[A commercial for "Girls Gone Wild: MILF Spectacular PPV" goes off the air and the screen goes black. It is replaced after a few seconds by a warning screen.]

"The following program contains scenes of violence, coarse language, sexual scenes, offensive images, racial stereotypes, mature delicacies, drug use, anarchistic behavior, at least one thinly veiled reference to homosexuality (see if you can spot it!), and large unruly men in tight spandex. Viewer discretion is strongly advised."

"No, we mean it. These guys are seriously messed up in the head. It's not their fault. They all come from broken homes... especially Eric."

[This cuts into a blistering video package accompanied by a much faster thrash metal version of Iron Man. Clips from the previous four Iron Man Events are shown. A four-way splitscreen shot shows several moves from the Quick Snap event in quick succession. A flurry of bloody shots are shown from Jester's Pyramid, including the finale where Brian Thorn hit Gabriel Blade with the Double Take, knocking him off the top of the cage. This is followed by several shots from the Teamwork Event. Tumbler is shown covering Paco while Sin spears Michael Burke to the canvas. Shane Brandon is shown hitting Kurt Tremere with a Missile Dropkick, which fades into a shot of the Native pinning Tremere while Craig Lassiter looks on. Stu Price is shown hitting Uesugi with a PerfectPlex while Curtis Slamm tackles Dr. Karate across the ring. A clip shows Edmund Paine being hit by a drop toehold that slams the OWF Title across the back of Gabriel Blade's head. This cuts to show Lee pinning Gabe. The last few clips are from the Iron Man Rumble. Sin is shown clotheslining Dr. Karate over the top rope. Slamm pulls down the top rope, causing Michael Burke to tumble over the ropes to the floor. Brian Thorn is shown pinning Curtis Slamm. Tumbler hoists Uesugi over the top rope with a fireman's carry. A clip shows Lee Todd eliminating Edmund Paine with a victory roll. Stu Price gets clotheslined over the top by Craig Lassiter. Lee Todd is shown shoving the Native off the top rope to the floor. Another clip shows Lee hitting Sin with a running knee that knocks him off the ring apron to the floor. Kurt Tremere is shown hitting Gabriel Blade with the Hardcore Title, resulting in his disqualification. This is followed by a shot of Thorn hitting Craig Lassiter with an asai moonsault for the pin. Lee Todd hits Paco with a stunner, followed by a dropkick that sends him over the top rope. Gabriel Blade is shown gorilla pressing Tumbler over the top to the floor. The last few shots show Gabe backdropping Lee to the floor, then hitting Thorn with a spear for the cover. This fades out, and is replaced by the Iron Man logo.]

[The show cuts to the parking lot where a large white limosine pulls in. 'D', A large muscular man steps out of the driver's side and walks around to the back. He opens up the double side doors and lifts out a wheelchair, setting it up with practised ease. Reaching in again, he hoists Johnny Lassiter out of the limo and into the wheelchair. Johnny is wearing an exceptionally well tailored grey Italian suit and is carrying a briefcase. He starts to wheel himself towards the building as 'D' shuts the limo doors and follows him in.]

Gallivan: We haven't seen Lassiter in quite some time.

Jim: Well, this is our second pay-per-view. I'm sure he doesn't want to miss the crowning of a new Unified Champion.

[The show cuts to Ken Holbrook's office. Holbrook is standing in front of a full-length mirror, adjusting the lapels of his lime green suit. He is finally rid of the rediculous red neckbrace that he had been wearing, but still moves as if he has a legbrace on underneath his slacks. Straightening up a dark violet belt, Ken smiles at his reflection.]

Holbrook: Now that's something.

[Then, Bonnie Bellows pokes her head into the room.]

Bonnie: Mr. Holbrook? Johnny Lassiter is here.

Holbrook: Excellent.

[Ken picks up his silver jester-headed cane, and heads out of the room.]

[The show cuts to several crowd shots, where fans are cheering and waving signs. It pans across until it reaches the front row, where the Superfans are gathered. Mick, sporting shoulder-length brown hair, is wearing jeans and a denim jacket. Dave, in a crew cut and goatee, is in jeans. Both men are wearing UWS Sentinel T-shirts, and have a variety of signs on placards all around them. They are currently holding up "Prepare to be Judged!" and "A Thorn by any other name, would still stink!" The last few words of the latter sign had to be added to a second square of paper, which is taped to the corner of the first.]

[The camera pans across to the UWS announce table.]

Gallivan: Good evening wrestling fans, and welcome to the UWS Iron Man 2003! We are here in Toronto, Ontario for our second live pay-per-view spectacle. I'm Johnny Gallivan, and with me as always is Jim "The Killer" Browski.

Jim: I got a good feeling about tonight, Johnny. Tonight the UWS turns the coner and starts picking up some real speed.

Gallivan: Four hours might not be enough time to contain the amount of action we've got for you tonight, fans. Stu Price and Lee Todd, two good friends, face off against each other. Lee is vying for the title of Iron Man, along with Gabriel Blade, Tumbler, and Brian Thorn; and Stu is desperately trying to get some respect in the UWS. Speaking of Brian Thorn, he will be facing the OWF Division Champion, Edmund Paine tonight. Michael Burke gets the unenviable task of facing the current UWS Unified World Heavyweight Champion, Kurt Tremere. Sin and Tumbler, partners in the Teamwork Event, now become opponents in a David and Goliath matchup that will definitely be interesting. The Mexican Giant, Paco will face the current leader of the Iron Man, Gabriel Blade. Dr. Karate faces Shane Brandon. The Native and Uesugi will go at it, both men anxious to break out of their position in the UWS basement. And Curtis Slamm will take on his old pal Craig Lassiter.

Jim: And that's just the first round.

Gallivan: Indeed. After the first round, all bets are off.

Jim: They are?

Gallivan: No Jim, it's just a figure of speech.

Jim: Oh good. Kurt Tremere is gonna make me a rich man tonight.

Gallivan: Jim... I'm sure you're not endorsing gambling.

Jim: I sure am. We are in Canada now, and unlike the Puritan country from which I was borneded, Canadians know full well that gambling never hurt anyone.

Gallivan: Whatever you say, Jim.

Jim: You can't do anything in the States, it's like Nazi Germany.

[Jim pulls out a large cigar and lights it up.]

Gallivan: What are you doing?

Jim: Smoking a Cuban cigar... legally. USA: Land of the free? Not anymore bucko. The average citizen in the US has less rights than a Mongolian Goat-herder.

Gallivan: Mongolian Goatherders don't have many rights?

Jim: Shut up, Gallivan. Don't analyze my analogies, cause you might get hurt.

Gallivan: You mean a headache from the sheer futility of it?

Jim: I was thinking more along the lines of a fat lip.

Gallivan: Jim, need I remind you that you have to go back to the US in two weeks, for the next UWS Blackened?

Jim: Ah crap. Where is it?

Gallivan: Las Vegas.

Jim: Whoohoo! Vegas is the exception to the rule, baby. Prostitution, gambling, quickie marriages... everything goes in Vegas! Screw Canada! (chanting) U... S... A!

Gallivan: Can we get on with the show?

Jim: Who's stopping you?

[We're taken to a wide shot of the arenas long winding corridors, panning around the backstage area the camera Crew soon locate everyones favourite Artist of Articulation Ron King. Stood atop a podeum he addresses a rather large collection of elderly gentlemen anxiously waving bingo cards.]

Ron King: People, people calm down now looky here it's only Bingo folks.

[Despite Rons assertions the Crowd seem to grow increasingly restless, why if they were capable of exerting energy there could actually be trouble backstage.]

Ron King: Look I know my client offered to host a free game of Bingo here but he's the Hardcore Champion and he feels it's in his best interests to protect his investment. I assure you things will return to normal at the next Blackened but until bell time Lee F'n' Todd will not be leaving his locker room. Now go home.

[Grumbling the small gathering of pensioners start to disperse.]

[We're then taken to the personal locker room of one Lee F'n' Todd and a sea of burly gentlemen in Black Suits blocking the door. Arriving 4 hours early Lee wanted to make sure that no one got a crack at his Hardcore Championship. Strolling down the corridor grinning Tumbler heads for the door.]

Tumbler: Move over my man I've gotta talk to my brother.

[Leaning over the bouncer frowns, looking Tumbler up and down a few times he growls.]

Bouncer: I'm under strict orders not to let any one in, especially not you pal, Lee has plans for that championship he assures me that if you bide your time you'll get your chance but for now make your self scarce kid.

[Looking a little put out by all this Tumbler storms off to find an alternate route in to the dressing room.]

[The show cuts to another backstage area, where Johnny Lassiter is talking with Donnie Rose in a luxury box. Lassiter is seated on a large leather couch and Rose is leaning over him, looking at a mess of papers on a desk on front of the couch. 'D' is standing alongside the door, his arms folded, keeping an eye on everything. Then, Ken Holbrook walks into the room.]

Holbrook: Johnny! Good to see you again.

[The two shake hands as Ken takes a seat on the couch.]

Johnny Lassiter: I was just going over some of the figures with Donnie. The ratings are up again, Ken. Very impressive.

Holbrook: Well, we are all doing our best.

Johnny Lassiter: (shifting himself to face Holbrook) Ken, have you heard about Cid?

Holbrook: Cid? No. Last I heard his injuries were fairly superficial.

Johnny Lassiter: Well, he was very lucky. Ken, we can't have wrestlers running around laying their hands on management.

Holbrook: Look who you're telling? Don't worry, boss. I'll institute a new rule, ASAP.

Johnny Lassiter: Don't bother, I've already done it. Grievous bodily harm without sufficient provocation will result in immediate termination. If any wrestler lays their hands on anybody in upper management, they will be out of work, effective immediately.

Holbrook: Brilliant. I'm sure Cid will appreciate that as much as I do.

Johnny Lassiter: Actually, that's part of the reason why I'm here. Cid's hospital stay will be longer than expected.

Holbrook: What? I thought his injuries were pretty light.

Johnny Lassiter: Well... it's not that type of hospital. Cid wasn't able to handle the stress that went along with being OWF President. He has taken an extended leave of absence. His heart was in the right place, but frankly, he made quite a few mistakes. It all started when Cid reversed the decision that led to Eric Manson winning the OWF Division Title.

Holbrook: Um...

Johnny Lassiter: Of course, we aren't sure who did that, but who else could it have been?

[Ken just looks at Johnny Lassiter, nervously.]

Holbrook: Um, nobody. Must have been Cid.

Johnny Lassiter: Exactly. Ken, our studies have shown that fans don't want management adjusting the fed as they see fit. They want wrestlers to succeed or fail based on their own merits. Remember when WCW clamped down on rules and had all those reverse decisions?

Holbrook: Sure.

Johnny Lassiter: Well, the product was doing very poorly at the time as a result. We just want the Division Presidents to line up the best matches, and let the chips fall where they may.

Holbrook: I couldn't agree more. So... I assume that I'll be taking over Cid's duties for the time being? (he smiles earnestly)

Johnny Lassiter: Actually... no. You'll remain LWA President, and we will have a new OWF President. Now, if you'll excuse me, Ken, I've got some potential sponsors to talk to. They could be big business and I don't want to keep them waiting.

Holbrook: No, of course not.

['D' pushes Johnny's wheelchair over to the couch and he slides himself into it while Donnie Rose gathers up all his papers and returns them to the briefcase.]

Holbrook: Um... Mr. Lassiter?

Johnny Lassiter: Yes?

Holbrook: Who is the OWF President?

[Johnny accepts the briefcase from Rose, then smiles at Ken.]

Johnny Lassiter: Well, I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise, Ken. I know how much you enjoy a good surprise. 'D', if you would do the honors.

[Johnny is wheeled out of the room, followed by Donnie Rose. Ken Holbrook just sits on the couch, his face getting redder by the second.]

[With that, the show cuts back to the announce table at ringside.]

Gallivan: Well fans, it looks like we've got a new OWF President, but we don't know who he is yet.

Jim: Or she.

Gallivan: Or she, yes. Here we go with the Iron Man Tournament. Despite the brackets, the match order has been staggered so as not to give the first half of the competitors an unfair advantage. It's been 2 months in the making, but we have finally reached the last event of this Iron Man Competition.

Jim: I don't think I can survive another one of these mega-tournaments.

[The shot cuts to a shot of the timekeeper's table where the UWS Unified World Heavyweight Title is resting. It has been propped up to show the massive belt in all its glory.]

Gallivan: There it is, the big prize. Kurt Tremere had to hand in the belt earlier tonight, and we've got 15 matches to go through before we've got a new champ.

Jim: Then shouldn't we get started?

Gallivan: My thoughts exactly. The lovely Aspen Sandstrum is in the ring, so take it away Aspen.

Aspen: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a first round matchup for the Iron Man Tournament. Coming to the ring at this time, from Darlington, England and weighing in at 232 lbs... LEE F'N' TODD!!!

[The lights in the arena dim as Sweet Child of Mine rips through the arena, dry ice fills the aisle as Lee F'n' Todd steps through the curtain a bottle of brown ale held high above his head in his left hand. A two fingered salute on his right. Strolling down the aisle he makes a slow march to the ring, hops up on the apron, and knocks back his ale before handing the bottle to a ring attendant. Climbing through the middle rope he pauses like an agitated Lion waiting for his opponent.]

Gallivan: Lee's carrying that prestigous UWS Hardcore Title which has given so many champions nightmares about holding onto it.

Jim: Has anybody held it at the start of a show and at the end of it?

Gallivan: Just one... Jamison. Since then, the title has changed hands more than a busted stapler.

Jim: What?

Aspen: And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time, from Darlington, England, and weighing in at 240 lbs... STU-E PRICE!!!

[The arena goes absolutely pitch black for a few moments. A single spotlight appears and flashes around the arena before coming to a halt, right at the Syni-tron. Still in silence, it begins to come to life with the sound of a heartbeat ticking over and over as a few words appear on the screen.]

[A large explosion of pyrotechnics go off, and with that a large record scratch is heard; Bodyrock by Moby plays out through the speakers. Stu-E walks through the curtain, when he does a massive blue and white laser show kicks off as he slowly walks to ringside, stopping halfway. Stu looks around the arena before raising both arms in the air and running to the ring, rolling under the bottom rope. When inside the ring he goes to the corner and climbs the turnbuckle and waves to the crowd before sitting on the top turnbuckle.]

Gallivan: Well folks this opening match is a match I personally thought I'd never see, Lee F'n' Todd squaring off with Stu Price it seems unthinkable.

Jim: Unthinkable huh, is that why they're scheduled to square off in a tag match on Blackened in two weeks? I thought I was supposed to be the one that doesn't do homework.

Gallivan: Well all the same this is pretty special, and the fans are certainly looking forward to it.

Jim: Bah it's a popcorn match. Lee's lost his edge and Price... well he never had one, he should stay in the Firk where athletes of his calibre belong.

Gallivan: Well here we go folks we have a lock up standard collar and elbow tie up. This thing's starting off in a civil enough manor.

Jim: Hey Johnny I've just realised if I close my eyes I don't have to watch these two wrestle, what a neat little trick I should have thought of this years ago.

Gallivan: Neither man budging, Stu exerts his size and height advantage sending his long time tag team partner hurtling across the ring with zeal.

Jim: Wow they actually executed a wrestling hold, it's been five minutes already what are they waiting for? Tea was stolen, shower water was cold, toes trodden on. I thought they where going to kill each other, frankly I'm a little disappointed.

Gallivan: Todd getting to his feet, Stu-E looks unsure what his next move shall be right now. You can catch the look on his face on the face of every FHW competitor; it's the look that tells them that NO, they're not better than anybody.

Jim: Have you seen the new logo?

Gallivan: How can you miss it, it looks like the designer's cat swallowed a gallon of paint and threw up all over the canvas!

Jim: Getting back in the ring though, another collar-and-elbow tie up has resulted in Todd pushing the #1 Brit down to mat. He's complaining of a hair pull, but DI Rogers takes note of Lee's shirt.

Gallivan: Both guys walk right up to each other, and now they're staring each other out. Thirteen seconds and not one of them has budged, wait a second; Stu-E has stepped back, that chicken.

Jim: Maybe Lee fogot his breathe mints this morning?

Gallivan: I don't believe what I'm seeing, both men are now just flailing their arms in the air at each other!

Jim: Ladies and gentleman we got a... BITCH FIGHT!

[The crowd starts to chant along... BITCH FIGHT... BITCH FIGHT... BITCH FIGHT!!!]

Gallivan: Lee takes a minor side step to position himself correctly and turns his body... KNIFE EDGE CHOP!

Jim: Wheeeeeee!

Gallivan: But wait, the second Todd moved, it gave Price the space he needed and he landed a knife edge chop of his own; right at the same time! And both men go down!

Jim: Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

Jim: Wheeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Gallivan: What are you doing; quit it!

Jim: It was a double!

Gallivan: Neither man is moving right now, and the referee is looking around, unsure if he should start the much famed 10 count.

Jim: He might as well. That's what he's paid for.

Gallivan: Rogers puts on a count... 1.. 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8...

[Both men begin to stir. Stu-E coughs slightly, bringing up a wad of phlegm that lands right beside him]

Jim: That's attractive.

Gallivan: 9...

[Lee watches the phlegm fly into the air. He's not sure where it landed or if it came down yet so springs up to his feet.]

Jim: No way he wants to get covered in that stuff.

Gallivan: Lee looks down at his partner, and goes for the pin... 1... 2... 3! Fans, this match is over!

Jim: What?

Gallivan: This contest was a real doozie.

Jim: WE'VE BEEN HOODWINKED, BAMBOOZLED; JOHNNY, WE HAVE BEEN HAD!

Gallivan: Do your homework, not the first time we've seen this type of thing happen in pro-wrestling now is it? Don't answer that, England's favourite wrestler has a microphone, and is about to speak.

Jim: Like I care.

Stu: What the hell do you guys think you were doing, trying to break the single most dominant force FHW has ever seen? We haven't taken over U.W.S just yet so there is no way I'm getting off this ride. But moving on, I have a certain Tag Team match next week. And well, as it mentions it's going to be The UK Crew; a team that I am a member of, so Curtis Slamm listen to this British son of a bitch right now; when you find the time to get out of the shower and walk into that ring next Blackened, it's you by yourself going up against Stu-E Price and his partner, Lee F'n' Todd.

Gallivan: What? Curtis Slamm has been screwed! He's going to have to wrestle Stu and Lee on his own!

Jim: Well, we always knew it was a win-win situation for Stu, but now it looks like a lose-lose situation for Slamm.

Stu: Now, hit my music and let me celebrate the single most awe inspiring event in U.W.S history; the #1 Brit becoming a six time Hardcore Champion!

[Stu reaches over to Lee and grabs the Hardcore Championship, holding in the air looking like he is about to cry.]

Gallivan: That's disgusting.

Jim: I'll tell you what's disgusting.

Gallivan: What?

Jim: The thing I just found under my chair. Take a look at this.

Gallivan: Ewwwww. Fans, Lee has left the ring, and Stu is taking his time, offering to sign a few autographs at ringside. I say offering, because so far, no one has taken him up on it.

Jim: If this was FHW, he'd be signing autographs baby. Stu's a legend in FHW.

Gallivan: Well, he's a... Hold on! It's that damn Shinobi!

[A man in a black ninja suit with an infinity symbol on his chest suddenly rolls out from under the ring, holding a bamboo cane.]

Gallivan: The Shinobi comes up behind Stu... AND BLASTS HIM ACROSS THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH THE CANE!!! Stu goes down... and the Shinobi has the Hardcore Title!

Jim: Looks like Stu's sixth title reign was no longer than his first five. Stu's the master of losing the Hardcore Title!

Gallivan: The Shinobi has made a beeline for the exit. Our ring crew heads over to Stu, but he's pushing them away. Stu was just stunned by that attack, but it was enough for the masked man to make off with the belt. As the Shinobi disappears through the entrance curtain, Stu is slowly making his way back there as well.

Jim: Ha! Stu gave up a shot at the Unified Title for the Hardcore belt, and now he doesn't have either! What a rube!

Gallivan: Stu is still heading backstage... waitaminute. The Syni-tron has lit up, and is showing an infinity symbol. Price has stopped in his tracks. What's this all about?

Jim: Looks like the mystery Shinobi is gloating about his win.

Gallivan: Either that, or it's just a diversion to slow Stu down. The infinity symbol begins to spin, and Stu just throws up his hands and continues walking towards the back. Waitaminute fans! Tumbler has just stepped through the entrance curtain... and he's dragging something with him!

Jim: Tumbler's hair is a mess. Looks like he's either been in a scuffle, or making out with one of the local ring-rats.

Gallivan: Tumbler pulls the figure out through the entrance curtain... AND HE'S GOT THE SHINOBI! He's dragging him across the floor by the arm!

Jim: That's not all he's got. Tumbler's got the Hardcore Title over his shoulder.

Gallivan: Stu puts on the brakes as he looks down at the figure, who is apparently unconscious. Well, it appears that Tumbler caught the perp and retrieved the Hardcore Title. It may not be around Stu's waist, but at least the UK Crew still has it in their possession.

Jim: Yeah, tell that to Stu. He looks furious.

Gallivan: Tumbler is trying to placate him, but Stu turns on the figure in black and starts stomping on him! Tumbler backs a few feet away from Stu, towards the ring. It looks like Stu is going to unmask the Shinobi! We saw a guy under the Shinobi mask a few weeks ago, who turned out to be a local indy wrestler.

Jim: That's why nobody recognized him. Forget the witness protection program, you want to disappear, join an indy fed... or FHW.

Gallivan: Tumbler continues to slowly back away as Stu rips off the Shinobi mask.

Jim: Weeeeell, there's something you don't see every day.

Gallivan: IT'S A DUMMY! There's nothing but straw inside that black ninja suit!

Jim: Wow, Stu had his Hardcore Title stolen by a dummy! He really does suck.

Gallivan: Jim, you're not that stupid, are you? Stu still has the mask in his hand as he turns around to face Tumbler. Tumbler casually straightens his hair and beams a smile at Stu... BUT STU CHARGES HIM! Tumbler vaults over the security barricade, and runs into the crowd!

Jim: And there goes Stu after him.

[The show cuts back to the ring where Ryan Lockheart is now standing.]

Gallivan: We've got a lot of action to get through fans, so it's time for another match.

Lockheart: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a first round matchup for the Iron Man Tournament. Coming to the ring at this time, from Tampa Bay, Florida and weighing in at 376 lbs... PACO!!!

[Paco's Music blares over the PA as the stadium lights go out. The lights flicker as Paco runs down the aisle. The lights come on fully and Paco jumps into the ring ready to fight.]

Lockheart: And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time, from Athens, Greece, and weighing in at 246 lbs... "SENTINEL" GABRIEL BLADE!!!

["And Justice For All" plays as Gabriel Blade steps onto the entrance ramp. Those observant of the human soul can easily see the wonder and awe still there in his eyes as he surveys the scene before turning to face the ring and marching resolutely forward.]

Gallivan: They lock up in the middle of the ring, and Paco forces Gabe back into the corner. He pulls back, and belts Gabe with a Forearm shot to the chest, but Gabe fires back a stiff right hand! He brings a Knee up into the midsection of Paco... and Bodyslams him to the canvas! Gabe grabs him as he gets back up... and Irish Whips him off the ropes... HUGE BACKDROP BY GABE! Gabe is on him like a shot and applies a Front Facelock as Paco regains his vertical base. Gabe hoists him up for a Suplex... AND HOLDS HIM IN MID-AIR!

Jim: All the blood is rushing to Paco's head, and that's a lotta blood.

Gallivan: These fans are cheering as Gabe continues to hold Paco up, and it must be taking incredible strength to do that. Finally, Gabe falls back, completing the Suplex! He rolls back onto Paco, and starts hammering Forearm and Elbow shots to the head! Paco reaches up and rakes the eyes of Gabe, then fires off a hammer punch to the throat! Gabe rolls off Paco, allowing the big man to get back to his feet. Paco waits on Gabe, then charges... DROPPING HIM WITH A RUNNING CLOTHESLINE! Paco picks up Gabe... AND DROPS HIM WITH A GORILLA PRESS SLAM! He holds his hand up, signalling for a chokeslam, and grabs Gabe by the throat as he gets back to his feet! Hang on! Gabe grabs Paco by the hand, and just pulls it free! He steps in... URANAGE SUPLEX BY GABRIEL BLADE!!! Gabe hooks the leg, but both men are in the ropes, and DI Rogers waves it off before a count of 1.

Jim: Neither of them are wasting any time in this one. They are both going for big moves.

