Gallivan: "Lone Gunman" Kevin Burke is up, and Sentinel fires him into the turnbuckle... no, reversal! Sentinel hits hard! Sentinel walks out of the corner, and right into a kick in the midsection... DDT by Lone Gunman! He rolls over onto Sentinel..1..2..kickout! Burke doesn't miss a beat. He heads up to the top rope. Sentinel is slow to get up.

Jim: Is this the conspiracy theory?

Gallivan: Sentinel is up, and Burke flies off the top rope with a clothesline! Ohno, Sentinel caught him in midair! He hoists him into a powerslam position. Ooh, he drops Burke down across his knee; right in the ribs! He lifts Burke again, and drops him onto his knee again! Now, Sentinel presses Burke into the air... gorilla slam! Here's the cover..1..2..3.. no, only a 2 count! That was too close!

Jim: I think that was a three count. Sentinel is our champion!

Gallivan: I don't think so, Jim. Sentinel argues with Julio, but to no avail. Like a seasoned professional, he ignores the ref, and goes right back to his opponent. He grabs Burke by the head... dragon sleeper! I think he's setting up for the... yes, he is! Sentinel hoists the Lone Gunman up for Judgement Day! Waitaminute... Burke falls behind Sentinel! He grabs him by the hair... reverse DDT by Lone Gunman! Burke hooks the leg.. 1..2..3! That's it!

Jim: No way, that count was way faster than the last one. Either way, Burke just managed to pull this one out.

Gallivan: Burke is completely beat. He's been through a lot here tonight, but it was all worth it. Julio Suave is reaching down for the LWA World Heavyweight title. Waitaminute, we've got President Mark Martin on his way to ringside. He still looks a little shook up, but I guess he's going to officially hand over the belt.

Prez: (to Burke) Well, Mr. Burke. I have to commend you on your performance here tonight. But, I have to address one thing while I have this forum. The Green Beret was never eliminated from this match!

Jim: Look at the look on Burke's face! He is furious. Venom knocked Green Beret out of this match, but he was never officially eliminated. I don't blame Burke for being pissed.

Gallivan: And here comes Green Beret now! He was attacked at the beginning of the pay-per-view and chokeslammed onto a car. Then, Venom came out and hit GB with a tazer at the beginning of this four-way elimination match.

Gallivan: Green Beret hits Burke with a forearm shot to the head... russian legsweep on Burke! GB rolls over..1..2..kickout! He grabs Burke by the feet... boston crab! Julio is asking Burke if he submits... he's hanging on! Waitaminute, Sentinel is on his way back to the ring!

Jim: Maybe the bad boys are going to give Green Beret something to write home about.

Gallivan: Well, right now he's just cheering on his partner. Green Beret has released the boston crab. He drops a leg down onto the back of Burke's head! He rolls him over and hooks a leg..1..2..kickout! Beret slams his hands down onto the mat, in frustration. Now, he's headed up top! Burke is on his feet again... missile dropkick from the Green Beret! Beret grabs Burke's feet... and somersaults into a pinning predicament..1..2..kickout! That was close! Green Beret grabs Burke by the feet again. It looks like he's cinching him for the texas cloverleaf! But Burke is fighting it.

Jim: I think this is the end of it, once and for all.

Jim: But, Venom is up on the apron. He got the better of the Sentinel, and now he's headed for the ring.

Gallivan: Green Beret bridges back into a pin after the german suplex, but Julio is trying to stop Venom from getting into the ring! We've got a pinfall, but no one to count. Ohmygod! Venom just administered Venom's Bite to Julio Suave! Its all over for the Green Beret.

Jim: Maybe. Maybe not. Sentinel has recovered, and he just grabbed Venom before he could do any damage. He pulls Venom out of the ring, and drills him into the security railing.

Gallivan: Green Beret maintains the german suplex pin on the inside of the ring, but there is no ref! Hang on, president Mark Martin has climbed into the ring! He checks the shoulders..1..2..3! But, who is eliminated?!

Jim: I saw Lone Gunman's right shoulder come up before that three count. I think he's the new champ.

Gallivan: I don't think so, Jim. Green Beret's shoulder left shoulder was off the mat from the very beginning. But president Martin is calling for the bell! We've got a new champion, but who is it?

Gallivan: Burke and Sentinel pick up Green Beret and whip him into the ropes... double back bodydrop! Now, Sentinel picks him up for a powerslam, as Lone Gunman climbs up to the top rope. Sentinel powerslams Beret! He gets up, and holds his hand up to Burke, who hesitates on the top rope. Sentinel points at the top of the cage, and the fans immediately start to cheer!

