving Paine free. Waitaminute! THEY'RE CLOSING THE TRAPDOOR!

Jim: Two people have gone through. That's it for that door!

Gallivan: The door slides shut on Paine's fingers... and he drops to the canvas! Stu is holding that Hardcore Title close as he sets up another ladder underneath one of the other trapdoors. Somehow, Gabriel Blade is getting back to his feet! He boots Tremere in the head, knocking him off Shane Brandon... AND GABE APPLIES THE GATEWAY TO ETERNITY ON BRANDON!!!

Jim: It's taken him long enough, but he's finally got his hands on Shane Brandon!

Gallivan: Gabe is barely mobile, but he's got enough energy to try and choke the life out of The Threat. We've still got three trapdoors open, and four wrestlers have advanced so far. Waitaminute! Kurt Tremere just grabbed that steel chair that Brandon brought in... AND HE SLAMS IT ACROSS THE SENTINEL'S BACK! Stu-E Price climbs up the ladder he's setup... AND HE CLIMBS INTO THE SECOND CAGE! The Native sees him... AND HITS PRICE WITH A FLYING SHOULDERBLOCK THAT SENDS HIM INTO THE SIDE OF THE CAGE! Stu drops the belt.

Jim: Pick it up, you skinny freak!

Gallivan: The crowd is cheering him on, and the Native bends down and picks up the Hardcore Title!

Jim: They've closed that trapdoor that Stu came through, so there's only 2 open now!

Gallivan: In the first tier, Kurt Tremere has placed that steel chair down on the canvas, and he's cinching up Gabriel Blade. Kurt sets him up to Piledrive him on that chair... but Gabe lifts Tremere off the mat! He takes a step forward... BACKDROP DRIVER ONTO THE CHAIR BY GABRIEL BLADE!!!

Jim: Kurt Tremere has been busted wide open!

Gallivan: Gabe is crawling across the canvas... AND HE APPLIES THE GATEWAY TO ETERNITY ON BRANDON AGAIN!!! Uesugi checks on Dr. Karate, who is still out of it. He heads over and sets up a ladder under one of the remaining trapdoors. Edmund Paine trundles over, and he's following Uesugi up the ladder on the same side! Fans, the first tier is a mess of bodies, blood, and melon pieces. Gabriel Blade is still torturing Shane Brandon with that mandible claw. On the second tier, Thorn has gotten the upper hand on Craig Lassiter, despite taking a few shots to the head with that chain-loaded fist of Lassiters. Thorn is up, and hits the kneeling Craig with a Snap Kick to the side of the head! He spins around, firing off a Back Kick to the chest that knocks Lassiter back to the floor of the cage. Fans, as you can see, the ceilings and floors of the second through fourth tiers of that cage are sheet aluminum, so there is little or no chance of anyone breaking through them or them collapsing. But, they definitely aren't very forgiving on the competitors who get slammed onto them.

Jim: You got that right.

Gallivan: On the first tier, Paine is on top of Uesugi from behind, and he starts hammering the Torpedo with closed fists to the head! Uesugi fires off a Back Elbow that catches Paine in the side of the head! Another Elbow comes back, right across the bridge of Paine's nose... AND IT KNOCKS HIM OFF THE LADDER! Uesugi climbs up the last few rungs... AND HEADS THROUGH THE TRAPDOOR INTO THE SECOND CAGE!

Jim: That door closes behind him, and there's just one left open!

Gallivan: Two slots left in the second cage. We've got Edmund Paine, Sin, Paco, Dr. Karate, Gabriel Blade, Shane Brandon, Kurt Tremere, Lee Todd, Dake Ken, and Michael Burke left in the first tier. Gabriel Blade sees the trapdoor shut, and he releases Shane Brandon.

Jim: He's choked Brandon out! You call that heroic?

Gallivan: Shane Brandon probably got off lucky. Gabe realizes that he's going to have to forego further torture of Brandon, because his chances of advancing are getting lower every second. Waitaminute! A bloody and melon-covered Lee Todd is dragging himself back to his feet. He picks up one of the ladders... AND RAMS THE END OF IT INTO THE RIBS OF GABRIEL BLADE! Lee brings the end of the ladder up... INTO THE FACE OF THE SENTINEL!

Jim: Youch!

Gallivan: Gabe's got a nasty cut on his chin from that smack of the ladder, and now Lee is setting it up above the only remaining open trapdoor. The Native, who still has that Hardcore Title, just hit Uesugi with a Dropkick!

Jim: That's about as technical as The Native gets.

Gallivan: Waitaminute! He's climbing down through the trapdoor! He hits the ladder just as Lee sets it up!

Jim: What the hell is he doing? You're supposed to go up, not down!

Gallivan: The Native drops to the canvas... AND RUNS OUT OF THE CAGE!

Jim: Brandon and Lassiter left that door unlocked after their Shinobi routine, and the Native is officially an idiot!

Gallivan: The Native is getting a round of applause from the fans as he runs away from the cage, waving the Hardcore Title like a nut! Fans, I'm being told that the Native is still technically in the second tier, so that last trapdoor will still only let two competitors through before it closes. On the second tier, Stu is helping Tumbler to his feet. They both charge across... DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE ON BRIAN THORN! Without the Hardcore Title to squabble over, it looks like the Brits are back on the same page. The two of them start pounding on Thorn. Craig Lassiter is up, and boots Uesugi in the stomach. He cinches him up for what looks like a Piledriver... but he underhooks both of Uesugi's legs... TOAD DRIVER BY CRAIG LASSITER!!!