Gallivan: Well, it's important to save something for the rest of the tournament, so the faster you can pull off a win, the better. Both men are up, and Gabe whips Paco off the ropes. Gabe tries to hoist Paco up for a Hiptoss... but he reverses it into an Abdominal Stretch! The big man has a serious leverage advantage as he starts to crank on Gabe. Gabe tries to shift out of it, but Paco holds on. Hang on! Gabe fires back an Elbow into the face of Paco, breaking the hold! He shifts under Paco's arm, and hoists the big man up... TORTURE RACK BY GABRIEL BLADE!!!

Jim: Shades of the Lex Express.

Gallivan: DI Rogers is looking on, and Gabe is showing incredible power holding Paco up in that move! The big man must be in incredible pain, but he's not giving up. Hang on! Gabe repositions Paco... AND NAILS HIM WITH THE F5!!!

Jim: Gabe is completely off the page tonight. How the hell did he do that to a man that big?

Gallivan: Nobody trains harder than the Sentinel. Gabe rolls Paco onto his back... AND APPLIES THE GATEWAY TO ETERNITY!!! He's got that Mandible Claw locked on tight, and Paco's shoulders are down on the mat. DI Rogers drops down for the count... 1... 2... 3! That's it!

Jim: Impressive display by Gabriel Blade on all counts. He's gotten through the big man, with plenty of gas to spare.

[As the ring crew rushes to help clear the ring, the show cuts to a wide shot of the announce table.]

Gallivan: Impressive match, but there's plenty more where that came from. Lee Todd and Gabriel Blade have advanced thus far. Let's see who else will be competing in the second round of the tournament. Take it away, Ryan Lockheart.

Lockheart: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a first round matchup for the Iron Man Tournament. Making his way to the ring, standing at 6 feet tall and weighing in at 235 lbs, from Hollywood, California, he is the ultimate model of perfection in a mortal man, he is... BRIAN THORN!!!

[In Thorn's voice we hear the word "Ultimate" over the sound system as a spotlight shines down on the entrance ramp to a waiting Thorn. "Model" is spoken the same way as another spotlight hits him from a different angle, and Thorn raises his arms in acceptance of the appreciation the fans must have for him. "Of" is heard as a third spotlight shines down on the man with the million-dollar smile. "Perfection" sounds in Thorn's voice as a fourth and final spotlight engulfs Thorn. Suddenly "Tear Away" by Drowning Pool plays over the sound system and all four spotlights follow Thorn down the entrance ramp. On the Syni-tron we see images of Thorn in his glory, hitting the Double Take, flashing his "million dollar" smile, women hanging off of both arms, and then a closeup of the arrogant face. Thorn takes his time walking down the entrance ramp, letting his music play through. Once in the ring he flashes his "million dollar" smile once again, the music fades, and the lights come back on.]

Lockheart: And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time, from Las Vegas, Nevada, and weighing in at 235 lbs... EDMUNE PAINE II!!!

[The spotlights on the entrance way seem to brighten for a moment before dimming to near darkness. The playfully brassy sound of "Death or Glory" sounds as a large man wearing a nicely tailored black suit emerges from the back. He pauses at the entrance, soaks in his surroundings, and then proceeds to walk several feet before he stops. He crosses his massive arms on his large, barrel chest and glares disdainfully out into the crowd. Moments later, a much physically smaller man emerges from the back. Two spotlights home in on the man and reveal him to the crowd as the words "The Duke of Paine" appear on the Syni-tron. The "Duke of Paine" makes his way slowly towards the ring dressed in a beautifully tailored black suit, white dress shirt, and silver tie. As the "Duke" walks by on his way to the ring, his larger companion follows. Stopping at ringside, the two men pause as Mr. Paine removes his jacket, tie and cufflinks and hands them over to his companion. As he ascends the steps leading into the ring, Mr. Paine undoes several of the upper buttons on his shirt as well as rolls up each of his sleeves.]

Gallivan: Paine is the OWF Champion, but many wrestlers in the back have said that he's ducking the competition.

Jim: Well, if he doesn't get signed to defend the belt, why shouldn't he?

Gallivan: We've also heard rumours that Thorn is in the doghouse with management, and earlier tonight, Johnny Lassiter mentioned Thorn specificallly after his attack on Cid two weeks ago.

Jim: So? There's never been any proof that Thorn benefitted from management's decisions, and you know it.

Gallivan: The two lock up, and Thorn immediately applies a Side Headlock. Paine reaches down, and pulls up the lower half of Thorn's leg. He folds it up, and hoists Thorn off the ground... Kneebreaker by Edmund Paine! Thorn hit the mat, but Paine held onto his foot. He turns Thorn over for Stepover Toehold... but Thorn grabs the bottom rope immediately. DI Rogers puts a count on Paine, who grudgingly releases the hold. Thorn scrambles back to his feet, but Paine is on him like a shot. Paine leaps at Thorn, hitting him with a Flying Cross Chop! Both men are on the canvas, and Paine grabs Thorn's arm for some type of submission hold, but Thorn clocks him with a Knee to the midsection! Thorn rolls out of the way, and flips back to his feet, prompting a few boos from those in attendance.

Jim: I don't understand why the fans don't like Thorn. He's perfect, everyone should love him.

Gallivan: Thorn waits on Paine, but hits him with a vicious Kick to the side of the head as he gets back to his knees! Thorn steps in, driving Paine into the corner with a Scissor Kick to the chest! He pulls Paine upright, and fires off a snapping European Uppercut! And another! Thorn reaches in, and grabs Paine by the arm. He pulls him in for a Short-arm Clothesline, but Paine ducks! He maneouvers behind Thorn for a Waistlock from behind... but Thorn quickly reverses it, spinning behind Paine! He cinches him up... GERMAN SUPLEX BY BRIAN THORN! Thorn bridges the German, and here's the cover... 1... 2... Kickout!

Jim: Close one.

Gallivan: Both men scramble to their feet, but Thorn fires off a Low Dropkick that catches Paine in the thigh. He drops down to one knee as Thorn rolls behind him. Thorn grabs Paine by the feet from behind... and yanks them out from under him!

Jim: He dropped Paine onto his face with that move. It wasn't fancy, but it was effective.

Gallivan: Thorn steps up onto the backs of Paine's legs and starts jabbing him in the sides. Paine reaches back to cover up... AND THORN APPLIES A SURFBOARD!!! He raises Paine high in the air, and he's got to be in incredible pain.

Jim: With a name like Paine, and an outfit like that, Edmund should be used to taking beatings.

Gallivan: Rogers is right there, but Paine refuses to give. He's completely caught, though. There's almost no way to break out of a surfboard, so he's just got to grin and bear it, and hope that Thorn's legs get too tired to hold him up. Rogers is keeping an eye on Thorn's shoulders, which are on the mat, but Thorn is slowly rocking back and forth to avoid the cover.

Jim: Paine's a great wrestler, but he's being clearly outwrestled in this one.

Gallivan: Thorn continues to hold Paine in the air, pulling back on those arms. Thorn's got incredible conditioning, but there's no way you can sustain this move for very long. The blood can't circulate in Thorn's legs properly, and he's gonna start to feel it soon.

Jim: But can Paine hold on that long?

Gallivan: That's the question. Rogers asks him again, but Paine shakes his head, gritting his teeth against the pain. Hang on! Thorn's legs are starting to shake slightly. He gets complacent for a second, and Rogers drops down to the canvas, and counts 1 before Thorn rolls his shoulder off the canvas. Rogers stands again, and asks Paine if he wants to submit, but he still won't give in! Thorn is the one shaking his head now as he calls on any reserves he's got. But his legs just can't handle it. Thorn steadies himself and starts to lower Paine slowly. He's keeping his legs up, and lowering Paine's arms... dropping the back of his head onto the mat! Thorn's still got the lower end of Paine elevated, but his shoulders are planted on the mat! DI Rogers drops down for the cover... 1... 2... NO! Paine got a shoulder up, but that must have took an incredible amount of energy! Somehow, Thorn is still holding Paine in that Surfboard, with his head and shoulders now resting on the mat. Paine relaxes and Rogers administers another count... 1... 2... NO! Again, Paine got a shoulder up! Thorn brings his head up, ramming it into the back of Paine, then bridges back, putting even more weight onto Paine's head and shoulders! Rogers is there for the count... 1... 2... 3! That's it!

Jim: Wow!

Gallivan: Rogers calls for the bell, and Thorn and Paine crash to the canvas, exhausted.

Gallivan: Impressive win by Brian Thorn. He wrestled Paine into a corner, and took him out with a very conservative wrestling plan. Thorn drags himself back into a corner and is trying to slap some life back into his legs. Edmund Paine looks like he's just been in a 60 minute match, and is dragging himself out of the ring. Hang on! Tumbler just broke through the entrance curtain with a chair in hand!

Jim: What's that goon doing here?

Gallivan: Tumbler charges towards the ring... AND BLASTS EDMUND PAINE ACROSS THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR ON THE OUTSIDE!!! He looks up at the ref, expectantly, then frowns as Rogers just stands there.

Jim: What the hell is going on?

Gallivan: I can't imagine. Now Tumbler is pointing to his "I'm a Heel Now" T-shirt and jarring with DI Rogers. I think he thinks this match is still going on. Rogers is trying to tell him that it's over.

Jim: Oh, I get it. He was trying to get Thorn disqualified. Didn't Tumbler try to give Stu Price a win like this a few months ago?

Gallivan: Yeah, I think so. Tumbler looks disappointed and just heads out of the ring area, but not before giving Thorn the finger.

Jim: Very classy.

Gallivan: Hold on fans! Speaking of Stu Price, here he comes! Stu has that bamboo cane in his hand and he's running straight for Tumbler, who leaps over the guardrail once more and into the crowd. Tumbler's still wearing that Hardcore Title, and I guess Stu has been chasing him all night.

Jim: Tumbler's got a match later tonight. I hope he doesn't run himself out before then.

Gallivan: Well fans, as the dejecta clears the ring, Aspen Sandstrum is ready to announce our next match.

Aspen: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a first round matchup for the Iron Man Tournament. Coming to the ring at this time, from the Kung-Fu Kollege of Kucamonga, and weighing in at 231 lbs... DR. KARATE!!!

["Kung-fu Fighting" begins to play as Dr. Karate steps through the entrance curtain. He makes his way to the ring, amidst the boos of the fans, flapping the tails of his labcoat behind him. He climbs into the ring, looks Aspen up and down, then backs into his corner.]

Gallivan: I'm surprised Uesugi isn't out here backing up Dr. Karate tonight.

Aspen: And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time, from Long Beach, CA by way of Calgary, Alberta, Canada, and weighing in at 245 lbs... "THE THREAT" SHANE BRANDON!!!

[The lights dim for a mere moment, before an explosion of pyro casts the arena in a fiery red glow. "Revolution" by the Neurotic Outsiders blares over the arena loudspeakers as a beaming Hoss Titan steps through the entrance curtain. Hoss glances over his shoulder several times, his smile diminishing with each step. There is no movement behind him.]

Jim: Is Hoss gonna take Shane's place here tonight?

Gallivan: I'm not sure. Considering how Shane Brandon has been acting lately, I'd actually be surprised if he's made it here tonight.

[Hoss continues to slowly walk towards the ring. Once there, he turns and stares at the empty entrance ramp. Shane's music goes dead and starts up again at the beginning.]

Jim: Looks like a no-show. Dr. Karate couldn't be happier.

[As "Revolution" gets into high gear, and amidst the boos of the fans, a hand reaches through the entrance curtain, and Shane Brandon steps out. He stands inside the arena and casually stares out at the fans before walking towards the ring.]

Jim: I stand corrected. Brandon is here. Good thing too. Hoss looked like he was gonna have a coronary at ringside.

[Brandon rolls into the ring.]

Gallivan: Brandon is leaning against the ropes as Dr. Karate does some stretches. Shane's been suffering from some sort of ennui these last few months.

Jim: What?

Gallivan: Oh, I don't have time for this back-and-forth stuff. Just look it up. DI Rogers calls for the bell, and Dr. Karate charges in after Shane!

Gallivan: Shane sidesteps Karate and grabs him by the arm, Irish Whipping him off the ropes.

Jim: Shane may have enroy, but he's still quick when he needs to be.

Gallivan: Karate comes off the ropes, and ducks under a Clothesline. Both men criss-cross the ring and come back at each other... PROMISE BY BRANDON!!!

Jim: What?

Gallivan: Out of absolutely nowhere, Shane hit that spinning reverse neckbreaker, and now he drops onto Dr. Karate for an arrogant cover... 1... 2... 3! As fast as that, this match is over!

Jim: That's gotta be a record.

Gallivan: Nine seconds, according to our timekeeper. Hoss Titan couldn't be happier on the outside as Shane just slides under the bottom rope, and walks out of the ring area, not even waiting to have his arm raised.

Jim: Hoss looks like a man on death row who just got a call from the governor.

Gallivan: Hoss wipes his forhead as he rushes to keep up with Shane. Are we seeing a return to form for Shane Brandon tonight? He's out of the running for the Iron Man, but the Unified Title is still on the line. I guess we shall see.

Jim: Hey, you didn't even gimme a chance to respond to that one.

Gallivan: Fans, I'm being told that there's some commotion outside the arena, so let's take you there now.

[The show cuts to the parking lot where Michael Burke and Kurt Tremere are involved in a brawl. A few lucky fans have formed a circle around the two, who are rolling around on the concrete, hurling punches and kicks at each other. The wealth of scrapes and welts on both men seem to imply that this fight has been going on for some time.]

Jim: Hey! Save it for the ring!

Gallivan: I don't know if they will make it to the ring. Burke stands up, getting a cheer from the small collection of fans here, and drags Tremere up by the hair. He grabs Kurt by the arm... AND IRISH WHIPS HIM INTO THE SIDE OF AN RV!

Jim: Hey! That's Craig Lassiter's utility vehicle. Look at the dent in the side!

Gallivan: He won't be happy about that. Burke comes in... BUT TREMERE BACKDROPS HIM TO THE CONCRETE! Now Tremere pushes his way through the crowd and heads for one of the UWS transport trucks. He jumps onto the back of it, and pulls the sliding door up.

Jim: He's looking for a weapon.

Gallivan: Well, he's looking in the right place. The truck is filled with scaffolding pieces and spare ring equipment. Tremere picks up a ringpost like a baseball bat, and gauges its weight. Hang on! Michael Burke is back up and he staggers towards the truck. Burke charges, hitting Tremere in the legs from behind, and knocking him down! Now Burke climbs into the back of the truck, and picks up a section of steel guardrail!

Jim: Ooh, this is gonna get ugly.

Gallivan: Burke charges the former Unified Champion as he gets back to his feet, slamming him into a large crate! He's got Tremere pinned with that guardrail, but Kurt is firing punches at Burke over that wall of steel!

[Suddenly, a figure bursts through the crowd.]

Gallivan: It's Sin! He leaps up, grapping the strap from the sliding door of the transport, and pulls it closed!

Jim: They are trapped!

Gallivan: Sin clamps the back door shut, stomping on the bar to make sure it's secured, and now he's moving around to the front of the truck!

Jim: So, is this a match or not?

Gallivan: No idea. Burke and Tremere were scheduled to wrestle in the first round, and I'm sure that's what prompted this brawl between the two of them. Waitaminute! Sin jumps into the drivers side of the truck, and he's starting it up!

Jim: Some UWS driver is gonna lose his job for leaving the keys in that truck.

Gallivan: A stream of UWS security pours out of the arena and they are running for the truck. Sin grinds the truck into gear, and jolts forward!

Jim: Shame we don't have a camera inside the truck to watch Tremere and Burke getting tossed around with all that scaffolding and cold steel clanking around them.

Gallivan: Well, that wouldn't be very realistic if we had set up cameras in the truck now would it?

Jim: WWE would have a camera in the truck.

Gallivan: I rest my case. Sin swerves around the mob of security... AND DRIVES THE TRUCK STRAIGHT THROUGH A CHAINLINK FENCE! Our cameramen are rushing to keep up, as are the growing number of UWS fans out here in the parking lot.

[The truck rumbles across a grassy patch of land, picking up speed.]

Gallivan: My God! They are headed for the lake!

Jim: Good thing it's still frozen.

[The truck drives out onto the icy lake until the tires begin to spin as it loses its momentum on the slick surface. The door kicks open, and Sin jumps out, striding back towards the parking lot.]

Gallivan: Our security team is hesitant to head out onto the ice, and I don't blame them. I don't know how strong it is.

Jim: There's your answer.

[Cracks in the ice start to spiderweb out from each of the massive truck's tires.]

Gallivan: Dear heaven! Emergency crews are en route, but I don't think Burke or Tremere can get out! Several wrestlers and other crew members have charged out here, but security are holding them away from the lake. Gabriel Blade is out here now, but he's unable to push through this crowd.

[As the sound of sirens start to get louder in the distance, the cracks continue until there is a huge crashing noise, and the entire truck breaks through the ice and falls into the water. The rear of the truck stays above water for a few seconds before slowly submerging.]

Gallivan: GOOD GOD!

[The show immediately goes black. The audio continues for a few seconds before going dead. After a few more seconds, the show cuts back to ringside showing the announce table.]

Gallivan: Fans, I'm being told that emergency teams are converging on the lake and we will provide details as we get them. Frankly, I don't know what to say.

Jim: Well make yourself useful and get me a hotdog.

[The show cuts backstage where Ken Holbrook is rushing around. Donnie Rose bangs into him, and Holbrook grabs him by the collar.]

Holbrook: What's going on?

Rose: Sin locked Michael Burke and Kurt Tremere in the back of a truck and they've gone through the ice! The police are here, but they are waiting on diving crews to break them out.

Holbrook: Forget about that. Burke and Tremere are supposed to wrestle next!

Rose: What? People could be drowning, and you're worried about your schedule?

Holbrook: Damn straight. Listen Rose, you take care of this police matter and I'll find a replacement match. Bonnie!

[The ever-present Bonnie Bellows slinks into shot with clipboard in hand.]

Bonnie: Yes sir?

Holbrook: Is Sean Lassiter in the building?

Bonnie: I think so. I saw him hanging out with Craig earlier.

Holbrook: Good. Tell him to suit up and get on deck. He's got a match.

[Bonnie rushes off as Ken wanders down the hallway.]

Holbrook: Now, I just need an opponent.

[Ken walks by Ron King, who is trying to negotiate a candybar off its precarious perch on the top row of a vending machine.]

Ron King: Come on you tasterrific delicacity.

[As Ron gives the vending machine a little shove, Ken drapes his arm around him.]

Holbrook: Ron, my good man. Have I got a proposition for you.

[The show cuts back to ringside where a confused Ryan Lockheart is standing. He's leaning against the ropes, talking with one of the ring attendants.]

Gallivan: Fans, I'm being told that we indeed have a match now. As soon as Lockheart knows who the competitors are, then so will we.

Lockheart: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 10 minute time limit. Coming to the ring at this time, from Charlotte, NC, and weighing in at 229 lbs... SEAN LASSITER!!!

["Conquistador" by Procol Harem starts to play and the clean-cut Sean Lassiter starts to walk towards the ring. Sean is wearing white wrestling shorts and white boots. He has an impressive physique, and still looks very young. A huge smile on his face, Sean high-fives fans all along the entrance toward the ring.]

Jim: Ok, we knew that. But who is he taking on?

Lockheart: And his opponent. Coming to the ring, accompanied by "Manager of Champions" Ron King... "MR. CLEAN" DAMON LISTER!!!

Gallivan: Manager of champions? What has Ron been smoking?

[Damon Lister, decked out in his silly hat, fake moustace, and yellow rubber gloves steps through the entrance curtain to a roar of applause and laughter. Ron King steps out through the curtain, and shoves a large mop into his hand, then pushes him towards the ring. Lister puts his head down and walks to the ring, trying to ignore the thousands around him.]

Gallivan: Well, this one should be interesting to say the least.

Jim: Ron is a genius, I tell ya. That gimmick is better than Mantaur, the Red Rooster, and Trucker Norm all put together.

Gallivan: DI Rogers is trying to keep a straight face while he looks over the competitors and calls for the bell.

Gallivan: Lassiter has been trying to make a comeback after that horrible neck injury, and Damon Lister has been trying to make a career for himself here, by any means necessary.

Jim: I guess dressing up like a solvent mascot falls deeply into the "any means necessary" category.

Gallivan: I guess it does. Ron King is outside the ring, mop in hand, watching intently as Sean and Damon circle each other. They go for a lockup and Sean applies a Side Headlock. He goes for a Headlock Takedown, but Mr. Clean hangs on. He shoves Sean against the ropes, breaking the hold and sending Sean across the ring. Sean comes back, but Damon hits him with a Shoulderblock.

Jim: Oooh, scintillating.

Gallivan: Sean stops in his tracks, and Damon fires off a crude Standing Dropkick that hits Sean in the stomach. Both men rush to their feet, and Damon swings wildly at Sean, who ducks... hoisting Mr. Clean up for a Back Suplex! Damon rolls backwards, falling out of the ring with a painful-sounding thud!

Jim: Ring positioning. It don't come easy.

Gallivan: Surprisingly, Sean Lassiter rolls out of the ring after him.

Jim: Wow, is Sean actually going to do some scrapping outside the confines of the ring?

Gallivan: Nope. It looks like he's helping Lister to his feet.

Jim: Sheesh, I've seen better fights at pre-school.

[Sean slaps Lister across the shoulder as he helps him to his feet, and Lister climbs back into the ring.]

Gallivan: Sean heads in after him... but Ron grabs him by the tights! He pulls Sean off the ropes, dropping him back to the floor. Inside the ring, DI Rogers is checking on Lister, and doesn't see what's happening. Sean turns around to give King a piece of his mind, but Ron pulls something out of his jacket... HE JUST SPRAYED MR. CLEAN INTO SEANS EYES!!!

Jim: Ouch!

Gallivan: Sean's been blinded and Ron King just grabs him by the hair and shoves him back into the ring. He's shouting at Lister to finish him while he hides away his cleaning product! Damon Lister looks almost as confused as Sean Lassiter, who is staggering around the ring, covering his eyes with his hands. Lister boots Sean in the midsection, and cinches him up for a Powerbomb! He hoists up Sean, but his hands slip... AND HE DROPS LASSITER ON HIS HEAD!!!

Jim: Oh, that's not good. Not good at all.

Gallivan: Lister's hands must have slipped on that cleaning fluid.

Jim: How sloppy does a guy have to be to let go of someone while wearing rubber gloves?

Gallivan: Lister is just looking down at Sean Lassiter with a shocked look on his face. On the outside, Ron King is slamming his hands on the mat, shouting at Lister to cover him. Mr. Clean drops onto Sean Lassiter, and here's the cover... 1... 2... 3! Rogers calls for the bell, and this one is over.

Gallivan: Well, Ron King is the only happy man at ringside. Our security/medical crew is already in the ring, and they are taking no chances with Sean, given his recent neck injury. Lister looks guilty, but Ron just shoves that mop into his hand and starts pushing him out of the ring area.

Jim: Well, we saw two rookies enter, and one of them leave. Just goes to show you how dangerous this sport really is.

Gallivan: Fans, Sean is conscious and although his eyes are still closed, due to that painful cleaner, he's conversing with the ring crew as they secure his neck and slide the stretcher underneath him.

[The show cuts away from the ring to the announce table.]

Gallivan: It looks as if Sean is going to be OK, but like I said, the ring crew are taking no chances. Well, we've had 5 matches so far, and the night is still young. Edmund Paine, Stu-E Price, Dr. Karate, and Paco have all been eliminated and will go home without any points for this event. For everyone else, the ultimate prize is still on the line.

[The camera pans across to show the Unified Title, still on display on the timekeeper's table, then cuts back to a ringside camera, where Aspen Sandstrum is standing.]

Gallivan: Well fans, enough filler. We are ready for our next matchup.

Aspen: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a first round matchup for the Iron Man Tournament. Coming to the ring at this time, from the Jungles of Africa and weighing in at 155 lbs... THE NATIVE!!!

[Strange tribal drums begin to play and a wild figure breaks through the entrance curtain. The Native, wearing just a loincloth and necklace of teeth, charges towards the ring holding his turkey leg aloft in one hand.]

Aspen: And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time, accompanied by Dr. Karate. From Kyoto, Japan, weighing in at 219 lbs... UESUGI!!!

["Bad Blood" by Ministry begins to roar throughout the arena as Uesugi steps through the entrance curtain. He flicks back his soaking wet black hair, sending water flying into the air. Uesugi is shirtless and wearing plain black full-leg wrestling tights with no markings of any kind on them. Clenching and unclenching his fists, he calmly walks towards the ring. Dr. Karate steps out through the curtain behind him, the tail of his labcoat flapping behind him.]