Jim: Does he mean what I think he means?

Gallivan: He sure does. Burke turns around, and starts climbing up the cage. I can't believe he's going to do this! Burke reaches the top of the cage, and sets himself to jump off!

Jim: He's gotta be 15 feet from the canvas.

Gallivan: Burke slowly balances himself on the top of the cage, standing up. He pauses for a second, to outstretch his arms. In the process, doing a damn fine Macho Man impression. He jumps!!!!

Jim: Holy Crap! I can't believe he jumped.

Gallivan: Super Snuka Splash from the top rope!!!! Green Beret was just crushed by the body of Lone Gunman. Burke looks out of it, but he's in a position to pin the champ..1..2.. No! Sentinel just grabbed Burke by the foot, and dragged him off Beret!

Jim: It looks like Sentinel will be our new world champion!

Gallivan: The Sentinel picks up Beret, and cinches him for Judgement Day! He locks on the inverted suplex setup, and hoists the champion into the air!

Jim: Burke is moving!

Gallivan: Kevin Burke is barely conscious, but he comes up with one last burst of strength! He leaps forward, and clips the knee of Sentinel, as he holds Beret into the air! Both men come down in a heap! Sentinel rolls over and grabs his knee.

Jim: It looks like Green Beret came down on his knee, just as Sentinel was falling. He could have some torn ligaments.

Gallivan: Burke rolls over onto the Green Beret..1..2..3!!!! I can't believe it! "Lone Gunman" Kevin Burke just pinned the Green Beret. And he hasn't even got the energy to raise his arm!

Jim: Its Shinobi 3! Sentinel is one jobber away from becoming the champion.

Gallivan: Shinobi 3 heads towards the ring, with his bamboo cane in hand. His partners have not fared well tonight. He slides into the ring, and blasts Sentinel across the leg with that cane!

Jim: I think Sentinel's finally getting mad.

Gallivan: He sure is. He realizes that just one man stands between himself and the belt. He stands up, and picks up Shinobi 3. He fires Shinobi 3 into the turnbuckle so hard, that he loses his balance and falls to the mat!

Jim: Holy crap! Shinobi 3 is going to have a sore back tomorrow.

Jim: Keep your eye on the action, Johnny! Shinobi 3 still has that figure-four on, but he just reached back to the ring apron and picked up that bamboo cane!

Gallivan: No! This can't be happening! Julio is still distracted, talking to the whiny Ken Holbrook, and Shinobi 3 has the bamboo cane... he gives the Sentinel a two-handed crack across the head, which immediately busts him open! Sentinel's shoulders drop to the mat, but the big man shakes his head! He leans up once again... and Shinobi 3 smashes that cane across his head again! This time he doesn't go down. Blood is streaming down his face, but the Sentinel is ignoring it. He starts to fight his way out of the figure-four!!! Sentinel starts to turn Shinobi 3 over.... but, Shinobi 3 bounces that bamboo cane across his head for a third time!

Jim: Man, did you hear that smack?

Gallivan: Apparently, everyone but Julio heard it. He is trying to get away from Holbrook, but now Ken's holding on to Julio's shirt! Holbrook finally lets go, just as Shinobi 3 fires the cane out of the ring! The Sentinel's shoulders are on the mat, and he looks like he's out! Julio slides into position. This can't be happening!!!!

Jim: For once, I have to say it. I can't believe it!

Gallivan: Julio makes the count....1.....2......3! The unthinkable has happened, Shinobi 3 has just won the LWA World Heavyweight title!

Gallivan: The fans are booing, but the Shinobi's are paying no attention. They are transfixed on Shinobi 3. Waitaminute!!! He's removing his mask! I guess we are going to get to see the face behind the bamboo cane!

Shinobi 3: (now speaking calmly) Behold. The face of Ragnarok. (he pulls off his mask)

Gallivan: It's Bad News!!!! It's Bad News!!!! Shinobi 3 is "Bad News" Leroy Brown!!!! What the hell!?!

Jim: Holy Shit! Bad News pulled the wool over all of our eyes.

[A montage of clips from shows are shown, some of which have never seen the light of day. One shows Unknown handing the LWA World Title over to The Sentinel after stripping "Bad News" Leroy Brown of the title. Another shows sketchy handheld footage of Daemon Krav VS Kevin Burke VS The Sentinel, the end of which shows Daemon Krav hoisting the world title over his head.]

[Chris Wilson climbs into the ring with the world title. He is handed a mic and the fans immediately start to boo him.]

