[The screen fades to black after a PPV event that you really shouldn't have ordered. But, those ladies in the promo were just so inviting. Still, it won't be as much fun explaining to your mom how Bukkake is an obscure form of japanese martial arts when the bill finally arrives.]

[As the clips begins, a massive "I" appears on the screen, zooming in until the screen is pure white. The dulcet tones of "Jabberwocky" by Donovan begin to play as the white fades to green before switching to a slow-motion montage of wrestling action from the past. Clips from the infamous "Big Money Bingo Hall", the location of the first Fool's Gold, are shown. Venom is shown chokeslamming The Green Beret onto the hood of an oddly familiar blue Oldsmobile in the parking lot. Ken Grimm is shown booting the Native in the face while "Bad News" Leroy Brown looks on from the ring. Another clip shows Chris Draco frogsplashing Shinobi I. Firk'n Scot and Jay Sullivan are then shown rolling around in oil and dirt before Scot gets blindsided by Colonel Greene with a lead pipe in the parking garage. A clip of Slater DDTing Lotus onto a steel chair follows. The Assassin, later revealed to be Johnny Reb, brutalizes Viper with a chokeslam before pinning him.]

[The last few clips are from the four-way contest that originally crowned the LWA World Champion. Longshoreman is shown double-clotheslining Kevin Burke and the Sentinel. Venom, inserting himself into the match, lays out Green Beret with a tazer. Burke hits Longshoreman with the Conspiracy Theory for the pinfall. Sentinel is shown hitting Burke with a mafia kick, and Burke is shown DDTing Sentinel to the mat. The next shot shows Burke breaking out of a Judgement Day attempt, and eliminating the Sentinel with an inverted DDT. Green Beret and Burke are shown brawling, then the end of the match is shown where both men bring up their shoulders after a bridged german suplex, but Mark Martin counts Kevin Burke out, and awards Green Beret the world Title.]

[A massive "II" appears in the center of the screen, growing until it encompasses the whole screen. This cuts to clips from the second Fool's Gold event, from the Lewisporte Arena. The first series of clips is from the Cruiserweight Battle Royal. Nightwing is shown applying a boston crab to the Native. The Native leaps into Maximillian Gates, sending both men to the floor. "Superstar" Johnny Bravo obliterates a laptop computer over Viper's head before tossing him over the top rope. The last clip shows Bravo back suplexing Nightwing off the ring apron to the concrete floor. After that, Venom is shown planting Evan Gaines with a gutwrench powerbomb before Green Beret hits the ring and nails Gaines with a nightstick. Several messy clips from the "Turkey leg on a pole match" between the Native and Max Gates are shown. The Native is shown wailing on Gates with a drumstick, then it cuts to a shot of Gates hitting Native with a frozen drumstick, knocking him out.]

[Brutal clips from the Marcus Ash versus Jailbreak prison match are shown. Ash DDTs Jailbreak to the floor. Philipae appears and saws through the cell bars with a chainsaw. Outside the cell, Jailbreak is shown chokeslamming Ash to the floor, then nails Ash with a gas can and proceeds to douse him in gasoline. There is a burst of flame, and Ash is shown staggering out of a wall of fire, smoking spiralling from his singed clothing. This cuts to show Ash hitting Jailbreak with a VCR. The last clip is of Ash sitting in an electric chair and being jabbed with bare electrical cable, resulting in a flash and both men being knocked unconscious. Clips from a chaotic scaffold match are then shown between Slater and Jackal, Pimp Daddy Pug and Hoser, and the Shinobis. The last clip shows Skipper knocking the Longshoreman off a boat into the cold Atlantic waters, resulting in Brian Thorn being crowned the world champion.]

[The montage is replaced by the Fool's Gold III logo.]

[The song dies out, and the scene cuts to a crowd shot from inside Media Court Stadium. The camera scans over the cheering fans, revealing a host of signs such as "Sellout Stu-E!", "Clash of the Champions", "UWS is the new FHW", "Where's my Popcorn?", "Sentinel should be in the Main Event", "I hate Meat Sauce", and "This guy in front of me just Farted."]

[The show cuts backstage. Our camera, manned by Zeke, travels down a well-worn backstage hallway. Pausing at the mouth of an adjacent path, the camera zooms in on an animated Hoss Titan. Cell phone pressed tightly to his ear, Stetson hat slung low on his brow, the stocky Texan feverously paces back and forth in front of a door labeled "Shane Brandon™"]

Hoss Titan: (into his cell) Damnit, we in the eleventh hour here... Yes, English is a requirement! An' Caucasian would be preferable... Huh? Heck no, I ain't racist! But damnit Morty, we got action figures in production an' I ain't budgeted for no new coat a' paint!

[Zeke moves forward unnoticed, approaching the excited Titan as he continues to march in and out of our frame.]

Hoss Titan: Yeah, tall an' muscular would be a plus... An some dang personal hygiene skills! You should get a gander at these gorillas wanderin' round here! An' another thang--

[Turning on a dime yet again, Hoss narrowly avoids crashing into our looming lens. Fumbling with the phone briefly, Titan regains his grasp, all the while eying both the camera and its operator warily.]

Zeke: Um, hey dude...

Hoss Titan: Mort, I'm gonna have to call ya' back.

[Closing the lid on his phone, Titan momentarily waves the cellular in the air with a beaming - if not slightly forced - smile.]

Hoss Titan: Mail-order brides! All an' all, them Russians are a sturdy good people, but well, ya' can never be too picky... ahem. Soooo, whatcha' doin' here, son?

Zeke: I'm getting reactions for the Lee Todd - Roman Gladiator match up.

Hoss Titan: 'Course ya' are. But what yer' should be doin' is gettin' a reaction from Lee an' that big Roman fella.

Zeke: About what?

Hoss Titan: Why, the return a' Shane Brandon!... TM.

Zeke: ...er, huh?

Hoss Titan: Pard'ner, I'm talkin' comeback of the biggest star to ever lace up wrastlin' boots! You after rivetin' footage, ain't 'cha? Well go on an' ask these ruffians 'bout it... Yep, that's when the stammerin' an' shakin' in fear starts up - Real dramatic stuff. Heck, I got me goose bumps already! Yessiree! The homecomin' a' Shane Brandon! cough TM cough.

Zeke: Like, who's 'Tim'?

Hoss Titan: Huh? Tim? Don't know my boy, but I'm guessin' he's just one a' the many fans buzzin' 'bout the man right behind this here door! Speakin' a' which, if ya'll be so kind as to excuse me, I've got to check on Shane!

[With that, Hoss gingerly steps into the nearby dressing room. Quickly slamming the door behind him, the Texan's voice is just barely audible...]

Hoss Titan: ...TM.

[We're taken to the arena entrance as a rather shaken Lee F'n' Todd makes his long awaited entrance. Seeming genuinely startled by the presses flash bulbs and obsessive line of questioning he seems far removed from his usual showboating self. Pushing through the crowds refusing to offer comment, he heads straight for the dressing room.]

[The camera cuts to another entrance, where Caesar and the Roman Gladiator are entering the arena. Caesar is dressed in an expensive-looking business suit, but the Gladiator is already dressed to wrestle. Around his waist is the FHW Heavyweight Title.]

Gladiator: This country too cold. Gladiator squish Todd extra fast so Gladiator go home where it warm.

[The show cuts to a wide shot of the UWS announce table. Johnny Gallivan is sitting on the right with a stack of papers in front of him. Jim Browski is seated next to him, wearing a green leprecaun outfit, complete with thin pipe, shillelagh, and green top hat.]

Gallivan: Fans, welcome to Toronto, Ontario, and the biggest night in the Underworld Wrestling Syndicate's young life. Tonight we see a champion VS champion match as FHW's World Champ, The Roman Gladiator, takes on the UWF Unified Champion, Lee F'n' Todd. I'm Johnny Gallivan, and with me, as always, it Jim "The Killer" Browski. Jim, I can see by your outfit that you are keen on insulting our audience here tonight.

Jim: Faith and begorrah. Tis the night of fools and gold... and Guinness!

[Jim pulls out a case of Guinness cans from underneath the table and proceeds to open one and start to drink.]

Gallivan: Jim, I don't know what to say. That outfit is pretty offensive to Irish people.

Jim: Offensive to Irish people? I AM Irish!

Gallivan: What?

Jim: Browski... it's in the name. What is the Browski name, if it's not Irish?

Gallivan: Um... Polish?

Jim: Hmmm... a few sausages would go down well with this beer. (shaking his head) No! I'm 100% Irish, especially tonight. No, tonight I'm 133% Irish. You know when I realized that I was Irish, Gallivan?

Gallivan: I know I'm going to regret this, but when?

Jim: When I found myself cutting up soap in the shower with a pocket knife. (mimes hitting a drum) Bah dum bum.

Gallivan: Dear heavens, is that as topical as you are going to get tonight? References to ancient TV commercials.

Jim: Jay Leno is topical... that doesn't make him funny, does it?

Gallivan: Good point.

Jim: Comedy is timeless Gallivan. You'll learn more from Benny Hill than a late night talkshow host, any day of the week. You know, once my contract is up for renewal, I'm going to try and get a drummer to sit next to me and do rimshots after all my jokes.

Gallivan: Is that so we know which ones are supposed to be funny?

Jim: Watch your tongue, Gallivan. Course, you can get yourself a ring-boy to handle your rimshots. (mimes the drum again) Bah dum bum! Now fetch me a potata, boyotch!

[As Johnny Gallivan shakes his head, we're taken backstage to Zeke our roving reporter for the night. He seems to of found someone to interview folks, a man dressed in face paint and a head dress, nice to see the Native Americans represented on a wrestling PPV again.]

Zeke: Woah man I'm supposed to ask you something about a match.

Chief Squatting Bull: (holding up his hand) How. I've got a match. My butt and uh... your butt.

Zeke: Well I suppose they do look kinda similar man, woah that's freaky it's like we're long lost twins.

Chief Squatting Bull: As for big main event Cheif was puffing on piece pipe when it came to him, a vision so Chief bet all his families money on outcome of match at brothers Casino. That Lee F'n' Todd he's a very smart guy he do war dance, pray to the war gods then chop down tree like Gladiator and use him for fire wood.

Zeke: Wait a minute your like white man, and your wearing an "I'm a face now T-Shirt" you're that...

Chief Squatting Bull: Damn it Zeke you've ruined the segment.

[The show cuts back to the announce table.]

Gallivan: (shaking his head) I know we are just going to get letters from every ethnic group in the country.

Jim: This is Canada, Gallivan. They are too busy drinking beer to join ethnic groups.

Gallivan: Jim, you don't have join... nevermind.

[Suddenly, "Carousel" by Mr. Bungle begins to play, and Ken Holbrook steps through the entrance curtain. He is dressed in a bright green suit with green shoes that turn up at the toes. In his hand, is a silver Jester-headed cane. Despite his humorous appearance, Holbrook is stone-faced as he walks to the ring.]

Gallivan: You know, it just occurred to me that Ken Holbrook looks like a leprecaun most nights. He must shop at the store where you bought your costume.

Jim: I didn't buy this costume, mister. It was handed down to me by my great-great-grandfather, Seamus Browski. He once kilt an Irish Bull with his bear hands in this suit.

Gallivan: An Irish Bull?

Jim: Sure. Big mean bastards. Where do you think they get the meat for Irish stew from?

[Holbrook takes a mic from ringside and climbs into the ring. The crowd has already started to boo him, even before he speaks.]

Holbrook: Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to welcome you to my show... FOOL'S GOLD!

Jim: He may be a jester... but he ain't no fool.

Holbrook: Before we kick off the festivities on this fateful night, I have a few announcements.

[The crowd re-emphasizes their hate of Holbrook.]

Gallivan: This can only be bad news.

Holbrook: First off, in addition to the stellar lineup you see on your programs, you fans will be getting an incredible bonus match. The UWS has been without Shane Brandon for far too long, so tonight we get not one, but two epic returns to the Syndicate as "Threat" Shane Brandon™ takes on a super-secret mystery opponent.

Jim: Wow, super-secret. That's way better than just secret.

Gallivan: I'm surrounded by idiots. And why did he just call Shane--

Jim: Hush up! The boss is talking.

Holbrook: Oh, that's not all, wrestling fans. We also--

[Holbrook is cut short as "Refuse/Resist" by Apocalyptica begins to play. Craig Lassiter steps out through the entrance curtain, wearing black slacks and a silver sleeveless shirt underneath a leather jacket. Lassiter is also carrying a microphone.]

Gallivan: Well, this perked up the fans.

Lassiter: Ken, I hate to interrupt your verbal discharge, but we've got a lot of matches on the card here tonight, and these fans would much rather see some action than watch you strut around that ring like some deranged troglodyte.

Holbrook: Craig, you were never one to know your place. (he glances at his watch) The way I figure it, you're about three and a half hours away from losing your hold on the Unified Title. It's no secret that the board gives more credence to the Division with the Unified Champ, so after The Roman Gladiator wins that belt, we will be back on equal footing in the UWS.

Lassiter: Holbrook, you're a weasel you know that?

Holbrook: I am well aware. Now, if I may return to my announcements. (he pulls several sheets of paper from his jacket) Now, I know that a lot of you are here to see the main event, in which The Roman Gladiator steps into the ring against the UWS Unified Champion, Lee Todd. Well, I've got a very special gift for the big lummox. And I say that in the nicest possible way. If Gladiator beats Lee Todd tonight, I am going to offer him this piece of paper, which is a contract to wrestle exclusively for the Underworld Wrestling Syndicate!

Jim: Wow, how's that for a bombshell?

Gallivan: Does that mean Gladiator would abandon the FHW?

Holbrook: Specifically, the LWA Division!

Lassiter: That's a cheap tactic, Ken.

Holbrook: Well, I was as suprised as you to see Gladiator signed to the title match, but you've got to roll with the punches. I've turned a negative into a positive.

[Holbrook puts away the contract, and holds up another sheet of paper.]

Holbrook: Now, I have one more announcement, and then we can all get settled for a night to remember. Unfortunately, this is going to be bad news for some of these fans in attendance, and for our Unified Champion backstage. Those of you who watched WWE Smackdown a few weeks ago will know that John Cena is now using a move entitled the F-U as his finisher. In my hand is a cease-and-desist letter from WWE Legal stating that if Lee Todd uses his finishing move henceforth, he will open himself up to a trademark infringement lawsuit.

Jim: Ooh, the worst kind.

Lassiter: What? That's insane! Lee's used that move for years.

Holbrook: Well, he should have thought to trademark it. Don't shoot me, I'm just the messenger. But, I hazard a guess that Lee Todd will have his work cut out for him tonight. Especially since he can't use his most potent weapon.

Jim: His most potent weapon? Are they corking Lee's ass too?

Gallivan: Jim, that's cheap, even for you.

Jim: You know something Johnny? Speaking of the WWE, Holbrook and Lassiter's feuding co-presidents thing reminds me of Steve Austin and Eric Bischoff.

Gallivan: Really? You think so?

Jim: Hey, point that sarcasto-gun somewhere else, bucko.

Lassiter: If you're finished messing with the show, Kenny, I've got an announcement of my own. I've been talking to Lee Todd, and since I know you are keen for him to lose that LWA Title, he's told me that he's willing to put it up at the next Blackened against absolutely anybody you can get your hands on.

[The crowd cheers at that.]

Holbrook: Anybody? Craig, I think you and Lee underestimate me as a promoter. I'll find someone to knock Lee off that perch, and he definitely won't fail. After the Champions of Sin beat the UK Crew tonight, and Gladiator breaks Lee like the bitch that he is, the era of Lee F'n' Todd in the UWS will be well and truly over!

[Holbrook drops his microphone as his music cuts in, and proceeds towards the back. Craig Lassiter heads backstage and the cameras cut to the announce table.]

Gallivan: First Lee gets blindsided with the news that he will be facing the man some people are calling the most dominant wrestler in the country, then he finds out that using his finishing move will get him sued. And who knows who Holbrook will chose to face Lee at Blackened for the LWA Title.

Jim: Yeah, well things are tough all over.

Gallivan: What a non-remark.

Jim: I've built my career on non-remarks, Gallivan. I've got to say something to give you a chance to breathe, or your face will turn blue.

[The show cuts backstage, where Zeke is now standing with Dr. Karate and Uesugi.]

Zeke: Guys, can I get a sound-byte about the main event?

Dr. Karate: Of course. I, Dr. Karate, know a thing or two about wrestling matches. But I, Dr. Karate, know even more about human physiology. The Roman Gladiator is a physical specimen, plain and simple. His body should be donated to science when he passes, while Lee's most likely will be donated to science fiction. The tale of the tape doesn't lie. Gladiators bigger, stronger, younger, faster, and has the determination to win. The only thing Lee has over him are smarts, but I don't think that will be enough. I certainly hope my colleagues are on hand for this one, because Lee Todd is going to be stretchered out of that ring tonight.

[Uesugi says something in Japanese.]

Dr. Karate: What do you mean, Lee will win? Are you on crack? Gladiator's going to tear him a new one

[Again, Uesugi speaks Japanese.]

Dr. Karate: The will of the warrior? What kind of mumbo-jumbo is that? Uesugi, you've got a lot to learn about American-style wrestling. The big man always wins... that's a fact.

[Again, Uesugi speaks Japanese.]

Dr. Karate: Put my money...? Ok mister, you're on. Name the bet.

[Uesugi speaks again, and Dr. Karate hesitates. After a few seconds, he smiles.]

Dr. Karate: Ok, smarty-pants. You're on.

[Zeke watches as Karate and Uesugi walk out of shot. He turns to his right, and begins speaking to someone else, off-camera.]

Zeke: So big match tonight man who's going to come out on top.

[The camera pans over to reveal a man dressed in a lime green jump suit and a huge over sized afro wig who smiles, flashing a mouth full of gold teeth.]

Disco Steve: Wow no doubt about it tiger... Lee F'n' is Dynamite baby, he's going to dance all over that Roman Square and give him the fever.

Zeke: Uh Lee your afro's coming off.

Disco Steve: You must be on a bad buzz my man I ain't that psychedelic sultan of the Squared Circle.

Zeke: Lee we can like see your shirt again.

Disco Steve: I've really gotta stop wearing these shirts man.

[The show cuts back to the announce table. Jim Browski has finished several of the cans of guinness, and is now banging his shillelagh obnoxiously on the table.]

Gallivan: Please stop doing that. Fans, it may seem strange to put on a World Tag Team Title match as the opening contest, but considering what Lee Todd has ahead of him in the main event, it makes perfect sense.

Jim: Don't forget that Tumbler has to do double-duty as well.

Lockheart: Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the UWS World Tag Team Championships. Coming to the ring at this time, the challengers. At a combined weight of 487 lbs... Hellfire and "Punisher" Scott Lenoir... THE CHAMPIONS OF SIN!!!

Jim: It's about time.

Gallivan: What?

Jim: Huh?

Gallivan: What's about time?

Jim: Oh, it's about time we have a team that actually has a team name! And I don't count UK Crew, cause with Stu they were just a Freebird ripoff.

[Rob Zombie's "Living Dead Girl" hits the airwaves as walls of flame begin to line each side of the entrance ramp and red lights flood the arena. Hellfire steps through the curtains, with his valet Carrie following close behind. With one swift movement, he jerks his head up in the air and spews flames from his mouth. Punisher steps out from behind the curtain behind him. Hellfire begins to walk to the ring as Lenoir stands at the top of the ramp and extends his arms out in the crucifix position. He then walks slowly to the ring.]

Lockheart: And their opponents, the champions. At a combined weight of 462 lbs... Lee F'n' Todd and Tumbler... THE UK CREW!!!

[The lights in the arena dim as the initials GHITW light up the ring in bright neon green, the text begins to swirl faster and faster till it morphs in to a bullzeye. "Come Out and Play" cuts out as a thunderous boom echo's throughout the arena and Tumbler leaps from the rafters on a bungy cord landing dead centre in the ring. Spinning around possing for the crowd attendents rush to the ring to unhook his equipment before the match starts.]

[The arena is then plunged in to darkness as Sweet Child of Mine kicks in, dry ice billows out of the entrance way as the silhouette of one Lee F'n' Todd fills the entrance. Taking a swig of Brown Ale he takes a deep breath before walking through the curtain. Lee is wearing a single belt tonight, his Tag Team Title. As he walks his eyes remain locked on the ring, never once leaving the ring ropes. Ron excitedly bounds down after him excitedly pronouncing the man has arrived. Rolling under the bottom rope he pulls his shirt off over his head and adjusts his elbow pads. Slowly rotating his neck he leans against the ropes his whole body tense as Ron scours the ringside area for a live microphone. Taking the microphone Ron heads for the centre of the ring now lit by a spotlight.]

Ron King: Ladies and gentleman it is my humbleistic honour to bring to you the most grapletastic megastar you've ever had the privilege to see lace up a pair of boots. Holding more victories than any of his peers, draped with more gold than Mr. T, Hits harder than Rocky and faster than Speedy Gonzales the man of a million moves, lord of luchadores, the grandest of the gladiators, purest of the puresoes, more hardcore than your fat momma and the biggest face this worlds ever known. (pauses for breath) I give you your reigning UWS Tag Team and Division Champion, as well as the Unified World Heavyweight Champ... the Darkness from Darlington, 230lbs of lean mean wholesome goodness, the man that carries just 2.5% body fat... gods gift to wrestling... LEE F'N' TODD!