Gallivan: Dr. Karate is in the ring and arguing with DI Rogers while Uesugi casually stretches in the corner. I'm not sure what he's arguing about.

Jim: He's probably complaining about a fast count in his match against Brandon.

Gallivan: He could have counted to 30 and Karate wouldn't have gotten up after that Promise. Hold on! The Native is tired of waiting! He charges across the ring... and belts Dr. Karate in the head! Uesugi comes out of the corner to defend his manager, but the Native is just going wild. Uesugi charges out... CATCHING THE NATIVE WITH A SPINNING HEEL KICK! Rogers orders Karate out of the ring as Uesugi starts laying into Native with speedy kicks to the ribs. He's trying to get to his feet, but Uesugi grabs him for a Front Facelock as he gets up... Snap Suplex by Uesugi! The Native won't stay down, but Uesugi Snapmares him as he gets up again. He bounces off the ropes... and hits Native with several rapid Muta-style Elbowdrops! Uesugi flips back to his feet, and crouches in wait for his opponent. The Native is back up, and Uesugi charges... but Native ducks under a Clothesline! Uesugi bounds off the far ropes, but Native is on his tail... AND DROPKICKS HIM, SENDING HIM THROUGH THE ROPES! Uesugi hits the floor and Dr. Karate immediately heads over to him. The Native charges across the ring, vaulting himself over the top rope to the floor... SUICIDE DIVE BY THE NATIVE!!!

Jim: Nutburger.

Gallivan: He crashed into Dr. Karate, sending him down the entrance ramp. The Native shakes off the cobwebs and turns around, just as Uesugi is getting to his feet. DI Rogers starts to put the count on them. Uesugi boots Native in the midsection, cinches him up... EYEBITE ON THE FLOOR BY UESUGI!!!

Jim: Bam! He hit that Jumping DDT, and the Native has been busted open!

Gallivan: Uesugi rolls back into the ring as Rogers continues the count. I don't think the Native is going to be able to make it back into the ring! He's rolling around on the floor... but Rogers calls for the bell!

Jim: So much for the Native's undefeated streak.

Gallivan: Impressive match for Uesugi, as he will advance to the second round.

Jim: Well, the draws don't get much easier than the Native.

Gallivan: Fans, we have good and bad news on Michael Burke and Kurt Tremere. The rescue team have removed them from the icy water before the unthinkable could happen. Unfortunately, both men are suffering from mild hypothermia and will not be wrestling tonight.

Jim: What does that mean?

Gallivan: It looks like the winner of our next match will get a bye into the semi-finals.

Lockheart: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a first round matchup for the Iron Man Tournament. Coming to the ring at this time, from Burkettesville, MD, and weighing in at 345 lbs... SIN!!!

[The lights go out and an eerie silence is heard as suddenly "Black All Over" blares throughout the pitch black arena and dark blue smoke fills the entrance ramp. The one named Sin stands at the end of the isle and raises his gloved black hands over his head, saying a prayer to himself, then without a word, he dashes into the ring, rolling under the bottom rope and circling the ring, pointing to all the fans as he brings his thumb across his neck slowly in a cut-throat gesture.]

Gallivan: Sin has definitely made his presence known in the UWS, especially tonight. He's given either himself or Tumbler a free ride to the semis.

Lockheart: And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time, from Darlington, England and weighing in at 230 lbs... TUMBLER!!!

[The lights in the arena dim as the initials GHITW light up the ring in bright neon green, the text begins to swirl faster and faster till it morphs in to a bullzeye. Come Out and play cuts out as a thunderous boom echo's throughout the arena and Tumbler leaps from the rafters on a bungy cord landing dead centre in the ring. Spinning around possing for the crowd attendents rush to the ring to unhook his equipment before the match starts.]

Gallivan: It looks like Tumbler has managed to evade Stu so far, as he's still holding that UWS Hardcore Title.

Gallivan: Sin charges across the ring as Tumbler rushes to get out of that harness... and drills him with a Clothesline! Tumbler pulls off the Hardcore Title, and drops it out of the ring as Sin brings down a couple of heavy Forearm shots across his back! He grabs Tumbler for a Powerbomb... but Tumbler flips out of it, landing on his feet! He boots Sin in the midsection, and locks on a Front Facelock... but Sin reverses it into a Backdrop! Tumbler bounces back to his feet, but Sin hits him with a stinging overhand right! He follows it up with a Front Kick that nails Tumbler right in the sternum! Tumbler flies backward, rolling back to a crouched position as he reaches the ropes. Sin comes at him as Tumbler leaps into the air... Springboard Dropkick by Tumbler! He used the leverage of the ropes to catch Sin in the face, and that rocked the big man. Tumbler is back up, and fires another Standing Dropkick into the chest of Sin! Sin staggers back to the ropes as Tumbler charges him... CLOTHESLINING HIM OVER THE TOP TO THE FLOOR!!!

Jim: That was momentum, plain and simple.

Gallivan: Tumbler takes a second to glance down at Sin on the floor beneath him, then charges across the ring. He bounces off the ropes and returns to the other side of the ring... SOMERSAULT 450 SPLASH TO THE OUTSIDE BY TUMBLER!!!

Jim: Whoah! He vaulted himself out of the ring via the top rope and managed to rotate a full 450 degrees before landing on Sin on the outside. Tumbler may not be very big, but that kind of impact is going to hurt, I don't care who you are.

Gallivan: As DI Rogers puts a count on both men, Tumbler pulls Sin up off the concrete and starts pounding him in the head! Waitaminute! Who the heck is this?

[The crowd reacts as a large man steps through the entrance curtain and makes a beeline towards the ring.]

Jim: It's the Sentinel!

Gallivan: It sure looks like Gabriel Blade, but whomever it is, he's wearing a heavy leather mask.

Jim: Gabe's gone gimp!

Gallivan: Good God, could it be Judas Dagon?

Jim: Well, let's hope so. This fed has been far too complacent lately.

Gallivan: The large figure reaches the ring and hammers Tumbler across the back with an Running Ax-handle Smash! Rogers immediately abandons the count and bails out of the ring. He puts himself between Tumbler and this potential Sentinel.

Jim: He's not gonna disqualify him, is he?

Gallivan: It doesn't look like it. Rogers realizes that Tumbler and Sin have both worked very hard to be here tonight, and he's not about to just throw this match out unless he has to. The man in the Sentinel gear backs up as Rogers threatens him. Waitaminute! Sin is up and picks up Tumbler. He lifts him up for a Gorilla Press... AND DROPS HIM THROAT-FIRST ACROSS THE STEEL GUARDRAIL!!! Rogers is still arguing with this man in the leather mask.

Jim: Maybe it's Leo DiCaprio.

Gallivan: I think that was an Iron Mask.

Jim: Whatever. The movie was shit anyways.

Gallivan: Sin picks up the gasping Tumbler, grabbing him by the hair... AND RAMS HIM HEADFIRST INTO THE STEEL RINGPOST!!! Rogers spins around, but he's too late to see the rules violations. Sin picks up Tumbler and unceremoniously dumps him back into the ring. Things don't look good for the cruiserweight. As Sin follows Tumbler into the ring, DI Rogers heads in as well, but not before warning that masked man again. Sin is definitely not practicing what he preaches.

Jim: Hey, that could be the next Unified Champ you're talking about.

Gallivan: Sin would most likely destroy the Unified Title if he got a chance. In the ring, Tumbler is crawling across the ring on his hands and knees, still gasping for breath. He's been cut open over his right eye and he's dripping blood onto the canvas.

Jim: Bah! He's Hardcore Champ. A little blood never scared the Hardcore Champ.

Gallivan: Sin barrels across the ring and cuts Tumbler's crawl short with a Running Elbowdrop across the back. He rolls Tumbler onto his back and hooks a leg for the cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Sin grabs Tumbler's hair in one hand, and starts hammering him in the head with the other! He picks up Tumbler and shoves him into the corner. Sin steps in, hitting Tumbler with a beefy Knife-edge Chop to the chest! He follows it up with a Spinning Back Kick to the ribs! Sin grabs Tumbler by the hair and cinches him up for a suplex... hoisting him up into the air! He's holding Tumbler up in that suplex position with ease! After waiting for what seems like an eternity... Sin drops Tumbler for the Suplex. The big man stands up, looking down at the plucky cruiserweight, just waiting for him to move. Tumbler rolls over and drags himself back to his knees... and fires off a jab to the breadbasket of Sin! And another! The big man hammers Tumbler across the back with a Forearm blast, but Tumbler grabs Sin by the tights, ramming his head into Sin's midsection! Leg Takedown by Tumbler! Tumbler tries to turn Sin over for an STF or a Half Crab, but the big man fires off a Kick that hits Tumbler in the chest to break the hold! As Sin gets back to his feet, Tumbler charges into the corner... SPRINGBOARD FLYING FOREARM BY TUMBLER!!!

Jim: He came bouncing off that top rope, hitting Sin with the Flying Burrito, as Sir Bobby would say.

Gallivan: Sin hit the canvas like a massive oak falling and Tumbler hooks the leg for a cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Tumbler rolls under the bottom rope, wipes the blood out of his eyes, and heads up to the top rope! Sin is slowly getting back to his feet, and I don't know if Tumbler is going to reach the top in time!

Jim: He will... he's just that fast.

Gallivan: Sin is back up, but Tumbler is ready! He leaps off the top... TOP ROPE HURRACANRANA BY TUMBLER!!! Holy crap! He spun that big man around like he was nothing, and Tumbler pulls back on the leg for the cover. Rogers is right there... 1... 2... NO! Sin kicked out! These two have been throwing everything at each other, but neither man wants to give it up. Tumbler is back up and he drags Sin to his feet, hitting him with a Forearm shot to the chest! Sin fires back a shot to the face! Tumbler fires a punch of his own, but Sin blocks it... AND HITS TUMBLER WITH A HEART PUNCH!!! He drops down to his knees and presses all of his weight down on Tumbler... 1... 2... Kickout! I don't know where Tumbler got the energy to kick out of that pin, but Sin isn't slowing down. He's back up and circles around behind Tumbler as he slowly regains his vertical base. Sin grabs him from behind for a Cobra Clutch... BUT TUMBLER LEAPS UP, REVERSING IT INTO A SNAPMARE! He hits Sin with a Jumping Fistdrop to the head, then quickly heads up to the top!

Jim: He's going to the well once too often!

Gallivan: Sin is moving, but Tumbler is still incredibly fast. He balances on the top rope... TERRIBLE TUMBLE BY TUMBLER!!! He nailed that Somersault Guillotine Legdrop and now he crawls onto Sin for the cover... 1... 2... 3! NO! Sin got a shoulder up!

Jim: What?

Gallivan: Tumbler looks as shocked as we are! He shakes his head and rolls into the corner. Tumbler's climbing up to the top rope... but that guy in the Sentinel suit jumps onto the ring apron! He grabs at Tumbler, but Tumbles boots him in the face, knocking him to the floor! Tumbler turns back to Sin, and leaps off the top... ANOTHER TERRIBLE TUMBLE!!!

Jim: Unbelievable!

Gallivan: Tumbler sits on Sin's chest and reaches down for his leg, hooking it for another cover... 1... 2... 3! This time it's official! DI Rogers calls for the bell. It took 2 terrible tumbles, but Tumbler has done it!

Jim: Phew. What a match.

Gallivan: Incredibly close match between these two gladiators of the ring. Waitaminute! That Sentinel has climbed into the ring, and hits Tumbler with an Elbow shot to the back of the head! He pushes Tumbler to the mat... AND APPLIES THE GATEWAY TO ETERNITY!!!

Jim: It IS the Sentinel!

Gallivan: I don't know about that. DI Rogers is trying to pull this Sentinel off Tumbler, but Sin is back up... AND HITS ROGERS WITH A MAFIA KICK TO THE FACE! Now he starts stomping on Tumbler while the Sentinel continues to punish him with that mandible claw!

Jim: Here comes help!

Gallivan: It's Stu Price! Stu charges towards the ring, and it looks like he's coming to help his friend. Waitaminute! Stu runs around the ring and grabs the UWS Hardcore Title! He glances up into the ring, then heads towards the backstage area! Listen to these fans, they are giving Stu hell for this.

Jim: Bah! What has Tumbler ever done for him?

Gallivan: Stu is halfway up the ramp before he stops. In the ring, Sentinel has released the submission hold, and now he and Sin are just stomping the hell out of Tumbler! Stu looks over his shoulder, then shakes his head... AND RUNS BACK TOWARDS THE RING!

Jim: Wha?

Gallivan: Stu slides into the ring... AND BRAINS SIN WITH THE HARDCORE TITLE!!! The big man drops as Sentinel starts firing punches at Stu! Stu hits him with a swift kick in the groin... AND SLAMS THE HARDCORE TITLE INTO HIS FACE!!! He goes down, and now Stu slings the Hardcore Belt over his shoulder, and starts ripping at that leather mask the Sentinel is wearing. Waitaminute! Stu pulls off the mask... IT'S HELLFIRE! HELLFIRE IS BACK!

Jim: And here you thought it was the Sentinel all along. Shame on you Gallivan.

Gallivan: Ring security charges the ring as Stu bails out with his newly stolen Hardcore Title. Fans, they are trying to clear the ring, so give us a moment. Up next is the last of our first round matches for this Iron Man Tournament.

Jim: So far, it's been a riot.

Gallivan: And we are just getting started. Ok, the ring is cleared out, and Aspen is ready. So let's get to our next contest.

Aspen: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a first round matchup for the Iron Man Tournament. Coming to the ring at this time, from Chicago, Ill, and weighing in at 243 lbs... "THE MAGNIFICENT BASTARD" CRAIG LASSITER!!!

["Refuse/Resist" by Apocalyptica begins to play and Craig Lassiter steps out through the entrance curtain. He is wearing full-length black wrestling tights with a grey singlet top. Over it, he is wearing a black leather jacket with the words, "Craig, you Magnificent Bastard" written across the back. Lassiter slaps a few hands on the way to the ring, then deposits his jacket on the ground and rolls into the ring.]

Aspen: And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time, from Burbank, CA, and weighing in at 255 lbs... CURTIS SLAMM!!!

[The house lights go out as the opening guitar riff from "Among The Living" begins. At the top of the rampway smoke fills the entrance into the arena. From out of the cloud, draped in a long robe with the hood coming over his face, a figure stands with his hands spread a few inches apart down at his waist. As the music continues, the figure starts to shuffle his feet. As the music hits a high point the house lights flash on and there stands Curtis Slamm, his head tilted to the sky and his hands raised up over his head, he releases an incredible yell. He undoes his robe and paces across the stage for a moment. Then Slamm stomps down to ringside where he stalks his opponent from outside of the ring, jumping up onto the apron and through the ropes.]

Gallivan: Craig is having a little fun playing up to the fans, but Slamm looks all business in there. Rogers has called for the bell, and now Craig focuses his attention on his opponent. He reaches out his hand, and Curt gives him a namesake handshake.

Jim: (under his breath) Namesake handshake?

Gallivan: The two back away from each other and start circling. They lock up, and Slamm applies a Hammerlock, shoving Craig into a corner. Rogers steps in for the count, and Slamm releases the hold, letting Craig out of the corner. The two come back at each other and lockup. They jostle for a few seconds... and Craig Armdrags Slamm to the mat! He gets back up and Craig goes for another Armdrag, but Slamm uses his weight to block it, and grabs Craig from behind... APPLYING A COBRA CLUTCH! He starts to crank down on Craig Lassiter, who fires back an Elbow to the ribs of Slamm, then a Back Kick to the shins! Craig squeezes out of the hold, spins around... and Fireman Carries Slamm to the canvas!

Jim: This is old-school baby.

Gallivan: Craig drops for a cover, but Slamm Press Slams him off before a count of 1! Craig is up and grabs Slamm for a Front Facelock as he gets to his feet. He tries to Suplex Slamm, but he blocks it with his feet. Slamm tries to reverse it, but Craig blocks it! Craig brings up a Knee into Slamm's torso as both of them jostle for control. Both men swing at the same time... DOUBLE SWINGING NECKBREAKER! Craig rolls away from Slamm, but both men are hurt. DI Rogers puts a count on them... 1... 2... 3... 4... 5...

Jim: These two guys are very evenly matched. What Slamm has over Craig in size, Craig makes up in speed.

Gallivan: Slamm stands up, breaking the count and waits on Lassiter. Curtis Slamm probably has a lot on his mind. He found out earlier tonight that he's going to have to face Lee Todd and Stu Price on his own at the next show. Craig is back up, and Slamm grabs him by the shoulders... and tosses him into the corner! Slamm backs up and charges... HITTING LASSITER WITH A FLYING BODYPRESS INTO THE CORNER!!! Slamm grabs the middle ropes as he regains his vertical base and starts firing massive Shoulderblocks into the ribs of Craig in the corner. Rogers puts a count on Slamm, who pulls Craig out of the corner at 5. Slamm grabs Craig by the arm... Judo Armdrag by Slamm! He falls onto his back, still holding that arm... and goes for a Code Red, but Craig hugs the ropes before he can cinch it. Both men get back to their feet, and Slamm belts Craig in the head with a Forearm Elbow! He goes for an Uppercut, but Craig backs out of range... countering with a Backslide! Rogers is there to make the count... 1... 2... Kickout! Lassiter is up first, but Slamm pulls the legs out from under him... AND APPLIES A BOSTON CRAB! He's got Lassiter cinched up tight, and is cranking back. DI Rogers asks Craig if he wants to give it up, but he shakes his head. Slamm leans back even farther, but Craig still won't give it up. Slamm releases the hold and hits Craig across the small of the back with an Elbowdrop.

Jim: Slamm's just lying across Craig. He's taking a breather, and making it harder for Craig to breathe at the same time.

Gallivan: He slides across Lassiter's back, and belts him across the back of the head with a lazy Forarm shot. And another! Slamm moves into a seated position, and it looks like he's going for a Camel Clutch... but Lassiter reaches up and rakes the eyes of Slamm before he can lock it on!

Jim: They may be old friends, but I think the claws are about to come out.

Gallivan: Craig gets back to his feet and turns around to get hit by a Curtis Slamm Lariat! Slamm picks up Lassiter, and Irish Whips him off the ropes... POWERSLAM BY SLAMM! He hooks the leg and Rogers drops down for the count... 1... 2... Kickout! I thougt it was over then. Slamm is up and drags Lassiter to his feet. He goes for a Suplex... but Craig reverses it into a Small Package! 1... 2... Kickout by Slamm! Both men scramble to their feet and Slamm grabs Craig for an Irish Whip into the corner... but Craig reversed it! Slamm hits the corner and staggers out... MAFIA KICK BY CRAIG LASSITER! Slamm hit the canvas, and Craig isn't wasting any time. He bails through the ropes and climbs up to the top rope! Slamm is still down. Craig quickly balances on the top and leaps off... FROGSPLASH ONTO CURTIS SLAMM!!! Craig hooks the legs and Rogers is there for the count... 1... 2... NO! Kickout by Slamm!

Jim: Craig shakes his head in frustration, but he's gonna have to bring out something bigger than that to stop Slamm.

Gallivan: Craig drags Slamm up to his feet and hooks him up for what looks like a Piledriver.

Jim: Toad-driver on the way!

Gallivan: Craig reaches down to overhook Slamm's legs... but Slamm repositions his weight, hoisting Craig up onto his back! He takes a second to catch his balance... THE SCORN BY CURTIS SLAMM!!!

Jim: Ouch! Slamm nailed that modified Fireman Carry Death Drop.

Gallivan: Slamm rolls Craig up for the cover and Rogers is there for the count... 1... 2... 3! He calls for the bell and this match is history!

Jim: Half-decent match for a couple of old fogeys.

Gallivan: How old are you, Jim?

Jim: None of your beeswax, Gallivan.

Gallivan: Slamm advances to the second round, where he will face Uesugi. Craig Lassiter's hopes for a Unified Title run have been cut short, however.

Jim: Aw, boo hoo.

Gallivan: Well, our second round is now clear. In addition to Slamm facing Uesugi, Lee Todd will face off against Brian Thorn in what should be an absolute classic. Tumbler receives a bye through the second round, thanks to Sin's attack on Michael Burke and Kurt Tremere. And Gabriel Blade will face off against Shane Brandon one more time.

Jim: Oh dear. They aren't gonna do another 60-minute match, are they?

Gallivan: We can only hope so.

Jim: Speak for yourself.

Gallivan: Fans, Curtis Slamm is leaving, but Craig Lassiter is now slumped in the corner. He's asking for a microphone.

Jim: Maybe he's gonna retire again. Let's hope it takes this time.

[Craig takes a few more seconds to catch his breath before speaking.]

Lassiter: First off, I'd like to thank Curtis Slamm for a great match. I was hoping he'd bring everything he had, and he did. There's no shame in losing to a better man, and I wish Curtis success in the rest of this tournament. Hell, if he wins, then I can always claim that I could have come in second if the brackets were different.

Jim: He's delusional.

Lassiter: Now, on to something more important than my wrestling career.

Jim: Everything is more important than his career.

Gallivan: Shush.

Lassiter: This will probably go down as the strangest night of my life, because as of 3:45 PM today, I've been put in direct competition with my very essence. Through every incarnation from the very beginning to the present, I've been a part of the LWA, no matter how small. But my brother Johnny Lassiter, in all his wisdom, has made the decision... and I am now the acting OWF President.

Jim: What?!

[There is a decent cheer from the fans, even though Lassiter is very composed in the ring.]

Gallivan: Craig Lassiter is LWA through and through. But now he's got to run the OWF!

Jim: He was the one who was egging Cid on, so it's his fault the OWF was without a president anyway.

Lassiter: I've learned a few lessons running the LWA, and I'll be the first to admit that I made a lot of mistakes. But this time, it's going to be different. It's no secret how I feel about Ken Holbrook, and if I had my choice, I'd be LWA President. But, he gets to run the LWA, so I've got to work with what I've been given. But, since I've known about this since this afternoon and Ken Holbrook has only been informed... (he glances at where his watch would be if he was wearing one) a few seconds ago, I had a chance to make a few changes.

[Again, the crowd cheers. This time, a smile plays across Craig's face.]

Jim: What's he talking about?

Gallivan: If you hold on, you might find out.

Lassiter: Ever since Kurt Tremere lost the OWF Division Title, it's been in a sort of limbo of inactive champions. They may have had what it took to become champions, but when it came to representing the division, Edmund Paine and Eric Manson fell short, for one reason or another. Ken thought he was pulling a fast one by shifting Gabriel Blade to the OWF. Well, in an effort to make the OWF Division Title worth something again, I'm sanctioning my first match. Two weeks from now, at the next Blackened, Gabriel Blade will face Edmund Paine II, and that OWF Division Title will be on the line!

Gallivan: Well, it's about time Gabe got a title shot.

Jim: Rah bah bah.

Lassiter: Now Gabe, I know I've earned back your respect, and that pleases me. But don't for a second think that I'm giving you this title shot for the wrong reasons. You earned this shot, plain and simple. I don't think there's a man in this building that can disagree with that.

Jim: I can.

Gallivan: Shut up.

Lassiter: That's not all. After re-reading the fine print regarding UWS contracts, I decided to do a little wheeling and dealing.

[Before Craig can continue, "Carousel" by Mr. Bungle begins to play and a laughing green Jester's head appears on the Syni-tron. Ken Holbrook walks out through the entrance curtain to a chorus of boos. He holds up his silver Jester-headed cane for silence, and eventually gets it. Raising a microphone up to his mouth, he speaks.]

Holbrook: Craig, you stupid bastard.

Jim: (laughing) That's not how his catch-phrase goes.

[In the ring, Craig moves against the ropes and just stares at Holbrook.]

Holbrook: Lassiter, you may have been a passable wrestler, but you aren't a promoter. Look at what I've built the UWS into since you and Ash have been gone. The fed was ready to fold when I took over, and it's finally a thriving business. I don't know what you're trying to prove, but if you want to match wits with me, you'll find yourself seriously outmatched. You could never bring the OWF to the level of the LWA, and the sooner you face up to that, the sooner you'll do the honorable thing and quit. You had your chance to accept a buyout when Ash left, but you didn't take it. When you leave this time, and you will, I'll make sure that you are sent packing for good!

Lassiter: Well, Ken. As I said before I was so rudely interrupted, I was looking over the contracts, and since Edmund Paine is an OWF contracted wrestler, it looks like you are rather short of gold at the moment.