Jim: That's the move they wouldn't let him do in FHW!

Gallivan: Uesugi just got smashed into that sheet floor, and he's out! Lee Todd has made it to the top of that ladder... AND HE CLIMBS THROUGH INTO THE SECOND TIER!

Jim: There's just one slot left.

Gallivan: Todd backs against the side of the second cage, and gets a high-five from Craig Lassiter! Todd and Lassiter are taking a breather here while Tumbler and Stu Price continue to beat on Brian Thorn.

Jim: They're actually having a chat in the middle of this cage match! Thorn's making up for his early advance now. He's got 4 men in that cage who are looking to beat his ass.

Gallivan: Being the tool of the owner will do that.

Jim: You're a tool.

Gallivan: Below, Gabriel Blade heads over to the ladder, and it looks like he's going for the last spot. Hold on! In the second tier, Lee Todd drops down to his knees, hangs out of the trapdoor... and shoves the ladder over! Craig Lassiter heads over to where Tumbler and Stu are holding Brian Thorn by the arms. Craig grabs him by the hair... AND STARTS HAMMERING HIM WITH THAT CHAIN-LOADED FIST! Thorn's head drops, and Lassiter hits him with an ax-handle smash across the back of the head! Now Craig, who is still wearing that Shinobi outfit, is giving directions to Stu and Tumbler. Lassiter pulls Thorn's head down, cinching him up for a Piledriver! He's cinching up Thorn for that devastating Toad-Driver... BUT TUMBLER HITS LASSIER WITH A SPINNING HEEL KICK TO THE FACE!!! On the other side of the cage. Gabriel Blade has setup the ladder again, and climbed up to the top. Lee leans down, and now he's trading punches with Gabriel Blade trying to keep him out! Todd backs off for a second, and now he's kicking Gabe in the face trying to stop him from getting through the trapdoor! Waitaminute! The beaten and bloody Shane Brandon is up, and he's got that chair! Brandon is shuffling towards the ladder like a zombie, but this means trouble. Hang on! Edmund Paine hits Brandon with a Drop Toehold, and now he's locked an Anklelock on Brandon! Gabriel Blade grabs Lee's foot with both hands... AND SLAMS HIS LEG AGAINST THE SIDE OF THE TRAPDOOR! Lee quickly withdraws in pain... AND GABE CLIMBS INTO THE SECOND TIER!

Jim: That's it!

Gallivan: The bell rings, and the last of the trapdoors has closed. After all this madness, we have finally arrived at Round 2! Our entire ring crew is funneling into the first tier and they're trying to get all the competitors out of there. Many of them have to be carried out.

Jim: Hey, nobody said becoming Iron Man was gonna be easy.

Gallivan: Upstairs, Stu Price and Tumbler have picked up Craig Lassiter... DOUBLE POWERBOMB ON LASSITER! Jester's Pyramid rings every time someone hits that unforgiving metal floor. Gabriel Blade advances on Lee Todd as he gets into the cage, and grabs him by the throat! Hold on! Gabe turns as Tumbler charges across the cage at top speed... HITTING HIM WITH A CROSS BODYBLOCK! BUT GABE CAUGHT HIM!

Jim: Man, that cage buckled with their weight!

Gallivan: Gabe walks forward, holding Tumbler... FALLAWAY SLAM INTO THE SIDE OF THE CAGE!!!

Jim: Did you see that? He tossed Tumbler like he was a sack of potatoes!

Gallivan: Gabe heads across the ring now and Stu charges at him... BUT GABE CATCHES HIM FOR A URINAGE ON THE METAL FLOOR!!! The fans, who have been absolutely amazing, are cheering as loudly as when this match started. Brian Thorn is down, so Gabe turns back to Lee Todd. Lee's face is covered in blood now, and he looks absolutely exhausted. Gabe runs in at him... HITTING HIM WITH A MAFIA KICK!!!

Jim: Damn! That kick nearly sent Lee through the side of the cage!

Gallivan: Brian Thorn is slowly getting back to his feet. Gabe glances over and picks Lee up off the floor. He Irish Whips him across the cage... AND THORN LEAPS UP, CATCHING HIM FOR A HURRACANRANA TO THE FLOOR!!! Thorn stays on Lee's chest, and starts hammering him in the head! Gabe heads over and pulls Tumbler off the floor. He hits Tumbler with a Forearm shot to the chest, but Tumbler fires back a Left Jab to the face of Gabe! Tumbler hits him with a Knife-edge Chop! And another!

Jim: Wheeeee!

Gallivan: He fires off a Headbutt at Gabe that knocks him back a few steps. Tumbler leaps up, grabbing onto the roof of the cage... AND RAMS BOTH FEET INTO THE FACE OF THE SENTINEL! Gabe hit the floor with that move, and now Tumbler is advancing on him. In the first tier cage, all of the competitors have been cleared out, with the exception of Shane Brandon. Brandon, still covered in blood, has backed into a corner with that steel chair, and refuses to budge. Brian Thorn, normally a technical wrestler in all respects, is just hammering away at Lee Todd! He's opening up those cuts even more, and Lee is starting to look like the Blue Light special in a Butcher's shop.