[Raising both arms high in the air pyros shoot from the corner of the ring as attendants shoot "I'm a face now" shirts in to the crowd out of cannons. Taking one last mouthful of water Lee hands his bottle to the attendance as he circles the ring like a lion.]

Ron King: (pointing) Oh, and his brother.

[Ron quickly bails out of the ring as DI Rogers goes over the instructions to the champs, then calls for the bell.]

Gallivan: Not surprisingly, Tumbler will start out for the champions. I don't want to go into Lawler-mode, but Lee's probably having a hard time concentrating on this tag match with the Roman Gladiator looming in the wings. He'll want to stay fresh for his title defense. For the challengers, "Punisher" Scott Lenoir will start it off, so we've got the two smaller wrestlers matching up to start this match off. DI Rogers calls for the bell, and here we go!

Jim: I'm already bored.

Gallivan: Lenoir and Tumbler lock up, and Tumbler immediately goes for a Wristlock, but Lenoir reverses it. He pulls Tumbler towards him... AND HITS A NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! Tumbler kicked out of the bridge before Rogers could start a count, and both men scramble to their feet. Lenoir charges off the ropes before Tumbler gets set. He comes back... and Tumbler ducks under a clothesline attempt! Lenoir charges off the far ropes and returns... CATCHING TUMBLER WITH A CROSS BODYBLOCK! He hooked Tumbler's leg... but Tumbler rolled through it, and now he's the one covering Lenoir!... 1... Kickout! Both men try to be the first one up, but Tumbler tags Lenoir with a punch in the head as he rises! Lenoir boots Tumbler in the stomach, and cinches him up for a Suplex... but Tumbler falls behind him! He lifts Lenoir up for an Atomic Drop... but Lenoir flips behind Tumbler! Lenoir rams a boot into the back of Tumbler's knee, dropping him down... and slaps on a standing Dragon Sleeper! He tries to lift Tumbler up for what looks like an Inverted Brainbuster... but Tumbler brings his legs up, wrapping them around Lenoir's head! Upside-down, Tumbler snaps off punch into the stomach of Lenoir, pulls his head free... AND TOSSES HIM ACROSS THE RING WITH A HEADSCISSORS!!!

Jim: (shudder) Wrestling... I shoulda known they would actually wrestle.

Gallivan: Tumbler is the first one up, and he charges off the ropes as Lenoir pulls himself back up... SPINNING HEEL KICK BY TUMBLER KNOCKS LENOIR INTO THE CHAMPS' CORNER! Lee quickly hammers Lenoir in the back of the head before Rogers warns him about outside interference. Lee raises his arms, as he chastises himself for those heelish actions. Lenoir spins around, belting Lee with a punch to the head! Lee pulls back to strike him, but hesitates. Hang on! Tumbler is back up, and he charges into the corner... Tumbler leaps up, digging his feet into Lenoir's hips and grabs him by the back of the hair... REVERSE MONKEYFLIP OUT OF THE CORNER!!!

Jim: Wow, I've never seen that before.

Gallivan: Hellfire is waiting anxiously for the tag, and Carrie is looking on from ringside.

Jim: Good to see Carrie at ringside, Gallivan. The UWS doesn't have nearly enough female flesh on parade.

Gallivan: Racist and sexist... and he's single ladies.

Jim: Do you think Doll Baby will be here with the Gladiator? Man, oh manishevitz, she makes the groin-troops stand at attention.

Gallivan: Tumbler takes a second to do a "Ravishing" hip gyration over Lenoir... then hits him with a Legdrop! He picks up Lenoir, and Irish Whips him off the ropes. Tumbler telegraphs a Backdrop, and Lenoir leapfrogs over it! As Lenoir heads off the far ropes, Tumbler charges off the near ropes, heading towards him. Tumbler ducks under a Clothesline, and bounces off the ropes, catching up to Lenoir from behind... BUT LENOIR TAGS TUMBLER WITH THE 619!

Jim: Ooh, is he gonna get sued by WWE Legal too?

Gallivan: Lenoir immediately bails to the apron, and starts climbing up to the top rope. Tumbler has been dazed, but is getting back to his feet. Lenoir spins around on the top rope... SPLIT-LEGGED MOONSAULT BY LENOIR... BUT TUMBLER CAUGHT HIM!!! Lenoir landed on Tumbler's shoulder. He is knocked back a step or two... AND PLANTS LENOIR WITH A SHOULDERBREAKER! Tumbler drops to the mat... and locks a seated Dragon Sleeper onto the Punisher!

Jim: Guess again.

Gallivan: Hang on! Hellfire climbs into the ring... AND EXPLODES A KICK BETWEEN TUMBLER'S SHOULDERBLADES, BREAKING THE HOLD! That was all Lee Todd needed, and now he charges into the ring, hitting Hellfire with a running Forearm to the chest, followed by a flurry of punches! Hellfire starts punching back, and now both men are just trading shots in the ring, but DI Rogers is trying to get between them. Waitaminute! Here comes Sin!

[Sin moves quickly for a big man, running up the entrance ramp with a heavy chain in his hand.]

Jim: Yeah, finally some action!

Gallivan: Rogers is busy trying to break up Hellfire and Lee. Tumbler and Lenoir are still down... BUT SIN TOSSES THE CHAIN INTO THE RING, RIGHT IN FRONT OF LENOIR! Lenoir gathers the chain in against his chest, hiding it as he stands. Tumbler is getting back to his feet... BUT LENOIR DROPS HIM, RAMMING THE BUNDLED CHAIN ACROSS HIS HEAD!!!

[Lenoir drops the chain, and Sin pulls it out of the ring, hiding it under the ring apron.]

Gallivan: Lenoir drops onto Tumbler for the cover--

Jim: New champs! New champs!

Gallivan: But Rogers doesn't see the cover! Sin is pounding on the mat, Rogers finally sees what's going on, and turns his attention away from Lee and Hellfire. He slides over to administer the count. Hang on! Lee boots Hellfire in the guts... AND KNOCKS HIM ON HIS BACK WITH A SPEEDY KNEELIFT! Here's the cover... 1... 2... NO! Lee got across the ring in time, and stomped Lenoir across the back of the head! Rogers is ordering Lee out of the ring, and he complies. On the other side, Hellfire rolls out onto the apron and takes his position. The ring is back under control.

Jim: For now.

Gallivan: Lenoir is the first one up, and drags the dazed Tumbler back to his feet. He cinches him up... DOUBLE-UNDERHOOK POWERBOMB BY LENOIR! He maintains the bomb, pinning Tumbler's shoulders to the mat and here's the count... 1... 2... Kickout!

Jim: That was a close one.

Gallivan: It was indeed. Tumbler gets to his hands and knees and crawls towards his corner... but Lenoir charges across the ring, Bulldogging him to the mat! Instead of going for the cover, Lenoir is heading towards the corner. He leaps onto the bottom rope in the corner... Moonsault on Tumbler! Lenoir jumps back up... Moonsault off the second rope! Flipping back to his feet, Lenoir charges the corner again... Top rope Moonsault by Scott Lenoir! He finished the Triple-jump Moonsault, and now he hooks the leg... 1... 2... NO! Tumbler kicked out!

Jim: What a spoilsport.

Gallivan: Lenoir is back up and Stomps Tumbler across the head before dragging him across the ring by his hair. He tags off to Hellfire! Lenoir pulls Tumbler back to his feet as Hellfire comes up behind him... Low Blow by Hellfire! DDT BY SCOTT LENOIR!!! He spiked Tumbler to the mat as he doubled over, and now Hellfire is stomping the hell out of Tumbler while Lenoir rolls out to the ring apron. Hellfire pulls him back to his feet, and starts peppering Tumbler with lefts and rights! Tumbler staggers back into the corner with Hellfire advancing. He grabs Tumbler underneath the arms... AND TOSSES HIM INTO THE CENTER OF THE RING! Hellfire starts criss-crossing the ring, waiting for Tumbler to get back to his feet. After several cuts, Tumbler starts to get up. Hellfire swings at him... BUT TUMBLER FELL TO THE CANVAS, AVOIDING A RUNNING LARIAT!

Jim: I don't know if that was intentional, or if he just fell down.

Gallivan: Either way, it probably saved Tumbler's head from being relocated to the cheap seats. Hellfire hit the canvas after missing the lariat, but he's quickly back to his feet. He tries to pull Tumbler up by the hair... but Tumbler fires off a jab to his stomach! And another! Hellfire batters Tumbler across the side of the head, knocking him over. Again, Tumbler starts crawling towards his corner where Lee is begging for a tag. Hellfire strides across the ring, straddles Tumbler... AND SLAMS HIS BUTT DOWN ACROSS HIS BACK! Hellfire raises himself up and sneers at Lee in the corner... and comes down again across Tumbler's lower back! He pulls himself back up, and this time Hellfire grabs the nearby ring ropes to get more height. He hoists himself into the air... BUT TUMBLER FLIPPED ONTO HIS BACK AND BROUGHT HIS KNEES UP INTO THE GROIN OF HELLFIRE!!! Tumbler grabs one of the big man's legs... Schoolboy Rollup by Tumbler! 1... 2... Kickout by Hellfire!

Jim: He shoulda tagged.

Gallivan: Tumbler gets back to his feet, and although Hellfire is still hurting, he's getting up as well. Tumbler glances at Lee, but Hellfire is between him and his partner. Tumbler sets himself as Hellfire stands up... AND SUPERKICKS HIM TO THE CANVAS! Waitaminute! Scott Lenoir climbs through the ropes to attack Tumbler from behind, but DI Rogers runs over to block his progress!

Jim: Come on, the belts are on the line. Let them beat the hell out of each other!

Gallivan: Tumbler takes a second to drive a knee into the groin of Hellfire... THEN ROLLS OVER AND TAGS OFF TO LEE!

Jim: Crap.

Gallivan: Lee immediately starts climbing up to the top rope. Hellfire is down, and in big trouble. Lee gets onto the top... BUT ROGERS RUNS OVER TO BLOCK HIM! He's ordering Lee off the top rope.

Jim: He didn't see the tag! Brilliant!

Gallivan: Tumbler has already rolled onto the apron, but Rogers is standing in the way of Lee Todd. Lee shouts at him, but Rogers puts a count on Lee. Lee shakes his head, and drops back onto the ring apron. Now Rogers is putting a count on Tumbler. Instead of climbing through the ropes, Tumbler grabs the top rope... AND VAULTS HIMSELF IN FOR A SOMERSAULT SENTON BOMB ON HELLFIRE!!! He hooks the leg, and here's the cover... 1... 2... No! Hellfire got a shoulder up! Tumbler is still close enough for the tag. Hang on! Lenoir is trying to get in the ring again!

[As Rogers turns towards Lenoir to warn him from entering the ring, Sin retrieves the chain from under the ring apron. He grabs one end, and whips the other end into the ring, wrapping it around Tumbler's leg like a whip. Before Tumbler can realize what's happening, Sin yanks back, pulling Tumbler's leg out from under him.]

Gallivan: What is he doing!?!

Jim: Evening the odds a little.

Gallivan: Lee Todd looks over at Sin... AND LEAPS OFF THE APRON, HITTING SIN WITH A DOUBLE AX-HANDLE! Sin staggered back, and now Lee is firing punches at him on the outside! Inside the ring, Hellfire is using the confusion to crawl towards his corner. Tumbler gets back to his feet, rubbing his ankle, but he looks more annoyed than hurt. He runs across the ring... BUT HELLFIRE GETS THE TAG! Tumbler grabs Lenoir with a Front Facelock as he comes through the ropes, but Hellfire gets back to his feet behind him. He hammers Tumbler with an Ax-handle across the back... and Lenoir reverses the facelock into an Inverted Atomic Drop! Rogers has nearly reached the end of the 10 count, but the Champions of Sin aren't ready to stop yet. Hellfire picks up Tumbler in a Piledriver position as Lenoir heads up top!

Jim: This should end the match, whatever they're planning.

Gallivan: Rogers puts a 5 count on Hellfire to leave the ring, but it may already be too late. Hellfire hoists up Tumbler, and drops his torso to bounce on the top rope. As it returns, Lenoir leaps off the top rope... SLINGSHOT SPIKE PILEDRIVER!!!

Jim: It's over!

Gallivan: Lenoir goes for the cover immediately, but Rogers is waiting until Hellfire leaves the ring before administering the count. Outside the ring, Sin and Lee are still brawling, but a few members of the ringside security team are getting in between them. Hellfire gets back to the apron, and we've finally got a count... 1... 2... 3! NO! Tumbler got a shoulder up at the last second!

Jim: Bull!

Gallivan: Lenoir is showing his frustration, but decides to take it out on Tumbler. He pulls the cruiserweight to his feet, and Irish Whips him off the ropes... POWERSLAM BY THE PUNISHER! He hooks the leg, and this could do it... 1... 2... NO! Again, Tumbler got a shoulder up! The ring crew has finally separated Lee and Sin, and Lee has returned to the ring apron. Lenoir picks up Tumbler, and hits him with a punch in the head, followed by a nasty Knife-edge Chop!

Jim: Wheeee-o!

Gallivan: What's that?

Jim: That's the Irish Nurture Boy... Wheeeee-o!

Gallivan: Lenoir snaps off a kick to Tumbler's ribs! He fires off another from the other side... but Tumbler catches his foot!... DRAGON-SCREW LEGWHIP BY TUMBLER! Tumbler maintains the grip on Lenoir's leg... and applies a Half-Crab!

Jim: That's desperation.

Gallivan: Lenoir is trying to reach towards his corner for the tag, but Tumbler is trying to walk Lenoir towards his own corner! Lee is reaching out his hand, waiting for the tag. Tumbler walks Lenoir to the middle of the ring, but Lenoir starts gripping the canvas, stopping his progress. Tumbler releases the hold, and staggers forward... FALLING INTO THE CORNER FOR THE TAG! These fans are on their feet now as Lee leaps over the top rope into the ring! Lenoir crawls back to his corner... and gets the tag before Lee reaches him! Hellfire steps into the ring... and Lee hits him with a Clothesline! He Irish Whips Hellfire off the far ropes... but Lenoir is back up and grabs Lee from behind, pinning his arms behind his back!

Jim: This should be good.

Gallivan: Hellfire bounces off the ropes and returns... but Lee brings up a Mule Kick into the groin of Lenoir to break his grip... AND CATCHES HELLFIRE FOR A SPINEBUSTER!!! He goes for the cover... 1... 2... No! Lenoir dropped and Elbow across the back of Lee's head to break the count! Rogers is ordering Lenoir out of the ring, and he complies. Lee gets back up and grabs Hellfire's leg.

Jim: Spinning toehold?

Gallivan: Lee holds Hellfire's legs open, and mimes a stomp to the groin, inciting a cheer from the fans... but he points to his shirt and relents. Lee steps in instead... TURNING HELLFIRE OVER INTO A SHARPSHOOTER!!! DI Rogers is checking on Hellfire as Lee increases the pressure on the hold. Outside the ring, Sin is watching on carefully. If you ask me, he should have been ejected from ringside long before now.

Jim: Well, nobody asked you, did they?

Gallivan: Hellfire's in real pain in there, and he's pointing towards the champions' corner, so he won't be able to make a tag anytime soon. Hellfire does a push-up, and starts walking himself towards the ropes... but Lee puts on the brakes! He leans back even farther... waitaminute! Lenoir steps through the ropes, and charges... SUPERKICKING LEE IN THE FACE TO BREAK THE HOLD!!! DI Rogers immediately charges over, and threatens Lenoir with disqualification. He warns him about interference, and Lenoir returns to the ring apron. Lee and Hellfire are both down, and now Rogers puts a count on both men. 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. 6.. 7... Hellfire is the first one up, but Lee is nearly up as well. Hellfire comes at Lee, hitting him with a high-impact Forearm shot to the side of the head! Lee hits Hellfire with a Knee in the midsection, then Fireman Carries Hellfire to the mat! Lee uses the second ring rope to bounce himself up into the air... AND NAILS HELLFIRE WITH AN ELBOWDROP! Lee hooks the leg... 1... 2... No! Hellfire got a foot out onto the ropes to break the count!

Jim: How long has this match gone on? I need another Guinness.

Gallivan: Lee is the first one up, and he waits on Hellfire. Lee boots him in the head as he gets up, but Hellfire shoots on him, hoisting him up for a Bearhug! He adjusts his grip, moving his arm under Lee's leg... BLAZING INFERNO ON LEE TODD!!!

Jim: Hellfire crushed him with that T-bone Suplex, and we've got new champions!

Gallivan: Instead of going for the cover, Hellfire points to his corner as he pulls Lee back to his feet. Lenoir puts his foot up on the top turnbuckle, and Hellfire attempts to Irish Whip Lee into the corner... but he counters, putting Hellfire in a Full Nelson position! Lee releases the hold... AND GRABS HELLFIRE FOR THE FUCK U!

[As he does, DI Rogers starts waving his arms and shouting at Lee. Lee hesitates, then releases Hellfire.]

Jim: Lee nearly got himself sued there.

Gallivan: The fans don't like it, but that was probably a smart move by Lee Todd.

Jim: That's instinct Gallivan. Even though he's not supposed to do it, Lee will still go for it.

Gallivan: Hellfire spins around... HITTING LEE WITH A 180 CLOTHESLINE! He didn't go down, but staggered back to the middle of the ring. Hellfire charges at Lee, but this time Lee ducks under another Clothesline attempt. He grabs Hellfire from behind, and hoists him up into a Back Suplex position... and holds him in the air! Lee spins around... BUT HELLFIRE'S FOOT CAUGHT DI ROGERS IN THE HEAD! Lee falls back for a Bridging Stalling Back Suplex... BUT THERE'S NO ONE TO MAKE THE COUNT!

Jim: Oh, what a shame.

Gallivan: Lenoir leaps into the ring as soon as Rogers hits the canvas, and charges across towards Tumbler! He crashes into the corner, and starts throwing punches at Tumbler, trying to keep him out of the ring. Tumbler starts firing back punches of his own that are snapping Lenoir's head back! Waitaminute! Sin jumps up onto the apron and nails Tumbler with a clubbing Clothesline to the back of the head! He grabs him by the throat... AND CHOKESLAMS TUMBLER OFF THE APRON TO THE CONCRETE FLOOR!!!

Jim: Hot damn!

Gallivan: That is insane! Inside the ring, Lee has released the bridge and now he cinches Hellfire up for a Piledriver... BUT LENOIR HITS HIM WITH A POLISH HAMMER TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD! Hellfire Backdrops Lee to the mat, and now Lenoir starts stomping on the Unified Champion while Sin climbs into the ring! This tag team title match has fallen apart here fans, and I can't say that I'm surprised. Sin pushes Lenoir aside and picks up Lee Todd in a powerbomb position. Lenoir heads up to the top rope as Hellfire grabs Lee by the head as Sin raises him off the mat! Rogers is still down, and although Lee is trying to fight out of this, Hellfire and Sin are holding him in place. "Punisher" Scott Lenoir leaps off the top... LANDING ACROSS LEE'S TORSO AS SIN AND HELLFIRE HIT HIM WITH A POWERBOMB/NECKBREAKER COMBO!!!

Jim: TRIPLE-BOMB SPLASHBREAKER!!!

Gallivan: What?

Jim: That's as good a name as any, isn't it?

Gallivan: Lee Todd has been demolished in that ring with that triple-team move. Although the fans cheered the move itself, they are dead against Sin and his Champions. Sin starts Stomping on the broken body of Lee, piston-style! The Champions of Sin bail out of the ring. Hellfire is retrieving a can of what looks like lighter fluid, and Lenoir is getting a chair!

Jim: Looks like Gladiator is going to miss out on the chance to end Lee Todd's career.

Gallivan: Sin picks up Lee... AND POWERBOMBS HIM FORCEFULLY TO THE CANVAS! Back in the ring, Lenoir sets up the steel chair in a seated position as Hellfire douses it with lighter fluid! Hang on! Here comes the Sentinel!!!

[The crowd reaction tells everyone in the ring what is happening as Gabriel Blade bursts through the entrance curtain and charges towards the ring.]

Gallivan: Sin motions to his Champions to continue as he turns to handle Gabe. Sin sizes up Gabe as he heads toward the ring... and runs! DEAR GOD!!! SIN COLLIDES INTO GABRIEL BLADE WITH AN OVER THE TOP ROPE SUICIDE DIVE!!!

Jim: Wow!

Gallivan: Gabe and Sin's velocity meant an incredible impact between these two men, and both are down, but not out. Both get to their feet slowly and start firing punches at each other! Ring security is trying to stay out of their way as the two big men start brawling down the entrance ramp, towards the back!

Jim: In the ring! In the ring!

Gallivan: Inside the ring, Lenoir has cinched up Lee in an Inverted DDT position... AND HELLFIRE SETS THE CHAIR ABLAZE!

Jim: Lee's gonna get barbecued!