Wilson: I don't know what you people are pissed off at. I'm trying to give you a better product. This isn't ECW. We don't want people smashing each other with chairs, and brawling in the aisles. We want wrestlers who look good on action figures. Hot, female valets. And gimpy sidekicks.

[The fans get louder.]

Wilson: Bah. Let me do what I came here for. You people were told that you were going to see two men fight for the vacant LWA World Heavyweight Title. Now, I'm afraid that isn't going to happen. You see, I went through the LWA by-laws with a fine-toothed comb. And I found out that in order for a wrestler to be declared the world champion, he MUST be under valid LWA contract.

Jim: Makes sense to me.

Gallivan: Of course, but...

Wilson: Well, you see. There is only one man in the back who does have an LWA contract. So, it is my honor to announce that the new LWA World Heavyweight champion is none other than The Longshoreman!

Gallivan: Oh no.

[The Canadian National Anthem begins to play, as all eyes fall to the entrance curtain and the fans begin to boo.]

Gallivan: Maximillian Gates III is faking a leg cramp to avoid making the count, and the fans are getting even more worked up. Hang on, Chris Wilson just handed Gates his laptop!

[Gates has a miraculous recovery from his leg cramp, and leaps up to grab the laptop from Wilson. He raises it to strike, just as Morgan releases the pin and scrambles back to his feet. He turns around just in time to catch the laptop in the face.]

Gallivan: NO! Gates just shattered that laptop computer across the face of Freddy Morgan! He had the Longshoreman beaten!

Jim: I think that was accidental.

Gallivan: Are you on crack!?! Chris Wilson is tired of playing around, so he just put an end to this match. Dammit!

[Then, the sound of trumpets blare throughout the arena, followed by the sound of thousands of hoofbeats.]

Jim: What the hell is that.

Gallivan: I think it's the cavalry. Waitaminute! The Native is charging the ring, turkey leg in hand!

[The Native hits the ring like a house of fire. He blasts Gates with the turkey leg, knocking him through the ropes, to the outside. Along with his cheetah-skin loincloth, he is wearing a ripped referee shirt.]

Gallivan: I guess the Native was the cavalry Bad News was talking about. Now Chris Wilson has jumped onto the ring apron. The Native stops, and takes a look at Wilson. He then takes a look at the crowd. The fans are telling him to go for it, and he does! The Native blasts Wilson across the head with the turkey leg! Wilson is flopping around the mat like a headless chicken. He finally rolls out of the ring, and now he's cursing on the outside.

Jim: This is rediculous. Sure, Gates may not have been the most unbiased ref we've ever had, but at least he could speak english. The Native is a freak!

Gallivan: Well, now he's our freak ref.

Gallivan: Well we are running long, but we aren't off the air yet. In the ring, the Longshoreman is getting back to his feet. He picks up the world title. Now, LS is holding up that belt, and he's waiting on Morgan.

Jim: He's going to nail the Captain with that belt, and this one should be over.

[Then, with "Friends in Low Places" still playing, the Skipper begins to make his way towards the ring. He has a mop in his hand, and is shaking his head as he watches what's going on in the ring.]

Gallivan: LS hesitates as he watches the Skipper wave that mop. Freddy stands up on shaky legs, and the Longshoreman swings! He assaults Morgan with that belt, but the Captain ducks! He fires a right hand into the head of the Longshoreman! And another! Morgan fires a vicious roundhouse, and LS drops the belt. The fans are going wild here in the Utley Arena. Everybody's on their feet. Morgan grabs the Longshoreman, and whips him off the ropes, but the champ reverses it. Morgan bounces off the ropes, and ducks under a clothesline by LS. Both men bound off the opposite ropes, and this time the Longshoreman ducks under a clothesline from Morgan. POW!

Jim: What the hell!?!

Gallivan: The Skipper reached up and cracked the Longshoreman across the head with that mop! The champ collapses to the mat, and Morgan quickly hooks a leg for the cover. Outside the ring, the Native sees what's going on. He slides under the bottom rope, and administers a count!!!

Jim: This isn't happening!

Gallivan: 1... 2... 3! The Native is calling for the bell, and we've got a new champion... FREDDY MORGAN!!!

Jim: NO! This is a ripoff!

Gallivan: Now, the Longshoreman shoves Thorn! Hang on! Freddy Morgan's head just popped up behind them! Morgan has climbed up the side of the boat. He grabs LS and Thorn by their heads... and rams them together!

Wilson: Shit!

Gallivan: Morgan grabs Thorn by the hair, and now he's digging his thumbs into his eyes! But the Longshoreman is up... Standing Dropkick into Morgan! The Captain goes over the edge!!!

Wilson: Yes!