Jim: Hey, I used to be a butcher, you know that?

Gallivan: Jim, I hope this isn't a setup for some stupid joke.

Jim: Of course not. I had a life outside wrestling you know, and for a few years I was a butcher.

Gallivan: Ok, I'm sorry.

Jim: In fact, one time I had to fire my assistant because he kept putting his dick in the bacon slicer.

Gallivan: What? That's horrible. What you do with the bacon slicer?

Jim: I fired her too.

[There is silence from the announcers as the wrestlers continue to battle away inside the cage.]

Gallivan: I walked right into that, didn't I?

Jim: You sure did.

Gallivan: Tumbler lines up Gabriel Blade in the second tier cage... STANDING SOMERSAULT LEGDROP!!!

Jim: Wow!

Gallivan: Incredible move from Tumbler there. Across the cage, Stu Price is back up... AND HE'S LOCKED A FIGURE-FOUR ONTO CRAIG LASSITER!

Jim: Wheeee!

Gallivan: Tumbler grabs Gabe by the legs, and he's trying for a Figure-four as well... but Gabe boots him off, sending him facefirst into the side of the cage! Gabe drags himself back to his feet using the cage fencing. Tumbler turns back, and charges at him... BUT GABE LIFTS HIM UP FOR A GORILLA PRESS! I don't know where he's getting the energy, but Gabe is just holding Tumbler in that press! Waitaminute! GABE STARTS TO PRESS TUMBLER, SLAMMING HIM INTO THE ROOF OF THE CAGE, OVER AND OVER AGAIN! He lowers him a bit... AND FIRES HIM HEADFIRST INTO THE SIDE OF THE CAGE!!!

Jim: Gabe isn't just hungry for this match, he's bloodthirsty too!

Gallivan: Across the ring, Brian Thorn picks up Lee Todd, and shoves him into the side of the cage. Lee instinctively reaches back, grabbing onto the cage to hold himself up. Thorn steps in... SCISSOR KICK TO THE CHEST BY THORN! He spins around, slamming a Heel Kick into Lee Todd's throat!

Jim: There's the bell, and the doors are open!

Gallivan: Thorn leaps up, grabbing one of the trapdoors, and chins himself up, sliding himself, legs first, into the third tier! Thorn has advanced! There's just two trapdoors in this tier, and only room for four competitors in the third tier. Craig Lassiter is sitting up, and Price still has him in that figure-four. Lassiter unravels the chain around his wrist, holding onto one end... AND STARTS WHIPPING STU PRICE ACROSS THE HEAD AND FACE WITH IT!!!

Jim: That's hardcore!

Gallivan: Stu is trying to cover up, but after a few shots hit home, he breaks the figure-four! Across the cage, it looks like Tumbler's been busted open after the Sentinel used him like a dart. Gabe reaches up and grabs onto an open trapdoor! He's heading up to the next tier!

Jim: Not if Lee Todd's got anything to say about it.

Gallivan: Lee looks like hell as he fumbles around the floor of the cage. He finds Tumbler's bag of groceries and pulls out something... it's a Pineapple! Lee hoists it, football style, and throws it... DEAD ON HIT INTO THE GROIN OF GABRIEL BLADE!!!

Jim: I didn't know you could get a spiral out of a pineapple. Who says you have to be close to stop someone dead in a cage match?

Gallivan: Gabe dropped back to the floor after that move. Waitaminute! In the third tier, Brian Thorn has picked up a small black bag that seems to have been left in one of the corners. He unwraps it... IT'S A SET OF BOLTCUTTERS! Thorn is taking them to the wall of the third tier cage!

Jim: Looks like he's making himself a shortcut to the top of the Pyramid!

Gallivan: Fans, I have no idea if this will be legal if Thorn climbs to the top of the cage without going through the fourth tier.

Jim: Hey, they just have to make it to the top... and that's it!

Gallivan: In the second tier, movement is at a minimum. Craig Lassiter is up, but he looks in rough shape. He grabs Stu Price by the feet... AND DROPS A KNEE INTO HIS GROIN! Now, Lassiter wraps that chain around his wrist again. He heads over to Tumbler, and starts hammering him in the head with that loaded fist, bloodying him up even more! Lee Todd pulls himself to his feet, and he's going for the trapdoor! Lee slowly pulls himself up, and there's nobody to stop him! You can tell that Todd is barely able to lift his own body weight at this point, but he somehow manages to climb into the third tier!

Jim: That wasn't very attractive to watch, but it got the job done. That's one man through each trapdoor, so they both stay open.

Gallivan: Brian Thorn has chopped a number of sections out of one wall of the cage, but Lee charges at him... HITTING THORN WITH A RUNNING KNEE TO THE BACK! Thorn's head bounced off the side of the cage, and he drops to the floor! Now, Lee picks up those boltcutters!

Jim: Oh dear. What's he going to do?

Gallivan: My God! Lee opens up those boltcutters, and sticks the sharp end into the crotch of Brian Thorn!

Jim: He gonna turn Thorn into the Perfect Eunuch! One snip, and it's all over!