Holbrook: What? Are you drunk, Lassiter? He may not be much, but I've still got Lee Todd.

Lassiter: Guess again.

Gallivan: Listen to this crowd! Ken Holbrook's jaw nearly hit the floor after that pair of words from Craig Lassiter. He doesn't have much of a poker face, that's for sure.

Lassiter: (pulls out a rolled-up sheet of paper from his wrestling boot) I have here, Lee Todd's brand-spanking new OWF contract!

[Ken gets redder as he takes a few steps towards the ring then stops.]

Holbrook: What! You can't do that! Lee's the LWA Division Champion!

Lassiter: He may be your champion, but he's my wrestler.

Jim: Can he do that?

Gallivan: I'm a little fuzzy over all this contract stuff, but I think he can. As fast as that, Holbrook's been left without a champion. He doesn't even hold the contract of his own Division champ!

Holbrook: You think you're pretty slick, don't you Lassiter? Well, two can play at that game. I may not own Lee, but I do own the LWA Division Title, and that means that I alone determine when, where, and how the LWA Title is defended. So, at the next Blackened, Lee Todd will defend that LWA Title against none other than Brian Thorn! You can have your monopoly on champions for 2 weeks, but at Blackened, Lee Todd will be put out to pasture once and for all!

[The crowd roars again, and Craig Lassiter waits patiently for them to quiet down.]

Gallivan: But Brian Thorn is a free agent.

Jim: Or is he? Maybe Holbrook knows something we don't.

Lassiter: Surely you are aware of the match that has already been sanctioned between Brian Thorn and Sin at Blackened. Now I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be pinning my hopes on a man who has already wrestled against a monster like Sin.

[Ken moves to speak, but pauses. He looks confused for a second, then quickly recovers.]

Holbrook: Ok, I don't need Thorn. I've got... I've got...

Lassiter: Gabriel Blade? Nope, you signed over his contract a few weeks ago. Just who do you have, Ken? Who do you have that can beat the only man to have held the LWA Division Title? Do you have anybody?

[Ken's face starts to get red again as the crowd start to get on him. Finally, he raises himself to attention.]

Holbrook: Who do I have? I'll tell you who I have... because you are the one responsible for the contract. At Blackened, Lee Todd will take on... ME!

Gallivan: What?!

Jim: Yeah! The Jester returns to action to take back what belongs to him!

Holbrook: You want a war, well you've got it! In case you don't remember Ghosts of the Past, I've been in the ring with Lee Todd before, inside a steel cage no less. I may not have the wrestling resume that Lee Todd boasts, but I'll tell you one thing. No one in this fed wants that LWA Division Title off his waist more than me. I guess that old cliche is right. If you want something done right... then you've got to do it yourself.

[In the ring, Craig Lassiter is trying to stifle a laugh.]

Lassiter: Well that's just great, Kenny. I'll be front-row center for that one.

[Ken turns to leave.]

Lassiter: Oh, before you go! I nearly forgot. I signed one more contract this afternoon.

[Ken turns back and just stares at Lassiter.]

Lassiter: Ladies and gentlemen... allow me to introduce the brand new OWF Head Referee... JULIO SUAVE!!!

[The crowd cheers as Lassiter points straight at Holbrook. Ken turns around to see Julio step through the entrance curtain with a smile on his face.]

Gallivan: Julio's back! Ken Holbrook sneers at the small man... BUT JULIO SPEARS HIM TO THE FLOOR!!!

Jim: Dammit! He can't do that!

Gallivan: The crowd loves it, and so does Craig Lassiter! Julio belts Holbrook with a couple lefts and rights, and Ken just covers up like a wounded child. This man is going to face Lee Todd?

Jim: He was sucker-speared! And I'm pretty sure Julio was wearing steel shoulderpads too.

Gallivan: What? Where do you get this crap? Ring security has run out to protect Holbrook, but the damage to his pride has already been done. Craig Lassiter is still standing in the ring... waitaminute!

[Brian Thorn suddenly appears through the crowd, jumps the barricde, and climbs into the ring behind Lassiter. He assumes a fighting stance as the shouts of the fans alert Lassiter that something is amiss.]

Gallivan: It's Thorn! Craig turns around... DOUBLE-TAKE BY BRIAN THORN!!! He hit Craig with that pair of Spin Kicks that sent him crumpling to the mat! This is uncalled for!

Jim: Oh, when Julio assaults the LWA Prez, it's "yay Julio", but when Thorn does it it's uncalled for? Do you get your unbiased journalism skills from Fox News, Gallivan?

Gallivan: Thorn is staring down at Lassiter... that's 2 OWF presidents Thorn has laid out with the Double-Take. Hang on! Lee Todd just burst through the entrance curtain, and he's charging towards the ring!

Jim: And he's got a chair in hand!

Gallivan: The crowd erupts as the newest OWF wrestler slides into the ring. Thorn backs off and Lee comes at him with the chair! He swings... but Thorn drops to the mat, avoiding the blow and rolls out of the ring! He sneers up at Lee before casually stepping over the security barricade into the crowd.

Jim: Hey! Why is Lee Todd coming to someone's rescue. That's Gabriel Blade's job. I'm guessing he just came out here to try and injure Thorn before their second round match.

Gallivan: Lee drops the chair and he's checking on Craig Lassiter. The new OWF Prez just got a pretty nasty visit from the Welcome Wagon. Fans, I'm being told that Zeke's backstage with another Lassiter. Let's see what's happening.

[The show cuts to a backstage hallway where Zeke is standing in front of a swiftly moving Sean Lassiter. Lassiter is dressed in his street clothes and has his gear over his shoulder.]

Zeke: Dude, are you ok?

[Sean, who appears to be feeling no ill effects from the accident, just pushes past Zeke with a very serious look on his face.]

Zeke: Dude?

[Sean heads through one of the exit door and slams it behind him.]

Jim: That's it! Lassiter's quit the business. I can't believe Craig's wrestling career outlasted his nephew's.

[The show cuts back to ringside.]

Gallivan: One round down, and three left to go. Up first are two men who very nearly just came to blows. This one should be incredible. Aspen Sandstrum is in the ring, and we are ready to go.

Aspen: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a second round matchup for the Iron Man Tournament. Coming to the ring at this time, from Darlington, England and weighing in at 232 lbs... LEE F'N' TODD!!!

[The lights in the arena dim as Sweet Child of Mine rips through the arena, dry ice fills the aisle as Lee F'n' Todd steps through the curtain a bottle of brown ale held high above his head in his left hand. A two fingered salute on his right. Strolling down the aisle he makes a slow march to the ring, hops up on the apron, and knocks back his ale before handing the bottle to a ring attendant. Climbing through the middle rope he pauses like an agitated Lion waiting for his opponent.]

Aspen: And his opponent. Making his way to the ring, standing at 6 feet tall and weighing in at 235 lbs, from Hollywood, California, he is the ultimate model of perfection in a mortal man, he is... BRIAN THORN!!!

[In Thorn's voice we hear the word "Ultimate" over the sound system as a spotlight shines down on the entrance ramp to a waiting Thorn. "Model" is spoken the same way as another spotlight hits him from a different angle, and Thorn raises his arms in acceptance of the appreciation the fans must have for him. "Of" is heard as a third spotlight shines down on the man with the million-dollar smile. "Perfection" sounds in Thorn's voice as a fourth and final spotlight engulfs Thorn. Suddenly "Tear Away" by Drowning Pool plays over the sound system and all four spotlights follow Thorn down the entrance ramp. On the Syni-tron we see images of Thorn in his glory, hitting the Double Take, flashing his "million dollar" smile, women hanging off of both arms, and then a closeup of the arrogant face. Thorn takes his time walking down the entrance ramp, letting his music play through. Once in the ring he flashes his "million dollar" smile once again, the music fades, and the lights come back on.]

Gallivan: Thorn is waiting in the corner, just staring at Lee. Lee deposits the LWA Division Title to the floor and moves into the center of the ring.

Jim: Partners in the Teamwork Event, Lee and Thorn have faced off on several occasions so far this tournament, and Thorn has had the advantage on all of those. Both men have 29 points, and this match will stop one of them short with just 30 points, and send the other one on to at least a Silver medal.

Gallivan: Thorn steps out of the corner, and they lock up. Thorn immediately applies a Wristlock, but Lee reverses it into a Wristlock of his own. He tightens up on it, but Thorn fires off a swift Kick to the upper thigh on Lee... and another to the other leg! Lee spins the wristlock around again, flipping Thorn to the canvas... then hits him with a Kneedrop across the head! Todd is up to his feet and charges off the ropes as Thorn gets up to his hands and knees... Somersault Cradle by Lee Todd! He rolled Thorn over and Rogers is there for the cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Both men get up to their knees and Lee pops Thorn in the head with a right hand! Thorn fires back a punch of his own, and now both men are just firing punches back and forth at each other on their knees!

Jim: Hey, this isn't FHW. Who brought out the midgets?

Gallivan: Thorn fires off another punch, but Lee blocks it. He fires a punch of his own, but Thorn blocks it, and both men slam together in a collar-and-elbow tieup. They jostle for position, but Lee hits Thorn with a Headbutt that stuns him, breaking the tieup. He hits Thorn with a Knife-edge Chop to the chest!

Jim: Wheeeeee!

Gallivan: Lee hits him with another, but Thorn rams the top of his head underneath Lee's chin, pushes himself up to his feet... and drops back down to his knees for a Jawbreaker! Thorn flips backward, rolling back to a standing position, then charges Lee... hitting him with a Falling Dropkick right in the face!

Jim: Nice combo. That sent Lee onto his back.

Gallivan: Thorn flips back to his feet, and snaps off a Kick to the side of Lee's head that knocks him onto his side! Lee tries to stand, but Thorn hits him with another quick Kick to the ribs! Thorn grabs Lee by the hair, pulling him up to his feet, then fires Lee off the ropes. Lee comes back with a Clothesline attempt, but Thorn ducks under it, hoisting Lee onto his back... SAMOAN DROP BY THORN! He hooks a leg, rolling his weight onto Lee for the cover... 1... 2... Kickout!

Jim: Thorn's in complete control now.

Gallivan: Thorn keeps hold of Lee's leg as he regains his vertical base, and jerks back Lee's leg, assaulting his hamstring. He plants a leg into Lee's midsection, and falls towards Lee's head, punishing those tendons! Thorn rolls over to the ropes, takes a glance at Lee, then heads outside to climb up to the top. He crouches on the top and waits for Lee to get back to his feet. Lee is slow in that ring. He stands up and turns around to face Thorn in the corner. Thorn leaps off for a Missile Dropick... BUT LEE GRABBED HIS FEET!

Jim: Nice! He backstepped as he grabbed Thorn's feet, dropping Thorn onto his back.

Gallivan: Lee has one of Thorn's feet in each hand... and stomps him in the groin! He cinches up Thorn's legs... AND SLINGSHOTS HIM INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!!! Thorn landed chest-first on that top turnbuckle pad, and he falls back to a standing position in the corner. Lee charges in... nailing Thorn across the back with a Lariat! He cinches up Brian Thorn in the corner... DROPPING HIM ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD WITH A SHEER-DROP BACK SUPLEX!

Jim: This match has been at peak velocity ever since that bell rang.

Gallivan: Lee is up and he takes a second to egg on the crowd, who are cheering him on. He circles around Thorn as the Perfect One tries to stand, and positions himself behind him... STERLING LOCK BY LEE TODD!!!

Jim: That's Lee's version of the old Million Dollar Dream, and Thorn's in deep trouble right now.

Gallivan: As fast as that, this match has turned around. DI Rogers is right there as Lee cranks down on Thorn, trying to put him out! Thorn reaches up and grabs Lee by the top of the head... AND COUNTERS WITH A STUNNER! Both men are down on the mat and Rogers puts a count on them, but Thorn rolls out of the ring to stop the count.

[Thorn lands on his feet on the outside, and starts slowly walking around the ring, rubbing the back of his neck.]

Gallivan: Rogers now starts a new count on Thorn, who is pacing around the ring. Inside the ring, Lee Todd is back up, and he's rubbing his jaw. Thorn stop as the count reaches 7 and climbs onto the ring apron... but Lee hits him with a Running Knee into the midsection! Thorn nearly came off the apron, but held onto the top rope to keep him up. Lee takes a swing at Thorn, but he ducks and hits Lee with a Shoulderblock that doubles him up. Thorn stands tall... AND LEAPS INTO THE RING FOR A SUNSET FLIP! Rogers is there for the count... 1... 2... No! Lee broke the cover by ramming a heel into the head of Thorn. Both men are trying to be the first one to their feet, but Thorn beats Lee to the punch. Spinning Back Kick to the ribs by Thorn! He grabs Lee for a Front Facelock... Double Underhook Suplex by Brian Thorn! He rolled through, maintaining the hold, and applying a type of inverted Dragon Sleeper!

Jim: That's a Japanese wrestling hold, Gallivan... it's got a name.

Gallivan: Well, what is it called?

Jim: Um... just call the match.

Gallivan: Thorn has Lee Todd's arms underhooked and is putting pressure on both his shoulders and his neck as he cranks on them. DI Rogers is right there to check on Lee, who looks to be in tremendous pain.

Jim: And, Thorn gets a bit of a breather here as well.

Gallivan: With Lee doubled up like that, it must be very difficult to breathe. He's in serious trouble right now. Thorn continues to put pressure on Lee's shoulders and neck, but Lee is lifting his body up off the canvas! He's trying to escape from this hold, but Thorn has it locked on tight. Hang on! Lee pushes himself clear over, flipping over Thorn and breaking free! Lee spins around on his knees as Thorn gets to his feet... STOMACH CLAW HOLD BY LEE TODD!

Jim: Oh, that's old school baby.

Gallivan: Lee is punishing Thorn, but the Perfect One brings down a pair of Mongolian Chops to Lee's trapezius muscles! And again! Thorn grabs Lee's hair... and brings up a Knee into the side of his head! That broke the hold and now Thorn staggers back, clutching his stomach. Lee stands up and charges Thorn... dropping him with a Clothesline! Todd bounds off the ropes... hitting Thorn with a precision Kneedrop across the head!

Jim: Wheeeee! The Nurture Boy!

Gallivan: The what?

Jim: The Nurture Boy. Don't you know anything Gallivan? He was the wrestler who perfected the Wheeeee!, as well as the figure-four, knife-edge chop, and the running kneedrop.

Gallivan: Jim, you are completely delusional, you know that? Lee grabs Thorn by the foot, but catches a boot in the stomach for his troubles! Thorn takes down Lee with a lying Drop Toehold... AND APPLIES AN STF!!!

Jim: Thorn fights better from the floor than most people do standing up!

Gallivan: DI Rogers is asking Lee Todd if he wants to give it up. Lee is awfully close to these ropes, but Thorn is putting a lot of pressure on his neck. Lee reaches out, his fingers just inches away as Thorn cranks back.

Jim: The old man is breaking down right in front of our eyes.

Gallivan: Rogers asks him again... but Lee hooks a finger around the bottom rope! DI Rogers immediately puts a count on Thorn who refuses to break the hold. Rogers reaches 5 and threatens a disqualification before Thorn finally relents. Thorn gets back up and pulls Lee to his feet... dropping Lee again with a Backbreaker! Thorn is wearing down the LWA champ, and I'm sure Ken Holbrook is watching this match carefully. Thorn pulls Lee back to his feet again, and blows a kiss to the fans. He Irish Whips Lee off the ropes... AND FLIPS HIM OVER WITH A HURRACANRANA!

Jim: He calls that the Fankensteiner.

Gallivan: Whatever it is called, it's very effective. Like a cat, Brian Thorn has leapt up to the top rope and now he's standing tall on top. Todd is still down on the mat as Thorn leaps off... PERFECT PRESS BY BRIAN THORN!!!

Jim: Bam Margera!

Gallivan: Thorn covers Lee in a haughty fashion, but hooks the leg before Rogers slides into position... 1... 2... Kickout! Lee staved off elimination, but Thorn is circling for the kill. He gets back to his feet and stomps Lee across the back of the head! Despite the punishment he's taken, Lee is actually trying to get up! He gets back to his knees... and Thorn hits him with a Snap Kick to the head! Lee's head whiplash's back, but he doesn't go down. Thorn fires off a kick with his left leg to the head, but Lee managed to get his arm up in time! Thorn dances around... hitting Lee in the chest with a Spinning Mule Kick! Lee fell onto his back, but he's still getting up! Thorn moves in at him... but pauses as the crowd starts to react to something.

Jim: Uh oh. Here comes the freak!

[Sin has pushed his way through the entrance curtain and is striding towards the ring.]

Gallivan: Thorn sees the big man and points him out to DI Rogers, who immediately bails out of the ring to get in his way. In the ring, Thorn takes the opportunity to grab Lee and pick him up. He Irish Whips Lee off the ropes, catching him for what looks like a Hotshot... BUT LEE FALLS ONTO HIM FOR A THESZ PRESS!!! Lee starts firing lefts and rights into the head of Thorn... AND NOW HE STARTS THROTTLING HIM!

Jim: Lee's taken enough abuse from the looks of things.

Gallivan: Outside the ring, DI Rogers is trying to get in Sin's way... BUT THE BIG MAN HITS HIM WITH A MAFIA KICK IN THE CHEST!

Jim: Well, that was uncalled for.

Gallivan: Lee rolls Thorn over... AND APPLIES A DRAGON SLEEPER!!! He's cranking back on Thorn's neck, and Thorn's in a very awkward position.

Jim: But there's no ref!

Gallivan: Sin heads up the ring steps and steps over the top rope to enter the ring. He steps across... and boots Lee in the head! Thorn and Sin have been dogging each other for months now, and Sin has definitely made it personal with Thorn. But it looks like the big man is tired of waiting. He picks up Thorn... AND GORILLA PRESSES HIM INTO THE AIR! Sin picks up Thorn and places him in a powerbomb position. He's calling for the Damned! Waitaminute! Lee Todd is back up and charges at Sin... hitting him with a Running Knee to the back! He grabs Sin's head... AND DROPS HIM WITH AN INVERTED DDT!!!

Jim: What's he doing? He could have let Sin destroy Thorn!

Gallivan: Lee jerks a thumb at his "I'm a Face Now" T-shirt and pulls Thorn up by his hair. He gives him the finger... THEN SPINS HIM ACROSS THE RING WITH A STANDING HURRACANRANA.

Jim: Like Thorn's Fankensteiner, Lee's got his own move, the Fuckensteiner!

Gallivan: Lee is back up and these fans are cheering his every move. He picks up Thorn, boots him in the midsection... FUCK U BY LEE TODD!!! Lee drapes himself across Thorn, but there's no ref to count!

Jim: Well, Thorn would have taught Lee a lesson by kicking out of his finisher, but since there's no ref, there isn't much of a point.

Gallivan: DI Rogers is still on the ground, clutching his chest. Waitaminute! Here comes a ref!

Jim: In the words of the immortal Kool-aid man... OH YEAH!!!

Gallivan: IT'S KEN HOLBROOK! The LWA President has a striped ref shirt on, and a devious grin pasted across his face! He slides into the ring, and Lee doesn't even realize it's him. Ken slides into position for the count... 1... 2... NO! He just stopped counting!

[Lee looks up, right into the grinning face of Ken Holbrook.]

Gallivan: Hit him!

Jim: If he hits Holbrook, not only does Lee get eliminated from the Iron Man tournament, but he gets fired. Remember Johnny Lassiter's new rule about assaulting management?

Gallivan: Well, if that's the case, then Brian Thorn must be first on the chopping block after attacking Craig Lassiter earlier tonight. In the ring, Lee Todd is back up, and Holbrook stands toe-to-toe with him, taunting him. He wants Lee to take a swing at him, and so do these fans in attendance. Hang on! Brian Thorn has crawled up behind Lee, and he hooks him for a Schoolboy Rollup from behind! He's got a handful of tights and Holbrook drops down for the count... 1. 2. KICKOUT!!!

Jim: Close one!

Gallivan: That's was a blatantly fast count by Holbrook, and somehow Lee still managed to beat it! Lee scrambles back to his feet before Thorn can do the same. Again, he boots Thorn in the guts. He hooks him in a powerbomb position and hoists him up... RUNNING LIGERBOMB BY LEE TODD!!! Lee' has his feet hooked under Thorn's shoulders, and Ken Holbrook drops for the count... 1.... 2.... AND HE STOPS COUNTING AGAIN!

Jim: Oooh, so close. Lee is pulling out all the stops, but he just can't beat Thorn.

Gallivan: What the hell are you talking about? Ken Holbrook is refusing to count! Lee is back up, looking truly weary... and grabs Holbrook by the shirt!

Jim: Listen to these fans, Lee. Hit him! End your career right here on live TV!

Gallivan: Holbrook is still showing Lee that inane grin. Hang on! It's Craig Lassiter!

Jim: And his new lapdog, Julio Suave.

Gallivan: Julio is decked out in his ref gear, and it looks good to see him in it. Craig makes a beeline to the ring and rolls under the bottom rope before standing.

[Craig looks at Lee, and mouths the words "may I?"]

Gallivan: As Holbrook's smile fades, Lee hands him over to Craig Lassiter, who grabs him by the collar... AND BELTS HIM RIGHT IN THE MOUTH!!! Holbrook drops to the canvas, rolling out of ring. Hang on! Sin is getting back to his feet. Lee boots Sin in the stomach... FUCK U BY LEE TODD!!! He shoves Sin out through the ropes and crawls across the ring towards Thorn as Julio Suave climbs into the ring.

Jim: This is a travesty!

Gallivan: Yes, this is a flagrant display of justice.

Jim: Don't mock me, bozo!

Gallivan: Lee drapes himself across Thorn's chest. Julio slides into position, and the fans count along... 1... 2... NO! Thorn somehow got a shoulder up!

Jim: See? He was playing possum all along.

Gallivan: Lee looks shocked and more than a little deflated.

Jim: What did he do, pop a pec implant?

Gallivan: Outside the ring, Holbrook has fled to the back and Craig Lassiter is now watching from ringside, cheering on his newest acquisition. Lee drags his tired body back to his feet and tries to pull Thorn back up, but he's dead weight.

Jim: Well, looks like you and Thorn have a lot in common then.

Gallivan: Lee moves around behind Thorn, and pulls him halfway to his feet... AND APPLIES A SLEEPERHOLD! Julio is right there to check on Thorn, who immediately starts flailing his arms! Thorn reaches up and grabs Lee by the head. He brings up his legs and kicks himself away from the nearby turnbuckle, crashing backward onto Lee. Thorn does a modified headstand, and his entire bodyweight is focused on Lee's chest! Julio makes the count... 1... 2... NO! Lee kicked out!

Jim: Man, that was close.

Gallivan: Thorn crashes back to the canvas and crawls away from Lee. He reaches the ropes, and proceeds to pull himself back to his feet. Lee is trying to regain his vertical base, but both of these men have taken in incredible amount of punishment. Both are up, and Lee attacks first with a snapping left jab to the face of Thorn! He swings a right, but Thorn blocks it and fires back a shot to the ribs with his free hand! Thorn fires off a Knife-edge Chop against Lee... who fires back one of his own!

Jim: Wheeee!

Gallivan: Thorn knocks the wind out of Lee with a swift Knee to the ribs, and swings a wild right hand... but Lee ducks! He hooks Thorn's arm... and counters with a Backslide! Julio Suave is right there for the count... 1... 2... 3!

Jim: No way! That was a fast count!

Gallivan: That count was dead on, and Lee Todd has finally won it! Listen to these fans!

Jim: A backslide? Who does Lee think he is, Kerry Von Erich?

Gallivan: This was a war of attrition, and Lee finally wore Thorn down. What an amazing match. Lee and Craig Lassiter are leaving the ring and ring security is physically removing Sin from ringside. We heard earlier tonight that Sin and Thorn will finally meet at Blackened, and that one will not be pretty, I can tell you.

Jim: A backslide?

[The show cuts to a wide shot of the announce table.]

Gallivan: Fans, before our next contest, let's take a look at this.

Jim: (shaking his head) A backslide?

[The Syni-tron lights up, displaying a logo that has been video distorted to the point where it is impossible to recognize. The logo fades and is replaced by an aged man with a huge chin who is impossibly muscular. He is wearing a black t-shirt that is about 6 sizes too small. Behind him is another logo, this one unobscured. It is of a giant yellow upside-down W.]