Gallivan: That familiar "whoomf" sound must have signaled something in Lee's brain, because he's fighting back! He reaches up and grabs Lenoir by the ears, pulling his head down... AND SLAMMING A KNEE UP INTO HIS NOSE!!! That broke the hold, but now Hellfire boots Lee in the stomach as he tries to stand! Hellfire cinches Lee up in Powerbomb position, right in front of the flaming chair!... NO! LEE BREAKS FREE, BACKDROPPING HELLFIRE THROUGH THE FLAMING CHAIR!!!

Jim: Holy flaming cow! That chair just flattened under the weight of Hellfire!

Gallivan: That impact put most of the fire out, luckily for Hellfire, but his clothes are still smoking. Lee staggers forward, then turns around to face both men.

Jim: Who is the legal man?

Gallivan: Your guess is as good as mine. Lenoir is up first, and Lee hits him with a Knife-edge Chop!

Jim: Wheeee-o!

Gallivan: Lee pushes Lenoir up against the ropes, and Irish Whips him across the ring. Hellfire is getting back to his feet in the corner as Lenoir bounces off the ropes... AND LEE CATCHES HIM FOR A THESZ PRESS! He lands on Lenoir and starts hammering him with lefts and rights, but Hellfire comes up behind him... SUPERKICK IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD BY HELLFIRE!!! Lee goes down in a heap and Hellfire straddles across his back. He lifts Lee up by the arms... AND APPLIES A CAMEL CLUTCH! DI Rogers is now up in the corner, but he still looks dazed. Waitaminute! Lenoir is up and he grabs Lee by the feet... AND APPLIES A BOSTON CRAB AT THE SAME TIME!!!

Jim: Now we've got a problem.

Gallivan: What?

Jim: Just who is going to face the Roman Gladiator? Lee's about to be snapped in two.

[The cameras cut to the front row where several FHW wrestlers are seated. In particularly, Stu Price, who is cheering wildly for Lenoir and Hellfire.]

Gallivan: Hang on! Rogers looks at what's going on in the ring, and immediately orders the Champions of Sin to break up the move. They hesitate, but after a more stern warning, they release Lee. Rogers is ordering Lenoir out, and he heads to the apron. Hellfire looks down at Lee, who is crumpled in a heap, and just kicks him in the ribs to roll him over. Here's the lateral press, and this is academic at this point... 1... 2... NO! Lee Todd kicked out!

Jim: What?

Gallivan: Sin is long gone now, brawling with Gabriel Blade somewhere backstage, and the Champions are on their own. Tumbler is still out on the floor outside the ring, and several members of the ring crew are checking on him. Hellfire is up, and pulls Lee back to his feet. He circles behind him... and locks on a Cobra Clutch! This could be the Fire Pit! Waitaminute! Lee reaches back... AND NAILS HELLFIRE WITH A STUNNER!!! He lands on Hellfire and barely has the presence of mind to hook a leg... 1... 2... NO! Lenoir vaulted himself over the top rope into the ring, nailing Lee with an Elbowdrop that broke the count! Rogers forces him out then puts a count on both men. Lee Todd is fighting an uphill battle against two men here, and his partner has bee knocked unconscious.

[As Rogers counts, Lenoir drops off the apron, and circles the ring to retrieve the heavy chain that Sin brought to the ring.]

Gallivan: What's he doing?

Jim: Looks like it's time for another Todd-breaking moment.

Gallivan: Rogers reaches 6, and Hellfire is back up, but Lee isn't far behind! All four men have taken an incredible amount of punishment thus far. Hellfire Whips Lee off the ropes. He comes back... but ducks under a Clothesline attempt, hooking Hellfire around the waist! Lee picks him up, german-suplex style... BUT FALLS FORWARD!

Jim: What was that? An Atomic German Drop?

Gallivan: That sound about right. The shock went straight through Hellfire's body and this crowd starts to cheer again as Lee gets back to his feet. I have no idea how Lee is fighting both men in that ring. Lenoir is back on the apron, and he's got that chain concealed from Rogers under his arm. Lee pulls Hellfire off the ground, then bends down... and lifts Hellfire up onto his shoulders!

Jim: Crap, this doesn't look good.

Gallivan: I can't believe Lee still has the strength to do this. He takes a few steps, but Lenoir climbs onto the second rope... AND HE JUST TOSSED THAT CHAIN TO HELLFIRE! How did Rogers not see that?

Jim: It's called ring positioning.

Gallivan: Lee backs into a neutral corner, oblivious of the fact that Hellfire has the chain... AND HE'S ACTUALLY STEPPING UP ONTO THE ROPES WITH HELLFIRE ON HIS BACK!

Jim: No way.

Gallivan: Lee climbs up onto the second rope... BUT HELLFIRE BRINGS THE CHAIN DOWN ACROSS TODD'S HEAD!!! Hellfire quickly tosses the chain out of the ring as Lee Todd buckles underneath him. Hellfire leans forward... VICTORY ROLL OFF THE SECOND ROPE!!! DI Rogers still looks dazed, but he fights it off and drops down for the count. Waitaminute, Hellfire has a handful of tights... 1... 2... 3!!!

Jim: Yes! Finally!

Gallivan: Is it official? Yes, DI Rogers is calling for the bell... AND WE HAVE NEW CHAMPIONS!!!

[As the bell rings, Hellfire breaks the victory roll, and collapses back onto the canvas. Scott Lenoir quickly retrieves the Tag Titles from ringside and brings them into the ring.]

Gallivan: Fans, this match was just rife with interference, and what an ending. Lee Todd was fighting both men, and DI Rogers was too punch-drunk to control the chaos in the ring. Lee seemed to be going for a top rope Electric Chair Drop, which would have ended the match for sure.

Jim: Wah, wah, wha, boo-hoo. The UK Crew have held the belts since a week before Christmas, and now their reign is over! Ken Holbrook was right. Tonight is the beginning of the end for Lee Todd's reign in the UWS!

[Lenoir pulls Hellfire out of the ring and hands him his title. The fans are booing them unmercifully as they walk backstage with their belts held high, but it doesn't seem to bother them.]

[The show cuts to another backstage shot. This time, it's the Native who is standing next to Zeke in front of the UWS logo. Native is dressed in his leopard-skin loincloth and necklace of shark teeth. He is chewing on a large turkey drumstick as Zeke looks on.]

Zeke: Native. What are your thoughts on Lee Todd versus TRG?

Native: Mmmm, chik... ken.

Zeke: Oooookay. How about this. If you think Lee will win, give me one chik... ken, if you think Gladiator will win, give me two. Can you do that?

Native: Chik... ken.

Zeke: Does that mean Lee will win, or are you agreeing to my question?

Native: Chik... ken?

Zeke: (looking at the camera) There you have it guys. The Native is thoroughly backing... (he places his hand over his mouth) mphgmgugh... and he thinks he will win handily. Back to you guys.

[The show cuts back to the announce table.]

Gallivan: Fans, it looks like it's now time for our bonus match. Shane Brandon, who was injured at the hands of Gabriel Blade at Iron Man 2003, has been very cagey about the exact nature of his injuries. But it looks as though he is back.

Jim: As excited as I am to see Brandon in the ring again, I'm just itching to find out this super-secret opponent. Maybe it's Goldberg... or Sting!

Gallivan: I wouldn't hold your breath, Jim.

Jim: Ted Arcidi, maybe? Barry Windham? I've always wanted to call a Barry Windham match.

Gallivan: Jim, why don't we just listen to the intros.

Aspen: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a special challenge match, and is scheduled for one fall. Coming to the ring at this time...

[The lights in the arena dim, and a hush falls over the crowd. The Syni-tron slowly goes from pitch black, to a dark green, to a deep red in color. The image of a wooden cross appears onscreen as a deep, booming voice echoes throughout the building.]

Voice: Once, in a great long while... something big comes along... a sensation, if you will. Two thousand years ago, one such sensation appeared to the masses, preaching a new way. Mankind has suffered in silence since that day, waiting for another to appear. That wait is finally over... and it was well worth it.

[Suddenly, "Greet the Sacred Cow" by primus roars over the loudspeakers. The image on the Syni-tron shatters as a ton of red and green pyro shoots off on either side of the entrance curtain. The monster George, complete in his loincloth, steps through the curtain and raises his mammoth maul into the air. As he does, a rain of confetti and little paper crosses start to fall from the ceiling. George lumbers forward down the entrance ramp as another huge volley of pyros fire off and Gary Frat steps out through the entrance curtain, showing off his shirt which reads, "Better than Jesus."]

Jim: Gary Frat! That's way better than Barry Windham!

Gallivan: Fans, if anyone personifies style over substance, it's Gary Frat. Who is fronting the bill for this ludicrous intro?

Jim: I hear Frat pays for it himself. That's style, baby.

Gallivan: Dear heaven, these paper crosses have pictures of Frat on them. This is horrendously blasphemous.

Jim: Nah, it's just a bit of fun. Besides, Frat's not saying that he's the new Messiah... he's just saying that he's better than the old one.

[George walks up to the announce table, eyes the announcers suspiciously, the walks over to a corner of the ring and leans on the handle of his maul. Gary Frat walks down the entrance ramp, to a chorus of boos, then climbs into the ring. The referee begins pushing confetti and paper crosses out of the ring with his feet.]

Gallivan: Fans, I have no idea what he's doing in that ring, but Joe Generic will be officiating this one.

Aspen: And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time, from Long Beach, CA by way of Calgary, Alberta, Canada, and weighing in at 245 lbs... "THE THREAT" SHANE BRANDON™!!!

[The lights dim for a mere moment, before an explosion of pyro casts the arena in a fiery red glow. "Revolution" by the Neurotic Outsiders blares over the arena loudspeakers, as a clean-cut youngster, looking vaguely like Shane Brandon and wearing his exact wrestling gear, led by a beaming Hoss Titan, steps through the entrance curtain. The crowds reaction seems to faze him a little as he walks to the ring with an makeshift arrogant grin and attitude. As Brandon™ enters the squared circle, he does a few stretches and shakes his head from side to side much like a boxer in preparation for the battle ahead.]

Gallivan: I'll admit that I'm not one of Shane Brandon's biggest fans, but this is just a sham. I mean, dressing someone up like the Threat, just because he's unable to wrestle.

Jim: Just be glad poor ole Hoss isn't pretending to have Bell's Palsy. But this kid does look a lot like Shane Brandon.

Gallivan: I wouldn't go that far. He's got the same build, though.

Gallivan: I've got a really bad feeling about this. This kid who seems to be calling himself Shane Brandon--

Jim: TM.

Gallivan: Whatever. This kid will be facing "BTJ" Gary Frat, in a match that really has no right being on a pay-per-view event.

Jim: Say his full name.

Gallivan: No I will not.

Jim: Hehehe, wuss.

Gallivan: Frat and Brandon--

Jim: TM...

Gallivan: Stop doing that!

Jim: You're not pronouncing his name right! Be a professional, for Frat's sake.

Gallivan: What did you just say?

Jim: Nevermind what I said. Just do your job.

Gallivan: This is a madhouse. Presumably, the powers-that-be have decided to make full use of the Shane Brandon trademark, so we are subjected to this. Frat and Brandon™ circle each other, and finally go together in a collar-and-elbow tieup. Brandon™ Armdrags Frat to the canvas.

Jim: Brilliant!

Gallivan: That just looked green. Gary Frat is lying on the mat, motionless and Brandon--

Jim: Eh... eh.

Gallivan: Brandon™ stands up and does a slow, deliberate scan of the fans.

Jim: Wow, that's Brandon™ alright.

Gallivan: These fans are not too impressed with this contest thus far, despite the show that Hoss is putting on at ringside. He's dancing around like it's the main event. Brandon™ now pulls Frat back to his feet... and hits a dreadfully slow European Uppercut.

Jim: Slow? That was scintillating!

Gallivan: Jim, Zeke's pet tortoise could have avoided that uppercut; and he's slower than the average tortoise, for reasons you can well imagine. But Frat took it like it was a bullet. These fans are realizing that this match is a sham, and they are letting these two know it. The young Brandon™ is looking a little rattled in there, but Hoss is shouting encouragement to him. Brandon™ grabs Frat by the arm, and tosses him against the ropes. Frat comes back... and walks into just an awful Sidewalk Slam.

Jim: Thunderous!

Gallivan: Jim, stop making this match into a bigger sham than it already is. Shane Brandon™ stands up, and now he's signalling for the Promise. Trash is hitting the ring and this Brandon-clone looks ready to soil himself.

Jim: Not a problem. I'm sure Joe Generic has a spare set of pants on hand.

Gallivan: Brandon™ picks up Frat, and lovingly pushes him towards the ropes. Frat comes back... and walks right into a mangled neckbreaker-kinda-thing.

Jim: Call it right, bozo! That was the Promise! Executed to perfection.

Gallivan: How much is Hoss paying you?

Jim: Are you suggesting that I would pimp my color commentary out to the highest bidder? Gallivan, I should box your ears for suggesting that.

Gallivan: Whatever you say. Brandon-clone glances over to Hoss, who shouts for him to pin his opponent. Brandon™ drops onto Gary Frat, and after a few seconds Joe Generic drops down for the cover. Sheesh, we've got two braindead wrestlers in there with one braindead ref. This is truly the UWS's finest moment. 1... 2... 3. This sham is over, and I'm not surprised at all by the finish.

Jim: That may have been the greatest match I have ever witnessed.

Gallivan: Jim, it looked like it was in slow motion.

[And we're back again for another insightful thought provoking look in to tonight's main event. This time Zekes found a rather familiar looking fellow in a yellow vest and red bandana, with a slightly crooked yellow tache.]

Zeke: Your thoughts on like the big match.

Dunk Hogan: Well you know something brother this ones a tough one to call, the Gladiators so big he has like the second largest arms in the world. But you see I know something about Lee F'n' Todd he's been saying his prayers, he's been taking his vitamins and he believes in him self, brother.

Zeke: Really I've heard he's been watching porn, drinking and popping pills and after that man he'll believe in anything.

Dunk Hogan: But I want you to believe in me Zeke and all your little Zekemaniacs, believe that I am who I say I am, believe that Lee's going to be running all over that giants ass. Gladiator what you gonna do when I.... uhm I mean Lee runs wild on you.

[Growling ferociously Dunk Hogan tears off his vest, revealing that ominous Black I'm a face now shirt he wears beneath it for good luck.]

Dunk Hogan: Oh fudge.

Zeke: Woah dude it was really nice to meet you, I still remember when you slammed Andre when I was just a wee rugrat....

Dunk Hogan: Give it up Zeke it's just me again.

Zeke: Oh your worse at these disguises than Bad News.

[The show cuts to another backstage shot where Curtis Slamm sits in the locker room. He is lacing up his boots and adjusting his gear for his match, when a pair of nice legs catch Slamm's eyes but he doesn't smile. For as he lifts his head he sees Babe flanked by two big men in suits.]

[Babe clears her throat.]

[Slamm stands up, unamused.]

Babe: Well, well, well, hello Curtis. You ready for tonight?

Slamm: And then some.

Babe: (smirking) Well it was nice knowing you.

[Babe turns around, then stops and turns back. She wanders right up against Slamm's chest, seductively placing her hand there and running one finger up and down.]

Babe: You know you could have had it all. I still might see it in my heart to make a deal if you are interested? It's not too late for me to call Krav off and for you to help me.

Slamm: That's if he shows. That's right, I heard. You are running out of tricks Babe.

Babe: Don't be too sure of that.

Slamm: (starts to sniff the air) Hey, wait a minute, what's that smell?

[Slamm grabs Babe's fingers and flicks it aside. He leans in towards her neck, and Babe leans back with a smile on her face and her eyes closed ready for Slamm's gentle touch. Only Slamm sniffs at her neck and snaps his head back. He brings his hand up to cover his mouth and nose.]

Slamm: Damn you bathing in manure again. Is that men's aftershave I smell? Let me check under your arms, have you not been shaving?

[As Slamm fights with Babe, who is not amused by this, the bodyguards come up and push Slamm away, ready to pounce but Babe holds them back.]

Slamm: What? I just figured since you wanted so bad to be a man you might actually be changing into one or maybe you were always one to begin with?

Babe: Laugh it up, Slamm. Enjoy these precious last moments because tonight the end is near. You've made the biggest mistake of your life, and considering who I'm talking to, that's a pretty big mistake.

[Babe starts to walk out and starts talking to one of the suits.]

Babe: Call Poindexter see if he's picked Krav up yet and get my stylist on the phone, I want her to get me some new perfume.

[Slamm shakes his head and sits down, finishing getting ready.]

[The show cuts back to ringside, where Ryan Lockheart is waiting.]

Lockheart: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Coming to the ring at this time, from Burbank, CA, and weighing in at 255 lbs... CURTIS SLAMM!!!

[The house lights go out as the opening guitar riff from "Among The Living" begins. At the top of the rampway smoke fills the entrance into the arena. From out of the cloud, draped in a long robe with the hood coming over his face, a figure stands with his hands spread a few inches apart down at his waist. As the music continues, the figure starts to shuffle his feet. As the music hits a high point the house lights flash on and there stands Curtis Slamm, his head tilted to the sky and his hands raised up over his head, he releases an incredible yell. He undoes his robe and paces across the stage for a moment. Then Slamm stomps down to ringside and walks up the ringsteps to the apron.]

Gallivan: What is Gary Frat still doing in the ring?

Jim: What does Gary Frat do best? He's just bein' Gary Frat.

[Curtis just backs into a corner and watches Frat who yanks the microphone out of Ryan Lockheart's hands.]

Gary Frat: I don't know who the hell you are, buddy. But I do know what you aren't... and that's Better than Jesus!

Gallivan: Curtis Slamm isn't even acknowledging Frat's statement. Gary Frat tosses the mic back to Lockheart, and turns to leave the ring. Waitaminute! Slamm drops down into a three-point stance... AND CHARGES ACROSS THE RING, CRASHING INTO FRAT WITH A FULL BODY PRESS FROM BEHIND!!!

Jim: Hey! That's Gary Frat, you can't treat him like that!

Gallivan: Slamm just impaled Frat in that corner. He backs up, and Frat collapses to the mat and is dragged out of the ring by security. Curtis just shakes his head, and motions for Lockheart to continue the introductions.

Lockheart: And his opponent...

[The arena goes dark and "Call of Cthullu" begins to play. The fans begin to get louder until an all too familiar form steps through the entrance curtain.]

Gallivan: It's Dr. Karate! What the heck is he doing here?

Jim: And his man-Friday, Uesugi.

[Karate pulls out a microphone and makes a cutting motion. The lights come up, and the music stops.]

Dr. Karate: I hate to rain on your parade, Slamm, but Krav is AWOL. So, since you're all dressed to wrestle, I thought I'd give you a quick lesson in wrestlology 101. Turn your head and cough, Slamm... because the doctor is in.

Gallivan: Dr. Karate starts walking towards the ring, and it looks like we are actually going to have a match here.

Jim: No Krav... what a gyp!

Gallivan: Julio Suave is in the ring, and although Slamm isn't too pleased, he prepares to wrestle.

Gallivan: Dr. Karate removes his labcoat at ringside, and climbs into the ring. After what happened to Gary Frat, it looks like Dr. Karate is going to have a rough time of it.

Jim: Correction. Slamm is going to sleep.

Gallivan: Karate folds his hands in front of him, and bows to Slamm. Slamm rolls his eyes and gives Karate a short bow... but Karate Kicks him in the head! He grabs Slamm and Irish Whips him off the ropes... but Slamm reverses it! Karate comes back, and Slamm vaults him overhead with a Hiptoss! He sent him clear across the ring, but Karate is quick to get back to his feet. He regains his vertical base... AND SLAMM SHOVELS HIM INTO THE CORNER WITH A RUNNING LARIAT! Slamm reaches in, grabbing Karate for a Side Headlock... Headlock Takedown by Curtis Slamm!

Jim: Not a problem. This is all according to the good doctor's plan.

Gallivan: Slamm wraps his legs acround Karate's head and starts squeezing! Julio checks on Karate, his face getting redder by the second. Karate tries to bridge out of the move, but Slamm just shoves him back to the mat, ramming a heel into his sternum to boot... and now he punches Karate in the face! Dr. Karate starts flailing his legs, trying to inch closer to the ropes, and Slamm just starts pounding lefts and rights into his face! With Slamm's legs blocking him, Karate can't even get his hands up to protect himself. Julio Suave puts a count on Slamm for the closed fists, then calls for the break. He releases Karate, who starts crawling towards the near corner. Slamm gets back up... and Stomps Karate across the back! And again! And again! He pulls Karate up via his black belt... and Gutwrench Suplexes him to the mat! Slamm hooks the leg, and here's the cover... 1... 2... Kickout!

Jim: That pinfall attempt was in his plan. Slamm is walking right into it. What a sucker!

Gallivan: Uesugi, the Japanese Torpedo, is now standing at ringside watching his manager get manhandled rather impassively.

Jim: How can you get manhandled impassively?

Gallivan: I meant Uesugi was watching impassively.

Jim: Then that's what you should have said. We've got grammar for a reason Gallivan.

Gallivan: Slamm is back up and pulls Karate to his feet. He grabs him by the arm... and Irish Whips him hard into the corner! Karate staggers out... and ducks under a Clothesline attempt by Slamm! Karate grabs Slamm with a waistlock, trying to German him... but Slamm snaps off a Back Elbow that breaks the hold! He spins around and grabs Dr. Karate... RELEASE OVERHEAD BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX BY CURTIS SLAMM!!! These fans are cheering the unlikely fan favorite as he stands up and waits on Dr. Karate. Karate is slow to stand and Slamm moves around behind him... AND LOCKS ON A COBRA CLUTCH!