Gallivan: The fans are roaring, but Lee hesitates.

[In the cage, Lee stop, then pulls the boltcutters away from Thorn's delicate area. He looks down at the crowd through the wall of the cage, and points to his bloody "I'm a Face Now" T-shirt. The crowd starts to boo, but Lee closes up the boltcutters, and belts Thorn across the side of the head with them.]

Jim: Blammo!

Gallivan: That got the fans back on his side. Hang on! Lee is feeding those boltcutters through a section of the cage that Thorn had cut open.

Jim: I guess he figures Thorn wouldn't be so forgiving if he got the chance to use them on Lee.

Gallivan: Lee releases them, and the boltcutters fall onto a section of the second tier roof. He grabs Thorn by the feet... AND NOW WE'VE GOT A FIGURE-FOUR FROM LEE TODD!

Jim: Wheeeee!

Gallivan: Meanwhile, on the second tier, Tumbler boots Craig Lassiter square in the nuts, stopping that flurry of punches from Lassiter! Tumbler takes a second to wipe the blood out of his eyes, and now he's going for his grocery bag! Hang on! Gabriel Blade is getting back up! He staggers over to where Stu Price is trying to stand. Gabe hits Stu with an overhand right! He grabs Price by the throat and lifts him up... CHOKEBOMB BY THE SENTINEL!!!

Jim: You say that floor is strong, but it certainly buckled under that weight.

Gallivan: Tumbler pulls that homemade kendo stick out of his bag! He advances on Gabe... AND BLASTS HIM ACROSS THE HEAD WITH IT! Gabe takes a step back, but he was more shocked than hurt by it. He walks back in... AND TUMBLER BLASTS HIM AGAIN! Tumbler takes a step away from the Sentinel, then spins around... AND SMASHES IT ACROSS HIS HEAD AGAIN!!! This time, rubber bands and wood go flying! That stick didn't have much weight to it, but it did open up several small cuts across Gabe's head.

Jim: That's like getting whipped with a rosebush.

Gallivan: Gabe reaches out and grabs Tumbler by the throat! He lifts him up, but Tumbler reaches up, grabbing one of the open trapdoors with his hands! He uses the purchase to start flailing wildly at Gabe with his feet! Tumbler is kicking with all his force, and he one shot hits him right in Gabe's throat! Gabe staggers back for a second... AND TUMBLER PULLS HIMSELF THROUGH THE TRAPDOOR!

Jim: That door closes shut behind him!

Gallivan: Just one slot left. Gabe turns around, and sees Craig Lassiter getting back to his feet! Lassiter stares at Gabe and gives him a grin. Gabe grins back. Craig unwraps the chain around his fist... and charges at Gabe!

Jim: One slot left, and two wrestlers standing. You do the math.

Gallivan: Lassiter is holding that chain in both hands, and now he rams it into the throat of Gabe, and uses it to push him back against the side of the cage! Upstairs, Tumbler wanders across to where Lee has Thorn in the figure-four... AND TUMBLER STARTS RAMMING THE BACK OF THORN'S HEAD INTO THE METAL CAGE FLOOR! In the second tier, Lassiter is choking Gabe with that chain... but Gabe hits Lassiter with a Knee to the midsection! And another! He gets one hand up underneath the chain, giving himself some room to breathe. Gabe pulls back his free hand... and belts Craig Lassiter in the head!

Jim: What's a scrap amongst friends, huh?

Gallivan: Craig drops the chain, and hits Gabe with a Knife-edge Chop!

Jim: Wheeeee!

Gallivan: God, I wish you'd stop that. Gabe fires back a Chop of his own! And Lassiter fires back another one! Gabe steps forward, blasting Craig with a Forearm shot to the head that sent him reeling! Gabe steps in, and scoops up Lassiter... but he drops back behind Gabe! Lassiter hooks him for a Side Russian Legsweep... but Gabe breaks it with a vicious Back Elbow to the head! He turns around and boots Lassiter in the guts... DDT ON THE METAL FLOOR BY GABRIEL BLADE!!!

Jim: That's it for Lassiter!

Gallivan: Gabriel Blade is moving dead slow, but he's still moving. He stumbles over to the trapdoor, and starts pulling himself up! Lassiter's down, Stu Price is down, Uesugi's down... there's nobody to stop him! Gabe pulls himself up, and he's through to the third tier!

Jim: Weyhay! Fourteen hours of wrestling, and we're halfway through!

Gallivan: Gabe crawls into the third tier and the trapdoor closes behind him. He rolls over, trying to catch his breath.

Gallivan: Lee Todd releases Thorn, but the back of his head is matted with blood from Tumbler's attack. He drops a rather sloppy Elbow onto the back of Thorn's neck!

Jim: It was more like Lee just fell on him. Everybody in that cage is struggling to do anything in there.

Gallivan: Tumbler heads over to Gabe, who is pulling himself back up. Tumbler boots him in the stomach, and cinches him up... Suplex by Tumbler!

Jim: That third tier is a lot smaller than the last one. There's nowhere to hide.