Big Mac: (in a gravelly, supposed to be menacing voice) Hello, I'm the Big Mac, president and CEO of MacMahons. After a hard day's work, where can you go to feed the violent tastes of a family of 5 for less than $500 a year? MacMahons, that's where. At MacMahons, we provide quality sports-stuffs like no other. Just what do we have on offer these days? Well, that's the beauty of MacMahons... our lineup never changes.

[He pauses just long enough to be awkward, then continues.]

Big Mac: Like huge, musclebound wrestler who can't really wrestle? Our MacMonsters always deliver, and only rarely overstay their welcome. Now with or without back hair. Want plucky cruiserweights who will wow the crowd week in and week out, but never get pushed above midcard? Our MacCruiser menu is great for the kiddies, or those fans who actually watch for the wrestling. Marketing tells me there are still a few of you holdouts out there, God knows why. Got a hankering for gritty guys who are tired of not getting the respect they think they deserve? We've got more of these than we can handle! Try our MacRespect Syxx-paks. We can't ship these guys off to the indys fast enough, so we bring the savings on to you!

[Big Mac points at the screen and freezes for a few seconds before continuing.]

Big Mac: And injuries... we sell more injuries than any other fed in the world. Despite continued legislations against high-impact moves, MacMahons still manages to corner the market on wrestling-related injuries. How do we do it? Well, it's all due to our "Special Sauce" that all the wrestlers are weaned on from birth. Sure it shortens their lifespan by about 35%, but what do you care? As long as the product is brought to you piping lukewarm each and every week, without deviation. Heck, even I use it!

[The big man strikes a musclebound pose, holds it for a second, and then there is a squidgy ripping sound. He looks down at his rapidly deflating bicep.]

Big Mac: Oops, tore a muscle. Oh well. At MacMahons, you also get our guarantee. Every PPV special ordered will be exactly the same. If you liked a show, why not relive it over and over again every month? MacMahon's policy of not promoting anyone new until we have no other choice has kept us re-heating the same main events for going on 4 years now. Only at MacMahons can you get that great Deja Vu feeling that the other feds simply can't provide. Act now, and we'll throw in some unsexy T&A. Nobody makes gratuitous skin more bland than MacMahons. Predictable? Of course. That's our promise to you, and we stand by it. The names of the matches might be different, "paddle on a pole", "wet t-shirt contest", "gravy match", but you can rest assured that they are all the same, and each T&A match is guaranteed to be on your screen in minutes and finished before you know it. And don't worry moms and dads, our T&A is so overcooked, that it provides absolutely no tittilation whatsoever.

[The big man takes a step to the side, and allows a second man to enter. The second guy is also impossibly well built, has a rather large nose and is wearing a paper hat with the MacMahon upside-down W on it. The man is limping.]

Big Mac: (putting his arm around him) This is my son-in-law, Capital-H. H, what happened to your foot?

Cap-H: I heard this great song on the radio, and started tapping my foot to it. Next thing I know, I've broken by ankle.

Big Mac: That's rough. But no reason to take that belt off you, hey sonny boy? (looking back at the camera) One day, Capital-H will inherit MacMahons. But rest assured, he has been molded in my own image, and MacMahons will continue to provide reliable, predictable sports entertainment for years to come. So, come to MacMahons. We're the best because, frankly, we don't have any competition.

[The two men smile, but another freaky looking guy in a Burger King crown and fur robe steps in front of them, shouting in a high-pitched whine akin to fingernails on a chalkboard.]

Burger King: I LOVE PUPPIES!!!

Big Mac: Out of the way, you.

[Big Mac brushes the wacko in the crown aside, and he and his son-in-law go back to their frozen smiles as the giant yellow upside-down W lights up behind them. The scene slowly fades to black. At the bottom of the Syni-tron, the following script appears in white lettering.]

[The Syni-tron goes dead and the show cuts back to the announce table. Johnny Gallivan has a smile on his face, and looks as if he's trying to stifle a laugh.]

Gallivan: Fans, I don't know what to tell you about that promo package.

Jim: Vince, if you're watching this, I had nothing to do with it! Get rid of the King! Hire me! I LOVE PUPPIES!

[Johnny looks over at Jim, who just slams his head down onto the announce table.]

Gallivan: That was embarrassing.

Jim: I know. I couldn't help myself. I've just go so many damn ex-wives to pay Gallivan. You don't know what it's like.

Gallivan: Why don't we show a match, would that make you feel better.

Jim: (raising his head again) Sure, why not.

Gallivan: Get comfy for this one, fans. Gabriel Blade and Shane Brandon meet once again. Their first encounter was in the finals of the 2001 Iron Man Tournament, and they tore down the house in that one. Twice, they've gone 60-plus minutes against each other in that ring. Can they do it again?

Jim: Johnny, if history is any judge, this match will not go the distance.

Gallivan: What?

Jim: Look at Brandon's other massive feud in the LWA, against Johnny Reb. Everyone thought Reb was going to go the distance with Brandon, but the Threat finished him in style very quickly when that title of Iron Man was on the line.

Gallivan: He did indeed.

Jim: Brandon smells victory, and Gabe is just another stumbling block. Nine seconds for Dr. Karate... I'll give Gabe a minute and a half.

Gallivan: Well, I--

[The crowd interrupts Johnny in mid-sentence with a chorus of boos for Shane Brandon, who has just walked through the entrance curtain. He walks to the ring, with Hoss trailing behind him, trying to keep up.]

Gallivan: Brandon isn't teasing his entrance like his first match.

Jim: He's not even waiting for his name to be announced! Somebody's anxious to take this "legend-in-training" down a peg.

[Brandon climbs into the ring, walks right up to Ryan Lockheart, and feints a punch at him. Lockheart quickly backs up, and bails outside the ring to continue the introductions.]

Gallivan: That was unprofessional.

Lockheart: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a second round matchup for the Iron Man Tournament. Already in the ring at this time... SHANE BRANDON!!! And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time, from Athens, Greece, and weighing in at 246 lbs... "SENTINEL" GABRIEL BLADE!!!

["And Justice For All" plays as Gabriel Blade steps onto the entrance ramp. Those observant of the human soul can easily see the wonder and awe still there in his eyes as he surveys the scene before turning to face the ring and marching resolutely forward.]

Gallivan: Gabe climbs onto the ring apron, but Brandon charges, crashing into him before he can step through the ropes! He pulls Gabe's head between the second and third ropes, and locks on a Front Facelock. DI Rogers, who is back on the job after that attack by Sin, puts a count on Brandon, but Brandon turns the facelock into a blatant choke! He releases Gabe after a 5 count, then hammers him across the back of the neck with an Elbow shot! Shane holds Gabe's head down across the second rope... AND LEGDROPS HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD! Gabriel Blade falls back, crashing to the concrete floor. Rogers is warning Brandon, who just pushes him aside and steps through the ropes after Gabe.

Jim: Minute and a half... just watch.

Gallivan: Brandon jumps off the ring apron, hitting Gabe across the back of the neck with an Double Ax-handle! He pulls Gabe up by the hair... and whips his head back with a velocitous European Uppercut!

Jim: Velocitous? You've been reading the Ultimate Warrior's dictionary again, haven't you?

Gallivan: Gabe was shocked upright with that blast and staggers back. Brandon steps in and snaps out a Front Kick into Gabe's stomach! Brandon runs off to the side, and bounces off the security guardrail... CATCHING GABE WITH A SWINGING NECKBREAKER!

Jim: That's a good way to split somebody's head open. I don't think Gabe was ready for the old Shane Brandon, but I think that's just what he's getting.

Gallivan: Brandon stomps Gabe in the head, then reaches into the front row and shoves one of the Superfans off his chair!

Jim: That was Dave, I think.

Gallivan: As Brandon grabs Dave's chair, Mick belts Brandon across the head with his sign! Ring security quickly rushes in to keep the fans away from Brandon.

Jim: That's not for Brandon's safety, I can assure you.

Gallivan: DI Rogers bails out of the ring, abandoning the countout as Shane pulls that folding chair over the guardrail. Rogers grabs at the chair, but Brandon shoves Rogers back against the steel ringpost!

[Brandon pins Rogers against the post and brings his face an inch away from Rogers'. Brandon starts speaking to Rogers through clenched teeth in a hushed voice.]

Jim: What is he telling him?

Gallivan: I have no idea, but it appears that Shane Brandon is threatening DI Rogers. Rogers is no pussycat, but he looks like he's staring a lion in the face right now. Shane turns back to Gabe, yanking the chair out of Rogers' hands... AND BRINGS IT DOWN ACROSS THE BACK OF GABRIEL BLADE! These fans are going wild, and rightly so! It looks like Rogers is going to let this go on!

Jim: Good! Let 'em fight, I say.

Gallivan: Brandon reaches down, and folds that steel chair across Gabriel Blade's ankle... PILLMANIZER BY BRANDON!!! He stomped on that chair, and he might have broken Gabe's ankle right there! Gabe hasn't even been in the ring yet, and this match might already be over!

Jim: Waitaminute! That's it! Gabe hasn't been in the ring yet, so this match hasn't officially started. That's what Brandon said to Rogers. He can't disqualify him if the match hasn't even started!

Gallivan: I hate to admit it, but I think you're right. Rogers is just standing by, watching this heinous assault take place, and he's powerless to stop it.

Jim: Hey! Where's Seun. I haven't seen him in ages.

Gallivan: As far as I know, he's taking a microwave cookery class during his UWS vacation. He's due to be back at Blackened though. Gabe kicks the chair off his leg, but Brandon just starts stomping the hell out of him! The look of pain on Gabe's face is evident. Now Brandon kicks the steel chair out of the way and pulls Gabe back to his feet by his hair. He takes a second to sneer at the Superfans, then whips Gabe towards the steel guardrail... BUT GABE REVERSED IT! Brandon crashes into the guardrail and comes staggering back... WALKING INTO A HUGE ELEVATED BACKDROP BY THE SENTINEL!!!

Jim: Damn! Brandon came down with an insane amount of impact on the concrete floor.

Gallivan: With that one move, the tide has definitely turned. Gabe is putting very little weight on that injured ankle as he stares down at Brandon with rage in his eyes. Hang on! Hoss Titan has moved around behind Gabe and picked up that steel chair!

Jim: Yeah! Hardcore Hoss!

Gallivan: Titan brings that chair up unsteadily... but Gabe pivots around! He reaches out, and yanks the chair away from Hoss. Gabe pulls back his fist, and Hoss covers up. He staggers back, falling on his ass!

Jim: Come on, Hoss. You can do better than that.

Gallivan: Gabe looks at the steel chair in his hands, and the fans begin to roar. He looks out at those in attendance and nods. Gabe turns back to Brandon, who is dragging himself back to his feet... VAN DAMINATOR BY SHANE BRANDON!!!

Jim: That shut those fans up!

Gallivan: Incredible explosive speed by Brandon. Gabe falls back to the arena floor, and he's been busted open by that chairshot/spin-kick combination. Brandon is all business out there. He grabs the chair, and now he's climbing up onto the steel guardrail! Gabe is in a world of hurt, and I think it's going to get worse before it gets better. He positions that chair behind his legs and jumps off... ARABIAN FACEBUSTER ON GABRIEL BLADE!!! And still no disqualification!

Jim: The match hasn't started yet Gallivan, get over it. Brandon is too smart for Gabe, it's as simple as that.

Gallivan: Brandon looks to be favoring his back a little, but that's to be expected after that incredible backdrop he took. Shane stands up and drags Gabe across the floor by the hair... Oh no, he's headed this way!

Jim: Yes! What would an Iron Man be without a Piledriver through the announce table!

Gallivan: Somebody has to put a stop to this! Brandon is just trying to kill Gabriel Blade here!

[The announcers grab their notes and abandon the announce table as Brandon climbs on top of it, still holding Gabriel Blade by the hair.]

Gallivan: Gabe is on rubber-legs and bleeding from the forehead, but he manages to fire off a punch to Brandon's stomach! And another! Shane is trying to pull Gabe up onto the table with him, but the kid isn't going easily. Brandon bounces Gabe's head off the table, but still can't lift him. Waitaminute! Here comes Uesugi!

Jim: What? I'm sure I didn't hear that right.

Gallivan: Uesugi charges past the ring and leaps onto our announce table... BELTING BRANDON IN THE HEAD! Brandon releases Gabe, who falls to the floor and now Uesugi and Brandon are trading punches on the table!

Jim: Well, either Uesugi remembers the first Iron Man when Brandon piledrived him through that very announce table, or Dr. Karate sent him out for a little payback after that 9-second embarrasment.

Gallivan: That's Uesugi's motivation out of the way then. These fans are actually cheering on the Japanese Torpedo as he and Brandon fire punches back and forth! This match still hasn't started, so there's no disqualification for this either.

Jim: Well that's just not fair. Gabe should be DQed for this obvious interference.

Gallivan: Brandon rakes the eyes of Uesugi, stunning him, then rams a knee into his midsection! He pulls Uesugi up straight, and hoists him up... DEAR GOD! SPINE BOMB SLAM ON UESUGI THROUGH THE TABLE!!!

Jim: Hot damn!

Gallivan: That had to hurt Brandon, but he's out for blood here tonight. He rolls out of the wreckage of wood and wires that was previously our announce table, but Gabe is already back to his feet! He charges at Brandon as he turns around... SPEARING HIM TO THE FLOOR!

Jim: Man, these two are hitting with everything they've got! They are trying to kill each other in there.

Gallivan: Gabe stands up, a little overwhelmed by this cheering crowd and drags Brandon to his feet... and tosses him into the ring! Gabe rolls in after him, and it looks like after all this mayhem, the match is finally going to start!

Jim: I told you. A minute and a half from the opening bell. Start timing.

Gallivan: DI Rogers calls for the bell and we are now within the legal confines of a wrestling match. Gabe roughly throws Brandon into a corner and comes in with heavy lefts and rights! He grabs Brandon... and Irish Whips him clear across the ring to the opposite corner! Gabe charges in... but Brandon pulls himself out of the corner, and Gabe hits nothing but turnbuckle! Brandon tries to cinch up Gabe for a Back Suplex, but he can't get him up. Gabe counters with a Headlock Takedown into a cover! Rogers makes the count... 1... 2... Kickout! Gabe gets up to his knees, ramming one into the chest of Brandon... and starts firing punches into his head!

Jim: Gabe is fighting mean in there tonight.

Gallivan: Well, considering how this match began, can you blame him? Also, his tag team partner nearly drowned earlier tonight. Add to that the Iron Man and the Unified World Title, and Gabe's got a ton of weight on his shoulders right now. Rogers puts a count on Gabe for the closed fists and he relents. He regains his vertical base and tries to pull Brandon up, but the Threat shoots on him, dropping him with a Single-leg Takedown! Brandon keeps hold of Gabe's leg... and spins through into a Figure-four Leglock!

Jim: Just when I think Gabe or Brandon is out of this, they come right back. Neither one of these guys wants to give the other one the satisfaction of a win.

Gallivan: DI Rogers is checking on a bloody Gabriel Blade, who is up on his elbows trying to turn this figure-four over almost immediately. Fans, we don't have a new table yet, but we do have chairs. Unfortunately, Uesugi is still lying amidst the wreckage and a few members of our ring crew are finally checking on him.

Jim: He's just the first casualty of this match, and I'm guessing there will be two more to go along with that.

Gallivan: Brandon is up on his elbows and he's trying to fight against Gabe, who is still trying to turn the figure-four over. The kid looks to be in pain, but isn't letting that stop him. Gabe starts rocking back and forth, with Brandon fighting in the opposite directions... BUT GABE TURNS IT OVER! DI Rogers immediately slides over to check on Brandon, who is now in pain. Brandon reaches back, grabbing the bottom rope and Rogers calls for the break. He steps in, and physical disentangles the two competitors. Gabe drags himself back into a corner and starts to pull himself up via the ring ropes. Brandon is slow to get up, and is limping as well. Shane charges at Gabe... BUT GABE STEPS OUT TO CATCH BRANDON FOR A SIDEWALK SLAM! Incredible impact! Now Gabe is up, and grabs Brandon's feet for what looks like a Boston Crab... but Brandon pulls one leg free and boots Gabe in the stomach! This frees his other leg, and Brandon fires off a nasty kick right to the kneecap of Gabe's weak leg! He drops to the mat as Brandon scrambles back to his feet.

Jim: Tooth and nail.

Gallivan: Brandon charges across the ring, a little unsteady on his feet... SHINING WIZARD BY BRANDON!!! Gabe is knocked back, nearly spilling through the ropes to the floor! That knee widened the cut across Gabe's head and now the blood is flowing once again. Brandon pulls Gabe up to his feet with a sneer... and Snap Suplexes Gabe to the canvas! He floats over and hooks a leg for the cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Outside the ring, poor Hoss Titan is looking on, trying not to have a coronary.

Jim: Good luck, Hoss.

Gallivan: Brandon is back up and pulls Gabe to his feet. He grabs him by the back of the head... and slams Gabe headfirst into the turnbuckle! And again! Hang on! Gabe fires back an Elbow into the ribs of Brandon... and rams Brandon's head off the turnbuckle! And again! Gabe cinches up Brandon for a Side Russian Legsweep... but Shane comes back with a wicked Elbow to the face!

Jim: That sounded like a slab of meat hitting concrete!

Gallivan: As Gabe staggers back, Brandon leaps onto the second rope... Springboard Bodypress by Brandon! Waitaminute! Gabe caught him! FALLAWAY SLAM BY THE SENTINEL!!! He tossed Shane halfway across the ring and now these fans are back on their feet!

Jim: I can't get over how these two are going at it. They are fighting as if their careers were on the line.

Gallivan: Gabe backs into the corner, wipes the blood out of his eyes, and watches Brandon as he slowly gets to his feet. Gabe charges across the ring... SNAPPING BRANDON'S HEAD BACK WITH A RUNNING KNEELIFT! Gabe grabs Brandon's feet again, but the Threat reaches up, grabbing Gabe by the hair... rolling him into a Small Package! Rogers is there for the count... 1... 2... Kickout! Brandon reaches out and grabs Gabe's foot... locking on a Leg Grapevine on the canvas!

Jim: He's got that injured leg. So far Brandon has targetted Gabe's ankle, kneecap, and ligaments.

Gallivan: Gabe has one leg free and just boots Brandon in the shoulder! Brandon still holds onto the grapevine as Gabe just pounds away with that boot! He's kicking Shane in the upper chest, shoulders, and face... and Brandon is taking it!

Jim: He's taking the abuse to dish out the damage. That just proves how badly he wants to beat Gabe one more time.

Gallivan: Brandon has had his lip busted open from one of those kicks and the blood is running down his chin, but the Threat still looks the stoic. Rogers asks Gabe if he wants to give up, but he's not having any of it. Gabe continues to belt away at Brandon, who continues to tear away at Gabe's knee!

Jim: Something's got to give!

Gallivan: Gabe hits Brandon with a boot right to the nose, and that broke the hold! The Threat rolls away, holding his face as his eyes tear up from that shot. Gabe pushes himself up to his one good leg, and desperately tries to get the blood circulating again. Despite his pain, Brandon is getting back up. Gabe hobbles towards him, but Brandon turns around, swinging wildly at Gabe... but he blocks it... NAILING BRANDON WITH A URANAGE!!! Gabe hooks the leg and brings all of his upper-body weight across Shane's shoulders... 1... 2... NO! Brandon kicked out! Gabe sits on Brandon's chest, and holds up two fingers, signalling the Gateway to Eternity... but Brandon brings up his feet, hooking them under Gabe's arms for a Sunset Flip counter! Rogers makes the count... 1... 2... Kickout by Gabe! Both men roll away from each other and try to get to their feet. Brandon beats him to it... AND CLIPS GABE ACROSS THE BACK OF THE KNEE! Shane grabs Gabe by that injured leg... and barks out a Nature Boy Wooooo!

Jim: He's got it all wrong. It's Wheeee! And it's Nurture Boy, dammit!

Gallivan: Brandon spins through for another Figure-four... but Gabe kicks him off! Brandon slammed into the corner, and he's trying to catch his breath. Gabe drags himself back to his feet, and charges Brandon from behind... BUT BRANDON LEAPS UP AT THE LAST SECOND AND GABE SPEARS HIMSELF INTO THE RINGPOST!!! Brandon does a gymnastic flip in mid-air and catches Gabe for a Sunset Flip out of the corner! He's got Gabe down, and this could be it... 1... 2... NO! Both men are finally feeling the effects of this unbelievable contest and I don't know how much either of them has got left. So much for your minute and a half prediction, Jim.

Jim: Did I say a minute and a half? No, I think you misheard me. I said an hour and a half. Easy money.

Gallivan: Brandon is the first one up, but he's looking pretty rough. His lip has swollen up, but at least it's stopped bleeding, which is more than I can say for Gabe.

Jim: Yeah, it's starting to look like the floor of a butcher shop in there.

Gallivan: Gabe slowly rises as Brandon casually bounces against the ring ropes in preparation. Gabe stands and Brandon strikes even before he's fully erect.

Jim: Oooh err.

Gallivan: Brandon catches Gabe for The Promise... BUT GABE COUNTERS IT WITH A BACKSLIDE!

Jim: A backslide?

Gallivan: He's got Brandon's shoulders down... 1... 2... 3! NO! Brandon just got a shoulder up... man was that close. Who says Gabriel Blade can't wrestle with the best of them?

Jim: That would be me... aaaand most of the sporting press.

Gallivan: Gabe is up, and that leg has to be killing him. He grabs Brandon, Bodyslams him to the mat and charges off the ropes... BIG LEGDROP BY GABRIEL BLADE! Again Gabe goes for the cover, this time folding Brandon nearly in half... 1... 2... Kickout by Brandon!

Jim: Gabe's gonna have to kill him to get rid of the Threat.

Gallivan: Gabe takes his time getting to his feet and starts walking around Brandon, trying to put some weight on that injured leg. Now he heads for the corner, and starts climbing up the inside ropes. Waitaminute! Brandon is getting up! The Threat crawls behind Gabe on his hands and knees... AND BRINGS A FOREARM UP BETWEEN THE LEGS OF GABE!

Jim: That stopped his progress dead.

Gallivan: Brandon is pushing his body to the absolute limit as he climbs up onto the second rope behind Gabe. He cinches him with a Waistlock from behind... RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX OFF THE SECOND ROPE!!!

Jim: HOLY SHIT!

Gallivan: Gabe folded like an accordian as he hit the canvas, but Brandon is too weak to capitalize! He crawls across the ring towards Gabe moving deathly slow. Instead of going for the cover, Brandon grabs Gabe by the hair and proceeds to pull him back to a standing position!

Jim: Cover him!

Gallivan: These fans are booing unmercifully now as Brandon locks a Front Facelock on Gabe and gives the finger to Toronto's UWS fanbase... DOUBLE-ARM DDT BY SHANE BRANDON!!!

Jim: It's over!

Gallivan: Brandon is moving slow, but he's still got that determined look on his face as he rolls Gabe onto his back and drapes across him for the cover... 1... 2... NO! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! Gabe got his shoulder up at the very last second!

Jim: Forget Hoss, Gabe may have given half the audience a coronary with that one, but the look on Brandon's face didn't change one bit!

Gallivan: Shane pulls himself back to a vertical base thanks to the ring ropes and now he's just staring down at the slowly moving form of Gabriel Blade, calculating his next move.

Jim: Shane's like a human computer and I guarantee that he's thinking 3 or 4 moves ahead. He's probably deciding what kind of champagne to get for the victory party at this point.

Gallivan: Brandon pulls Gabe up by his bloody tangled hair. He cinches Gabe for a Suplex... but drops him into a seated position on the top turnbuckle! Brandon climbs up onto the second rope... but Gabe hits him with a Forearm Elbow into the ribs! And another! Despite having the wind knocked out of him, Brandon rakes the eyes, stopping Gabe's comeback dead! He takes a few seconds for his breath to return, then locks on a Front Facelock!

Jim: Superplex time!

Gallivan: Brandon cinches Gabe and lifts... but Gabe holds on! He's got his feet hooked around the ropes and Brandon can't budge him! Brandon releases the facelock and hits Gabe with a European Uppercut that sends a spray of blood into the first row of the audience!

Jim: How's that for a memento of the biggest pay-per-view of all time?

Gallivan: Brandon locks Gabe into that Superplex position again... BUT STILL CAN'T LIFT HIM! Gabe is still hanging on! He grabs the waist of Shane's tights for purchase... then hammers a right hand into Brandon's breadbasket! And again! And again! Gabe hits him square in the chest with another Forearm shot! Now Gabe cinches Brandon... AND HURLS HIM OFF WITH A FRONT LAYOUT SUPERPLEX!!!