Jim: Crap. The cobra is Dr. Karate's one weakness.

Gallivan: I thought you hated Dr. Karate.

Jim: Oh yeah, I forgot. Get him Slamm!

Gallivan: Julio double-checks that the hold isn't a choke, and Slamm is cranking it tight on the Kung-fu medical practitioner. Julio raises Karate's arm... and it stays up! Curtis Slamm tightens the hold, and Karate starts flailing... AND HE'S TAPPING! Julio immediately calls for the bell, and this one is over! Was that in his plan, Jim?

Jim: Um... maybe. It's a long-term plan, I'm sure.

Gallivan: Slamm releases Dr. Karate, and he bails out of the ring in a heap. Slamm raises an arm to the fans, then turns to leave. Waitaminute! Uesugi has climbed up onto the ring apron, and now he's pointing at Slamm!

Jim: Aha! See, this IS all part of Dr. Karate's plan.

Gallivan: Slamm turns around as the fans continue to cheer.

[Slamm rolls his head around, getting some of the kinks out of his neck. He ponders at the determined look in the eyes of Uesugi. He then nods.]

Gallivan: Slamm is on for another match! He beat Uesugi in a rather unfair contest at Iron Man 2003, and it looks like the rookie wants another shot at him. Julio is checking with the boys at ringside, and he's calling for the bell! We've got another match!

Jim: Brilliant strategy by Dr. Karate. He comes in to wear down Slamm, then sends Uesugi in to finish him off.

Gallivan: Uesugi and Slamm lock up forcibly, and Slamm pushes him back against the ropes. He hammers Uesugi with a Forearm shot to the chest, and Uesugi fights back with a snapping left hand to the head! Slamm fires off a heavy Punch, and Uesugi stings Slamm with a Knife-edge Chop across the chest! Slamm hits him with another Forearm shot to the chest.

Jim: That one nearly sent Uesugi over the top rope.

Gallivan: Slamm fires off another Forearm shot, but Uesugi ducks underneath it, trying to Backdrop Slamm out of the ring! Hang on! Slamm holds onto the top rope as he balances on Uesugi's shoulder. He falls back, grabbing Uesugi by the head... DDT BY SLAMM!!!

Jim: Aw, crap.

Gallivan: Slamm is back up, and pulls Uesugi to his feet. He picks him up for a Backbreaker... BUT UESUGI REVERSES IT INTO A HEADSCISSORS! Both men scramble back to their feet, and Uesugi flails wildly, but Slamm ducks! He hoists up Uesugi... planting him with a Back Suplex! Outside the ring, Dr. Karate is screaming and yelling for Uesugi to fight back. Slamm is back up again, pulling up Uesugi. He fires him chest-first into the ropes... AND BLASTS UESUGI INTO THE SMALL OF THE BACK WITH A FOREARM ELBOW SHOT! Slamm spins him around, hoisting him up into a Fireman Carry... AND PLANTS HIM FOR THE SCORN!!!

Jim: That's it, Uesugi screwed up Dr. Karate's plan. It's all gone to crap!

Gallivan: Slamm rolls onto Uesugi, and Julio Suave drops down for the cover... 1... 2... 3! And it's all over! Curtis Slamm has beaten both men!

[Slamm shoves Uesugi out of the ring, and he is caught by Dr. Karate, who starts helping him towards the back. As the fans cheer him, and Slamm catches his breath, he calls for a microphone. Eventually, a ring attendant hands him one, and he motions for the fans to quiet down.]

Slamm: I've got something to say. Krav, wherever the hell you are... you're nothing but a hack and a coward!

Jim: Woah! I like this Slamm guy... he's crazy.

Slamm: Krav, do us all a favor and crawl back under whatever rock you've called your home for the past few years. Your time is done.

[Slamm tosses the mic to the canvas, and starts climbing out of the ring.]

Gallivan: It looks like Curtis Slamm has put some of those demons behind him. The wrestling business seems too often filled with tragedy, as we saw with the passing of Miss Elizabeth last week. It's good to see someone getting their life back on track.

Jim: Don't speak too soon, Gallivan.

[Slamm stops as he walks onto the entrance ramp just as Babe steps through the entrance curtain, microphone in hand. Some of the fans whistle and catcall, but the rest boo her.]

Babe: That was very impressive, Curtis. Krav may not be here, but I was talking with a few of the boys, and they were nice enough to agree to come out here and finish the job. Boys...

[Babe steps aside, and pulls open the entrance curtain. There, Sin, Hellfire, and Scott Lenoir step onto the entrance ramp, and start to slowly walk towards the ring.]

Gallivan: There they are... Judge, Jury, and Executioner. The Champions of Sin are still dressed in their ring gear, but now they are sporting the tag titles around their waist.

Jim: This doesn't look good for Slamm.

Gallivan: It sure doesn't. Hellfire and Lenoir tried to cripple him at Blackened, and it looks like they are here to finish the job. The tag champs charge... BUT SIN DROPS DOWN TO ONE KNEE!

Jim: Wha? He's having a heart attack!

Gallivan: No he isn't! Craig Lassiter breaks through the entrance curtain with a steel chair in hand. He must have tagged Sin with a chairshot from behind the curtain. Lenoir and Hellfire charge at Slamm, but he's ready for them. Slamm ducks... BACKDROPPING BOTH MEN OVER HIS HEAD ONTO THE ENTRANCE RAMP! Lassiter fires a glance at Babe, who quickly retreats backstage. Lassiter runs down the ramp, and tosses the chair to Slamm! Curtis Slamm spins around, the wind whistling off that chair as he does... AND BARELY MISSES CATCHING HELLFIRE ACROSS THE HEAD! Lenoir and Hellfire wisely back off, towards the ring. Craig Lassiter looks back to the entrance ramp, where Sin is now standing up again! Lassiter says something to Slamm, and both of them leap over the barricade, into the crowd.

Jim: Once again, Slamm avoids getting what's coming to him.

Gallivan: How can you say that?

Jim: Hey, I just don't like the guy.

[The show cuts backstage where, you guessed it folks, Zeke is back again. Lets see who he found this time (yawn).]

Zeke: We have here with me today the worlds foremost expert on the whooping of the ass.

Professor Whoop Whoop: Yar when engaging in zee tactical war vare az zee boys are destined to tonight, one must always take in to account zee vulnerability of the posterior. A zharp blow with a foreign object in that region will bring even the largest of opponents to his knees, and I'm zure Lee is very aware of that. And zis knowledge and zis knowledge alone will bring him za victory.

Zeke: That's like sick man.

Professor Whoop Whoop: Ah but zis it so zick zat doing it wouldn't be worth the price of victory. I mean let'z vace it if Lee doesn't cheat, if he doesn't find za way to gain some sort of unfair advantage that big ol nasty Gladiator will beat him. Possibly only kill him ziz is za only way and Lee well he knows it.

[Suddenly, Dr. Zamboolah walks into the shot, wearing his labcoat complete with stethoscope around his neck.]

Dr. Zamboolah: Hey dere. Wad you doon, talkin' like dat?

Professor Whoop Whoop: Huh?

Dr. Zamboolah: Yoo can be a zilly accent guy, but not a zilly accent doctor... Dat be my gimmick, quack-man. Now get yer Whoop Whoopin' buttock outta here before I sign yer deaf satificate.

Todd: (in his regular Lee Todd voice) Is that a threat, old man?

Dr. Zamboolah: (pulling out a blank death certificate and a pen) No vay. Dat's a promise. (he puts the pen to paper) Now, vat yur name, silly-boy?

Todd: Um... Thorn. Yeah, Brian Thorn. B... r... i... a... n...

Dr. Zamboolah: (concentrating on writing) Torn... is dat with one "u" or two?

Todd: Just one.

Dr. Zamboolah: Gotcha. (he waves the paper at Lee) Now, you bedder scram, meester, or I send dis paper to da morge.

Todd: (raising his hands in mock surrender) Ok, doc. Sorry about all this.

[Lee walks off. Zeke just stares at Dr. Zamboolah.]

Dr. Zamboolah: Vat? T'chou want me to do vone out for you too, hippy-guy?

Zeke: No way dude, I'm cool.

Dr. Zamboolah: (folding his arms) You bedder be.

[The show cuts to another shot, where Babe is walking briskly towards one of the exits. The sound of footsteps is heard, and Craig Lassiter runs up behind her, grabbing her by the arm.]

Babe: Hey! Get your...

[She turns to see Craig, then smiles. Babe gently removes his hand from the sleeve of her jacket.]

Babe: Yes?

Lassiter: You mind telling me what the hell is going on with you? I mean, wanting to get back at management is one thing, but trying to swing a deal with Krav? What are you thinking, girl?

[The smile on Babe's face disappears, replaced by a very serious look.]

Babe: Don't call me girl, Craig. I've got my reasons for what I'm doing, and they don't concern you.

Lassiter: Don't you think Slamm's had it hard enough?

Babe: Curtis is a big boy, and he doesn't need anyone looking out for him; least of all you. And you don't know anything about our arrangement, so don't pretend you do. Slamm's in over his head, and I don't suggest you dive in with him.

[Babe playfully scratches a fingernail up Craig's neck, flicking them off his chin, then turns and continues towards the exit. Craig just shakes his head and turns around, nearing walking right into Ken Holbrook.]

Holbrook: Just the man I'm looking for. Craig, I just got off the phone with your brother.

Lassiter: (absent-mindedly) So?

Holbrook: Well, he just gave me some news that I thought you might appreciate. It seems that the boys on the board have been very impressed with both Gabriel Blade and Sin over the past few weeks. Gabriel's new manager can also be very persuasive when he wants to be. So their match tonight, in addition to being for the OWF Division Title... is now a #1 contenders match for the Unified Title.

Lassiter: What? We don't even know when the next pay-per-view is going to be, and they already want to sanction a #1 contender?

Holbrook: That's right. They want to market the hell out of the next Unified Title Match. I just hope your boy Blade is ready for the big time. I know Sin is.

Lassiter: Gabe's been ready for some time now.

Holbrook: You know something, Craig. This petty bickering between us is pointless. Maybe we should just spend the pay-per-view in style, sitting in a skybox and drinking beer.

[The two of them glance over their shoulders towards the camera with their eyes raised, then look back at each other.]

Both: Nah.

[The show quickly cuts back to the announce table.]

[The show cuts backstage where "Sentinel" Gabriel Blade is in his dressing room, getting ready for his match. O'Reilly is nowhere to be seen, and Gabe is already in his gear, just gathering his thoughts. There is a knock on the door, and Michael Burke walks in. Gabe's face lights up as he sees him.]

Gabriel Blade: (rising to meet him) Mike! Great to see you, how are you doing?

Burke: Well, it could be worse. I don't have time to talk about it now. I'm just here to sort out some contract stuff with management. But I couldn't let you go out there without wishing you luck.

Gabriel Blade: Thanks. And I want to see you back in the ring as soon as possible too.

Burke: There's nothing I'd like more, but some stuff is just more important at the moment.

Gabriel Blade: I hear you.

[The two stand in awkward silence for a second, as Mike looks as if he's going to say something else, but changes his mind.]

Burke: I've got to go. Tear him up, ok?

Gabriel Blade: You got it.

[The Demolition Man heads out of the room and nearly walks into Zeke, who is still wandering around with his camera.]

Zeke: Dude, can I get a few words about the main event?

Burke: I'm busy Zeke. Have you seen Donnie Rose?

Zeke: Yeah, he's in the chaos room.

Burke: Where is it?

Zeke: Hang on, I'll show ya.

[Zeke leads the way with Burke following close behind. They head through a room pile high with packing crates, then into another hallway. They head to the end of the hall, and Zeke pushes open the door, which apparently leads outside.]

Zeke: Oh, waitaminute, this isn't right.

Burke: Zeke, I'm really in a hurry here.

[Then, out of the shadows of an alcove, a figure in a black hooded robe leaps into sight. The shape blasts Michael Burke with an Elbow to the temple that stuns him, then choke-shoves him into the wall, knocking the wind out of him.]

Zeke: Dude! That's not cool!

[The shape grabs Burke by the hair, and runs him headfirst into the metal exit door, tossing him out into the parking lot in the process. It follows him out, stomping Burke in the head before pulling him back to his feet and whipping him into a large dumpster. At this point, the voices of the announcers break into the feed.]

Gallivan: What on earth is going on? Michael Burke, whom we haven't seen in some time, has been attacked by this figure in a flowing black robe.

Jim: The monks are in the UWS! Forget about the Shinobis... fear the monks!

Gallivan: The shape rams Burke headfirst into the dumpster, cutting open his head in the process. Now he Fireman Carries Burke up, and onto the dumpster! The shape climbs up after him.

Jim: Good thing that lid is closed.

Gallivan: Fans, I have no idea what's going on here.

Jim: What else is new?

Gallivan: The figure cinches up Michael Burke... Dear Heaven! He hoists him up... AND PILEDRIVES HIM ONTO THE TOP OF THE DUMPSTER!!!

Jim: Holy crap! That lid must've buckled a good foot and a half!

Gallivan: The figure falls backward off the dumpster, then gets back to its feet. It stares at the unmoving figure of the Demolition Man, and wipes some imaginary dust from its hands.

[The shape disappears back into the arena as the show cuts back to ringside.]

Gallivan: I'm being told that we've got security en route to help out Michael Burke. No doubt someone will be the unlucky man to break the news to Gabriel Blade.

Jim: I'll do it!

Gallivan: Regardless of what we've just seen, we've got another match to take care of. We've seen a lot of posturing from both of these men, but Gabe had his mind focused on the Iron Man competition whilst Sin was trying to push his buttons. But now that the tournament is over, Gabe is ready to show Sin what he's all about.

Jim: As if these two didn't have enough to fight about, they've just been told that the winner of this match will become the #1 contender for the Unified Title.

Gallivan: Sin and his cronies have been exceptionally intrusive tonight, and I don't think this match is going to be any different. Hellfire and Lenoir are now at ringside after that deflated scrap with Slamm, and Sin is waiting in the ring.

Jim: Three-on-one before the bell even starts. We are going to see a new OWF champion.

Gallivan: The lovely Aspen Sandstrum is on the ring apron, not daring to step through the ropes with Sin in there, so here we go.

Aspen: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the OWF Division Title. Already in the ring at this time, the challenger, from Burkettesville, MD, and weighing in at 345 lbs... SIN!!!

["Black All Over" begins to play, but is cut short as Sin makes a cut-throat gesture with his thumb.]

Aspen: And his opponent, the champion. Coming to the ring at this time, from Athens, Greece, and weighing in at 246 lbs... "SENTINEL" GABRIEL BLADE!!!

["And Justice For All" plays as Gabriel Blade steps onto the entrance ramp. His new business manager, O'Reilly steps out behind him with a smile on his face. Those observant of the human soul can easily see the wonder and awe still there in his eyes as he surveys the scene before turning to face the ring and marching resolutely forward.]

Gallivan: Gabe looks pissed, so we can only assume that he knows about what just happened to Michael Burke. Obviously, we'll give you information on his condition as we get it. Julio Suave has now stepped into the ring as Gabe jumps onto the apron. He points out Hellfire and Lenoir to Julio, and Julio is ordering them away from ringside.

Jim: He can't do that!

Gallivan: He can, and he is. Waitaminute! The Champions of Sin are circling the ring now, looking up at Gabriel Blade. Gabe is in real trouble here.

[Suddenly, "The Cheesecake Truck" by King Missile begins to play. The fans seem a little confused until the sexiest man over 700 lbs squeezes through the entrance curtain.]

Gallivan: It's Seun! He's back!

[With a huge hunk of feta cheese in his hand, Seun waddles towards the ring, heading straight for the new tag champs.]

Gallivan: Hellfire and Lenoir are backing off from our massive security enforcer, and wisely so.

Jim: That block of cheese is bigger than my head!

[Hellfire and Lenoir back against the security railing at ringside, and Seun just stands in front of them, watching them carefully.]

Gallivan: Julio seems content to let the tag champs stay at ringside now that Seun is keeping an eye on him.

Jim: Even his eyes are fat.

Gallivan: Gabe steps into the ring with Sin, depositing the OWF Title to a ring attendant, and Julio calls for the bell!

Gallivan: They lock up, and Gabe immediately scoops up Sin, Bodyslamming him to the mat! Sin starts to stand, but Gabe hits him with a jab to the head as he rises. He cinches Sin before he can regain his vertical base... AND POWERBOMBS HIM!

Jim: Gabe's not wasting any time here tonight.

Gallivan: Gabe pulls Sin off the mat, and Snapmares him to the canvas. He goes for a Rear Chinlock... but Sin reaches up, raking the eyes of Gabe! Sin uses the few seconds to get to his feet. He spins around... and hammers Gabe with a Forearm Elbow shot! And another! Those shots really rocked Gabe. Sin grabs him by the arm, and Irish Whips him off the ropes. Gabe bounces off the far ropes... AND SIN HURLS HIM INTO THE AIR WITH AN ELEVATED BACKDROP! We haven't seen anyone big enough to throw Gabe around since his feud with Judas Dagon. Sin drops onto Gabe as he tries to stand, and applies a Rear Chinlock!

Jim: Uncharacteristic wrestling hold from Sin.

Gallivan: Sin is putting all of his weight down on the Sentinel, and that's a lot of weight. Gabe is already starting to waiver. These two are incredibly evenly matched. They are both big, powerful men, and are very determined when it comes to getting what they want.

Jim: Hellfire and Lenoir are cheering on Sin, and O'Reilly is cheering on Gabe.

Gallivan: Julio Suave is checking on Gabe, and he looks like he's going out! Sin is just squeezing the life out of him. Julio raises Gabe's arm... and it drops! He lifts it again... and it drops again!

Jim: Sin's got his number!

Gallivan: These fans are cheering Gabe on, but he looks completely out of it! Julio raises Gabriel Blade's arm for a third time... AND IT DROPS!

Jim: What? I knew Sin would win... but that's record time! We've got a new OWF champion!

Gallivan: Waitaminute fans, Julio Suave is waving it off! He gets in close to Sin... and now he's calling for the break!

[Sin releases the hold as Gabe slumps to the canvas, completely out. He stands up, dwarfing the referee, who begins shouting at him.]

Gallivan: Fans, I don't know what Julio is upset about, but he's putting a count on Sin, and threatening to disqualify him!

Jim: This is insane! He already won the match, and now Julio is going to disqualify him?

Gallivan: For once, I agree with you Jim. This whole situation seems very strange. Julio threatens to disqualify Sin again, and the big man grudgingly removes his elbowpads and tosses them out of the ring! Fans, I'm as confused as you are. Julio is now checking on Gabriel Blade, but Sin pushes him away and starts stomping on the Sentinel!

Jim: I'll get to the bottom of this.

[Jim jumps up from his announce position and retrieves the elbowpads.]

Gallivan: Well?

Jim: (sniffing) Gallivan, I've been in the wrestling business long enough to know what chloroform smells like... and this is it.

Gallivan: Chloroform on the elbowpads... that explains Sin's early dominance! Thank heaven Julio realized what Sin was trying to do. But the damage may have already been done. In the ring, Sin pulls Gabe to his feet... and hoists him up for a Vertical Suplex! Sin floats over onto Gabe, and hooks the leg... 1... 2... NO! Gabe got a shoulder up!

Jim: I thought it was over!

Gallivan: So did many of these fans. Gabe is still a zombie in that ring, but he's slowly coming out of his temporary fugue. Sin picks up Gabriel Blade... AND HURLS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!

Jim: So much for submission and pinfall. I guess Sin is just going to break him in half now.

Gallivan: Sin steps over the top rope and drops to the floor after him. Outside, Gabriel Blade is slowly getting back to his feet, but he still looks very groggy. Sin walks in... but Gabe hits him with a punch in the midsection!

Jim: Not a lot of pepper on that one.

Gallivan: Gabe hits Sin with another shot, this one to the head, and grabs Sin by the arm. He tries to Irish Whip Sin into the guardrail... BUT HE REVERSED IT! Gabe crashes into the guardrail and staggers back out... WALKING INTO A BEARHUG FROM SIN!!! Hold on! Sin barely gets the Bearhug cinched when Gabe blasts him with an Ear-ringer to break it! Sin staggers back and Gabe steps in, hitting him with a right hand! He swings for another shot, but Sin blocks it... AND CHOKESLAMS GABE TO THE FLOOR!!!

Jim: Blammo!

Gallivan: Julio Suave reached 6, but decided to wave off the count. He slides out of the ring, and now he's trying to get Sin to head back into the ring.

Jim: Good luck. That's like trying to get me to part with me Lucky Charms.

Gallivan: I thought you were finished with abusing the Irish stereotype.

Jim: Shut up, or I'll hit you with a sack of potatas. Or a shillelagh, whichever is less politically correct.