Gallivan: Tumbler gets back up, and stomps Gabe in the head. All four men are bloody and battered. Down on the first tier, Shane Brandon has finally left the cage. The ring crew funnel back into the cage as the first set of trapdoors open and they start helping Lassiter, Uesugi, and Stu out of the second tier. Shane Brandon is looking physically and mentally demolished as he wanders around the base of the Pyramid, staring up at the action above. Tumbler jumps up and grabs onto the roof of the cage, hoists himself up... AND DROPS A SENTON BOMB ONTO GABRIEL BLADE! The roofs of the cage tiers have a layer of fencing underneath the sheet metal, which gives the wrestlers something to grab onto. Tumbler is just lying on Gabe now, lacking the energy to get up. Lee Todd is up and he drags Thorn to his feet. Lee Irish Whips Thorn towards the side of the cage... but Thorn reversed it! Todd hits the side of the cage, and bounces back... AND THORN BACKDROPS LEE! Ouch! Thorn hoisted Lee up, slamming him into the roof of the cage, and Lee then fell headfirst onto the floor.

Jim: That was pretty awkward. He might have sustained a neck injury there.

Gallivan: Thorn leans against the wall of the cage and wipes the hair out of his face. He glances up, but that trapdoor is still closed. Thorn heads over and pulls Tumbler to his feet. Tumbler fires off an Elbow into the ribs of Thorn, but he pops Tumbler with a Palm Thrust to the side of the head! Thorn grabs Tumbler by the hair... AND RUNS HIM HEADFIRST INTO THE SIDE OF THE CAGE!!! Brian Thorn is holding Tumbler, and raking his face against the cage! Tumbler is a bloody mess, and Thorn is tearing him up even more!

Jim: This isn't the same Thorn we've seen before. But then again, this isn't the same Tumbler, Lee Todd, or Gabriel Blade we've seen before either. This cage has turned everyone into pure survivors, willing to do anything to win.

Gallivan: Gabriel Blade gets back to his feet, and just stands there. He wipes the blood out of his eyes and charges at Thorn... SPEARING THORN AND TUMBLER!!! MY GOD!!!

[As Gabe hits Thorn in the back, the force of all three men snap the remaining chainlink sections, and the entire wall of the cage tears off, and falls open like the cover of a mailbox.]

Gallivan: Tumbler was the first one out, and he spilled out of the cage, onto the roof of the first tier!

Jim: That's a pretty nasty fall!

Gallivan: Tumbler hit the sheet metal roof of that tier, and he's out! Brian Thorn rolled to the edge of the chainlink bridge, and he's hanging on! Most of the fencing is supported by the roof of the second tier cage, but Thorn is on the very edge! Gabriel Blade is standing on the safe part that's above the second tier roof. He looks out at Thorn, hanging off the end of the fence lip... AND GABE STARTS STOMPING AT THE FENCING, TRYING TO DISLODGE HIM!

Jim: Wait a minute! Shane Brandon is making his move!

Gallivan: Brandon has grabbed a steel chair from ringside... AND HE'S HOLDING IT IN HIS TEETH AS HE CLIMBS UP THE SIDE OF THE CAGE!!!

Jim: Woah. Brandon has completely lost touch tonight. I pity anyone who gets in his way.

Gallivan: In the third tier, Lee Todd has crawled away from the open end of the cage, and he's just staring up at the trapdoor, waiting for it to open.

Jim: Lee's hit the wall! He's dead on his feet!

Gallivan: Despite the fencing shaking up and down, Brian Thorn is still hanging on! Now Gabe moves out of the cage completely and double stomps the fence lip, trying to send Thorn down to the roof of the first cage with Tumbler! Hang on! Shane Brandon reaches the roof of the first tier, and now he's climbing the side of the second tier!

Jim: These fans have to be as tired as the wrestlers, but they are still cheering every move!

Gallivan: Every time Thorn manages to get a leg up onto the lip of that fencing, Gabe stomps on it, causing him to lose his grip! Brandon climbs up over the edge, still holding that chair in his mouth, and climbs up onto the fence lip! Gabe takes a swing at him, but Brandon fires off a Kick to the stomach that stops him short! He grabs the chair in both hands... AND VICIOUSLY SWINGS IT INTO THE HIP OF THE SENTINEL!!! Gabe buckled like he had been shot in the leg, and drops to the floor.

Jim: These guys are all too beat up to realize that the cage is open! They can just climb up to the top and win it!

Gallivan: Shane Brandon brings that chair up... AND SLAMS IT DOWN INTO THE HIP OF THE SENTINEL AGAIN! Fans, I'm being told that Shane Brandon was considered eliminated in the first cage, so he is not officially in this match any longer.

Jim: Does it look like he cares?

Gallivan: Brandon takes another swing... SLAMMING THE CHAIR DOWN ACROSS GABE'S HEAD! Now, he looks over at Lee Todd, and slowly makes his way towards the LWA Champ!

Jim: But Thorn is still moving!

Gallivan: Brian Thorn finally climbs back onto that chainlink lip. He's as bloody and beaten as the rest, but takes a second to fix his hair before he moves around the edge to the wall of the third tier! Thorn is going to climb up to the top!

Jim: This match will be over as soon as somebody reaches the top, regardless of the rounds!