Jim: Damn! Brandon must have bounced a foot off the mat when he hit!

Gallivan: Gabe pushes himself up onto the top rope and just crouches in wait! Brandon is looking around, trying to get his bearings as he struggles to his feet! He turns towards the corner... FLYING CLOTHESLINE BY THE SENTINEL!!!

Jim: Holy crap! He nearly bent Brandon at a 90 degree angle with that impact!

Gallivan: Gabe lands on the canvas and has just enough energy to slide onto Brandon for the cover... 1... 2... NO WAY!!! Brandon got a shoulder up!

Jim: Oh man, here we go again.

Gallivan: Gabe doesn't have the poker face that Brandon has and he looks completely deflated after that near fall.

Jim: Stop using that word!

Gallivan: The Sentinel manages to get back to his feet... AND SIGNALS FOR JUDGEMENT DAY! He pulls Brandon up by the hair, and locks on a Dragon Sleeper... but Brandon raked the eyes, breaking the hold! I thought it was finally over there, and so did this crowd. Gabe stays upright and staggers back against the ropes... and Brandon is actually getting back to his feet! Both men are very shaky, and are barely mobile as Gabe staggers towards Brandon... hitting him with a thunderous left hand! Brandon fires back a punch of his own, and now both men are just flailing away at each other! Despite the fact that they can barely stand, those punches are still hurting as they draw on some untapped resource of power! Blood is flying with every shot that Brandon fires, and Brandon takes a half a step back every time Gabe connects with one of his shots. Brandon goes for another right, but Gabe blocked it... and drives a Knee into the stomach of Brandon! He cinches the Threat up... AND POWERBOMBS HIM TO THE CANVAS!

Jim: Gabe's holding him down for the cover! This could do it!

Gallivan: Rogers slides across for the count... 1... 2... NO! Gabe lifts Brandon clear off the canvas... AND POWERBOMBS HIM AGAIN!!!

Jim: BANG!

Gallivan: Again, Rogers makes the count... 1... 2... NO! Again, Gabe lifts Brandon up, maintaining that Powerbomb position... AND POWERBOMBS BRANDON AGAIN!!!

Jim: POW! This is like watching a public execution!

Gallivan: Instead of maintaining the cover, Gabe breaks free, steps his foot in... AND TURNS BRANDON OVER INTO A SHARPSHOOTER!!!

Jim: Deja vu!

Gallivan: There isn't a fan in this building who isn't on their feet right now, myself included, as Gabe leans back, bending Shane with that Sharpshooter!

Jim: I'm not standing up for this goober.

Gallivan: Rogers checks on Shane Brandon, but it looks like the Threat is out! His eyes are closed and he's not moving! Gabe is pulling back for all he's worth! Rogers takes another look at the Threat... AND CALLS FOR THE BELL!!!

Jim: NOOOOOOOOO! This can't be!

Gallivan: Rogers puts a count on Gabe, who looks confused, but breaks the hold and collapses to the mat.

Jim: Waitaminute! What does the clock say? Do we have a submission, or a time limit draw?

Gallivan: I have no idea! Rogers leans through the ropes to speak to Ryan Lockheart, and here's the official decision...

Gallivan: He's done it! DI Rogers has stopped this match because Shane was completely out, and unable to defend himself. Hoss Titan is livid as he jumps into the ring and starts barking orders to the ring crew. Brandon hasn't moved since that triple-powerbomb and now ring attendants are hitting the ring to check on the Threat. Gabe has pulled himself back to his feet, and DI Rogers raises his hand in victory! Look at the faces of the Superfans!

Jim: The hell I will. While the Sentinel is celebrating, Shane Brandon could be seriously hurt. Gabe was so keen to finally beat Shane Brandon that he might have broke the poor guy's back!

Gallivan: I don't know about that. The sharpshooter puts pressure on your back, neck, legs, ribs, just about everything.

Jim: Considering those high impact moves he took, Shane could have internal injuries as well. A normal man probably would have given up after any one of those moves from Gabe, but Brandon kept on fighting.

Gallivan: Does this mean that Kurt Tremere is no longer your favorite wrestler?

Jim: Damn skippy.

Gallivan: Fans, so far we've seen no movement from Brandon and our ring crew is now putting him on a stretcher and strapping him in. Gabriel Blade has bailed out of the ring and several other members of the ring crew are now helping him to the back. Gabe's lost a lot of blood and taken a lot of punishment. He may have won this match, but can he continue in the tournament?

Jim: Hope not.

[The show cuts to a shot near the timekeeper's table where Johnny Gallivan and Jim Browski are sitting on folding chairs while a few other members of the ring crew begin to setup a new table for them.]

Jim: This place is like 'Nam. Uesugi is back up and being helped out of the ring area just like Gabe was.

Gallivan: Hoss is co-ordinating the majority of the ring crew who are carrying Shane Brandon out of the ring area on a stretcher right now.

Jim: Man, every time Gabe and Brandon meet, they make history.

Gallivan: But have we seen their last match?

Jim: Hey ho! What's this?

Gallivan: Hold on! It's Curtis Slamm! Slamm just pushed his way through the curtain and he walks past Brandon and company and he heads right towards Uesugi, who is being helped backstage. Slamm picks up speed as he gets closer... AND HITS UESUGI WITH A THESZ PRESS!!! Slamm has the injured wrestler pinned to the entrance ramp and now he's firing lefts and rights at him! What is he doing?

Jim: Slamm and Uesugi are supposed to have a match now. It's not Slamm's fault that Uesugi came out and got himself tore to pieces.

Gallivan: Ring security are trying to pull Slamm off Uesugi, but he shoves them away. Slamm picks up Uesugi and drags him towards the ring! He tosses him through the ropes, then steps through himself. Slamm is telling Rogers to ring the bell!

Jim: You better do it, Rogers.

Gallivan: I can't believe that he's actually doing it! Slamm picks up Uesugi, who is out on his feet... AND APPLIES A COBRA CLUTCH! Slamm is cranking down on it, and Uesugi's feet are dangling as Slamm holds him in the air! Rogers picks up Uesugi's arm... AND CALLS FOR THE BELL!

Jim: Take that! Is that a new record?

Gallivan: No, it was almost 15 seconds from start to finish. Slamm drops Uesugi to the canvas and DI Rogers raises his arm. Fans, I don't doubt Curtis Slamm would have won this match, considering the state that Uesugi was in, but this is a bit much.

Jim: Slamm came here to wrestle. He's not going to take a bye like that loser Tumbler.

[Slamm bails out of the ring, and proceeds to the back as the ring crew once again attends to Uesugi. The show cuts to the announce table.]

Gallivan: Well fans, our second round is complete. As Jim just mentioned, Tumbler will receive a bye into the semi-finals, where he will meet his brother, Lee Todd.

Jim: That should be something.

Gallivan: By virtue of one amazing contest, and one very short one, Gabriel Blade will be facing Curtis Slamm. Slamm's had a lot of time to recoup and a very easy second round match, so Gabe will definitely have his work cut out for him in this one.

Jim: That's an understatement.

Gallivan: Hold on fans. I'm being told that Zeke has located Tumbler and Stu Price. Let's head backstage.

[The show cuts to a boiler room where Stu Price is standing in a corner as Tumbler is covering him in case he makes a move. Stu has the UWS Hardcore Title clutched to his chest and looks as if he is about to make another break for it.]

Tumbler: Gimme that belt, Stu.

Stu-E: No way!

Tumbler: Listen. I stole that belt fair and square, now hand it over!

Stu-E: Ferget it, Tumbelina.

[Tumbler pulls a tube of Grape Zapper out of his back pocket and aims it as Stu as he begins to slowly walk towards him.]

Tumbler: You asked for it.

[Suddenly, a large figure bursts into the room behind Tumbler, hitting him with a clothesline that sends him slamming into the boiler. The announcers' voices cut into the feed.]

Gallivan: It's Hellfire! He just crashed into Tumbler and now he's throwing punches at Stu Price! Stu tries to bring up the Hardcore Title, but Hellfire nails him with a Forearm shot that staggers him, forcing Stu to drop the belt! Hold on! Tumbler is back up and he's actually climbing up onto the boiler! Hellfire grabs Stu underneath the arms... and rams him back-first into the concrete wall! Hellfire drops Stu to the ground just as Tumbler leaps off... SPINNING HEEL KICK TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD BY TUMBLER!!!

Jim: Man, I love this Hardcore Title!

Gallivan: Tumbler crawls over and grabs the Hardcore Title on the ground, and he rushes out of the room! Stu slowly gets up, but so does Hellfire! Stu grabs him by the arm, and tries to whip him into the wall... but Hellfire reverses it!

[Stu crashes into the cameraman, and the scene abruptly cuts to static.]

[The show cuts to a backstage room where Gabriel Blade is getting the cut on his head stitched up by Doc Andrews. While Gabe sits there, his eyes struggling to stay open, an impeccably dressed brown-haired man walks into the makeshift surgery.]

Man: (warmly) Mr. Blade, it seems as though you are well on your way to becoming the Iron Man champion. Congratulations are in order.

Gabriel Blade: (surprised and put off) You again? What are you, stalking me?

Man: (smiling) No, Mr. Blade, I'm just a fan of the business, a fan of the UWS, and a fan of yours, and I want to see to it that the best things possible happen for all three. I think it's time we were properly introduced.

[The man pulls a business card out of his pocket and hands it to Gabe, who quickly reads it. Doc Andrews finishes up and moves across the room to sort out his tools.]

Gabriel Blade: Kevin O'Reilly? You're the guy who got the news station to retract that story about me. What's your deal, buddy? Why are you following me, and why did you claim to be my lawyer?

O'Reilly: It was just a demonstration, Mr. Blade. Only a fool would expect to sell something without the customer knowing what the product can do. By the way, did you get a good shower this morning? I know how crucial that hot water can be to relaxing your overworked muscles before a big show.

Gabriel Blade: That was you too? What's your game, man? What are you selling?

O'Reilly: My humble services.

Gabriel Blade: As a lawyer?

O'Reilly: A lawyer, yes, but more than that. A representative. A negotiator, a manager.

Gabriel Blade: You want to be my manager?

O'Reilly: Think about it, Mr. Blade. Look back throughout the history, and think of all the greats that rose to the top with a manager by their sides. Think about the present, think about Shane Brandon. Where do you think he would be without Hoss Titan backing him? Think about Lee Todd. Do you think he would actually be the LWA champion without Ron, and until recently Lola as well, managing him? Not even close. You're a great talent, Mr. Blade, no one can match what you can do in the ring. I'm a great talent outside of the ring. I have connections, friends in a lot of places, I can make things go much smoother for you. I can deal with the office so you don't have, let someone trained to do it negotiate your contracts and appearances. While you fight in the ring, I can fight in the back offices, and together we can raise you and the UWS to new heights, new accomplishments. Please, don't answer now, you've got too much on your mind already. Just promise me you'll think about it.

Gabriel Blade: ... Ok, I'll think about.

O'Reilly: (smiling broadly) That's all I wanted to hear. Good day to you, Mr. Blade, and good luck.

[O'Reilly makes his exits leaving Gabe somewhat confused and not knowing what to think. He quickly shakes it off though, he's got more important things to worry about.]

[The show cuts back to the announce table.]

Jim: Well, looks like Gabe has finally made a smart business decision.

Gallivan: I don't know about that. This guy seems a little slick for me.

Jim: There's only one Slick baby. And this guy ain't no Jive Soul Bro.

Gallivan: Please Jim, no more songs off the Wrestling Album.

Jim: Come on, Gallivan. Let's do a duet of "Grab Dem Cakes" for all the people.

Gallivan: I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. We apologize for losing the feed from the boileroom fans, but we are back. It would appear that Tumbler is once again in possession of the UWS Hardcore Title.

Jim: Well, we should find out. He's got a match right now.

Gallivan: He certainly does. Ryan Lockheart is in the ring, so let's go to the introductions.

Lockheart: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a third round matchup for the Iron Man Tournament. Coming to the ring at this time--

Tumbler: Hold on, hold on!

["Come out and Play" by the Offspring begins to play as Tumbler steps through the entrance curtain, microphone in hand. He has one foot taped up and is using crutches to make his way to ringside. Lockheart looks on, confused.]

Gallivan: What on earth?

Jim: Well, he's still got the belt.

Gallivan: Tumbler is indeed wearing that Hardcore Title.

[Tumbler finally reaches the ring, the fans booing him loudly now. He slides the crutches in, and carefully climbs in himself before getting back to his feet.]

Tumbler: Why don't you all just take a look at this?

[Tumbler points to the Syni-tron, which lights up showing the last few seconds of the boileroom altercation between Tumbler, Stu, and Hellfire. The footage freezes as Tumbler is connecting with the spinning heel kick off the boiler.]

Tumbler: See that? Well, the Greatest Hi-flyer in the World has unfortunately suffered an ankle injury doing that death-defying move for my fans. As much as I was looking forward to it, I won't be able to face Lee tonight.

Gallivan: What? First Stu lays down for him, and now this?

Tumbler: So, I hereby bow out and wish Lee all the best. So, if you don't mind, I'll take my 3 points and my Hardcore Title, and go home.

[The crowd roars with boos, but Tumbler takes no mind. He moves to the ropes, but stops when Stu-E Price steps through the entrance curtain. Stu walks slowly but surely to the ring as Tumbler backs away from the ropes. Stu has a number of scrapes on his arms and his clothes are covered in dust.]

Gallivan: Looks like Hellfire didn't hold Stu long enough for Tumbler to make his escape.

[Stu climbs through the ropes and just stares at Tumbler. Tumbler beams a smile at him, but Stu just smirks.]

Jim: This could be good.

Gallivan: Stu reaches out... AND YANKS ONE OF THE CRUTCHES OUT OF TUMBLER'S HANDS! Tumbler backs off, holding himself up with the other crutch and dropping the mic. Stu casually slings the crutch over his shoulder and just watches on.

Jim: I think Stu is tired of pissing around.

Gallivan: Stu reaches down and picks up the microphone, and casually taps on it to make sure it's still on. He smiles at Tumbler... AND KICKS HIS OTHER CRUTCH OUT FROM UNDER HIM! Tumbler is hopping on his one good foot as Stu brings up the mic.

Stu-E: (raising the crutch) You've got exactly 30 seconds to hand over that belt or face the consequences.

Jim: What on earth could the consequences be?

Gallivan: I think that's pretty obvious, Jim.

Jim: Yeah... maybe.

Gallivan: Tumbler is continuing to hop around, and it looks as if he's trying to reason with Stu, but Stu is in no mood for sweet talk.

Jim: You should always be in the mood for sweet talk.

Stu-E: I'm not kidding, Tumbler.

Gallivan: Stu jabs Tumbler in the shoulder with the end of the crutch, almost causing him to lose his balance. These fans are cheering now, they want to see some action.

[Stu jabs Tumbler again, and now Tumbler looks angry. He stops hopping and holds onto the ropes to keep himself up on one foot. Suddenly, Lee Todd breaks into the arena, carrying a shopping bag, and rushes to the ring. Once there, he snatches the mic out of Stu's hand.]

Todd: Everybody needs to coooooooooooooool out!

[Stu turns to look at Lee, but still keeps an eye on Tumbler. He holds the crutch in two hands, like a baseball bat.]

Todd: This stupid belt is tearing up the UK Crew, and more importantly, it's making us look like jerks! So, as is usually the case, I'm here to fix everything. I've got the healing prescription right here in my bag. So boys, take a gander at this.

[Lee reaches into the shopping bag and pulls out two "I'm a Face Now" t-shirts, tossing one to both Stu and Tumbler.]

Jim: I wonder if that would work between Bush and Saddam. Lee might have a career in the UN ahead of him.

Todd: See guys, things are so much better on the sunny side of life, and it's about time you guys realized that. So put down all your weapons and put on those shirts.

[Lee turns to the fans to rile them up. With his back turned, Tumbler blows his nose in his t-shirt and Stu mocks wiping his ass with his. When Lee turns around again, they are both holding the shirts in front of them.]

Todd: Well?

[Stu and Tumbler look at each other, then both men just shake their head. They spin around and hurl the t-shirts into the crowd. Lee just looks on with a disappointed look on his face.]

Todd: You guys are hopeless. Come on, I've got an Iron Man to win. Stu, give Tumbler back his crutch.

[Tumbler reaches down to retrieve the crutch that's lying on the canvas and Stu grudgingly gives back the other one. Lee tosses his empty shopping bag aside and holds the ropes open for Tumbler. Tumbler heads over, but not before giving Stu a 2-finger salute, then climbs out of the ring. Lee and Tumbler head to the back as Stu just stares at them, fuming.]

[The show cuts to a shot of the announce table as Stu finally leaves the ring area.]

Gallivan: Well, it looks as if Lee Todd will get a bye right to the finals.

Jim: Yeah, but it looked like he was out here to back up Tumbler in keeping that Hardcore Title as payback for bailing on the match. Once again, Stu gets screwed.

Gallivan: Are you complaining?

Jim: Heck no, it looks good on him.

Gallivan: Well fans, thanks to this no-show by Tumbler and the rather short match between Uesugi and Slamm, Gabriel Blade has had very little time to recover from his incredible match against Brandon. Aspen Sandstrum is in the ring, so let's see some action.

Aspen: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a third round matchup for the Iron Man Tournament. Coming to the ring at this time, from Burbank, CA, and weighing in at 255 lbs... CURTIS SLAMM!!!

[The house lights go out as the opening guitar riff from "Among The Living" begins. At the top of the rampway smoke fills the entrance into the arena. From out of the cloud, draped in a long robe with the hood coming over his face, a figure stands with his hands spread a few inches apart down at his waist. As the music continues, the figure starts to shuffle his feet. As the music hits a high point the house lights flash on and there stands Curtis Slamm, his head tilted to the sky and his hands raised up over his head, he releases an incredible yell. He undoes his robe and paces across the stage for a moment. Then Slamm stomps down to ringside where he stalks his opponent from outside of the ring, jumping up onto the apron and through the ropes.]

Aspen: And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time, from Athens, Greece, and weighing in at 246 lbs... "SENTINEL" GABRIEL BLADE!!!

["And Justice For All" plays as Gabriel Blade steps onto the entrance ramp. Those observant of the human soul can easily see the wonder and awe still there in his eyes as he surveys the scene before turning to face the ring and marching resolutely forward.]

Jim: I've brought a scientific calculator and a sliderule along in case Gabe wants to make another math speech.

Gallivan: Slamm's had a much easier night than Gabriel Blade after having a tough match against Craig Lassiter followed by a perfunctory performance against Uesugi.

Jim: Perf-wha?

Gallivan: Gabe, on the other hand, had a fairly easy match against Paco followed by a grueling contest against Shane Brandon. Speaking of Brandon, we haven't had any word on his condition yet. Hoss Titan has apparently re-routed Shane to a private hospital. Obviously, we will pass along any information as we get it.

Jim: Just you do that.

Gallivan: Gabe has been stitched up, but he's still looking pretty rough.

Jim: And he was limping on his way to the ring.

Gallivan: And don't think Slamm didn't notice that either. The two men lock up in the middle of the ring, and Slamm immediately goes into a Side Headlock on Gabe. Gabe applies a waistlock... and Back Suplexes Slamm to the mat! They both scramble to their feet... but Slamm tackles Gabe to the canvas! He grabs one of Gabe's legs... and turns it over for a Half Crab!

Jim: That's the leg Brandon targetted in his match, and Slamm is looking to end this one early.

Gallivan: Gabe reaches out and drags himself towards the ropes quickly. He doesn't want to fall behind early in this one. Gabe reaches the ropes, and DI Rogers puts a count on Slamm... but he doesn't break it! Rogers puts another quick count on Slamm, who finally breaks the hold, but he maintains the grip on Gabe's leg. Slamm hoists Gabe's leg up... SLAMMING THE KNEE DOWN ONTO THE MAT!

Jim: Ouch.

Gallivan: Gabe pulls away and rolls onto his hands and knees. Slamm is up and charges at him... BOOTING HIM IN THE RIBS! Gabe rolls over in pain, and now Slamm starts stomping on him... GARVIN STOMP BY CURTIS SLAMM!!!

Jim: Whoah, I haven't seen that in a while.

Gallivan: Slamm bounces off the ropes and drops a heavy Elbowdrop across Gabe's chest. Instead of going for the cover, he pulls Gabe's head off the mat... and applies a Rear Chinlock! Slamm is taking a breather, but Gabe isn't having any of it. He reaches up, grabbing Slamm from the back of the head. Gabe hoists himself off the mat for a jawbreaker... but Slamm releases at the last second! He hammers Gabe across the back of the neck with a Forearm shot that sends him into the corner. Slamm charges into the corner after him... BUT GABE CATCHES HIM WITH A MULE KICK TO THE MIDSECTION! He turns around and cinches Slamm up... URANAGE BY GABRIEL BLADE!!! Gabe rolls off Slamm without going for the cover and pulls himself back to his feet.

Jim: Gabe's already sucking down the oxygen in this one.

Gallivan: Gabe limps around the ring, waiting on Slamm. Waitaminute! Here comes Lee Todd!

Jim: And he's got a chair! Face no more!

[Lee Todd heads straight for the ring, steel chair in hand. Before DI Rogers can do anything, he slides under the bottom rope into the ring, rolls the full length of the canvas, and rolls out the other side, still holding the chair.]

Jim: What the...

[Lee gives Gabe a mock salute in the ring, then sets up the chair next to the announce table, and sits on it.]

Gallivan: It appears that Lee is going to be watching this match closely, and for good reason. He will face the winner of this match in the finals.

Jim: Yeah, unless there's a double countout, and then Lee will get another bye.

Gallivan: Gabe shakes his head at Lee's goofball entrance, but stays focused on the task at hand. Slamm is back up... AND GABE CLOTHESLINES HIM BACK INTO THE CORNER! He cinches up Slamm for a Suplex... but Slamm hits Gabe with a punch in the solar plexus.

Jim: Solar plexus, my eye. That was in the groin.

Gallivan: Gabe buckles and Slamm cinches him up... Powerbombing him to the canvas! He tries to turn Gabe over for a Boston Crab, but Gabe reaches up and punks Slamm with a fist in the head! And another! Slamm backs away, leaning against the ropes as Gabe rushes to his feet... BUT SLAMM HITS HIM WITH A CLOTHESLINE THAT SENDS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!!!

Jim: BAM-ba-lam, Black Betty.

Gallivan: DI Rogers immediately starts a count, but stops as Slamm bails out through the ropes after him. He picks up Gabe, and chickenwings his arm behind his back... AND SHOVES HIM BACK-FIRST INTO THE STEEL RINGPOST!

Jim: BAM-Bam Gordy!

Gallivan: On that cue, DI Rogers climbs out of the ring and warns Slamm about another possible disqualification. Curtis just pushes him away and goes right back to Gabe, who is holding that arm to his chest. Slamm grabs the injured arm... AND SLAMS IT AGAINST THE RINGPOST!

Jim: BAMela Anderson!

Gallivan: Slamm just ignores Rogers' threats and grabs that injured arm. He pulls Gabe over to the steel guardrail for another assault... but Gabe hits Slamm with an Elbow shot to the back of the head! Slamm still has a grip on that arm... BUT GABE COUNTERS WITH A SHORT-ARM CLOTHESLINE!!!

Jim: BAMbi's mother!

Gallivan: Are you just about done with those?

Jim: I got 150 of 'em, so sit tight Gallivan. I can go on auto-pilot for 3 months with this pile of filler.

Gallivan: Oh goody. Don't you want to rag on FHW or WWE. You know Wrestlemania X9 is coming up soon.

Jim: X9? What the fuck is that? It's some kinda Roman numeral system for retards, that's what it is.

Gallivan: These fans are cheering Gabe on now as he shakes some life back into his arm. Rogers heads back into the ring and starts up another count on both men. Slamm is back to his feet, but Gabe runs a Knee into his midsection... and Gutwrench Suplexes Slamm to the floor!!!

Jim: BAM and eggs!

Gallivan: Gabe picks up Slamm and deposits him back in the ring, then follows him in. Considering how Gabriel Blade has been dissected tonight, he's still putting up a ton of offense. Slamm gets back to his feet... but Gabe Bodyslams him back down again! He runs off the ropes... HITTING SLAMM WITH A BIG LEGDROP!

Jim: The running of the bulls in BAMplona!

Gallivan: Gabe hooks the leg and Rogers makes the count... 1... 2... Kickout by Slamm! Gabe kneels onto Slamm's chest, and signals for the Gateway to Eternity... but Slamm grabs 2 handfuls of tights and rams his head into Gabe's stomach! And again! He reaches up... AND APPLIES A FUJIWARA ARMBAR ON GABRIEL BLADE!!!