Gallivan: Sin rolls under the bottom rope to break the count, then rolls back out. It looks like he's going to take it to Gabe on the outside. Seun is staying between the Champions of Sin and the action. Sin hammers Gabe with a Forearm shot across the shoulderblades. Gabe comes up onto his feet, hitting Sin with a flurry of shots to the stomach! He brings himself up, staggering Sin with an Uppercut, then boots him in the midsection... AND DDTS HIM ONTO THE CONCRETE FLOOR!!!

Jim: That woke up these fans.

Gallivan: Gabe pulls himself back to his feet and shakes away the cobwebs. He picks up Sin... AND HURLS HIM SHOULDER-FIRST INTO THE RINGSTEPS!

Jim: I miss the old Gabe, who would get his ass handed to him every week. This new Gabe insists on fighting back... it's a disturbing trend.

[As Gabe takes a second to catch his breath, O'Reilly picks up the OWF Title and moves towards Sin, threateningly. Sin gets back to his knees, and fires a look at O'Reilly, who quickly backs off, nearly falling over as he does.]

Gallivan: Gabe heads over, and rolls back into the ring. Julio Suave follows him in, and now he's putting a count on Sin. Inside the ring, Gabe looks to finally be getting his senses back after that chloroform attack early in this contest. Julio reaches 5, and Sin is barely moving on the outside.

Jim: Something tells me Gabe isn't going to be satisfied with a countout.

Gallivan: Sin drags himself back to his feet at 7, and rolls back into the ring at 8! Gabe jumps on him as he comes back in, locking on a Front Facelock. Sin tries to lift Gabe off the mat, but he reaches down with his free hand, and cranks up on Sin's arm, targetting that shoulder that just kissed the ringsteps. Gabe underhooks Sin's injured shoulder... SINGLE-ARM UNDERHOOK SUPLEX! Gabe followed the big man over, and applies an Armbar on Sin! He's trying to rip Sin's arm out of the socket, and he's in real trouble in that ring.

Jim: Shoulda used strichnyne instead of chloroform.

Gallivan: Sin reaches up, and nails Gabe with a punch... and another! He's trying to maneouver back to his feet, but Gabe is keeping him grounded to maximize the pressure on that submission hold. Julio Suave is keeping an eye on both men without getting too close. O'Reilly is cheering Gabe on from the floor, having put the title back on the timekeeper's table. The Sentinel has been very focused on the match thus far, and I wonder just how much O'Reilly has attributed to that. Sin hits Gabe with another punch, but Gabe re-adjusts, using one leg to pin down Sin's free arm. Sin bridges himself up, pushing Gabe off... THEN ROLLS OVER TO GRAB THE BOTTOM ROPE!

Jim: Nice move.

Gallivan: Sin's such a big man, we often forget that he can still move. Julio calls for the break, and Gabe complies. He backs away from the ropes, allowing Sin to get to his feet. Gabe charges at Sin... BUT SIN ARMDRAGS HIM INTO THE TURNBUCKLE! Gabe hit awkwardly, with his collarbone taking the brunt of the impact! He slumps into the corner as Sin comes in after him... BUT GABE VAULTS HIMSELF OUT OF THE CORNER, DROPPING SIN WITH A JUMPING LARIAT!!!

Jim: Force equals mass times velocity. Gabe's already got the mass, and he just yanked that velocity out of nowhere!

Gallivan: Both men are down now, with Gabe holding onto his shoulder. Julio puts a count on both men, but I'm pretty sure they aren't going to stay down.

Jim: You can take that one to the bank.

Gallivan: Both men are slow to get up, but they are ready to tear it up again. Gabe is up first, but he's still rotating his arm in an attempt to loosen the kinks in his collarbone. Sin steps in, sporting a kickboxing stance, and fires off a Jumping Back Kick... but Gabe catches his foot! Single-leg Takedown by Gabe, and he's got Sin by the foot! He tries to turn him over into a Half Crab... but Sin fires off a kick into Gabe's stomach, knocking the wind out of him! Sin stands up, and cinches Gabe with a Side Headlock. He starts cranking down on Gabe's head, but Gabe tries to lift Sin off the mat... but he can't get him up! Again, Gabe tries to Back Suplex his way out of the hold, but Sin adjusts his weight, stopping him cold.

Jim: Enough of this wrestling... let's see some blood!

Gallivan: Gabe shoves Sin off the ropes, finally breaking the hold. Sin bounces off the far ropes... and ducks under a Clothesline attempt by Gabe! Both men criss-cross and come together in the middle of the ring... DOUBLE SHOULDERBLOCK! These two mammoth individuals slammed into each other, and neither one of them went down! Sin reaches out, hooking Gabe's arm... AND HIPTOSSES HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!!! Waitaminute! Gabe landed on the ring apron!

Jim: And Sin is looking in the wrong direction.

Gallivan: Sin takes a second to sneer at the fans, who are cheering on the Sentinel. He turns around... AND GABE SLINGSHOTS HIMSELF BACK INTO THE RING... CROSS BODYBLOCK BY GABRIEL BLADE!!! He's got Sin's legs hooked, and Julio drops down for the count... 1... 2... NO! Sin managed to kick out!

Jim: That was a close one.

Gallivan: Gabe is up and pulls Sin to his feet. The big man hits Gabe with a right hand across the head, but Gabe rams a Knee into Sin's midsection to cut his flurry short. He Irish Whips Sin hard into the turnbuckle... AND CHARGES IN, HITTING SIN WITH A CLOTHESLINE IN THE CORNER! With the fans cheering on, Gabe bends down, and hoists Sin up to a seated position on the top rope!

Jim: That's a lot of humanity on that turnbuckle. Let's hope the ring crew know what they are doing.

Gallivan: Gabe hits Sin with a few punches to the head as he climbs up onto the second rope himself. Sin starts firing back punches of his own, but Gabe stops him short with a beefy Forearm Elbow shot to the head! He cinches up Sin... AND SUPERPLEXES HIM CLEAR ACROSS THE RING!!!

Jim: Hot damn, I think that knocked a few fillings loose!

Gallivan: These fans are cheering on Gabe as he slowly stands up. He stands over Sin and the big man isn't moving! Gabe leaps into the air... coming down with a Legdrop across Sin's chest! Gabe grabs Sin by the head and hits him with a couple of very forceful punches! Now he pulls Sin back to his feet, and Irish Whips him off the ropes. Gabe lowers his head to catch Sin for a Canadian Backbreaker... BUT SIN GRABS GABE BY THE HAIR AND RAMS HIS HEAD ACROSS SIN'S KNEE! He pulls Gabe back upright by the hair... AND LOCKS ON A COBRA CLUTCH FROM BEHIND!!!

Jim: This is the Sindrome!

Gallivan: Hang on! Gabe reaches back, grabbing him by the head! He tries to Snapmare Sin out of the hold, but Sin holds on! Sentinel just fires off a pair of awkward punches to the head of Sin, and that seemed to dislodge Sin's grip on the Cobra Clutch! Sin releases him, and spins Gabe around by the shoulder... AND GABE APPLIES THE GATEWAY TO ETERNITY!!!

Jim: How do you like a mouthful of finger?

Gallivan: Sin slams both palms into Gabe's chest, forcibly breaking the hold! He boots Gabe in the midsection and cinches him for a Vertical Suplex... but Gabe blocks it with his foot! He readjusts... and Suplexes Sin to the canvas!

Jim: This match is the definition of see-saw.

Gallivan: Gabe gets up to his knees... AND APPLIES THE GATEWAY TO ETERNITY ON SIN!!!

Jim: Sin's pinned down to the mat, and it's incredibly difficult to get any purchase when you're flat on your back.

Gallivan: I don't know. Your mom did alright in that respect.

Jim: Gallivan... do my ears deceive me? Was that a dig?

Gallivan: I'm sorry fans, I apologize for that. It was uncalled for.

Jim: Gallivan, the only thing lamer than only telling one joke during our entire time on the air, is apologizing after it.

Gallivan: Julio is checking on Sin and these fans are cheering on Gabriel Blade, who is a three count away from winning this contest!

Jim: He's always a 3 count away from winning. Everybody is!

Gallivan: Julio puts the count on Sin... 1... 2... No! He got a shoulder up! Gabe is cranking down that mandible claw, and you can see the Champions of Sin getting antsy on the outside. Sin's shoulder falls back to the mat, and Julio drops down for another count... 1... 2... NO! Again, Sin got a shoulder up! Gabe finally releases the hold in frustration and stands up. He looks out to the fans in attendance, who are cheering him on. Seun is watching Lenoir and Hellfire on the outside and O'Reilly is shouting for Gabe to finish Sin off.

Jim: He can't beat him. Sin's a monster.

Gallivan: Gabe looks down at Sin, who isn't moving, and heads for the top rope! He forgoes heading to the apron, and simply climbs up the ropes from the inside. He reaches the top, and turns around to face the ring... BUT SIN STANDS STRAIGHT UP!

Jim: What?!

Gallivan: Sin bolted upright as if Colin Clive had just thrown the switch!

Jim: And you say I make obscure references?

Gallivan: That's not obscure. Sin reaches the corner in a single lunge... AND GORILLA SLAMS THE SENTINEL OFF THE TOP ROPE!!! I don't know where this big man was hiding that energy, but he's looking renewed in there. Sin looks down at Gabe, who is trying to get up... and drops him with a Short Clothesline!

Jim: Gabe's guilty in Sin's eyes.

Gallivan: Everybody's guilty in Sin's eyes. If you prescribe to the bible's views, then everyone is born with original sin.

Jim: What's that, like poking a badger with a spoon?

Gallivan: Huh?

Jim: That's a pretty original sin, you have to admit.

Gallivan: Jim, you turned all religious on us a while back. Did you actually read the bible during your epiphany period?

Jim: Um... I skimmed it. I do know there was a lot of 'begat'ing. Much like Melrose Place in that respect.

Gallivan: Gabe won't stay down, despite the fact that Sin has turned this match completely around. He grabs Gabe as he stands, and Irish Whips him off the ropes... Mafia Kick by Sin! Gabe drops and Sin leaps into the air... Splash by Sin! He hooks the leg, and here's the count... 1... 2... NO! Gabe got a shoulder up just before the 3 count!

Jim: He's already been beaten once. That was almost twice.

Gallivan: Don't even start that. Now it's Sin who is looking frustrated. He slowly gets back to his feet and waits on Gabe, hammering him across the back with a Forearm shot! And another! Gabe hits Sin with a Shoulderblock! And another! He stands up straight... and hits Sin with a hefty Knife-edge Chop! Gabe grabs Sin by the throat... BUT HE CAN'T LIFT HIM UP! Sin hits Gabe with an Elbow to the side of the head, but Gabe maintains his grip! Sin hits him again!

Jim: That shot sounded like it knocked a few back teeth loose!

Gallivan: Sin goes again... BUT GABE DUCKS UNDER IT! He grabs him from behind for a Back Suplex! Gabe hoists him up... BUT SIN PIVOTS HIS BODY, CAUSING GABE TO BUCKLE UNDER HIS WEIGHT! Sin comes down hard on Gabe, and here's another cover... 1... 2... Kickout by Gabriel Blade!

Jim: That was close. I thought O'Reilly was going to jump out of his shoes.

Gallivan: Sin gets back up, and makes a throat-cutting gesture! These fans are booing him unmercifully, but Sin is all business. Gabe is very slow to stand, so Sin yanks him up by the hair! He boots Gabe in the stomach, and cinches him in a powerbomb position! Sin hoists up Gabe... AND PRESSES HIM IN PREPARATION FOR A CRUCIFIX POWERBOMB!

Jim: That's the Damned!

Gallivan: The fans are cheering for Gabe to fight out of it, and I think he realizes what kind of trouble he's in! Gabe starts kicking his legs as Sin tries to maintain his balance.

Jim: Gabe's seven feet off that canvas, and the ride down is a hell of a lot less fun than the ride up.

Gallivan: Julio Suave is watching very closely. Sin raises Gabe again... BUT GABE WRANGLES OUT OF THE HOLD! He hits the canvas, back-to-back with Sin! Both men spin around at the same time... URANAGE SUPLEX BY THE SENTINEL!!!

Jim: Wham bam! That woke this crowd up!

Gallivan: Gabe may be too tired to go for the cover. Hang on! He pulls himself back to his feet and raises an arm to the crowd. Gabe grabs Sin by the feet... AND TURNS HIM OVER INTO A SHARPSHOOTER!!!

Jim: More lightning from Colin Clive, quick!

Gallivan: Waitaminute! Lenoir and Hellfire make a bolt for the ring! Seun manages to grab Lenoir, but Hellfire broke away from him! He jumps onto the ring apron. Gabe has Sin locked up in the middle of that ring, and he's trying to bend him in half! Hellfire climbs through the ropes, and Julio starts shouting at him. Hang on! Gabe releases the sharpshooter as Hellfire charges across the ring... AND SPEARS HIM TO THE MAT!!!

Jim: Will these fans shut the hell up?

Gallivan: Gabe raises himself back up, and boots Hellfire under the bottom rope. Julio is letting this match continue... BUT SIN SOMEHOW GETS BACK TO HIS FEET!

Jim: IT'S ALIVE!!!

Gallivan: Sin attacks Gabe from behind, blasting him with a Polish Hammer across the back. He spins Gabe around, and boots him in the midsection again! Sin rams Gabe's head in between his legs, and hoists him up for the Damned again... BUT GABE BREAKS FREE! He falls behind Sin, grabbing him by the head on the way down... JUDGEMENT DAY BY GABRIEL BLADE!!!

Jim: He nailed the Inverted DDT version, and that's big trouble for the big man!

Gallivan: Gabe hooks the leg and Julio is there to make the cover... 1... 2... 3! Gabriel Blade has won it and retained his OWF Title!

Jim: The hell with the OWF Title. Gabe is now the #1 contender for the Unified Belt! And O'Reilly couldn't be happier!

Gallivan: Gabe is barely able to stand after this battle, but he's elated! Gabe staggers over to the ropes and now he's calling for a microphone.

Jim: Dear God no!

[The fans are roaring at this point, but gradually quiet down as Gabe takes the mic.]

Gabriel Blade: Thanks.

[He glances back at Sin, who is still out on the canvas, then out to Lenoir and Hellfire, who are being covered by Seun.]

Gabriel Blade: You boys call yourself the Champions of Sin? I don't call double and triple teaming someone the actions of a real champion. But you've got the name, and now you've got the belts. And you thought that it would be a good idea to jump me at my weakest. Well why don't you two step into the ring with me!

Jim: What is he doing? He's bonkers!

Gabriel Blade: I don't know which one of you freaks did it, but I'm willing to bet that one of you is responsible for what just happened to Michael Burke. I'm a former tag champion, and even without my partner, I reckon I can beat you two right here and right now! Put those straps on the line, and I'll see if you two are good enough to call yourselves Champions!

Gallivan: O'Reilly has jumped onto the ring apron and now he's trying to calm Gabe down.

Jim: Yeah, like that'll work.

Gallivan: Hellfire and Lenoir were keen to get in the ring a second ago, but they have since backed off. Gabriel Blade, although obviously exhausted, has pulled out a second wind, and looks ready to back up his words with action!

Gabriel Blade: Won't bite? Ok, how about I put my OWF Title on the line! Come on boys, two-on-one, and if either of you can beat me, you get the OWF Title!

Jim: What the hell is he doing?

Gallivan: I think Gabe is letting his emotions get the better of him. O'Reilly is shouting to Gabe from the apron, but Gabe is watching Lenoir and Hellfire. The two of them exchange a few words... and they are in! They slide into the ring, and Julio Suave is calling for the bell!

Jim: So can anybody book a match in the UWS? This is chaos!

Gallivan: You better believe it! Gabe immediately drops Lenoir to the canvas with a running Lariat, but Hellfire grabs him from the side... SIDE SALTO SUPLEX BY HELLFIRE! O'Reilly has wisely dropped off the apron, and he's just shaking his head. Fans, we've got yet another bonus match here tonight.

Jim: You buy a UWS PPV, and you get your money's worth, that's for sure.

Gallivan: Gabe bounces back up, as does Hellfire, and both men slam into each other, trading punches! Across the ring, Sin has dragged himself into the corner and is watching this match, biding his time. Hellfire rocks Gabe back with an Elbow to the head, but Gabe returns fire with an Ear-ringer! Hang on! Lenoir is back up and snaps off a Kick to the kidneys on Gabe! He grabs him from behind, and spins Gabe over for a Tomakaze... BUT GABE HOISTS HIM UP, DROPPING HIM WITH A BACKDROP DRIVER!!!

Jim: Kaboom!

Gallivan: Is that all you can contribute at this point, noises?

Jim: Zing.

Gallivan: Gabe scrambles to his feet, but Hellfire is waiting for him. He grabs Gabe with a Side Headlock, and charges forward for a Bulldog... BUT GABE PUTS ON THE BRAKES! He hoists Hellfire up into a Back Suplex position, and does a 360 before tossing him off, onto the canvas!

Jim: Party's over!

Gallivan: These fans are going wild as Gabe stands over the tag team champs, but now Sin bowls out of the corner... MAFIA KICK TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD ON GABE!!!

Jim: It was inevitable, really.

Gallivan: Julio is calling for the bell, and this bonus match is over.

Gallivan: Hellfire is back to his feet and starts stomping on Gabe, as does Sin.

Jim: Are we going to see another great triple-team move?

Gallivan: Julio tries to get in front of Sin... BUT HE SHOVES HIM INTO THE CORNER! Julio takes a powder out of the ring. Seun is now trying to navigate the steel ringsteps to get in there.

Jim: That should only take about a week.

Gallivan: Waitaminute! Here comes Lee Todd and Tumbler! The Todd boys are charging down the entrance ramp towards the ring just as Lenoir gets back to his feet. Lee hits Sin with a Flying Forearm to the head, knocking him to the canvas, and now he starts hammering him in the head! Tumbler Dropkicks Hellfire into the corner, then ties up with Lenoir. He Armdrags Lenoir to the mat. Tumbler goes for a Legdrop on Lenoir, but he rolls out of the way! Both men get back up and start trading punches. Hang on, Hellfire is back in the mix. He grabs Tumbler from behind, pinning his arms behind his back, and Lenoir starts to hit Tumbles with lefts and rights! Lee gets off Sin and charges the tag champs... hitting Hellfire with a Running Knee to the ribs! That sent the big man into the corner, and now Lee blasts him with a Knife-edge Chop!

Jim: Gallivan, this is insane!

Gallivan: So?

Jim: So... nothing. I love it!

Gallivan: Tumbler tags Lenoir with a jab, and now both men are trading punches as Lee and Hellfire do the same in the corner.

[Suddenly, the lights in the arena go black.]

Jim: It's Krav! He's late, but he's here!

Gallivan: I don't know about that.

[The opening guitar riffs for "Linchpin" by Fear Factor hit the airwaves as a single black light spotlight appears on the entrance curtain. A figure dressed in a black robes steps through the curtain and begins walking down the ramp.]

Jim: It's the shape!

Gallivan: That figure that attacked Michael Burke!

[After taking a few steps, he throws back his hood, revealing his face and long black hair.]

Gallivan: IT'S ERIC MANSON!!!

Jim: Of course! I knew all along!

Gallivan: No, you didn't. Manson charges to the ring, sliding under the bottom rope! He hits Tumbler from behind with a Spinning Back Elbow that drops him to the mat! Now he grabs Lee Todd by the hair from behind, allowing Hellfire to boot him in the groin! Gabriel Blade and Sin are back up, and brawling in one corner. Fans, this is a huge melee in the middle of the ring, and Seun has decided to just wait at ringside for this one.

Jim: Of course! Eric Manson was crippled in the ring by the shoddy work of Michael Burke. That stinger on the dumpster was just payback!

Gallivan: Well, all hell has broken loose in that ring now, with punches and kicks flying all over the place.

Jim: Don't forget! Manson never lost that OWF Title!

Gallivan: Hold on here fans... HERE COMES CURTIS SLAMM!!!

Jim: That should just about even up the odds.

Gallivan: Slamm is looking for a little payback, and this is as good a time as any. He slides into the ring and immediately attacks Hellfire, giving Lee a chance to tie up Eric Manson in the corner. Gabriel Blade, Curtis Slamm, Lee Todd and Tumbler are brawling with the team of Sin, Hellfire, Lenoir, and Manson. Lee takes a swing at Eric... BUT HE BACKDROPS HIM OVER THE ROPES TO THE FLOOR!

Jim: This is the brawl of the century!

Gallivan: Fans, the Shinobis have arrived!

[The Shinobis step through the entrance curtain, and just stand there, watching the ring. Neither of them makes a move, but they appear to be talking amongst themselves.]

Gallivan: Hang on! Stu Price just jumped out of the front row and now he's stomping on Lee! Lee is still stunned from taking a tumble to the floor. Stu goes back to his seat and pulls out a white garbage bag... AND SLAMS IT DOWN ACROSS LEE'S LEG! AND AGAIN! From the look on Lee's face, that must have been something pretty hefty in that bag. Stu is grinning as he tries to pull Lee up to his feet... BUT LEE BRINGS AN ARM UP BETWEEN STU'S LEGS! He grabs Stu by the hair... AND BOUNCES HIS HEAD OFF THE STEEL GUARDRAIL! Lee tries to get up... BUT HIS LEG GIVES OUT UNDERNEATH HIM!

Jim: Ooh, that's not good. Lee's got a big match tonight.