Gallivan: Thorn's having a very rough time. His fingers have been torn up pretty badly trying to hang onto that fencing, and you can see the look of pain on his face as he negotiates the side of the third tier! Shaen Brandon walks in... AND SWINGS THE CHAIR RIGHT INTO LEE TODD'S FACE!!! Todd tried to cover up, but he could barely move! Now Shane jams the chair down in front of Lee's face... AND DROPKICKS IT INTO HIM!!!

Jim: God-damn! Look at the floor of that third tier! It looks like a slaughterhouse!

Gallivan: There is quite a lot of blood on that floor, making it slippery. Everyone seems to be moving in slow motion now, as their bodies reach the point of breaking. Shane Brandon is back up, and he's just staring down at the beaten body of Lee Todd and catching his breath.

Jim: There goes the door!

Gallivan: The trapdoor is open, but there's nobody left to make a move. It looks like Brian Thorn is going to win this if he can make it to the top. WAITAMINUTE! Gabriel Blade is moving! Gabe pulls himself up to his hands and knees, and he's shaking his head wildly!

Jim: He looks like a dog who just came in from the rain!

Gallivan: Gabe is shaking blood and sweat, but he's riling himself up! I can't believe Gabe has anything left in the tank, but he's actually pulling himself back to his feet!

Jim: You sure he's not an epileptic?

Gallivan: These fans are on their feet, and everyone has a great view of the action in the cage high above us. Brian Thorn is inching up that cage, and he finally makes it onto the roof of the third tier! He's just got one tier left to go, and he's pausing to catch his breath. His hands are as bloody as the back of his head.

Jim: Thorn has come here to win.

Gallivan: In the third tier cage, Gabriel Blade is now shaking his fists, trying to jumpstart his body! He starts stomping on the cage, and Shane Brandon turns around to face him... AND GABE SPEARS HIM TO THE FLOOR!!!!! The cage resonates with a monstrous clang as Gabe just slams into Brandon's body, and he's not moving! Gabe stands back up, his steps still very shaky, and reaches up at the trapdoor! Gabe pulls himself up, and he's into the fourth tier!!!

Jim: These fans are cheering, but I don't think they realize what's going to happen. Brian Thorn just has to climb up the side of the fourth tier, and he's won the match! Gabe is stuck in that cage, and the door is never going to open!

Gallivan: That's right. Until a second man passes through that trapdoor, round 4 doesn't start. So that last trapdoor won't open! Gabe is just leaning against the wall of the fourth tier, and Brian Thorn is back up! He's going for the last 8 feet of this cage, and then it'll be all over! Thorn starts to climb up the side of the cage! Waitaminute! Gabe charges over to the wall of the cage... AND BOOTS THE CAGE, KNOCKING THORN OFF!!! Thorn fell back, hard, onto the roof of the third tier! Gabe may not be able to win this match, but he's going to do his damnedest to stop Brian Thorn from winning it!

Jim: Well, that last cage is small enough for Gabe to guard the whole thing. If Thorn tries climbing it, he's gonna get a boot in the guts for his trouble!

Gallivan: Thorn is not giving up! He moves around to another wall, and starts to climb again... BUT GABE STOMPS ON THORN'S FINGERS THROUGH THE CAGE!!! Thorn pulls back, holding his bloody hands into his chest! He looks in at the crimson mask on Gabriel Blade's face, and I think Thorn realises, as we all do, that he's not going to get up to the top of the cage this way.

Jim: So what have we got, a stalemate?

Gallivan: I don't think so. Brian Thorn moves around and carefully climbs back down to the third tier! He shuffles into the third cage and heads for Lee Todd!

Jim: What's he doing?

Gallivan: Nobody else is moving in the third cage. Brian Thorn grabs Lee... AND RIPS OFF HIS "I'M A FACE NOW" T-SHIRT! Thorn tears it in two pieces, and now he's wrapping each piece around his bloody hands! Thorn knots them as red starts to stain through the white T-shirt almost immediately. Now, Thorn reaches up to the lip of the trapdoor... AND PULLS HIMSELF INTO THE FOURTH CAGE!!!

Gallivan: Gabe doesn't give Thorn a second to compose himself! He charges at him, just as the trapdoor closes behind him... AND SHOULDERBLOCKS THORN INTO THE SIDE OF THE CAGE! Gabe starts firing punches into the head of Thorn, and Thorn's fighting back as best he can!

Jim: This round isn't going to last long. These guys don't have anything left.

Gallivan: Thorn reaches up and grabs onto the back of Gabe's head... AND BRINGS A KNEE UP INTO THE CHIN OF GABRIEL BLADE!!! Gabe staggers back... AND HITS THE FLOOR!

Jim: Wow!

Gallivan: Thorn got one clear shot up into the face of Gabe, and he's down! Brian Thorn just stands there, leaning against the side of the cage and waits!

[The fans start chanting "SENTINEL, SENTINEL, SENTINEL" as Gabe rolls around the floor of the fourth tier, trying to stand.]

Gallivan: Our ring crew has placed ladders against the side of the first cage, and they are sending men up to help Lee Todd and Shane Brandon out of that cage. They have already reached Tumbler, and are carefully carrying him down to the floor. In the fourth cage, Thorn just stands there, clenching and unclenching his fists, trying to keep some life in those ripped up hands. His back has a red streak running down it from the deep gashes on the back of his head. Gabriel Blade, who is still struggling to stand, is absolutely covered in blood, not all of it his own. The clock is slowly ticking away as these two face off in slow-motion. Gabe finally stands, and Thorn pushes himself off the side of the cage. He steps in, hitting Gabe with a Snap Kick to the chest that bolts him upright! Gabe hits Thorn with a Knife-edge Chop!