Jim: Like a BAM to the slaughter!

Gallivan: Slamm targetted that injured arm out of nowhere, and now he's cranking back on Gabe, trying to snap it clean off! DI Rogers asks Gabe if he wants to submit, but the kid just shakes his head and starts pulling himself towards the ropes!

Jim: Gabe's whole body has to be hurting right about now. Oh, and BAM!

Gallivan: Slamm is leaning back, trying to pull Gabe's arm out of the socket, and he's a very powerful man. Gabe is dragging both men across the ring with one hand, and he's just inches away from the bottom rope. Rogers asks him again, but Gabe doesn't pay any attention to him. At ringside, Lee Todd has pulled out a bottle of beer and he's watching this match quite intently.

Jim: Is that a Newcastle BAM Ale?

Gallivan: These fans are cheering him on as Gabe reaches out... and finally grabs onto the bottom rope!

Jim: It's too late for Gabe. The damage has already been done by Curtis BAM!

Gallivan: You're not giving up on this are you?

Jim: Nope.

Gallivan: DI Rogers calls for the break, but Slamm is still cranking on that Fujiwara Armbar. He puts a quick count on him, but still Slamm refuses to break the hold! Rogers puts another 5 count on Slamm, and now he's ready to call for the bell... AND STILL SLAMM REFUSES TO GIVE! DI Rogers is calling for the bell, and this one is over!

Jim: Oh, Mister BAMberine Man!

Gallivan: Rogers is now getting physically involved as Curtis Slamm continues to tear away at that arm! He's deliberately trying to hurt Gabe... this isn't right!

Jim: Oh, it's right. BAM right!

Gallivan: Slamm reaches back, and shoves DI Rogers away from him as Gabe tries to fight out of the hold. Hang on! Lee Todd is up, and he rolls into the ring... AND STOMPS SLAMM IN THE HEAD TO BREAK THE HOLD!

Jim: No BAMpagne for Slamm tonight.

Gallivan: Slamm rolls over then gets back to his feet, and bumps chests with Lee Todd. He stares at Lee, then glances down at Gabe, who is clutching at his arm on the canvas. Slamm just backs up... and bails out of the ring.

Jim: The BAMage has been done! But Lee Todd, idjit that he is, could have let Slamm cripple Gabe right then and there. He could have walked in, and become the Iron Man in record time.

Gallivan: Rogers and a member of the ring crew are attending to Gabriel Blade. We are scheduled for our main event, which will be Lee Todd taking on Gabriel Blade, but Gabe doesn't look like he's in condition to fight.

Jim: Does he ever?

Gallivan: While the ring attendant still checks on Gabe, DI Rogers is asking Lee if he wants to start this match. It looks like Lee is going to give Gabe some time to recover.

Jim: Why bother? What's a couple of minutes? Regardless of what kinda shape you're in, the body can only absorb so much punishment before it just gives up. Gabe's body is ready to give.

Gallivan: Fans, I'm being told that a limo has just arrived in the parking lot. Zeke's out there now, so let's see what's happening.

[The show cuts to the parking lot where a large white limo is parked. Poindexter is leaning in through an open door talking to someone who is obscured by darkness. Two things can be seen, however. Two long, high-heeled legs are inside the limo. Poindexter nods to the figure in the limo, then turns back and sees the camera. He quickly shuts the door of the limo, its tinted windows hiding the occupant. Poindexter rushes into the arena, followed by Zeke and his camera. He strides down several hallways before pushing his way into a lockeroom. Inside, standing in front of a sink with his hair dripping wet, is Curtis Slamm. Slamm is still sweaty and out of breath from his match.]

Poindexter: Slamm! The boss wants to see you... now!

[Slamm groans, then tosses a towel over his head and follows Poindexter as he leaves the room. They head back down the path that Poindexter just took until they reach the limo. The back window slowly lowers and Slamm leans on the door. From inside, a woman's voice can be heard.]

Voice: That was good, Slamm. All according to plan. Now don't fuck this up!

[Slamm, looking dead on his feet, just nods to the passenger, then turns and heads back into the arena. A hand emerges from the window, and a long red-polished fingernail beckons Poindexter closer.]

Voice: Get in there and make sure he gets the job done.

[Poindexter nods and heads back into the arena. Then, the window closes and the show cuts back to the announce table.]

Jim: What the hell was that all about?

Gallivan: I don't know, but it would appear that Curtis Slamm's rather serious attitude as of late has been partially explained. I'm not sure what job that woman was talking about, but it could be real trouble.

Jim: Tell me about it.

Gallivan: Fans, Gabriel Blade is now back to his feet in the corner as a trainer works over his shoulder. Lee Todd seems content to give Gabe a little more time. The boys in the truck have been working overtime during the show, so let's take a look at this.

[The opening riffs of "Fight" blast from the speakers as the screen is filled with blackness. Across that blackness floats a shot of "The Sentinel" Gabriel Blade in a defensive stance, fingers twitching, eyes burning with determination, ready to lock up. Following that is a shot of Lee F'n' Todd standing with his arms cross, a sneer directed towards the camera. The singer begins in a soft voice as the screen is occupied by a collage of clips featuring Todd and Blade bumping chests, staring each other down, and circling each other in the ring. These shots are intermixed with clips of Lee and Gabe watching each other’s promos with either rapt attention or open disgust.]

[The intensity of the music and of the singer’s voice shoot up for the next verse. As it does the screen lights up with an exchange between Lee and Blade from the teamwork event. The two lock up in a test of strength, slamming chests together and pushing for everything they’re worth. Lee is forced back, but monkey flips Gabe into the mat. He goes for the cover twice, but Gabe quickly kicks out. He then goes to blast Blade in the face with a big right hand, but Gabe gets his legs up and pulls Lee back into a sunset flip. Lee boots Blade in the head to break the pin after 2.]

[The clip cuts to a shot from the Jester’s Pyramid. Gabe sets up a ladder and starts to climb as Lee jumps to his feet and starts to rush up the other side. At the top the two stare each other in the face before trading punches, each attempting to knock the other down to the ring. This cuts ahead to a shot of Lee standing in the second tier kicking Gabe in the face through the trap door, preventing him from pulling himself through. Blade finally grabs Todd’s leg, slamming it into the side of the trapdoor, then pulling himself through as Lee recoils in pain.]

[In rapid succession we see Lee backdropping Gabe out of the ring and to the concrete floor, Lee absolutely planting Gabe with a devastating brainbuster, Gabe Irish whipping Lee hard into the steel guardrail, and Gabe spearing Todd down to the mat.]

[After a brief musical plateau, the intensity of the song goes back down a notch. The screen shows a clip of Lee and Gabe both laid out in the middle of the ring, the ref putting a count on both of them. Blade is just barely able to roll onto Lee for the cover, but Lee just barely gets his shoulder up before the three. Next is a clip of Lee rolling up Gabe from behind, grabbing the tights for added leverage. Lee’s face contorts with frustration as Blade manages to kick out in the nick of time. This is followed by a shot of Lee Todd fighting to put up one more rep. As the weight goes down it cuts to a shot of Gabe on a similar bench, also struggling to put up the weight as he stares resolutely forward.]

[The screen shows a clip of Blade, fury in his eyes, clotheslining Todd over the top rope, then following him to the outside. He picks Lee up, whips him into the guardrail, then charges in, blasting Todd with a back elbow, and hoisting him into the air for a body press. The shot then cuts to clips of Lee leaping off the guardrail to legdrop Gabe across the throat and jumping off the apron grabbing Gabe by the hair and garroting him over the tope rope, then mockingly turning to the fans and apologizing for his heelishness. These are interwoven with clips of Blade staring at a glowing television set, rage building in his eyes as a Lee Todd promo flickers across his face and shots of Todd sneering at his own television set, disgusted by the naïve rookie's foolish comments.]

[The music begins to again crescendo as the screen lights up with shots of Lee and Gabe trading chops, then Lee body slamming Blade to the mat, locking on a spinning toe hold and spinning through repeatedly, then locking in the figure four. Gabe struggles against the pain, and slowly begins rocking himself from side to side, then finally turning the hold over, putting all the pressure on Todd. A grimacing Lee pulls his way to the ropes, breaking the hold, and Blade is surprisingly the first man to his feet.]

[We cut to a shot of the Sentinel dropping a pair of elbows onto Lee, then psyching himself up and spearing Todd to the mat. Blade then starts raining down lefts and rights until the ref threatens to call for the bell. As Blade drags Todd to his feet Lee tries to fight back with a knife edged chop, but Blade knees him in the guy, whips him, and takes him down with a leaping clothesline. This is followed by a shot of Lee ducking a clothesline, bouncing off the ropes, and drop toe holding the Sentinel into the second turnbuckle, then a shot of Lee elbowing out of an attempted urinage suplex and hitting a reverse Russian leg sweep.]

[This is followed by a shot of Gabe planting Lee with a viscous powerslam, then a shot of Lee ramming a ladder into Blade’s ribs, then bringing it up, smashing him under the chin with it.]

[There is an instrumental break as the music increases in pace and intensity. The screen flashes with a rapid succession of hip tosses, flying leg scissors, powerbombs, suplexes, and high impact slams. The music dies down almost completely, and singers voice lowers to barely a whisper. The screen shows a shot of Blade, his face covered in blood, locked in a sharpshooter by Shane Brandon. Despite being locked into the devastating hold for fifteen minutes, Blades eyes still burn with determination through the pain as he slowly pulls himself towards the rope. This is followed by images from the Lee Todd vs. Shane Brandon LWA title match, as Todd continues to kick out over and over again despite the punishment Brandon delivers as he rains down crushing blows with a steel chair. This is followed by a shot of Blade running in to chase off Brandon, then a clip of Gabe and Lee standing in the ring together, staring each other down, their faces inscrutable.]

[The instruments rocket back to full volume and tempo, as does the singer's voice. The screen is ablaze with a collage of shots of Lee and Gabe each kicking out of each other's pin attempts over and over again.]

[The screen fills with a shot of Gabe psyching himself up and spears Lee during the teamwork match, then Lee dropping Gabe with flying head scissors. Next we see Gabe dragging Lee on top of Thorn and devastating them both with a double Snuka Splash, then a shot of Lee hitting Blade and Edmund Paine with a double top rope F' You.]

[The scene cuts to a clip of Lee virtually folding Blade in half with a pin as DI Rogers crawls over and counts the pinfall after a stray belt shot from Paine, then to Gabe back body dropping Lee out of the ring, eliminating him from the Iron Man Rumble.]

[For the final image the screen splits in two, showing Lee and Blade on either side each standing on a turnbuckle with his arms raised into the air, then a close up shot of both men's eyes and the passion burning inside of them.]

[The image slowly fades and the show cuts back to the live UWS announce table. Johnny Gallivan has a look of awe on his face, and Jim Browski is cleaning his fingernails with the edge of the piece of metal used to sound the ring bell.]

Gallivan: Unbelievable. It has all been leading up to this moment.

Jim: Yeah yeah... bitter rivals, epic struggle... blah blah blah.

Gallivan: Well fans, we can wait no longer. The principals are in the ring already, and Gabe has already fought 3 tough battles.

Jim: Lee, on the other hand, has fought just one... but it was especially tough. A Backslide?

Lockheart: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the finals of the Iron Man Tournament. Already in the ring at this time, from Darlington, England and weighing in at 232 lbs... LEE F'N' TODD!!!

[Lee raises an arm to the fans whilst keeping his eyes on Gabe.]

Lockheart: And his opponent. Already in the ring at this time, from Athens, Greece, and weighing in at 246 lbs... "SENTINEL" GABRIEL BLADE!!!

Gallivan: Gabe pushes his way out of the corner and walks to the center of the ring, as does Lee Todd. They come together and just stare at each other. Fans, due to the point breakdowns in the Iron Man, whomever wins this match will not only become the new UWS Unified Champion, but will also take the Iron Man 2003 Gold Medal. Both men go into a collar-and-elbow tieup... but Lee breaks it, and hits Gabe with a right hook in the side of the head! Gabe fires off a punch of his own! DI Rogers takes a step back as these two gladiators start firing lefts and rights at each other with reckless abandon! Gabe is obviously throwing weaker shots with that injured left arm, but his rights are snapping Lee's head back. Lee's punches are more precise, and they are already re-opening that cut on Gabe's forehead! Instead of slowing down, these two are just punching faster and faster as their rage builds!

Jim: Oooh man, politeness aside, this is now a last-man-standing match.

Gallivan: Despite being busted open again, Gabe is coming back to life in there! He's ignoring what must be nearly unbearable pain and just hammering lefts and rights at Lee Todd! Lee is still throwing them, but he's starting to back up against this onslaught! Lee switches tack and fires off a Knife-edge Chop at Gabe!

Jim: Wheeeeee!

Gallivan: Gabe fires back one of his own... and now both men are trading chops! Again, Lee is the one to switch and he takes a wild swing at Gabe... but he blocked it! Gabe grabs Lee by the hair with his left hand... AND NAILS LEE WITH A THUNDEROUS RIGHT!!!

Jim: He's got a handful of hair! What's he trying to do, scalp him?

Gallivan: Gabe flicks a few stray hairs to the canvas as he advances. Lee staggered back with that blast and he looks dazed. Gabe steps in, slamming a Forearm shot across the side of Lee's head... and another! Now he's just pummeling Lee with Vader-style bear paws to the side of the head!!! Lee stumbles back into the corner, and Gabe charges in... HITTING HIM WITH A VICIOUS CLOTHESLINE INTO THE CORNER!

Jim: That had to hurt. Where is Gabe getting this energy?

Gallivan: Gabe steps in, and grabs Lee under his arms... AND VAULTS HIM OUT OF THE CORNER, HURLING HIM CLEAR ACROSS THE RING!!! He's running on pure adrenalin right now, and Lee is hurt! He tries to get to his feet, but Gabe is right there as he does. Lee swings another punch at Gabe... but he blocks it! Gabe hoists Lee up for a Hiptoss... BUT DROPS HIM DOWN ACROSS HIS KNEE!!!

Jim: Hiptoss Backbreaker! I've never seen that before.

Gallivan: These fans are going wild in here. Lee might have been cheered against Thorn, but the majority of this building is behind Gabe in this match. Gabe stomps over to Lee... AND RIPS THE "I'M A FACE NOW" T-SHIRT RIGHT OFF HIS BACK!!!

Jim: Hey! That's his gimmick shirt!

Gallivan: Lee rolls out of harms way and Gabe raises the t-shirt in the air, and proceeds to tear it into little pieces!

Jim: Oh, you done it now. Without that shirt on, Lee isn't responsible for playing fair.

Gallivan: Lee backs into a corner, trying to catch his breath. Gabe tosses the last scraps of shirt out of the ring, and now he heads in after Lee. Lee Todd steps out... AND BLASTS GABE WITH A KNIFE-EDGE CHOP!!!

Jim: Nurture Boy in the hizouse!

Gallivan: OHMYGOD! Gabe just stood there and took it! Lee hits him with another... BUT STILL NO REACTION! Lee Todd's eyes are wide open, and I don't think he believes what he's seeing. He hits Gabe with another Knife-edge Chop... but nothing! Gabe reaches out, grabs Lee by the throat... AND CHOKE-THROWS HIM BACK INTO THE TURNBUCKLE! He steps in and grabs Lee by the arm... Irish Whipping him clear across the ring to the opposite side! Now Gabe charges in after him... AVALANCHE BY THE SENTINEL!!!

Jim: Who does he think he is? Sting?

Gallivan: Gabe backs out of the corner and waits for Lee to come out. Lee Todd stumbles out... AND DROPS FLAT ON HIS FACE!!!

Jim: That fall would have made Greg Valentine proud.

Gallivan: Gabe can smell victory already. He kicks Lee Todd over onto his back, and grabs him by the legs. Gabe steps a foot in for a Sharpshooter... BUT LEE REACHES UP AND RAKES HIM IN THE EYES!

Jim: Lesson #1 in the Lanny Poffo school of Legend-fighting... rake 'em in the eyes.

Gallivan: Lee pulls himself free, and is just dragging himself across the ring by his hands. He reaches the ropes, and rolls out to the floor, gasping for breath. DI Rogers starts up a count on him. In the ring, Gabe has recovered, and climbs out of the ring on the other side. He comes around the ringpost, moving towards Lee as he tries to pull himself back to his feet. Lee turns towards him, but Gabe nails him with a stiff right hand! Lee steps in... DRIVING A KNEE INTO THE GROIN OF GABE! He cinches him up in a suplex position... AND FRONT LAYOUT SUPLEXES GABE ACROSS THE STEEL GUARDRAIL!!!

Jim: Eeep, right into the Superfans.

Gallivan: Lee collapses against the ring apron, trying to shake the cobwebs loose. DI Rogers stops his count and now he climbs out of the ring after them.

Jim: Well, this is the finals, so there isn't much point of a double countout. We can't leave the Unified Title vacant.

Gallivan: I guess that's why Rogers has abandoned his count. He's outside the ring now, trying to keep some semblance of a wrestling match. Gabe is holding his ribs now as the Superfans help him back to his feet.

Jim: Cheaters!

Gallivan: Rogers is telling Lee to get back in the ring, but he's got other plans. Lee jumps up onto the steel guardrail, and jumps off... CATCHING GABE WITH A LEAPING DDT ONTO THE CONCRETE FLOOR!!!

Jim: Holy crap!

Gallivan: The Superfans, and several other fans had to move back as Lee Todd knocked chairs aside with that brutal move. Lee is slow to get up, holding his back, but Gabe isn't moving! Security has stepped in to keep the fans away from Lee, who now starts Stomping on Gabe on the floor. He pulls Gabe off the floor by the hair...

Jim: Crimson mask, baby!

Gallivan: Gabe is a bloody mess... and Lee rams his head into the side of the steel guardrail... AND RAKES IT BACK AND FORTH!!!

Jim: Nasty!

Gallivan: DI Rogers is letting this go. He's going to be as lenient as possible in this match. These two haven't come all this way for a cheap countout or disqualification win. Lee pulls the bloody Sentinel away from the guardrail... and Fireman Carries him over the rail onto the floor on the other side! Now Lee clamors over the rail after him. Lee pulls Gabe back to his feet again... and bounces his head off the ring apron! Now Lee cinches up Gabe... GUTBUSTER BY LEE TODD!!!

Jim: Oooh, that's gonna grind up those injured ribs. Gabe's a walking nightmare out there.

Gallivan: Lee Todd doesn't look much better. After that initial flurry from Gabe, Lee's been halfway to Dream Street ever since. Somehow, Gabriel Blade is actually getting up, but Lee grabs him as he does... and applies an Abdominal Stretch!!!

Jim: Two birds with one stone there. Not only does that target those ribs, but it also puts a lot of pressure on Gabe's left shoulder that Slamm attacked.

Gallivan: They are still outside the ring, so there will be no submission check here. DI Rogers is telling them to get back in the ring, but he's still keeping his distance. Lee cranks back on that stretch... but Gabe breaks free... AND HIPTOSSES LEE TODD INTO THE STEEL RINGPOST!!!

Jim: OH MAN! Lee took that ringpost square in the back, then fell on his head.

Gallivan: Lee is holding his neck on the floor of the arena and Gabriel Blade takes a second to rest. He reaches down and grabs a shard of Lee Todd's "I'm a Face Now" t-shirt and wipes the blood out of his eyes. Gabe is barely recognisable in there with all that blood. Lee Todd is back onto his hands and knees and he's crawling around the ring to safety, but Gabe casually follows him. He stomps on Lee's back, dropping him back to the floor... then drops an Elbow on him! Gabe gets back up, and shoves Lee perpendicular with the steel guardrail. Now he grabs it.... LIFTS IT UP... AND BRINGS THE EDGE OF THE GUARDRAIL DOWN ACROSS LEE'S CHEST!!! These fans are going ballistic and DI Rogers is just shaking his head. Lee Todd is now pinned underneath the guardrail as Gabe grabs him by the feet... AND FALLS DOWN FOR A SLINGSHOT!!!

Jim: This is brutal! I love it!

Gallivan: This is a new Gabriel Blade out here tonight. Gabe staggers back to his feet, and sits on the ringsteps. DI Rogers heads over, and with the help of a few ring attendants, pulls the guardrail up enough to Lee to pull himself out. Lee is curling himself into a ball at ringside, and he's got to be hurt.

Jim: I guess Gabe was tired of being the only guy hurting.

Gallivan: Now Gabe pulls himself off the ringsteps. He looks like he's sleepwalking out there now as both of these men are working on pure instinct. Gabe heads to the timekeepers table... AND SWEEPS EVERYTHING OFF IT TO THE FLOOR!

Jim: Hoooboy! Are we gonna see 2 tables destroyed tonight?

Gallivan: Gabe ignores the protests of Gerad Ebot, our timekeeper, and heads back to get Lee Todd. Gabe drags a protesting Lee to his feet and pulls him by the hair towards that wooden table.

Jim: I never thought I'd see Gabe dragging someone towards a table.

Gallivan: Gabe roughly shoves Lee onto the table, and now he's climbing up onto it himself.

Jim: Good thing we reinforce these table legs.

Gallivan: Gabe takes a second to raise an arm to the fans, who respond with vigor. He pulls Lee up into a powerbomb position... BUT LEE RAISES UP, BACKDROPPING GABE ONTO THE FLOOR BEHIND HIM!!!

Jim: Man, Gabe hit flat on his back, and there's no give to that concrete.

Gallivan: Lee looks like he's just gone 10 rounds with a grizzly. His eyes dart around, a dazed look on his face. Lee turns around and looks down at Gabriel Blade on the floor... LEAPING OFF FOR A FISTDROP TO THE FLOOR!!!

Jim: That's the November Rain, and as nasty as it was on Gabriel Blade, that had to be murder on Lee's knees.

Gallivan: These guys are both putting their bodies on the line for the ultimate prize. Lee pulls Gabe's head off the floor... AND JUST STARTS PUMMELING HIM WITH PUNCHES IN THE HEAD!!! Gabe is already busted wide open, and Lee is just spreading that wound across his head. Lee's hands are stained red, as are most of his arms, and almost the entire upper torso of Gabriel Blade. Lee picks up Gabe, and dumps him onto that table. He slowly climbs up after him, and now he's cinching Gabe for a powerbomb. Lee tries to lift him... but can't get him up! He tries again... but still can't lift Gabe! Lee shakes his head, and starts hammering Gabe across the back with Forearm shots. Lee starts slapping himself in the arms to try and bring some life back into them and tries to lift Gabe up for a Bodyslam. Lee lifts him up... MICHINOKU DRIVER THROUGH THE TABLE BY LEE TODD!!!

Jim: These Canucks are gonna riot!

Gallivan: Our timekeeper's table has been disintegrated, and I don't know if this match can continue. Lee slowly rolls out of the wreckage and DI Rogers heads over to check on Gabe. As much as I think Gabe wants to win this match, Rogers should think about stopping it here. Gabriel Blade has lost a lot of blood, and I for one don't think he can continue.

Jim: Well that makes two of us. I'm no Lee Todd fan, but this match is over.

Gallivan: Lee looks like death warmed over, but he's finally crawling back into the ring. Rogers may not have to stop it, because there's no way Gabe can beat the 10 count. The ref heads back into the ring and starts up the count. Lee Todd has just collapsed in the corner, and I think he's just wishing for this match to be over. Rogers puts on a very slow count, and these fans are cheering for Gabe to get up.

Jim: The man is dead! Bring on Sentinel #3.

Gallivan: Rogers reaches 4... AND GABE SHOOTS AN ARM UP OUT OF THE WRECKAGE! That put the fans on their feet, and woke Lee Todd up in the ring. Now he's staring out at Gabriel Blade, who against all laws of biology, is actually getting back up! Gabe lurches to a near vertical base as Rogers calls out 7. Gabe reaches the ring apron, and from the look of him, I think Gabe has been blinded by all that blood. He's holding his arms out in front of him. Lee Todd charges across the ring... AND HITS GABE IN THE UPPER CHEST WITH A BASEBALL SLIDE!!!

Jim: Gabe's always had the odds stacked against him, but this time they are just too high.

Gallivan: Lee picks up Gabe and dumps him into the ring, then follows him in. We are finally back in the ring. Lee grabs Gabe by the feet, and ties him up for a Texas Cloverleaf. He tries to turn Gabe over... but he's fighting it!

Jim: How?

Gallivan: Lee exerts more pressure and turns over Gabe... but he rolls through it, and reaches the ropes! DI Rogers calls for the break, and I think Lee thought he had it won there.