Jim: That time I heard a splash!

Gallivan: Longshoreman is up, and he staggers over to the edge of the boat. Now, Thorn gives him a high-five!

Wilson: Now it's just a matter of Thorn jumping over the side, and Society has got it's world champion once again!

Gallivan: Thorn raises the Longshoreman's arm into the air... and Clotheslines him!

Wilson: What!?!

Gallivan: Thorn takes a step backwards... and nails Longshoreman with a Spin Kick, that knocked him over the side!!!

[The sound of a headset being slammed onto the desk is heard.]

Gallivan: That will do it, fans. Our Vice President has left, but it looks like Brian Thorn is our new world champion!

Gallivan: Jailbreak continues to stomp on Bad News as if he was trying to put out a fire! Krav and the Longshoreman continue to double-team Thorn. They whip him into the turnbuckle... hard! Now, the Longshoreman is hoisting him up on the top turnbuckle.

Jim: He's going for the Cast-Off!

Wilson: (laughing) Time to get some revenge for Fool's Gold!

Gallivan: Now the Longshoreman climbs up to the second rope, and starts to nail Thorn with forearm shots to the head! Waitaminute! Krav jumps up onto the back of the Longshoreman and grabs him by the head... Inverted DDT off the second rope!!!

Wilson: What!?! Dammit! That stupid idiot!

Jim: He should have seen that coming.

Gallivan: On the other side of the ring, Jailbreak hoists up Bad News for a Chokelift! Krav lifts up the Longshoreman... and tosses him over the top rope!

Jim: Oh well, boss. So much for the fisherman.

Gallivan: Krav climbs up to the second rope where Thorn is still seated. But the champ isn't going out without a fight! He fires a barrage of fists at Krav, knocking him back to the canvas. Now, Thorn stands up on the top rope, and dives off... Ow! He was going for a double ax-handle, but Krav caught him for an Inverted Atomic Drop! The twisted fiend catches him with a Spin Kick that drives him back against the ropes. Now Krav leaps forward with a Mafia Kick, sending the champion over the top rope to the floor!

[Chris Wilson jumps out of his seat.]

Wilson: (yelling) Yes!

Gallivan: Sit down!

Wilson: (sitting) Forgive my exhuberance, but someone finally removed that Thorn in my side. Even if it was that demented puppy, Daemon Krav.

Gallivan: Now Jailbreak heads over to the ropes, and plants a fist into the facr of Krav! He fires another, but Krav is holding onto the top rope. Now Jailbreak grabs Krav, and rams his head into the turnbuckle! He slams Krav's head into the turnbuckle again... and again! Krav starts to fight back. He fires a punch into Jailbreak's gut. And he follows that up with a headbutt! Krav grabs Jailbreak by the head, and locks on a front facelock. Jailbreak is fighting it, but Krav hoists him up into a suplex position!

Jim: Krav is still on the apron. Someone's going out to the floor.

Gallivan: Krav leans back, and releases Jailbreak! The big man hits the floor, but Krav stays on the apron!

Gallivan: The bell rings, and the combatants lock eyes. They lock up... and Krav collapses! He falls to the canvas, and now he's just lying there on his back!

Jim: Ok. I'm confused now.

Gallivan: Philipae bounds off the ropes, and jumps over Krav. He goes off the far ropes, and again jumps over the body of Krav. On his third run, he stops cold and carefully lays down on Krav. Julio looks dumbfounded, but he administers the count anyway... 1.. 2.. 3! What the hell is happening here?

Jim: Maybe Krav's been eating too much red meat.

[Then, Philipae gets up, and helps Krav to his feet. He heads to the ropes, and calls for a mic from a ring attendant. He hands the mic to Krav.]

Krav: Society!!!!!! Dregs!!!!!! Fuck you!!!!! Very Bad Things have just arrived, and so has the New Era! The era of Marcus "The Commissiareaper" Ash!

[Krav pulls off his Comedy/Tragedy mask.]

Gallivan: Jesus! It's Marcus Ash!

Jim: Ok. I'm really confused now.

[Another clip is shown, this time rough looking footage from another unaired show, and the finals of a 16-man tournament. Shane Brandon is shown getting the win over Johnny Reb to become the new LWA World Champion.]

Gallivan: Reb lifts Brandon up into the air, and stands up straight... CHOKESLAM OFF THE SECOND ROPE!!! That's the move that Venom used to beat Johnny Reb in that previously mentioned Old-School match. How fitting would it be for Reb to beat Shane Brandon with that devastating move?

Jack: I don't think we are ever going to find out. Cause Reb's not going for the cover!