Gallivan: Lee reaches out and yanks the end of the garbage bag, spilling its contents onto the floor. It's the UWS Hardcore Title!

Jim: Make no wonder Stu wasn't wearing it. I can smell it from here!

Gallivan: Finally, our ring security team charges the ring and they are trying to separate this throng of humanity in the ring. The Shinobis have apparently seen enough, and they are disappearing back into the mists of time where they came from.

Jim: Is that near Jersey?

Gallivan: Stu is back up and he's making a move towards Lee again! Hang on! Seun grabs Stu by the hair!

[Seun looks at him, then to the block of feta cheese in his other hand. He quickly rubs the cheese into his rather massive armpit, then places it on the ring apron.]

Jim: No!

Gallivan: Yes! Seun grabs Stu by the hair, and he's already screaming... FETA CHEESE PITSTOP BY SEUN!!!

Jim: I think I'm going to be sick.

Gallivan: Stu Price collapses to the floor, and I think that'll put a stop to him interfering in the action.

Jim: Send Seun in to clear the crowd out of the ring.

Gallivan: I don't think that'll be necessary. The security team is slowly but surely clearing out the combatants, but nothing's been settled here tonight as far as they are concerned. Waitaminute! Here comes Dake Ken!

Jim: And he's got a hunk of pipe!

Gallivan: Ken slides into the ring, pushing his way past security... AND CONNECTS WITH THAT PIPE ACROSS TUMBLER'S BACK! He drops the pipe and shoves Tumbler out of the ring, following him out. The rest of the wrestlers are out of harm's way, and apparently we are going straight into our Hardcore Weapons match!

Jim: Why not?

Gallivan: DI Rogers chugs to the ring, and heads over to the recently vacated Hardcore Title. Several ring attendants are now helping Lee Todd out of the ring area as well. Lee looks to be in a lot of pain, and isn't putting any weight down on that knee.

[DI Rogers uses a metal ringbolt to lift the Hardcore Title off the mat and place it on the cable that has been lowered. Once placed, Rogers raises a hand, and the cable retracts, hoisting the belt above the ring.]

Jim: Very clever of Rogers to use that ringbolt so that he doesn't get added to the list of former Hardcore Champions.

Gallivan: Well, there are already people on that list who shouldn't be there, I don't see any problem with one more.

Jim: I disagree. Having a ref hold the title is just a mockery for us hardcore legends.

Gallivan: Jim, you are a color commentator. You are not an active wrestler.

Jim: Hey, I'm a two-time Hardcore champ, so you better watch yourself.

Gallivan: Sigh.

Jim: Gallivan, you're the only person I know who actually says, "sigh", instead of sighing. Wanker.

Gallivan: The action never stops in the UWS, so take it away, Ryan Lockheart!

Lockheart: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the first ever UWS Hardcore Weapons match! Put quite simply, there are no rules. Falls and submissions count anywhere in the building. But, the ultimate prize is the UWS Hardcore Title, which will be the property of whomever can retrieve it.

Gallivan: Tumbler and Dake Ken are already brawling at ringside, so ringing the bell is merely a formality. Tumble grabs Dake by the hair... AND TOSSES HIM AGAINST THE STEEL GUARDRAIL!

Jim: Hey, I thought this was a weapons match. Where are all the weapons?

Gallivan: Well, the ring crew are pulling a pair of ladders out from under the ring apron and sliding them into the ring. The competitors will have to use those ladders to retrieve the Hardcore Title.

Jim: But that won't end the match, right?

Gallivan: Nope. We could very well see the winner of the match fail to walk out with the Hardcore Title. Tumbler rolls into the ring, and he yanks one of the ladders away from the ring crew and starts setting it up!

Jim: He's going for it early!

Gallivan: Tumbler and Dake Ken have been trading that Hardcore Title back and forth over the last few weeks, along with Lee Todd. DI Rogers is looking on, staying well clear of the hardcore competitors. He's only in there to count a pinfall or check for submissions. Tumbler sets the ladder upright, but Dake Ken is getting up on the outside. Tumbler pushes the ladder to the middle of the ring, underneath the belt, and starts climbing up... but Ken rolls into the ring! He steps underneath the ladder and starts shaking it back and forth!

Jim: Why would anyone still want that belt after what Stu did to it?

Gallivan: Tumbler is nearly at the top, but he can't stand up, as he's trying to keep from falling off the ladder. Finally, Dake tips it clear over... BUT TUMBLER LANDS ON THE MIDDLE OF THE TOP RING ROPE!

Jim: Ooh, I knew Tumbler's family were used to circus work, but I didn't know he had any tightrope walking in his blood.

Gallivan: The ladder hits the mat and Dake Ken turns towards Tumbler, who leaps off the top rope... MISSILE DROPKICK ON DAKE KEN! Now Tumbler picks up the other ladder, still folded up... AND RAMS IT DOWN ACROSS DAKE KEN'S LEG! AND AGAIN!

[Tumbler leans the ladder on a 45 degree angle against the top rope as he pulls Dake Ken back to his feet.]

Jim: What's he got planned now?

Gallivan: Tumbler Irish Whips--

Jim: Irish Whip! Yehaa! Sack of potatas!

Gallivan: Tumbler whips Dake Ken across the ring. He bounces off the far ropes and comes back... AND TUMBLER BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEXES HIM ONTO THAT LADDER!!!

Jim: Nice!

Gallivan: Tumbler rolls off, shaking one of his hands in pain. He rolls back onto Dake Ken, and here's the cover... 1... 2... No! Kickout by Dake Ken! Waitaminute! Here comes Sean Lassiter!

["Whiteout" by Killing Joke begins to play as Sean Lassiter steps through the entrance curtain, sporting his uncle's "Bad News" ring gear. He is pushing a shopping cart filled with various objects.]

Jim: And he's got tha plunda!

Gallivan: What was that?

Jim: Hey, if I'm gonna rip off color commentators, I could do a lot worse than Dusty Rhodes.

Gallivan: Good point.

Jim: (speaking in a lisp) Yeah, now hush up before I starts clobberin' ya!

Gallivan: Tumbler ignores Lassiter's intrusion into his match and pulls Dake Ken to his feet... and Snap Suplexes him to the canvas! Hang on, the new Bad News has a microphone.

Bad News: Cut the music! (music dies out) Hey, Tumbler! Look at me, punk.

Gallivan: Punk?

[In the ring, Tumbler turns to face the entrance ramp, but keeps one eye on Dake Ken.]

Bad News: Can I take you back in time Tumbler? Can I take you back to that fateful night in FHW, when my uncle, the original "Bad News", beat your ass in the middle of the ring and took that FHW World Title from you? Well, I hope you remember that night well, because it's about to happen again!

Gallivan: Bad News breaks into a run, shoving that shopping cart in front of him! He slams it into the side of the ring and grabs a large clay flower pot out of it... AND HURLS IT AT TUMBLER!

Jim: Good thing he ducked. That could have done some serious damage.

Gallivan: Tumbler was previously amused, but he looks serious in there now. Tumbler grabs the folded ladder and places it flat on the mat parallel to the ring ropes in front of Sean Lassiter. As Lassiter starts uncoiling a garden hose, Tumbler charges across to the far side of the ring and bounds off the ropes. He returns... AND BASEBALL SLIDES THE LADDER INTO THE FACE OF SEAN LASSITER!!!

Jim: Youch! Johnny isn't going to like that, Tumbles. Go easy on his boy.

Gallivan: Lassiter stumbled back onto the floor of the arena. Tumbler kicks aside a few errant strands of hose and pulls a crutch out of the shopping cart!

Jim: Or, as the Brits would say, a shopping trolley. Hey, isn't that one of the crutches Tumbler was wearing at the Iron Man?

Gallivan: All crutches look the same, don't they Jim?

Jim: I don't know, what am I, a nurse?

Gallivan: Sean is holding a busted lip and trying to get to his feet as Tumbler raises the crutch... AND SHATTERS IT ACROSS SEAN'S HEAD! These fans are actually cheering for Tumbler here, as he picks up Sean by the scruff of the neck... and tosses him over the guardrail into the crowd!

Jim: So much for the return of Bad News.

Gallivan: Inside the ring, Dake Ken is back to his feet, and he starts setting up the other ladder again. Tumbler quickly heads back into the ring and tags Ken with a running punch in the head before he can climb it! Ken fires back a punch of his own, and now both men are trading shots in the middle of the ring! Tumbler ducks under a wild swing by Dake... and rams him headfirst into the side of the ladder! He keeps hold of Ken's hair... AND DROPS HIM WITH AN INVERTED DDT!!!

Jim: He's not messing around tonight.

Gallivan: Keep in mind that Tumbler has already been through a war earlier tonight when the Champions of Sin upset him and his brother to become the new tag champions. Tumbler rolls Dake Ken over... AND APPLIES THE RINGS OF SIT-ON!!! He's punishing Dake Ken with that modified Rings of Saturn, and bouncing up and down to add insult to injury. DI Rogers is getting close enough to check on Dake Ken, and he could be in real trouble.

Jim: Speaking of trouble...

Gallivan: Sean Lassiter is crawling over the steel guardrail, back onto the entrance ramp. He staggers over to the plunder and pulls a bamboo cane out of it! Bad News rolls into the ring... AND CRACKS THE CANE ACROSS THE BACK OF TUMBLER'S HEAD! Sean takes a second to blast Dake Ken with a pair of shots, then goes back to Tumbler, beating him across the back and head!

Jim: Yeah! Put this kid in a Shinobi outfit, and it's "Bad News" all over again!

[Sean Lassiter raises an arm into the air, Sandman-style, as the crowd starts to boo him. The smile on his face disappears, however, as "Refuse/Resist" by Apocalpytica begins to play.]

Gallivan: Here comes the original!

[Craig Lassiter steps through the entrance curtain, jerking a thumb towards the camera that causes his music to cut short. As usual, he is holding a microphone.]

Lassiter: Sean-boy, I can't say that I'm altogether impressed with your new attitude, but damn, it's good to see some life in you for once. Despite the fact that this match is no-DQ, we can't be having people just waltz in here and jump in the ring.

Jim: He's right, you know.

Lassiter: You want to be Hardcore? Well you got it. This match is now officially a Triangle Match!

Jim: What!?! Johnny's gonna be pissed, Gallivan!

Gallivan: He sure is, but these fans like it, and that's what it's all about. Craig Lassiter winks as his nephew, and disappears behind the curtain. Waitaminute! Tumbler has crept up behind Sean... Schoolboy Rollup! 1... 2... Kickout by Bad News! He scrambled to regain his vertical base, but Tumbler grabs that bamboo cane as he does... AND BRINGS IT UP BETWEEN THE LEGS OF LASSITER! Tumbler discards the cane and grabs Sean by the hair... SMALL PACKAGE! 1... 2... NO! Dake Ken kicked out a leg, breaking up the pin! Ken pulls himself back to his feet and makes a grab for the cane, but Tumbler kicks it out of his reach! Tumbler rolls out of the ring, landing next to the shopping cart. He reaches in and pulls out a smaller clay pot. Tumbler leaps onto the ring apron... AND BEANS DAKE KEN ACROSS THE HEAD WITH THE POT, SHATTERING IT!

Jim: Nice throw.

Gallivan: Tumbler waits for Sean Lassiter to get back to his feet, and leaps onto the middle of the top ring rope! Tumbler leaps off for a Spinning Heel Kick... BUT SEAN PULLED OFF A STANDING DROPKICK, HITTING TUMBLER IN MID-AIR! Sean is holding his ankle after that move, and now all three competitors are down on the canvas. Dake Ken grabs a shard of clay as he drags himself over to the ropes. Tumbler is up at the same time as Sean, and they lock up. Tumbler breaks the hold... and Slaps Lassiter across the face! Sean fires back with a Knife-edge Chop!

Jim: Wheeeee-o!

Gallivan: Now Tumbler fires back and chop, and they are trading them back and forth. Dake Ken drags himself back to his feet and comes at Tumbler from behind with that shard held over his head! Sean Lassiter boots Tumbler in the stomach, doubling him over just as Dake Ken swings, narrowly avoiding him! Sean Leapfrogs over Tumbler... AND DROPS DAKE WITH A LOU THESZ PRESS! He starts hammering Dake with lefts and rights now.

Jim: He just saved Tumbler from being scalped. That's got to count for something.

Gallivan: I don't think Tumbler is about to give him any quarter. He picks up that bamboo cane and stands behind Bad News, who is still pounding on Dake Ken... AND TUMBLER THWATS HIM ACROSS THE BACK OF THE HEAD! AND AGAIN! AND AGAIN! Sean is knocked off to one side.

[Tumbler moves around Dake Ken, standing over his head, and places the bamboo cane behind his knees. He leaps up, and brings both legs down onto Dake's chest, simultaneously garotting him across the throat with the bamboo cane.]

Jim: Who doggy!

Gallivan: Tumbler reaches forward, and hooks a thumb around the laces on Dake's boot, and pulls one leg back for the cover. DI Rogers drops for the count... 1... 2... NO! Sean Lassiter leapt across, Ax-handling Tumbler across the side of the head, breaking the count! Tumbler just rolls over, and snaps off a right jab into the face of Sean Lassiter, that brought tears to his eyes. Now Tumbler gets back to his feet and proceeds to set one of the ladders up again. Sean rolls off towards the ropes and Tumbler pulls Dake Ken back to his feet and Irish Whips him hard into the turnbuckle! Tumbler picks up the other ladder, holding it across his chest... AND CHARGES INTO THE CORNER, SANDWICHING DAKE KEN INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!! The ladder jammed between the second and third ropes, and now Dake is pinned in the corner.

Jim: Not a good place to be.

Gallivan: Tumbler adjusts the position of the standing ladder, and starts climbing up one side, backwards.

Jim: He's out of position for the belt!

Gallivan: But he's in position for Dake Ken! Tumbler reaches the top, and looks down at Dake Ken, who is out on his feet! Tumbler leaps off... FALLING MISSILE DROPKICK AGAINST THE LADDER!!! Tumbler landed on his back, but Dake Ken was crushed in that corner!

Jim: That jarred the ladder loose.

Gallivan: Tumbler flips back to his feet as the ladder falls to the mat and Dake Ken staggers out of the corner. Tumbler boots him in the midsection, and grabs him by the head... TORNADO DDT ONTO THE LADDER!!!

Jim: Blood! Finally, blood!

Gallivan: Dake Ken has been busted wide open by that shot, and even Tumbler was hurt on that exchange. He's slow to get up. Hang on. Sean Lassiter has grabbed something from the shopping cart, but he's holding it against his chest to hide it.

Jim: This kid is really learning fast.

Gallivan: Tumbler grabs both of Dake's legs... AND RAMS A HEEL INTO HIS GROIN! He flips over, tying Dake up into a pinnning position, and here's the count... 1... 2... 3! That did it!

Jim: Lassiter, you boob!

Gallivan: Sean Lassiter made a move towards Tumbler, but he was too late, and DI Rogers is calling for the bell!

Jim: Still undefeated!

Gallivan: This match may be over, but that title is still suspended above the ring. Tumbler stands up and heads towards Sean. Tumbler gets set... but Sean ducks under a Superkick attempt! Sean hits Tumbler with another Knife-edge Chop, but Tumbler hits him with a European Uppercut out of nowhere! He swings wildly at Sean, but he backs away, grabbing Tumbler in a wristlock! Sean spins around, still hiding that weapon against his chest. He starts pulling Tumbler towards a corner... but Tumbler hits Bad News with a Snap Kick across the back! And another! Sean lowers his head and charges into the corner. Waitaminute! Sean releases Tumbler's hand... AND HE'S BEEN HANDCUFFED TO THE TOP ROPE!!!

Jim: Brilliant! This kid may be related to Craig afterall!

Gallivan: Sean backs out of Tumbler's reach as Tumbler realizes what just happened. He can slide across one side of the ring, but Tumbler isn't going anywhere else.

Jim: If he can't reach the middle of the ring, he can't very well get that belt.

Gallivan: He sure can't. Sean Lassiter is smiling now as he non-chalantly picks up the bamboo cane. Tumbler fires out a kick, but Sean backs out of range. He adopts a fencing stance, steps in, and smacks Tumbler across the head with the end of that cane!

Jim: That was more insult than injury, but I think he got the point across.

Gallivan: Sean moves a little closer, but dances out of range as Tumbler reaches for him again. Sean shoves Dake Ken out of the ring and retrieves the folded ladder. He places it across his shoulders, and steps in towards Tumbler as he spins... CLIPPING TUMBLER ACROSS THE HEAD WITH ONE EDGE! He spins around, clocking Tumbler again! Waitaminute! Tumbler reaches out and grabs Sean by the hair... AND STARTS HAMMERING HIM WITH RIGHT HANDS! Bad News drops the ladder behind him, desperately trying to break free. Sean drops to one knee... AND HITS TUMBLER WITH A LOW BLOW, BREAKING FREE! He rolls out of Tumbler's limited range. Sean stands back up, flips Tumbler the finger, and heads over to the setup ladder. He pushes it to the middle of the ring, and now he's heading up for the title!

Jim: Tumbler can't do anything but watch him steal his belt!

Gallivan: Tumbler is yanking at those handcuffs, but they aren't coming off.

Jim: If Tumbler had any friends on the ring crew, he could get one to detach the top rope so that he could break free. Course, Tumbler doesn't have any friends, ring crew or otherwise.

Gallivan: "Bad News" Sean Lassiter is heading up the far side of the ladder, so that he can continue to taunt Tumbler on the way up. He's going slowly, but Tumbler isn't in a position to stop him. Tumbler is desperately grabbing for anything. He tries to get hold of the other ladder, but it's out of reach. Tumbler slides across the ring, climbing through to the apron. Reaching down his free arm, he grabs that section of garden hose and starts coiling it up.

Jim: He's going to hang himself! The shame of not being Hardcore Champ is too much for him!

Gallivan: Sean Lassiter has nearly reached the top now. The ladder is a little buckled, so he's careful not to lose his balance as he starts to reach for the Hardcore Title. Meanwhile, Tumbler has tied a knot in one end of the hose, and now he's swinging it around his head!

Jim: It's a friggin' lasso!

Gallivan: Sean is on the top rung and he's reaching up for the Hardcore Title! Tumbler swings this homemade lasso one more time, and tosses it... AND IT DROPS OVER SEAN'S HEAD!!! Tumbler yanks it, cinching the hose around Sean's chest, pinning his arms to his side!

Jim: That is just about the damnedest thing I've ever seen in a wrestling ring.

Gallivan: Now Tumbler is the one who's smiling as he pulls even harder! One more yank... AND THE LADDER CRASHES TO THE MAT WITH SEAN LASSITER! Lassiter is pinned to the mat inside that makeshift lariat. Tumbler reaches into the shopping cart again... and this time he's pulled out a seat of garden shears!

Jim: Ooh, this could get bloody now.

Gallivan: Tumbler holds one handle under his left arm, and starts using the shears to hack away at the chain between the handcuffs! It's not easy going, but he's going to try anyway. The fans cheering Tumbler on, Sean Lassiter is rolling around on the mat, trying to squeeze out of the garden hose. Tumbler nearly hacks his thumb off, but finally manages to cut his hand free!

Jim: (rolling his eyes) Like he's never done that before.

Gallivan: Sean is still struggling, but Tumbler is heading for the top! He climbs onto the top rope as Bad News manages to get one arm free.

Jim: It's like watching some redneck magic trick.

Gallivan: Sean tries to roll out of the way... but he brings up tight in the hose! Tumbler leaps off the top... TERRIBLE TUMBLE ON SEAN LASSITER!!!

Jim: He's hosed.

Gallivan: Instead of attacking the defenseless Lassiter, Tumbler unfolds the other ladder and sets it up underneath the Hardcore belt. He starts climbing up, and it doesn't look like anything's going to stop him now! Tumbler reaches the top of the ladder unmolested... AND YANKS OFF THE HARDCORE BELT!

Jim: Finally, anybody but Stu.

Gallivan: Tumbler raises the belt and the fans are actually giving him credit for this match. He turns to climb down... but hesitates. Tumbler wraps the belt around one arm, and tucks it underneath. He raises his arms in his best Macho Man impression... AND NAILS LASSITER WITH A FLYING ELBOWDROP OFF THE TOP OF THE LADDER!!!

Jim: Tumbler drove that belt right into the sternum of Lassiter, and that kid's in real pain now.

Gallivan: This match is long over, and now Tumbler has the Hardcore Title, so he quickly makes his exit through the crowd.

[As security hits the ring to clean up, the show cuts to the announce table.]

Gallivan: Well fans, what a night so far.

Jim: It ain't over yet. The big match... the final collision... the be all and end all... is still to come.

[The show cuts backstage, where Lee Todd is sitting on a table in a makeshift medical room. Doc Andrews is looking at Lee's swollen knee. Andrews and his nurse exchange concerned glances before Lee barks at both of them.]

Lee Todd: Do it!

[Doc Andrews shakes his head, then produces a needle from out of shot. He loads up the needle with liquid from a bottle labelled "novacane" and injects a healthy dose into Lee's knee. Lee winces slightly, but his grimace slowly fades as the drug takes effect.]

Lee Todd: Time to kill me a giant.