Jim: Wheeee!

Gallivan: Waitaminute! The trapdoor is opening!

Jim: What? It's still early, isn't it?

Gallivan: I'm not sure... Fans, I'm being told that Cid has ordered that this door be opened early, due to the condition of the two competitors.

Jim: What? What a jyp!

Gallivan: I never thought I'd be saying this, but I fully agree with Cid. All 16 men have been through hell here tonight, and Thorn and Gabe are inches away from just collapsing. Frankly, if we waited 10 minutes to open that trapdoor, there wouldn't be anyone left to climb through it! Thorn fires off a Punch to the side of Gabe's head, those blood-soaked shirt coverings protecting his hands somewhat. Gabe hits him with another Knife-edge Chop! Then an Elbow shot to the head! Thorn takes a step back... SPINNING BACK KICK TO THE RIBS OF GABE! Gabe buckles, but runs forward, hitting Thorn with an awkward Shoulderblock that sends him into the side of the cage! Thorn brings an Ax-handle smash down across the back of Gabe, and brings up another Knee into his chest, that sends Gabe back a few steps. Thorn looks up at that trapdoor, but quickly turns his attention back on his opponent. Thorn fires off a Kick to the ribs... BUT GABE CAUGHT HIS FOOT! He pulls Thorn in... T-BONE SUPLEX BY GABRIEL BLADE!!!

Jim: That's it! It's over!

Gallivan: Gabriel Blade climbs back to his feet, and reaches up for the trapdoor! He struggles to pull himself up, but it's slow going! Gabe pulls himself up, getting his elbows onto the top of the Pyramid! Waitaminute! Brian Thorn is getting back up!

Jim: I thought he was broken!

Gallivan: Thorn reaches up... AND HE'S CLIMBING UP THE BACK OF GABRIEL BLADE! Blade is holding himself up by his elbows on the roof of the cage, but Thorn is crawling up after him! He gets a hand up onto the lip of the trapdoor, and pulls himself up level with Gabe! Thorn juts an elbow out to hold himself up... and wraps his legs around Gabe's torso! With his free hand, Thorn starts Rabbit Punching Gabe in the back of the head!

Jim: Gabe's stuck! He can't defend himself without letting go!

Gallivan: Thorn is attached to Gabe like a leech! He continues to pound away with that padded fist, and Gabe can't take much more of this! Waitminute! Gabe is actually lifting himself up!

Jim: Not just himself! He's lifting Thorn's weight as well as his own!

Gallivan: Thorn continues to hammer away, and Gabe lifts himself and Thorn up onto the roof of the Pyramid! He reaches out, flattening his stomach onto the top of the cage, and slowly pulls himself onto the cage! Thorn's head is through the trapdoor as well! He leans back, planting his elbows onto the roof of the cage, and releases his legs!

Jim: Thorn's gonna win it!

Gallivan: Gabe flips over, sitting on top of the cage, his legs dangling through the trapdoor! Thorn is in the same position... AND GABE LOCKS HIS LEGS AROUND ONE OF THORN'S LEGS! Thorn wraps his free leg around Gabe's, and hits him in the head! Gabe fires back a heavy Punch of his own... and a Knife-edge Chop!

Jim: Gabe's gonna win it!

Gallivan: Both men are mere inches away from winning this! Collar and elbow tieup by both men! Gabe Headbutts Thorn, sending a spray of blood flying! He hits him again! And again! Thorn breaks the tieup... and Punches Gabe square in the nose! Gabe hits Thorn with a Forearm shot to the head... and Thorn grabs Gabe by the fingers! He's trying to break Gabe's fingers! Gabe's in a world of pain! He hits Thorn with a Forearm to the side of the head! And another! And another! Gabe brings a knee up, hitting Thorn in the side! He breaks the leglock on Thorn, and brings one of his feet up through the trapdoor! Gabe shows incredible flexibility as he pulls back... AND BOOTS THORN IN THE CHEST!

Jim: The edge of that trapdoor is digging in Thorn's back! That's got to hurt like a mother!

Gallivan: He hammers that boot into Thorn's chest, over and over again! Gabe leans back... BOOTING THORN IN THE FACE, SNAPPING HIS NECK BACK... AND GABE PULLS HIS LEGS UP! HE'S ON TOP OF THE CAGE!!! GABRIEL BLADE HAS DONE IT!!!

Jim: Unbelievable!

Gallivan: No fancy moves, just sheer determination, and that could have gone either way! It was a war of attrition that the Sentinel won by a hair! Brian Thorn is still hanging through that trapdoor as Gabe stands on top of the cage and raises his arms in the air! Listen to these fans!

Jim: They are cheering like they've never seen anything like this before... and that's because they haven't!

Gallivan: The Sentinel stands triumphant on top of Jester's Pyramid! Despite Thorn getting an easy pass through the first round, Gabe has done it! Waitaminute! The bloody and beaten Brian Thorn has pulled himself up onto the roof of that cage!