Jim: He would have, but this Gabe kid doesn't know when to quit.

Gallivan: Lee picks up Gabe and cinches him up... PILEDRIVING HIM ONTO THE MAT!!!

Jim: It's over!

Gallivan: Lee crawls over the red splotch on the canvas where Gabe's head hit, and drapes himself over the young Sentinel. DI Rogers drops down for the first pinfall attempt of this contest... 1... 2... NO! HE GOT A SHOULDER UP!!!

Jim: That's inhuman!

Gallivan: Lee Todd is looking increasingly demoralised with every passing moment in that ring. He pushes Gabe's shoulders back down to the mat, and demands another count. Rogers is there... 1... 2... KICKOUT! Lee gets up, and now he's shouting at Rogers.

Jim: I think he just needs to shout at somebody.

Gallivan: Lee turns back to Gabe with renewed energy and pulls him back to his feet. He grabs Gabe by the head, and turns him over for the Fuck U... BUT GABE BREAKS FREE! The Sentinel staggers out of Lee's grasp, still working blind. Lee charges at him... AND GABE BACKDROPS HIM TO THE CANVAS!

Jim: That was luck.

Gallivan: Gabe wipes some of the blood out of his eyes, but it's a monstrous task. Lee is back up, and comes at Gabe swinging, tagging him with a left in the side of the head! Gabe lowers his head... and Fireman Carries Lee to the mat! He backs off, and waits for Lee to get back up. I can't believe these two are still fighting! Lee is up, and Gabe hooks him for a Uranage... but Lee breaks it with a Side Elbow to the head! He spins around... NAILING GABE WITH A DISCUS PUNCH THAT ROCKS HIM BACK! Gabe bounces off the ropes, using them for momentum... and hits Lee with a bit boot in the chest! Lee stayed up! Gabe kicks him in the guts, and locks on a Front Facelock. Both men seem to be getting more invigorated with each move. Gabe raises an arm, then charges into the corner... TORNADO DDT BY GABRIEL BLADE!!! Gabe lays across Lee for the cover... but rolls off him before a count of 1!

Jim: What's he doing?

Gallivan: Gabe rolls to the ropes and pulls the ring apron up, cleaning his face off with it. Now, as the fans cheer him on, Gabe is heading up to the top rope!

Jim: He had this match won, and threw it away.

Gallivan: Gabe perches on top, waiting for Lee to get back to his feet. Lee Todd staggers upright, and he's in a daze! He starts swinging lefts and rights, wildly, nearly clocking Rogers with one of them! Lee staggers into the danger side of the ring, and Gabe leaps off... HITTING LEE WITH A SPEAR OFF THE TOP ROPE!!!

Jim: HE BROKE HIM IN HALF!!!

Gallivan: Gabe reaches down and hooks the leg, and here's a cover... 1... 2... NO! KICKOUT BY LEE TODD!!!

Jim: What? Whatever drugs these guys are taking, I want some!

Gallivan: For the first time in this contest, Gabriel Blade looks disappointed. The crowd thought he had the win there, and frankly, so did I. Gabe is slow to get back to his feet, his adrenalin rush abandoning him. He tries to pull Lee back to his feet, but he won't budge... so Gabe hits him with a Legdrop! He regains his vertical base once more and this time pulls Lee back up. Gabe shoves him into a corner, and steps in with a beefy Knife-edge Chop! And another! Lee comes out of nowhere, hitting Gabe with a jab to the forehead! That got a stream of blood running into his eyes again, blinding Gabe. Gabe hits Lee with another Knife-edge Chop, this one with more impact than the last!

Jim: Wheeeeee!

Gallivan: Gabe hits Lee with a wild Haymaker that connects, snapping Lee's head back! Now Gabe backs up to the middle of the ring, and charges back into the corner... OH DAMN!!! Lee grabbed DI Rogers and pulled him in the way, and Gabe Avalanched both men into the corner!

Jim: Well, Rogers did provide some padding, so it wasn't entirely in vain.

Gallivan: Gabe wipes his eyes and looks at Rogers on the canvas, then up at Lee. He steps in, booting Lee in the midsection, then cinches him up... JACKHAMMER BY THE SENTINEL!!! Gabe rolls off him, realizing that there's no ref to make the count, and tries to catch his breath. Waitaminute! Here comes Curtis Slamm!

Jim: And he's got a steel chair! But I don't think he's coming down to sit at ringside.

Gallivan: Slamm must have been waiting for his opportunity, and here it is. Gabe hears the reaction of the crowd, and struggles back to his feet. Slamm climbs into the ring... AND BELTS GABE ACROSS THE SIDE OF THE HEAD WITH THE STEEL CHAIR!!! Gabe drops to one knee and Slamm drops the chair to the canvas. He flattens it with his foot, and hoists Gabe onto his shoulders! He's going for the Scorn!

Jim: We saw Slamm deliberately trying to injure Gabe in his match, and now he's blatantly trying to cost him the match. I guess his intentions are pretty clear now.

Gallivan: Slamm signals for the Scorn... BUT GABE BREAKS OUT OF IT! He falls behind Slamm, and hoists him up... hitting him with an Atomic Drop that sends Slamm through the ropes to the floor!!! Gabe stares down at Slamm on the outside. Curtis Slamm is back up and looks around... and now he grabs the timekeeper's bell!

Jim: Ding ding, suppertime!

Gallivan: Waitaminute! Lee Todd is getting back to his feet! He heads off the ropes... HITTING GABE FROM BEHIND WITH A CRUDE SPINNING HEEL KICK!!!

Jim: I think Lee was sleep-fighting on that one.

Gallivan: Lee doesn't have the energy to capitalize... but Curtis Slamm does! Slamm climbs back into the ring and stands over Gabriel Blade, holding the ring bell!

Jim: Slamm played a pivotal role in costing Gabriel Blade the first Iron Man Title, and now he's gonna do it again!

Gallivan: These fans are really giving Slamm the business, but he's still just staring at the Sentinel! Waitaminute... here comes Poindexter!

Jim: Crack the whip, Dexxy.

Gallivan: Poindexter reaches the ring, and now he's shouting at Slamm to finish him! Slamm is hesitating, though. He looks around at the fans, then at Lee Todd.

Jim: Hit Lee! Hit Gabe! Hit somebody, fer chrissake!

Gallivan: Slamm looks down at Poindexter... AND DROPS THE RING BELL! Slamm just shakes his head, and rolls out of the ring, and now he's headed into the crowd!

Jim: Man, Slamm is gonna have some serious shit to deal with when that bitchy lady finds out what he just did. Or rather, what he didn't do.

Gallivan: Poindexter looks furious. Waitaminute! He's climbing into the ring himself! Poindexter picks up that ringbell and raises it over his head! Gabe drags himself back to a crouched position as Poindexter advances... AND GABE SPEARS HIM TO THE MAT!!! The bell goes flying out of the ring, and these fans are back on their feet! Gabe picks up Poindexter... and tosses him through the ropes to the floor!

Jim: Aw, Jeez. Here comes some law and order. Just when it was getting good.

[The fans cheer louder as Julio Suave runs out from the back, wearing his referee gear.]

Gallivan: Julio slides into the ring, and it looks like this match will actually continue. Gabe waits on Lee Todd, who finally gets back to his feet. Both men look ready to quit, but I know they won't. Lee charges Gabe, but he sidesteps, Irish Whipping Lee off the far ropes. Lee comes back... and takes a nasty boot in the guts. Gabe turns him over... FUCK U BY GABRIEL BLADE!!!

Jim: Oh man!

Gallivan: Gabe gets right back to his feet... AND NOW HE'S HEADED TO THE TOP ROPE AGAIN!

Jim: Lee's an old man, he can't take this kind of abuse!

Gallivan: Gabe climbs up to the top, points to the superfans... THEN HITS A SHOOTING STAR PRESS ONTO LEE TODD!!!

Jim: Gotta love that spray of blood when he spins.

Gallivan: Lateral Press by Gabe, and Julio is right there to make the count... 1... 2... 3! NOOOOOO! LEE MANAGED TO GET A SHOULDER UP!

Jim: After his own finisher, and a shooting star press? This guy is as crazy as Gabe!

Gallivan: The ring crew is helping DI Rogers out of the ring, and it looks like Julio is going to finish this one out.

Jim: If he lasts that long.

Gallivan: Gabe picks up Lee again, belting him with a right hand! And another! He grabs him by the arm, and Irish Whips Lee towards the turnbuckle... but Lee reverses it! Gabe crashes into the corner, but comes right back out. He swings at Lee, but he ducks under a Clothesline! Both men spin around, and Lee catches Gabe coming in! He lifts him up, staggers back... AND HOTSHOTS GABE ACROSS THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!!!

Jim: The desperation moves are the best.

Gallivan: Lee folds Gabe up, and plants his feet against the ropes near the corner, but changes his mind before Julio makes the count... 1... 2... Kickout by Gabe!

Jim: Shoulda cheated, Lee. That'll come back to haunt ya.

Gallivan: Lee stands up and pulls Gabe back to his feet. He locks on a Dragon Sleeper... JUDGEMENT DAY BY LEE TODD!!! Lee nailed that Inverted DDT, and now he weakly hooks a finger around Gabe's kneepad to pull up his leg.

Jim: That's the sorryest excuse for a leg-hook I think I've seen.

Gallivan: Julio is right there... 1... 2... 3! NO! Gabe got a shoulder up before the 3 count! These two will not give up! I while back they were running on instinct. I have no idea what they are running on now. Lee is back up, moving deathly slow, and tries to drag Gabe back up again. Gabe comes up, Headbutting Lee in the groin! He struggles to stand, then rams a Knee into Lee's battered midsection. Gabe cinches Lee up... Gutwrench Suplexing him to the mat! Both men are down, and I don't know if either of them has anything left. Julio Suave starts up a count, and these fans are screaming for them to get back up.

Jim: I know there's an awful lot on the line here, but both of these guys are cutting their wrestling careers short tonight. I'll be surprised if either of them can walk tomorrow.

Gallivan: Julio reaches 5 and we finally get movement. Both Gabe and Lee have rolled over, and are trying to stand. 6... 7... 8... 9... AND JULIO WAVES OFF THE COUNT AS BOTH MEN STRUGGLE TO THEIR FEET! Again, Gabe wipes his face with his arm, but that's pretty futile at this point. Both men turn back to face each other, and stagger towards the center of the ring. Lee comes in with a Knife-edge Chop, and Gabe returns fire! Now they start throwing wild punches back and forth! Most are harmless, but a few are finding their mark. Waitaminute, that steel chair that Curtis Slamm brought in is still lying on the mat! Julio sees it as they dance over it and moves to grab it, but an errant swing by Gabe that nearly tags his ear sends him skittering back to safety. Lee swings at Gabe wildly, but he ducks under it, and hoists Lee up for a Back Suplex... BUT LEE FLIPS BACK BEHIND HIM! He cinches a waistlock on Gabe from behind... but Gabe spins through it, circling behind Lee! Gabe cinches a waistlock from behind... but Lee fires back a nasty Elbow to the face that breaks the hold! Lee spins around, facing Gabe and grabs him... REVERSE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP BY LEE TODD!!!

Jim: And Gabe came face-first down onto that steel chair!

Gallivan: Lee uses his last ounce of energy to roll Gabe over, and here's the cover... 1... 2... NO!!! Kickout by Gabriel Blade!

Jim: I know I didn't just see that.

Gallivan: Lee spits as he stands back up, and grabs Gabe by the arm. He spins through... MAJISTRAL CRADLE BY LEE TODD!!! Julio is right there... 1... 2... 3!!! Gabe somehow kicked out, but it was after the 3 count, and this contest is over!

Jim: Thank heaven for that.

Gallivan: It took a series of brutal moves, and an elaborate pinning attempt, but Lee has finally defeated Gabriel Blade!

Jim: Unbelievable contest. Just when we think we've seen the limits of these wrestlers, they go a little further.

Gallivan: Our ring crew immediately goes to Gabriel Blade with a couple of towels, and they're judging those cuts across his head. He was already put together with temporary stiches, but those are long gone. Lee Todd is being presented with the UWS Unified Title by Julio Suave, and he can barely lift it. Julio straps it on him, and Lee has to hold himself up with the help of the ring ropes.

[Then, as confetti begins to fall from the roof of the arena, Craig Lassiter and Zeke step through the entrance curtain. Between them, they are carrying a large red and white cooler. The reach the ring, and drop the heavy cooler onto the ring apron.]

Jim: What the hell is this?

Gallivan: Both men slide into the ring, and Craig kicks the lid off... AND IT'S FILLED WITH BEER! Craig motions to Zeke, who starts tossing the cans of beer into the crowd! Craig heads over to Lee Todd, and shakes his hand, raising his arm into the air. Despite the fact that these fans were almost solidly behind Gabriel Blade, they are giving Lee Todd the respect he deserves right now.

Jim: Yeah, and when he wakes up, I'm sure he'll appreciate it.

Gallivan: On the other side of the ring, Gabe pushes the ring attendants away, and heads out through the ropes.

[Gabe stops as Craig shouts to him. He steps back in, looking completely exhausted.]

Gallivan: Craig grabs Gabe's arm... and raises it into the air!

[The two men shake, and Gabe's expression lightens just a bit. He tries to leave the ring again, but Craig holds him back. Craig motions to Zeke, who tosses him a beer. Craig lobs it over to Lee, who catches it, and calls for another. Craig hands the second beer to Gabe, then calls for one for himself.]

Jim: Hey Zeke! Beer me!

[Zeke tosses a beer to Jim, who catches it and pops it open.]

Jim: (looking at the side) Black Horse? Where did he get this swill?

Gallivan: Craig Lassiter might be playing with fire in there. He motions for Lee to come over, and he staggers over, in between sips of the cold brew. Craig pops his own beer and clinks it against Lee's. Both men look to Gabe, who still looks very serious.

[Gabe drops his arms to his side and steps right up to Lee Todd, bumping chests. He stares down at Lee with pure intensity, and Lee just stares back, his smile fading.]

Jim: A beer and a fight! It's redneck night in T.O.!

Gallivan: I can't believe these fans have anything left, but they are still shouting at these two men.

[Then, impossibly slow, Gabe brings up his hand with the still unopened beer. He pops it open with the same hand and stares at Lee. Lee brings up his beer, and they knock them together roughly, spilling beer onto the bloodstained canvas. The fans roar.]

Gallivan: Gabe raises his arm and all three men take a drink before Gabe bails out of the ring to the floor and heads backstage.

Jim: Damn, I thought we were going to see another big scrap.

Gallivan: Harsh words were said, but I think these two gladiators earned each others respect tonight. It wasn't much of a wrestling match, but it was an epic fight, plain and simple.

[Craig and Lee finish their beer and Zeke tosses them two fresh ones. Lee acknowledges the fans one more time, then heads out of the ring as Craig and Zeke hurl the rest of the beers into the crowd.]

[The show cuts to a shot of the parking lot. The back door swings open and a mob of security guards stream out, surrounding a tall woman with dark hair. She moves towards the white limo as the guards mill around her, obscuring her features.]

Voice: GOD DAMN IT! It's so hard to find good help these days. That incompentent boob Poindexter, I want him fired! Damn it Slamm all you had to do it was one thing, one lousy thing and I would have the upper hand! You'll see it my way Curtis, or you won't be a free man for long. Get that UK CREW jerk on the phone! Now!

[One of the guards breaks out of the pack and opens the back door of the limo and the woman slides inside. The door slams, and the limo roars off as the guards head off to their own vehicle.]

[The show cuts back to the announce table. Jim has half a dozen beer lined off in front of him, and he's going through them rather quickly.]

Gallivan: Fans, be sure not to miss the next UWS Blackened, in Las Vegas, Nevada. Both Division Titles will be on the line, as well as the UWS Tag Team Championships, and as always, the UWS Hardcore Title.

Jim: That's a pay-per-view quality card on free TV!

Gallivan: Good to see you're excited, Jim.

Jim: I'm not. Management told me to say that or I don't get my PPV bonus. Are we done here?

Gallivan: Not yet. We've got to give the rundown of the next show. Fans, Stu-E Price and Curtis Slamm were supposed to get their shot at the UWS Tag Team Titles at Blackened, but it looks like Slamm is now facing a 2-on-1 situation if he decides to show up for the match. Sin and Brian Thorn will finally face off in what should be one for the record books. Lee Todd defends his LWA Division Title against Ken Holbrook, of all people. Gabriel Blade finally gets a Division Title shot when he meets up with Edmund Paine. Fans, it's a fully packed show like only the UWS can deliver. Don't you dare miss it.

Jim: I can't. I've got to work.

Gallivan: I'm talking to the fans, not you.

Jim: Oh.

Gallivan: Well, after what was truly an epic contest, the Iron Man 2003 is over, so let's take a look at the all-important leaderboard.

Jim: Wowee. After all that, and the scores are still incredibly close.

Gallivan: Before we hand out the prizes, Ryan Lockheart apparently has a special introduction to make.

[The cameras cut to a shot of the ring, where Ryan Lockheart is standing. A large piece of white canvas has been laid over the in-ring canvas to cover up the bloodstains.]

Lockheart: Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce our special guest who will be announcing the winners of the Iron Man Competition... MARK MARTIN!!!

Jim: The racecar driver?

Gallivan: Jim, are you that dense? Mark Martin was the man who owned the LWA when we got our first big TV deal.

[The fans give Mark a mixed reception as he begins walking towards the ring in a tuxedo.]

Jim: Oh, I remember that idjit. He started off a nasty chain-reaction by firing Ken Grimm.

Gallivan: Martin was a businessman who didn't really know what he was getting into when he started up the LWA. But, he did spark a fire which is still burning to this day.

[Martin steps into the ring and accepts the mic from Ryan Lockheart.]

Mark Martin: Ladies and gentlemen, first I'd like to thank Johnny Lassiter, who asked me to be here tonight. "Reaper" Marcus Ash was also asked, to represent the origins of the OWF, but he declined the offer. (pause) I look back on my days in the old LWA with fondness. Sure, we ran into a lot of obstacles, but we cleared most of them, and that's all you can ask for. I only wish James Raymond could be with us tonight. For those of you who may have forgotten, James Raymond created the LWA, which was then a misfit backyard wrestling fed with a handful of wrestlers. Guys like "Bad News", The Unknown, and of course, the Shinobis.

Gallivan: I remember those days well, Jim.

Jim: Yeah, I had a full head of hair back then. That had to be 7 or 8 ex-wives ago.

Mark Martin: Unfortunately, James didn't live to see his creation become the success he'd always wanted, but I'd like to think he's still watching on. And, of course, he is still a big part of this business through his lovely daughter Barbra.

Jim: AKA Babe.

[There is a respectful round of applause from the crowd.]

Mark Martin: Over the past few months, the UWS has taken some of the best wrestlers in the world and pitted them against one another to find out just who was the greatest. Each event in the Iron Man took a different take on the immortal contest of wrestling, and I would like to take this opportunity to applaud each and every man who competed, because you are all winners for making it through this ultimate challenge.

[Again, the crowd cheers, this time much louder and more raucous.]

Mark Martin: We could spend all night watching incredible highlights from the 5 Iron Man events, and although the cuts and injuries will eventually heal, your exploits will live forever in celluloid. Now it is time to award those who have stood a step above during these events. The men who dug deep down when they thought they had nothing left. The men who embody the pinnacle of physical, mental, and spiritual toughness in the world of wrestling. These men... these Iron Men... it's their time to shine. Ladies and gentlemen it is my great privelege to introduce, Iron Man 2003 Bronze Medal Winner with 30 points... TUMBLER!!!

[The lights in the arena dim as the initials GHITW light up the ring in bright neon green, the text begins to swirl faster and faster till it morphs in to a bullzeye. Come Out and play cuts out as a thunderous boom echo's throughout the arena and Tumbler steps through the entrance curtain and starts walking towards the ring.]

Jim: I see Tumbler's ankle's doing better.

Gallivan: It sure is.

[The crowd gives Tumbler a mixed reaction with some fans actually cheering him as he holds the medal high.]

Mark Martin: Ladies and gentlemen, also Iron Man 2003 Bronze Medal Winner with 30 points... BRIAN THORN!!!

[In Thorn's voice we hear the word "Ultimate" over the sound system as a spotlight shines down on the entrance ramp to a waiting Thorn. "Model" is spoken the same way as another spotlight hits him from a different angle, and Thorn raises his arms in acceptance of the appreciation the fans must have for him. "Of" is heard as a third spotlight shines down on the man with the million-dollar smile. "Perfection" sounds in Thorn's voice as a fourth and final spotlight engulfs Thorn. Suddenly "Tear Away" by Drowning Pool plays over the sound system and all four spotlights follow Thorn down the entrance ramp. On the Syni-tron we see images of Thorn in his glory, hitting the Double Take, flashing his "million dollar" smile, women hanging off of both arms, and then a closeup of the arrogant face. Thorn takes his time walking down the entrance ramp, letting his music play through. Once in the ring he flashes his "million dollar" smile once again, the music fades, and the lights come back on.]

Gallivan: Thorn accepts his medal, but these fans are really booing him solidly.

Jim: Yeah, but when you are Brian Thorn, you don't need to care what these people think, and he doesn't.

[Thorn holds the medal up, then heads out of the ring.]

Mark Martin: Ladies and gentlemen, the only man to win medals in both Iron Man contests... for the second time running, Iron Man 2003 Silver Medal Winner with 37 points... "SENTINEL" GABRIEL BLADE!!!

["And Justice For All" plays as Gabriel Blade steps onto the entrance ramp. Gabe has a huge bandage across her head and is still wearing his bloody wrestling gear.]

Gallivan: These fans are on their feet for Gabe as he accepts his medal and raises it up high. We all know that he wanted the Gold, but there's no shame in coming second to a wrestler like Lee Todd.

[Instead of leaving, Gabe backs into a corner, and just watches.]

Mark Martin: And last but not least, the man who can carry the name of Iron Man with pride. Ladies and gentlemen, Iron Man 2003 Gold Medal Winner with 39 points... your 2003 Iron Man... LEE F'N' TODD!!!

[The lights in the arena dim as Sweet Child of Mine rips through the arena, dry ice fills the aisle as Lee F'n' Todd steps through the curtain a bottle of brown ale held high above his head in his left hand. A two fingered salute on his right. Lee is wearing the Unified Title around his waist and has the LWA Title and one of the UWS Tag Titles over each shoulder.]

Jim: Jeez, now that Lee's been shifted to the OWF Division, could we see him take all the belts in the UWS?

Gallivan: I don't know. He certainly manages to bring it up a notch when the chips are down. Lee Todd has been through so much, and Gabriel Blade fought him tooth-and-nail every step of the way, but Lee pulled it out when it was all on the line. Unbelievable achievement from both men.

Jim: Can Lee finally retire now? He's the Iron Man, let him go raise sheep somewhere in Wales.

Gallivan: Gabe has stayed in the ring to watch Lee accept his accolades and he's just staring at all the gold draped around Lee Todd. Now, Mark Martin presents him with the trophy that will symbolize the title of UWS Iron Man.

Jim: First Shane Brandon, now Lee Todd. That's pretty illustrious company.

Gallivan: These fans are finally getting behind Lee Todd, and even Gabriel Blade is applauding him as he climbs into each corner, holding the trophy up to the crowd. We are out of time here fans, but what a night it has been.

Jim: Sure has.

Gallivan: Due to war coverage, the upcoming Blackened will be shortened, but it still has an incredible lineup, as we've mentioned. Well, for me, Johnny Gallivan, and Jim "The Killer" Browski--

[Suddenly, the arena goes black as the power is cut. Then, flames ignite from the top of each ringpost, lighting up the ring in a hazy glow amidst darkness.]

Gallivan: What the hell?

[Tiny lights start to appear around the arena as fans begin to hold up lighters and matches, likening the entire building to some religious ceremony. In the ring, Gabriel Blade and Lee Todd just stand, ready for anything. Then, the Syni-tron slowly lights up, showing a Comedy/Tragedy mask in pure white. The mask slowly begins to melt onscreen. The turnbuckle torches glow brighter as the mask melts. Behind the mask, slowly coming into shape as it melts, is a single word in blood red script.]

Gallivan: Ohmygod! Do you see what I see?

Jim: It ain't Christmas, but yes I see what you see. Daemon Krav! He's back!

Gallivan: Then God have mercy on us all.

[Krav's name pulses on the Syni-tron like a beating heart. Then, above the name, the phrase "He Is Coming" appears before the show slowly fades to black.]