[The show cuts to another backstage show to show Zeke standing on front of the Shinobis. Shinobi I is standing with his arms folded, trying to look mean. Shinobi II is standing on the other side of Zeke, with the microphone waving under his face.]

Shinobi II: (shouting) Lee Todd taking on the Roman Gladiator... what a crock. Who wants to see two singles champions from two separate feds beat the crap out of each other? The wrestling world wants to see the TAG champions from two separate feds beat the crap out of each other. The Shinobis should be facing Mime and Lupin in the main event. This match is a sham, wrapped up in a travesty, rolled inside flakey homemade dough and deep-fried in boiling oil for seven minutes.

Zeke: Um... ok. But you guys aren't even the tag team champions. Hellfire and Scott Lenoir are the champs.

Shinobi II: (screaming) The Shinobis are the eternal tag team champions! Until someone beats us in that ring, we will remain eternal champions. Stronger than Atlas, faster than Mercury, and tastier than Peking Duck.

Zeke: But who do you think will win?

Shinobi II: (speaking normally) Oh, Gladiator... no contest.

[The Shinobis head out of shot and Zeke turns around to see Craig Lassiter heading in another direction.]

Zeke: Boss!

[He catches up to Lassiter, who turns to look at the camera.]

Zeke: Boss, who do you think is going to win tonight?

Lassiter: In the main event? Well, I haven't seen Gladiator that much in person, but I've heard nothing but good things. But Lee knows how to knock it up a notch when things get rough. This one will be a match for the record books for sure, but I don't think the UWS will be losing its World Title. Lee's gonna put one over on the big man, one way or another.

[The show cuts to a shot just outside the medical room. Lee Todd is walking gingerly down the hall, heading towards the entrance curtain. It quickly cuts to a shot outside Gladiator's dressing room. Gladiator and Caesar step out and begin their walk to the ring. Along the way, Gabriel Blade turns a corner, and nearly walks into Gladiator. The two men look each other up and down, stone-faced, before stepping aside. Gladiator and Caesar continue towards the ring.]

[The show cuts back to ringside, where Aspen Sandstrum is standing, waiting patiently.]

Gallivan: This is it fans, the match everyone in this arena has been waiting for. FHW and the UWS have been involved in a petty war of words ever since we opened, but now we finally get to see just what their respective champions are capable of. The time for talk is over. Aspen, if you would do the honors.

[The arena darkens. Roll Tide begins to play as a red light floods the arena and Caesar steps forth followed by a perfectly sculpted tower of abhorred destruction known as the Roman Gladiator. As he awaits Caesar’s signal, his shoulders heave with hatred and anger. For a moment they seem to wait silently. Then slowly, they walk towards the ring.]

Jim: Actually, they call him TRL.

Gallivan: Who?

Jim: Gladiator. That's his nickname.

Gallivan: Jim, I think you're think you mean TRG.

Jim: What did I say?

Gallivan: TRL.

Jim: Are you implying that I have an unhealthy attraction to Carson Daly?

Gallivan: No, nothing of the sort.

Jim: (getting flustered) Good... good, cause I don't. Not in the least.

[The cameras cut to the front row, where several FHW wrestlers are in attendance. Nicolaus McOwen is sitting, with his feet up on the guardrail, drinking a Guinness. Next to him, Stu-E Price is picking feta cheese out of his hair. And beside Stu (several chairs down) are "Convict" Bobby Cage and Deirdre.]

Gallivan: The challenger is waiting in the ring, so we are just waiting for Lockheart to introduce the champion.

Jim: I was watching that damn Carmen Electra show, I tell ya!

Gallivan: What?

Jim: Nothing. Just forget about Carson Daly.

Gallivan: Consider it done.

[The arena's plunged in to darkness as Sweet Child of Mine kicks in, dry ice billows out of the entrance way as the silhouette of one Lee F'n' Todd fills the entrance. Taking a swig of Brown Ale he takes a deep breath before walking through the curtain. In addition to the Unified Title around his waist, Lee is carrying the LWA Division Title and has the damaged Unified World Title around his waist. As he walks his eyes remain locked on the ring, never once leaving the ring ropes. Ron excitedly bounds down after him excitedly pronouncing the man has arrived. Rolling under the bottom rope he pulls his shirt off over his head and adjusts his elbow pads. Slowly rotating his neck he leans against the ropes his whole body tense as Ron scours the ringside area for a live microphone. Taking the microphone Ron heads for the centre of the ring now lit by a spotlight.]

Ron King: Ladies and gentleman it is my humbleistic honour to bring to you the most grapletastic megastar you've ever had the privilege to see lace up a pair of boots. Holding more victories than any of his peers, draped with more gold than Mr. T, Hits harder than Rocky and faster than Speedy Gonzales the man of a million moves, lord of luchadores, the grandest of the gladiators, purest of the puresoes, more hardcore than your fat momma and the biggest face this worlds ever known. (pauses for breath) I give you your reigning UWS Tag Team and Division Champion, as well as the Unified World Heavyweight Champ... the Darkness from Darlington, 230lbs of lean mean wholesome goodness, the man that carries just 2.5% body fat... gods gift to wrestling... LEE F'N' TODD!

[Raising both arms high in the air pyros shoot from the corner of the ring as attendants shoot "I'm a face now" shirts in to the crowd out of cannons. Taking one last mouthful of water Lee hands his bottle to the attendance as he circles the ring like a lion waiting for the bell.]

Gallivan: Fans, we are being joined by the illustrious Ron King at our announce table. Nice of you to join us, Ron.

Ron King: I wouldn't have missed this opportunatity for the world, gentlemen. Lee Todd is ready to chop up this big bull, and open up a barbecue rib joint to disposicate of the evidence. (yelling) ONLY IN AMERICA!

Gallivan: Ron, we are actually in Canada tonight.

Ron King: (not missing a beat) ONLY IN CANADA! Home of the brave and all that stuff. I love Canadians. They are like Americans, without the fat.

Gallivan: Julio Suave is taking a look at the competitors as both men bump chests in the middle of the ring.

Jim: There's your photo op, people. Might as well take 'em now, because Lee is gonna look really bad, really quickly.

Gallivan: Lee is doing the unthinkable and trying to intimidate the big man, but Gladiator is just looking at him as if he expects Lee to start juggling or something. Julio calls for the bell, and here we go!

Gallivan: Lee breaks this game of staredown by nailing Gladiator with a Knife-edge Chop!

Jim: Wheeee!

Gallivan: No more wheee-o?

Jim: Nah, that's so last week. Gotta stay fresh in this business, right Ron?

Ron King: Absotively, posilutely. ONLY IN CANADA!!!

Gallivan: Gladiator shrugged off that shot and continues to just stare at Lee.

Jim: Once Lee wakes that guy up, he might be dangerous.

Gallivan: Lee hits Gladiator with another Chop, then follows it up with a stinging right hand to the head! And another! Gladiator backs away and rubs his nose.

Jim: Uh oh. That composed look is disappearing.

Gallivan: Lee steps back up, surprisingly bravely... AND SLAPS GLADIATOR HARD ACROSS THE FACE!!!

Jim: Dead. The champ is dead. Long live the new champ!

Gallivan: Gladiator looks shocked now as a hush falls over this crowd. He lunges at Lee, but Lee ducks under his outstretched arms and circles behind him for a waistlock! Lee's got Gladiator cinched tight, but Gladiator is just waving his arms behind him, trying to get hold of Lee. Lee tries to hoist him up... but can't budge him! Gladiator fires off a Back Elbow, but it sails clear over Lee's head! Lee is hunkered down behind the FHW Champ and hanging on for dear life.

Jim: And TRG is getting madder by the minute.

Gallivan: Lee finally releases Gladiator... and kicks him square in the ass!

Jim: Is that in the playbook, Ron?

Ron King: Um... Well Lee is always one to pontificulate on his lower extremiosities, as it were.

Gallivan: Think on his feet, Jim.

Jim: I knew that. You think I'm stupid?

Gallivan: You really want an answer?

Jim: Just call the damn match.

Gallivan: Gladiator spins around... and Lee slaps him again! TRG lunches for Lee again... but Lee drops to the mat, doing a forward roll and narrowly avoiding the big man's grasp!

Ron King: I taught him that. I spent hours projecticating medicine balls towards his... um... melon.

Jim: Melon?

Ron King: No, no! I meant to say, his crainial medullah oblongada receptacle.

Gallivan: Gladiator doesn't stop this time, but Lee wisely bails out of the ring to avoid being stomped by those massive feet of the Gladiator. Gladiator hits the floor and starts chasing Lee around the ring!

Ron King: Roadwork! Hours and hours of roadwork.

Gallivan: Lee is running as fast as he can, but Gladiator's massive strides are eating up the distance between them. Both of them are circling the ring for a second time now. Lee reaches one corner, and leaps over the steel ringsteps... then puts on the brakes! He spins around as Gladiator reaches the corner... AND DROPKICKS THE RINGSTEPS INTO THE KNEES OF GLADIATOR!

Jim: Youch.

Gallivan: That shot of novacaine must be working, because Lee is moving like a cat out there so far.

Jim: How long will it last thought?

Gallivan: That shot stunned the big man, somewhat, as he staggers back a few steps. Hang on! Lee charges towards him, leaping off the ringsteps... LEG LARIAT BY LEE TODD! NO! GLADIATOR CAUGHT HIM! TRG hoists Lee up into the air... AND BRINGS HIM DOWN WITH A VICIOUS BACKBREAKER!!! Gladiator limps away from Lee, who drops to the floor. Inside the ring, Julio Suave is putting a very slow count on both men.

Jim: Double countouts in the main events are bad for business.

Gallivan: Gladiator looks up at Caesar, who is telling him to get back in the ring, and Gladiator heads back in. Lee Todd is getting back to his feet, and just looks up into the ring at his massive opponent.

Jim: Time for plan B, Lee.

Ron King: Plan B? We've got plans all the way up to Delta X7 Reverse.

Gallivan: What's Delta X7 Reverse?

Ron King: I can't divulgitate Lee's secret plans.

Jim: C'mon, tell us.

Ron King: Well, I can't tell you, but I'll give you a hint. It involves polar bears and a vat of battery acid.

[Both of the announcers just turn and stare at Ron.]

Ron King: Hey, when we plan, we plan for all possible eventuentalities.

Gallivan: Lee moves to get into the ring, but Gladiator fires a boot through the ropes, Stomping Lee in the head! Lee quickly backs off to the floor again, and continues his walk around the ring, looking for an opening. Julio is putting a count on Lee, but has broken it a couple of times now due to Gladiator's interference. Lee makes a quick dart around the ringpost, and slides back into the ring... but Gladiator is on him like a shot! He grabs Lee, hurling him into the ropes. Lee comes back... narrowly ducks under a Mafia Kick... and nails TRG with a toekick to the hamstring! Gladiator spins around, but Lee boots him in the midsection, doubling the big man over! He grabs TRG for a Front Facelock, signalling for a DDT... BUT GLADIATOR JUST STANDS UP... AND TOSSES LEE OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!!!

Jim: He was nearly in the middle of the ring! Lee could be dead!

Gallivan: Incredible display of power by the FHW Champion. Gladiator, finally hitting his stride, steps over the top rope and drops to the floor where Lee is curled up in pain. He stomps him across the head and back several times, those massive feet just hammering Lee Todd's flesh and bone. TRG pulls Lee up by the hair, cinching him in a Powerbomb position!

Jim: On the floor!

Gallivan: Gladiator hoists him up... BUT LEE GRABS HIM BY THE HAIR AND STARTS PUNCHING HIM IN THE HEAD!!! He's trying to punch his way out of this move, but all Gladiator has to do is drop him!

Ron King: Punch like there's no tommorey, Lee!

Jim: Tommorey? Where the hell are you from, Ron?

Gallivan: These fans are cheering on every punch, and Lee is certainly giving them something to cheer about. He's firing with both hands now, and Gladiator is too stunned to do anything! Lee shoves away from Gladiator's chest, breaking out of the powerbomb position, and landing on his feet! He hits Gladiator with a powerful Front Kick to the breadbasket, then grabs him by the head. Lee charges off to one side, leaping over the security guardrail... AND NAILS GLADIATOR WITH A STUNNER ONTO THE GUARDRAIL!!!

Ron King: YES!

Jim: Gladiator came down throat-first onto that cold steel and for the first time in this match, he's actually hurt!

Gallivan: Gladiator is gasping for breath and Lee Todd is sucking down air in the front row. Now Lee Todd is reaching for a chair!

Jim: I thought he was a face?

Gallivan: Hang on! McOwen has grabbed the other end of the chair and he won't let go! Lee pulls back a fist, preparing to hit McOwen, but security quickly steps into the mix.

Jim: Damn FHW bastards!

Gallivan: Lee turns back to see Gladiator, standing upright, but still clutching his throat. He charges forward, stepping off a chair onto the steel guardrail, then leaps off onto Gladiator... AND HURRACANRANAS HIM TO THE FLOOR!!!

Jim: WHAT!?! Since when does Lee Todd do that?

Ron King: Since I taught him!

Jim: You taught him that move, Ron?

Ron King: Sure did. I was doing hoochi-can-rummas back when these boys was still nursin'.

Gallivan: Julio has given up the count on both men and climbed out of the ring to keep everything on the up and up. Gladiator is slow to get up, but Lee is dragging himself back to his feet. He grabs Gladiator in a Front Facelock, then hoists him up into a Suplex position!

Jim: That's a big man, and Lee's got a doped up knee. I don't know how he's holding him up there.

Ron King: Pure intensitivity!

Gallivan: Lee holds Gladiator for a couple of seconds before he starts to shake under the pressure, then falls forward... DROPPING GLADIATOR CHEST-FIRST ONTO THE STEEL RINGSTEPS!!!

Jim: Booom!!!

Gallivan: Lee may have his detractors, but he's representing the UWS against FHW's finest, so these fans are cheering him all the way in this one. Gladiator landed roughly on his feet, but he's clutching his chest after all of his not insubstantial weight came down across the stairs. Lee steps forward, fueled on by the cheers of the fans, and grabs him by the ears... SLAMMING GLADIATOR FACEFIRST ONTO THE TOP OF THE STEPS! Julio immediately steps in, and warns Lee about breaking the rules.

Ron King: He's not breaking them, he's bending them. There's a whole world of difference.

Gallivan: Lee pulls back, and belts TRG square in the face, sending the big man staggering back against the guardrail. Fans, I never thought I'd see it. Lee Todd is not only holding his own against the monster, but he's actually taking the advantage! Lee moves to continue, but changes his mind and rolls back into the ring. Julio follows him in, and starts a count on the Gladiator.

Jim: Gladiator's belt isn't on the line, so there's no reason why Lee shouldn't shoot for a DQ or Countout win. He is the champ, afterall.

Ron King: My thoughts exactaciously. We've gone over 34 separate plans for winning by disqualifactation alone.

[The camera pans over to the timekeepers table where the battered UWS Unified Title is sitting next to a larger, brand new UWS Unified Title.]

Gallivan: There's the belt that Brian Thorn demolished, and the new one that will replace it. The original is headed to the UWS hall of fame building, but just where will the new one be going?

Jim: You know something Gallivan? The UWS needs another title. We should bring in an incontinental belt or something.

Gallivan: You mean an InTERcontinental belt.

Jim: No, I mean Incontinental belt. In order to win it, you've got to beat the piss out of your opponent.

Gallivan: And I thought you had finally settled down for the night. Gladiator is finally back up and heading back into the ring. He's got a small cut over his left eye from that greeting with the top of the ringsteps. He comes through the ropes, and Lee Todd is right there! Lee hits him with an Elbow across the back of the head as Gladiator comes in, then pulls him into the ring. He grabs TRG by the arm... and throws him chest-first into the turnbuckle... hard! Lee runs in behind Gladiator as he staggers out, slamming a Forearm Elbow shot into his kidneys, then he steps to the side of Gladiator and lifts him up... ANGLE SLAM BY LEE TODD!!! Julio drops down to administer the cover, but Lee doesn't go for it! Instead, he scrambles back to his feet, and drops a knee right into the ribs of Gladiator! Now Lee holds Gladiator down with one hand... and starts belting him in the head with the other! Julio administers a 5 count before calling for the break, and Lee complies.

Jim: Lee widened up that cut above Gladiator's eye. As this match progresses, that could become an issue.

Ron King: He can't hit what he can't see!

Gallivan: Now Lee wraps his hands together... and starts hammering ax-handle shots into the chest of Gladiator like he's auditioning for a guest shot on ER! Waitaminute! TRG reaches up... AND WRAPS ONE HAND AROUND LEE'S THROAT!

Jim: That stopped his offense dead.

Ron King: Not dead, Jim. Just recalculatoring. Lee's like that big blue computator that plays chess. Umpteen billion ideas whizzing around his head, and he's just gotta reach out and grab one.

Gallivan: Well Gladiator reached out and grabbed Lee, and now he's shifting back to his feet while Lee struggles to remove the vicelike grip to no avail!

Jim: Kick him in the nads!

Gallivan: Lee's got both hands wrapped around Gladiator's fingers, and he finally pulls a pinky back, bending it towards Gladiator's arm! TRG pulls back, and slugs Lee in the head, a heavy shot with his free hand! Both men are back up, and Gladiator still has that choke locked on Lee. Julio is calling for the break, but Gladiator just hoists him into the air... AND CHOKESLAMS HIM TO THE MAT! Nothing fancy about that comeback. He just asserted his dominance of that squared circle. Lee isn't moving, and Gladiator charges off the ropes. He comes back and leaps into the air... CHARIOT OF PAIN ON LEE TODD... BUT LEE ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY!!!

Ron King: (wiping his forehead) Phew, all according to plan.

Gallivan: Gladiator came down hard with that leaping kneedrop, but Lee was playing possum, and now it's the Gladiator who is hurt. Lee capitalizes, grabbing that leg... and applies a Spinning Toehold! He tries to spin it into a Figure-four... but Gladiator boots him off! The big man is slow to get up, and Lee charges off the ropes, trying to catch him before he can regain his vertical base. He grabs Gladiator as he is half upright, going for a Swinging Neckbreaker... BUT GLADIATOR HELD ON! Now, he just stands up... HOISTING LEE UP, AND DOWN TO THE MAT WITH A CRUCIFIX POWERBOMB!!!

Jim: Now that's power. He powerlifted Lee like he was nothing.

Gallivan: Gladiator hangs in the corner, testing his leg with some weight. Lee is slow to get up, but is still trying to stand. He gets half-way up, and Gladiator grabs him! He Irish Whips Lee off the ropes... AND CATCHES HIM AS HE COMES BACK WITH A SIDEWALK SLAM!!! Gladiator hooks the leg, and Julio drops down for the first cover of this match... 1... 2... Kickout by Lee Todd!

Jim: I thought it was over.

Ron King: Never!

Gallivan: Gladiator stands up and waits on Lee. Lee rolls over and tries to stand, but drops back to the canvas. Gladiator pulls him up by the tights, shoving him upright... AND APPLIES A CRANIUM CRUSHER!!!

Jim: Oh, this isn't good at all.

Gallivan: Gladiator is simply trying to squash Todd's head like a melon, and Lee is in incredible pain. Julio is asking if he wants to give it up, but Lee is too busy trying to pull Gladiator's massive hands off him.

Jim: It ain't gonna happen. Lee's gonna need custom-made hats from here on out.

Gallivan: These fans are chanting for him to break free, but Lee's in a world of trouble in there. He reaches back, going for Gladiator's eyes, but Gladiator just holds Lee out farther away from his chest. Waitaminute... LEE COMES BACK WITH A MULE KICK IN THE GROIN TO BREAK THE HOLD!!!

Jim: Hey, those aren't the actions of a face.

Gallivan: No, those are the actions of a man fighting for his life. Gladiator buckles, and Lee immediately charges off the ropes behind the big man... AND BULLDOGS HIM TO THE MAT ON HIS RETURN!!! Lee is still shaking off the effects of that big squeeze, but he's not wasting any time in that ring. He straddles Gladiator, pulling his head off the mat... AND LOCKS ON A CAMEL CLUTCH!!! Lee has been fighting like a wolverine so far tonight.

Jim: And for good reason.

Gallivan: The Gladiator looks to be in pain, but I don't think he's going to stay down very long. He raises himself and Lee up to his knees, and now Lee is riding him like a horse, yanking back on his head. Gladiator pushes himself up with his hands, standing upright... but Lee's still hanging on! TRG shakes his head to try and knock Lee off, but to no avail. He charges backward... CRUSHING LEE INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!!! That broke the hold--

Jim: That broke Lee Todd.

Gallivan: Gladiator stumbles forward, and Lee collapses in the corner. Gladiator looks over at Caesar, who is directing him to turn up the offense.

Jim: Gladiator's been playing a pretty defensive game here tonight. Maybe he doesn't consider Lee Todd much of a threat.

Gallivan: Or maybe Lee hasn't hurt him yet. Gladiator turns back towards the corner as Lee slumps up to a seated position. Gladiator roars at the crowd, then charges into the corner... HITTING LEE IN THE FACE WITH A RUNNING KNEE INTO THE CORNER!!!

Jim: Oooh man, that looked messy. What do you think, Ron?

Ron King: I refuse to comment on such a brutalicious maneouver. The ref should disqualify him right now!