Jim: It's a wonder either of these men can still move!

Gallivan: Gabe turns around to acknowledge the fans... OHMYGOD!!! DOUBLE TAKE BY BRIAN THORN!!!

Jim: SHIT!

Gallivan: THAT KICK TO THE TEMPLE FROM THORN SENT GABE OFF THE TOP OF THE CAGE!!! He landed on the roof of the third tier and Gabe isn't moving!

Jim: Gabe may have won it, but look who's standing triumphant now!

Gallivan: The cheers of these fans have turns sour as Brian Thorn raises those shredded, T-shirt wrapped hands in the air! Fans, I can't believe what I've seen here tonight.

[As Thorn stands atop the massive structure, bathed in the jeers of the audience, the show cuts to a shot of the announce table.]

Jim: That was, by far, the wildest thing I've ever seen. If any of these men can still walk in two weeks, the rest of the Iron Man will be amazing.

Gallivan: Let's take a look at how the leaderboard matches up after Jester's Pyramid.

[A graphic floats onto the screen.]

Gallivan: As we can see, Gabriel Blade stands atop the leaderboard after another incredible night for the new Sentinel. Lee Todd, Tumbler, and Brian Thorn are now a point apart and fighting for second place. Thorn was screwed out of points in his Quick Snap match by Shane Brandon, but redeemed himself with nearly perfect performance in Jester's Pyramid. There's still 3 events left, which means 30 potential points. So, technically, even those on the bottom of the leaderboard could still win it.

Jim: Yeah, like that's gonna happen.

Gallivan: Well, regardless, the Teamwork event is really going to solidify the top 10 Iron Man contenders. Speaking of which, I've just been given the brackets for Event #3 of the Iron Man Competition. We don't know which teams will be taking on which, but we do know which competitors will be teamed up. The teams are... Craig Lassiter and The Native.

Jim: Ha! So much for Lassiter's last gasp for glory.

Gallivan: Michael Burke and Paco... Stu Price and Dake Ken... Oh my God. Lee Todd and Brian Thorn! These two just spent almost an hour beating the hell out of each other, and now they are going to have to work as a team!

Jim: Good luck.

Gallivan: Shane Brandon and Kurt Tremere! How's that for a team?

Jim: These two have inadvertently helped each other out in the past, but I really don't think they like each other. But, they are my two favorite wrestlers, so I'm hoping they work out their differences and become the greatest team in UWS history!

Gallivan: Edmund Paine and Gabriel Blade... Sin and Tumbler... and the last team is Dr. Karate and Uesugi?

Jim: What?

Gallivan: Doesn't that sound a little suspicious to you?

Jim: Not in the least.

Gallivan: Well, the matchups are one thing. It's the brackets that could make or break a team. When you look at the potential of say Todd and Thorn or Tremere and Brandon, the teams who face these teams will definitely have their work cut out for them.

Jim: Ah, but you forget the intangible. Can wrestlers who hate each other work together long enough to pick up some points.

Gallivan: For the answer to that question, we'll have to wait until the next Blackened. That's it for us tonight fans. Tune in to the next live UWS Blackened, coming to you on Valentine's Day as we head back over the border to The Pepsi Arena in Quebec City, Quebec. There, we will see the third event in the epic 2003 Iron Man Competition, the Teamwork Event. And be sure to tune in next week for our one-hour version of Blackened, which will show recaps of Jester's Pyramid, plus some behind the scenes interviews and information. For my broadcast colleague, Jim Browski, I'm Johnny Gallivan... and good-night.

[The credits for the show begin to roll as the show cuts backstage. Ken Holbrook is on his way out of the building, with Cid following on his heels. Holbrook and Cid walk down a dark, empty corridor. Suddenly, someone steps out in front of them, stopping them dead. Cid lets out a little yelp, but calms down when he sees that it's Dake Ken.]

Dake Ken: I've been looking for you?

Holbrook: I'm in a hurry. What do you want, Ken?

Dake Ken: I'm pulling myself out of the Iron Man.

Holbrook: What?

Dake Ken: You heard me. I'm out.

Holbrook: You can't do that! We put Craig Lassiter in place of Eric Manson already. Craig Lassiter! That's the bottom of the barrel. I've got nobody else who can take your place.

Dake Ken: Do I look like I care?

[Dake Ken walks past the stunned Holbrook, heading in the opposite direction. Holbrook turns to Cid.]

Holbrook: Can you believe that?

Cid: If he leaves, that means Stu Price has to wrestle on his own in the next event.

[Holbrook continues walking, and Cid follows once more.]

Holbrook: Don't I know it. Where the hell am I going to find another wrestler?

Cid: We could always poach one from FHW.

Holbrook: You think I haven't tried? Every guy on their roster has my number and a UWS gift basket. Brown's got them under tight control, I'll give him that.

[They reach the end of the corridor, which splits off in two directions. Ignoring both, Holbrook pushes his way through an emergency exit, into a disused section of the snow-covered parking lot. Holbrook lets out a gasp as a hugely muscled man steps out of the darkness in front of him.]

Man: Mr. Holbrook?

Holbrook: (stammering) Y-y-y-es?

Man: We talked on the phone. The name's Slamm... Curtis Slamm.

[As the man holds out his huge hand, the show fades to black.]