Gallivan: Lee's head had nowhere to go, and just bounced off that middle turnbuckle. Lee's bleeding from the face, but I can't tell if it's from his nose or mouth.

Jim: Probably both.

Gallivan: Gladiator pulls Lee's lifeless body up with one hand, and grabs him by the throat again. Hang on! Lee applies a Wristlock out of nowhere, and spins out of the choke! Now that he's up, it appears as if Lee is bleeing from the mouth after that nasty knee from the FHW champion. He spits a mouthful of blood into the eyes of Gladiator, then tries to spin the wristlock into a Hammerlock, but Gladiator hits him with a knee in the ribs that stops him cold. Gladiator wipes his eyes with his arm, then Irish Whips Lee off the ropes. Lee comes back... and narrowly ducks under a Clothesline attempt! Both men criss-cross the ring, and head back to the center... AND LEE CATCHES GLADIATOR FOR AN ABDOMINAL STRETCH!!!

Ron King: Loquacious-tastic!

Gallivan: Lee appears to be targetting the midriff of the big man thus far.

Jim: I don't know if that's such a wise strategy. Gladiator is pretty thick around the midsection. Lee should be pruning the branches instead of trying to chop down the oak tree with his bare hands.

Gallivan: Both men have taken a lot of punishment in a relatively short amount of time. It's obvious that they both brough their A-game here tonight. Lee is having a hard time maintaining the abdominal stretch, given Gladiator's height advantage, but he's still managing to tear away on TRG's muscles. Lee hits Gladiator with a couple sharp jabs in the stomach with his free hand, and that got the big man mad. Gladiator straightens up, wincing with pain... AND HIPTOSSES LEE CLEAR ACROSS THE RING!!!

Jim: Gladiator could have gotten out of that move a lot less painfully, but he's just mad now. Lee Todd has either made a brilliant strategic decision, or a huge mistake.

Gallivan: Julio Suave is giving these two plenty of room to tussel in that ring. Lee tries to get up, but Gladiator is on him before he can. He pulls Lee to his feet... AND PRESSES HIM INTO THE AIR! Gladiator walks around the ring with Lee held high... THEN DROPS HIM WITH A GORILLA SLAM!!! These fans are all but silent now, with only a small group of them cheering on the Gladiator. Hang on, the Gladiator is looking a little confused. He reaches up and wipes some of the blood from his face and looks at it.

Jim: Uh oh.

Gallivan: I think he only just realized that the blood was his own. Gladiator looks up from the blood smeared on his fingers and glares at Lee Todd, who is desperately trying to stand up. But it looks like Lee's body has just taken too much punishment. Gladiator lunges at Lee... but Lee rolls out of the way! Unbelievable! He tries to pull himself up using the ring ropes, but Gladiator just charges! He hits Lee as he stands... FLIPPING HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE! Waitaminute! Lee landed on the ring apron! He holds on as Gladiator steps over the top rope to join him... BUT LEE YANKS UP ON THE ROPE, CROTCHING TRG AS HE DOES! Gladiator stumbles towards the crowd, nearly falling to the floor below, but manages to get a hand on the top rope to hold himself upright. He quickly pulls his other leg over... as Lee boots him in the midsection!

Jim: Fighting on the ring apron is always a bad idea. And when you've got somebody Gladiator's size out there, it's even worse.

Gallivan: Lee jumps up, grabbing Gladiator in a Side Headlock... OHMYGOD!!! AND BULLDOGS HIM INTO THE STEEL RINGPOST!!!

[With the impact, Gladiator falls forward, coming down shoulder-first onto the concrete floor.]

Gallivan: Lee got a couple of fingers around one of the ropes and held himself up. He looks down at Gladiator on the floor, and leaps off the apron... NOVEMBER RAIN BY LEE TODD!!!

Jim: Crimson mask!

Gallivan: Lee hit Gladiator with that Fistdrop from the top, opening that gash up even wider above Gladiator's eye. I think he received another cut on the top of his head from the steel ringpost as well. Lee Todd rolls off him, taking a much needed breather as he shakes his hand in pain. Julio stays in the ring this time, and is putting an even slower count on both men. Lee is the first one up, still wringing out his hand. He pulls Gladiator up and shoves him under the bottom rope back into the ring. Lee slides into the ring and starts stomping on Gladiator, targetting those ribs and that cut over his eye. Gladiator isn't staying down. He's trying to get back to his feet as Lee stomps the hell out of him. TRG gets back to his knees, but Lee cinches him up, lifting him off the mat... GUTBUSTER BY LEE TODD!

Jim: I've never seen Lee this focused in a match. He definitely knows what's on the line here tonight.

Gallivan: Lee cinches Gladiator before he can stand up or fall... AND PANCAKES HIM TO THE MAT! Lee slides onto Gladiator's back... AND APPLIES THE REGAL STRETCH!!!

Jim: There's some pain for ya, straight from the UK!

Gallivan: Lee definitely has a gameplan in there tonight, and it seems to be working. He's managed to stay a step ahead of Gladiator for most of the match. Julio Suave is asking the big man if he wants to give up, but gets nothing but a roar from the FHW Champ. Lee has his eyes closed and is trying to rip Gladiator's shoulder out of the socket. He tries to re-adjust his grip... BUT GLADIATOR BREAKS FREE! Lee immediately rolls off TRG and pushes himself back to his feet. Gladiator rises as inevitably as the tides... but Lee fires off a nasty boot to the midsection! He grabs him by the head, and turns him over for the Fuck U... BUT GLADIATOR BREAKS LOOSE!

Jim: Is Lee trying to end his career here? The boys in WWE Legal are watching this match, you can be sure of it.

Gallivan: The crowd thought this match might be over right there. Instead, Lee grabs Gladiator by the head... and bounces it off the top turnbuckle!

Ron King: Bounce him like a third-party check! Um... not that I would ever...

Gallivan: Gladiator's face is a red mess right now, and Lee looks like he's just run a marathon. He tries to slam TRG's head into the turnbuckle again... but he blocks it with his foot! Gladiator grabs Lee by the back of the head... AND RAMS HIS HEAD INTO GLADIATOR'S BOOT! The big man drops his foot, and bounces Lee's head off the turnbuckle!

Jim: Ever seen slow-motion footage of one of those crash test dummies? That's Lee right there.

Gallivan: Gladiator, still hanging onto Lee, turns around and charges clear across to the other side of the ring... COLLIDING LEE'S HEAD WITH THE OPPOSITE TURNBUCKLE! Now he turns around, and runs back, dragging Lee behind him... AND LEE'S HEAD CONNECTS WITH THE ORIGINAL TURNBUCKLE AGAIN! Lee is on dream street and Gladiator is shaking his head to get the adrenalin flowing. He steps into Lee, and hoists him up... TORTURE RACK BY THE ROMAN GLADIATOR!!!

Jim: (flatly) It's over.

Ron King: Never say expire!

Jim: I didn't, I said it was over.

Gallivan: Julio is checking on Lee, whose arms are flailing away as Gladiator bounces him on his shoulders! This is hard to watch, as it looks like Lee might just snap in half.

Jim: That'll up the buy-rates.

Gallivan: Waitaminute! Lee's face is a mask of pain, but he's actually starting to fight back! He brings one hand down... and starts peppering Gladiator with weak shots to the head! Lee is pinpointing that cut on the top of Gladiator's head, and that has to hurt. Gladiator's offense starts to slow as the speed of Lee's punches increase! Now Lee is punching away for all he's worth, and Gladiator has been stunned by this sudden offensive! Lee breaks one leg free, and drops down into a Crucifix position... BUT GLADIATOR DOESN'T GO DOWN!!!

Jim: Lee's hanging on for dear life.

Gallivan: Lee's using his weight to try and pull the big man down, but he's not going anywhere! Hang on! Gladiator's steadying his stance as he shakes the cobwebs free. He braces himself... AND PRESSES LEE BEHIND HIS HEAD!!!

Jim: Holy crap that's power!

Gallivan: Again, this crowd has fallen silent as Gladiator has Lee gorilla pressed into the air. He holds him there for what must seem like an eternity to Lee Todd... AND JUST DROPS HIM TO THE MAT BEHIND HIM!

Jim: Now was that Ultimate Warrior or the Berzerker?

Gallivan: Gladiator looks down at Lee with disdain... AND DROPS A MAMMOTH LEGDROP ACROSS THE BACK OF HIS HEAD! The big man is moving very slowly now, and that tank has to be close to empty. Gladiator picks Lee up off the mat... AND GUTWRENCH POWERBOMBS HIM TO THE CANVAS! Gladiator's too winded to follow up, so he just lifts his legs up and onto Lee's shoulders as Julio drops down to administer the count... 1... 2... NO! Kickout by Lee Todd!

Jim: Big mistake.

Gallivan: Caesar is trying to urge Gladiator on, but you can tell his body has nearly had enough. He pulls himself back up and backs against the ropes, sizing Lee up. Gladiator strides forward, and it looks like the Chariot of Pain... BUT LEE ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY! This time, Lee telegraphed it, and Gladiator had time to put on the brakes! He runs straight past Lee, bouncing off the far ropes as Lee gets onto his hands and knees... BUT GLADIATOR LEAPS UP, SPLASHING HIM!!!

Jim: OOH MAN! The big man came right down on Lee's back while he was in mid-stand. That had to hurt Lee's knees and wrists as well as his back!

Gallivan: Lee collapsed onto his stomach, and Gladiator hooks him up, rolling him over for a Cradle Pin! 1... 2... NO! Again, Lee kicked out! Instead of getting up, Gladiator just grabs Lee by the arm... and applies a very painful looking wristlock! Lee's yelling in pain as Julio asks him if he wants to give it up! Gladiator's bending Lee's hand back much farther than it should go. Hang on! Lee kicks out a leg, and hooks his foot around the bottom rope! Julio immediately calls for the break, and Gladiator complies... but not before snapping Lee's hand back very quickly! Lee rolls off, clutching his hand as Gladiator pulls himself back to a vertical base. He stomps Lee with those heavy boots, again and again! TRG yanks Lee back to his feet, and applies a Bearhug... HURLING LEE OVER HIS HEAD WITH A BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX!!!

Jim: Lee looked like a ragdoll as he flew through the air. He's a broken man right now.

Gallivan: Gladiator swaggers over to Lee Todd... and unloads his weight onto Lee with an Elbowdrop! He leans across him for the lateral press, and this could do it... 1... 2... NO! Lee managed to get a shoulder up! Gladiator is starting to look frustrated in there, but he mostly looks tired. Throwing all that mass around with that kind of impact just can't go on forever. Gladiator slowly stands up and looks down at Lee as if he's trying to decide what to hit him with next. Lee, unbelievably, is trying to stand and these fans are cheering him on. He gets to his knees, and starts pulling himself up via Gladiator's skirt.

Jim: That's not a skirt, you mental midget!

Gallivan: Well what is it called?

Jim: I don't know, but I know it's not a skirt.

Gallivan: Gladiator raises his arms slowly, then brings them down across Lee's back with a thunderous sound. He grabs Lee roughly by the arm, and Irish Whips him off the ropes. Lee comes back, narrowly ducking under a Clothesline attempt! Both men bounce off the opposite ropes and come charging back towards the center. Lee collides with Gladiator with a Spinning Back Elbow, but brought up solid against the big man's chest. Gladiator swats him with a crude backhand, knocking him back a few steps. Lee steps right back in, driving a Knee into Gladiator's already battered midsection! Gladiator grabs Lee for a Side Headlock, cranking down on the Unified Champ. Lee tries to hoist him up for an Atomic Drop, but just can't get the big man up. Lee fires off several hefty Forearm Elbow shots to the ribs... AND LIFTS GLADIATOR UP FOR A BACK SUPLEX!

Jim: I don't know where he pulled that move out of, but I bet it's hairy and stinks.

Gallivan: Lee pulls himself out from under the massive combatant, and flops an arm across his chest. Julio leaps to the mat for the count... 1... 2... NO! Gladiator got an arm up, and I think the entire arena was holding its breath on that one. Lee stands up on shakey legs and points to the top turnbuckle!

Jim: Bad move, Neil!

Gallivan: Lee staggers over to the corner, and steps through the ropes to head up top. Hang on! Gladiator is actually getting back up! Gladiator reaches the corner just as Lee gets to the top rope... and hammers him in the stomach! Oh dear, he's heading up after him!

Ron King: Lee is like a cat up on those ropes. He can handle this big goonad as easy as melting butter on a Dallas sidewalk in June.

Gallivan: Gladiator climbs up the inside ropes, now targetting Lee's head with lefts and rights! He tries to cinch up Lee for a Superplex... but Lee brings a Knee up into the chin of Gladiator... AND THAT NEARLY KNOCKED HIM OFF! Lee hits Gladiator with a European Uppercut, but again the big man stays up! He hits him with a punch to the head... but Gladiator leans in, Headbutting Lee! He blasts Lee with an Ear-ringer that knocks him silly, then climbs up to the top rope with Lee!

Jim: Those ringposts aren't meant to support that kind of weight. This could get ugly.

Gallivan: Gladiator shoves Lee's head between his legs as he jostles for position on top. He manages to turn around as he hoists Lee into the air... TOP ROPE SITOUT POWERBOMB BY THE ROMAN GLADIATOR!!!

Jim: Hear that boom? That sound was the end of Lee Todd's career.

Gallivan: Caesar has a look of relief on his face on the outside as Julio moves into position for the count.... 1.... 2.... OHMYGOD NO!!!

Jim: What?!!

Gallivan: Somehow, Lee Todd kicked out! He rammed a heel back into the face of Gladiator just before Julio's hand came down for the three, and this match is still on!

Jim: The match may be on, but Lee Todd is off. Way off.

Gallivan: These fans are on their feet now, but I don't know if Lee has anything left after that incredible save. Gladiator is back up, and drags Lee to his feet. He shoves Lee unceremoniously into the corner and steps in, pummelling him with Vader-style paws to the sides of the head! He grabs Lee by the arm, and hurricanes him clear across the ring to the far corner... HARD!

Jim: Hurricane isn't a verb.

Ron King: All words are verbs if you say them with with enough convictation.

Jim: Yeah, but that weirds the language. Ooops.

Gallivan: Gladiator gets a head of steam and charges into the corner after Lee... BUT HE DOVE OUT OF THE WAY!!!

Jim: That wasn't a dive, that was a horizontal fall.

Gallivan: Gladiator came crashing into that turnbuckle, chest-first, and I think he's knocked the wind out of himself.

Jim: That man's inertia in boots.

Gallivan: Lee's eyes are all over the place as he tries to stay upright. He catches a glimpse of Gladiator bouncing out of the corner, and grabs him from behind... SIDE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP BY LEE TODD!!! Both men are down, and neither of them is getting up!

Jim: Lee's finally out.

Gallivan: Fans, I'm being told that our entire lockeroom backstage is watching this match right now.

Jim: If anybody wants to take a whiz, right now is the time to do it cause there's no lines for the toilets.

Gallivan: Julio starts to put a count on both men, but Lee Todd is actually pulling himself up. He's gonna feel this tomorrow, but this battered and beaten multiple champ is not giving up. Lee stands up... AND SIGNALS FOR THE FUCK U!

Jim: Sure, why not. Gladiator didn't end his career yet, so he'll let WWE Legal do it.

Gallivan: I think the Gladiator is out. Lee starts to pull him back to his feet, albeit very slowly. The fans are cheering him on as he lifts the big man up. Hang on! Gladiator comes up off the mat, HITTING LEE WITH A DOUBLE-CLENCHED FIST TO THE FACE! That knocked Lee upright and Gladiator rises to his full height. He grabs Lee by the waist... AND HITS HIM WITH A STANDING TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER!!! Gladiator staggers back, nearly falling over as he drops Lee to the canvas. He bounces off the ropes... AND NAILS LEE WITH THE CHARIOT OF PAIN!!!

Ron King: Nooooooo!

Gallivan: With Caesar watching intently on the outside, Gladiator hooks both of Lee's legs with a single arm, and folds him over, putting all of his weight on the Unified Champ! Julio slides across, and here's the count... 1.... 2.... 3!!!!!

Ron King: That's shambacious! I demand a recount!

Gallivan: You can hear the disappointment of the fans as Julio calls for the bell. Both men literally tore each other apart here tonight. I can't believe what I just saw.

Gallivan: Lee Todd put up one hell of a fight, but like so many others before him, he eventually succombed to the might of the Gladiator.

Jim: Hang on! Now an FHW wrestler has our Unified Title!

Gallivan: It's pretty much a worse-case scenario, but what a fantastic contest. Oh no, here comes trouble.

[The boos of the fans increase as Ken Holbrook steps through the entrance curtain and rushes to the ring. He is carrying a rolled up contract in one hand. Caesar climbs into the ring, handing Gladiator a towel to clean up some of the blood on his face and hands.]

Gallivan: Julio Suave has left the ring to retrieve the brand new UWS Unified World Heavyweight Title, but Ken Holbrook cuts him off and yanks the belt out of his hands. Look at the smile on his face. He couldn't be happier that Lee Todd is no longer our Unified Champ.

Jim: Good for him.

Gallivan: Fans, I'm now being told that the original Unified Title will be given to Lee Todd instead of heading to our Hall of Fame as I originally mentioned. The belt is in a pretty bad state, but it's still got a lot of karma attached to it.

[Holbrook climbs into the ring and calls for a mic from ringside.]

Holbrook: Gladiator, Caesar, I'd like to be the first of many I'm sure, when I congratulate you on an incredible win here tonight. And, I'd like to be the one to present you with the Underworld Wrestling Syndicate Unified World Heavyweight Title.

[Holbrook holds out the belt, but Gladiator is too busy wiping the blood out of his eyes to pay attention. Caesar steps in and takes the belt.]

Holbrook: And... as promised, I've got something else for you. It is a UWS, or more specifically, an LWA contract. Gladiator, you're the kind of champion that a fed can get behind. The kind of man who can truly stand tall as a giant among giants. Truly, a franchise competitor. I'm sure our lawyers will go over the actual figures, but it would please me to no end if you would sign this letter of intent in front of all these Philistines, and show the world that the UWS truly is where the action is!

Gallivan: Ken Holbrook, always the opportunist, juts out his hand, pushing the contract into the face of Gladiator. TRG, still cleaning himself up, just pushes Holbrook's hand away. Ken looks over at Caesar, but just gets a shrug and a smirk.

Holbrook: Listen up here champ! You beat the best the UWS has to offer. Now I'm offering you the opportunity to turn this fed on its side, to usher in a new generation in the UWS.

Gallivan: Why doesn't he just say, 'FHW Uber Alles'?

Jim: Ssssh.

[Again, Holbrook shoves the contract under the nose of Gladiator. This time, he gets a response, as the big man look down at him with a snort.]

Holbrook: What do you say, Glad-man? LWA 4 Life?

[Gladiator turns to Caesar, and calmly hands him the now blood-red towel. He gently takes the contract out of Holbrook's hand with two fingers, and hands that to Caesar as well. Ken Holbrook looks up at the Gladiator, trying hard to smile.]

Gallivan: Gladiator snorts again... AND GRABS HOLBROOK BY THE THROAT!

Jim: What?!

Gallivan: The fans just erupted as Gladiator hoists the LWA Prez up with one hand, and walks across the ring with him! Gladiator looks out to the fans as he reaches the side of the ring... AND CHOKESLAMS KEN HOLBROOK ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE CONCRETE FLOOR!!! Well, he may work for the competition, but you've got to like how he thinks.

Jim: No, think for a second Gallivan. The FHW champion is now the UWS champion. They've got our belt, and there ain't a damn thing we can do about it. What happens at Dark Carnival?

Gallivan: I'm not sure. Gabriel Blade has won the right to fight for that Unified Title, but will Gladiator return to the UWS to defend the belt or not?

Jim: I'm guessing the lawyers are going to have to settle this one. This is a dark day for the UWS.

Gallivan: On the contrary, Jim. We've seen an incredible show, and a truly historical title match. Caesar takes a second to show off the belt to the FHW wrestlers at ringside before leading his man out of the arena. The crowd was behind Lee Todd for the whole match, but they are now giving TRG a huge ovation. You can't deny that this man is an incredible wrestler. As the ring crew swarms around Ken Holbrook, checking on his condition, Lee Todd has managed to get back to his feet in the ring.

Jim: Poor Lee. He must be feeling lower than a snake's belly at this point.

Ron King: Nonsense! My boy is gonna get right back up and dust himself off and get right back on that horse. Sadness be damned! Afterall, sadness is just the key that gets your tears out of eye jail.

Gallivan: What?

Ron King: You heard what I said.

Jim: Yeah, you heard what he said. Now hype Blackened so I can go home.

Gallivan: These fans are still on their feet from Gladiator's exit, and they are giving the now former UWS Unified Champion an incredible amount of applause. Lee is moving under his own power, astonishingly enough, but who knows how much damage he's sustained in that contest. Fans, our next Blackened will be cut short due to live coverage of a yet-to-be-created celebrity reality show. So, if you can stay awake through that, we will be on for more action, UWS-style. For Ron King--

Ron King: ONLY IN CANADA!

Gallivan: And Jim "The Killer" Browski, I'm Johnny Gallivan, and good-night!