Gallivan: Johnny Reb is up... AND HE'S SIGNALLING FOR THE TRAILERPARK DDT! Shane Brandon has been smashed onto the mat like a ship hurled onto the shore by a raging sea.

Jack: What? I think you've finally lost it, Gallivan.

Gallivan: Reb drags him to his feet, and locks on a Front Facelock. If he hits this, it's over! He goes to hoist up Brandon... BUT THE THREAT LOW BLOWS HIM!!! Brandon grabs Reb's leg, and vaults behind him... SCHOOLBOY ROLLUP!!!

Jack: That's the move he beat Reb with at the Iron Man! Count, Julio, count!!!

Gallivan: 1... 2... KICKOUT! Shane had a handful of tights, but somehow Johnny Reb kicked out! Now, both men are struggling to their feet. Brandon grabs Reb, and Irish Whips him off the ropes... but Reb reversed it... reversal by Brandon... reversal by Reb... REVERSED AGAIN BY BRANDON! Reb goes off the ropes... and runs into a boot to the guts by the Threat! He grabs Reb by the head... AND NAILS THE PROMISE!!!

Jack: Holy shit!

Gallivan: That move came out of nowhere, and Shane Brandon crawls onto Johnny Reb! He hooks the leg, and here's the count... 1... 2... 3!!! Julio is calling for the bell, and this time, its official!

Gallivan: The fans are still disappointed, but they are now giving both men a resounding round of applause. Brandon rolls out of the ring, and grabs the LWA World Title.

Gallivan: Todd grabs Nightwing for a Front Facelock... and turns him over for the Fuck U!... but Nightwing breaks free!!!

Jim: Dammit!

Gallivan: Wing charges off the ropes, and comes back towards Todd... but ducks under a Clothesline by Todd! Wing goes off the far ropes... and Leapfrogs over a telegraphed Backdrop by Lee Todd. Nightwing puts on the brakes... and Dropkicks Lee Todd into the corner! He follows him in... and nails Todd with a Knife-edge Chop... and another!... and another!

Jim: (getting tired) Come on, Lee. Do something!

Gallivan: Nightwing nails Todd with a Chop across the forehead, and Todd slumps down to a seated position in the corner. These fans are cheering him on, as Nightwing snaps a Kick into the chest of Todd! Now, he's moving back to the center of the ring.

[As Todd struggles to pull himself back to his feet via the ropes, his hand hits Holbrook's Jester-headed cane. He grabs it, and tries to stand.]

Gallivan: Nightwing is on fire here, all of his pain forgotten, and he's going for the big one! He charges in at Todd... AVALANCHE BY NIGHTWING!!! NOO!!!!

Jim: Todd got that cane up at the last second, and Nightwing speared himself in the throat with it!

Gallivan: Nightwing staggers back, and his windpipe could have been crushed by that impact. Lee steps out of the corner... and boots him in the stomach!... FUCK U BY LEE TODD!!!

Jim: Todd planted Nightwing with that variant on the Hangman's Neckbreaker, and now he's going for the cover!!!

Gallivan: Fredd Morgan makes the count... 1... 2... 3!!! Fans, this match is over!!!

Gallivan: Fans, this one is over, and somehow, be it through perseverence, mental and physical toughness...

Jim: Or divine intervention...

Gallivan: Or divine intervention... Lee F'n' Todd has done it!

Holbrook: Ladies and gentlemen... I give you the winner of the Cage of Chaos... LEE F'N' TODD!!!

[The crowd gives Lee a very mixed reaction. But, at least they are loud.]

Holbrook: Now, Lee, we made a lot of promises for this show. We promised a Spanish announce table... but that fell through at the last minute. We promised a "special guest color commentator", but he never showed up. And we also promised a Mystery Prize. Well, one out of three ain't bad. Mr. Toasty Bacon?

[Mr. Toasty Bacon opens the black bag, revealing a large gold belt. The central picture is that of a bear's face, fangs bared. The LWA logo is displayed prominantly above, and below the image, The Beast is written. Mr. Toasty Bacon hands the belt to Holbrook, who straps it around the waist of Lee Todd.]

Holbrook: Lee, I would like to pronounce you the inaugural LWA/BEAST WORLD CHAMPION!!!

Gallivan: Well, as much of an opportunist, and a cheat as he is, Lee Todd still worked his ass off here tonight.

Jim: Hey, what about the LWA World Title? What about Shane Brandon?

[The image of Lee Todd strapping on the LWA/Beast World Title is superimposed with the image of Shane Brandon hoisting the LWA Heavyweight Title over his shoulder. The image explodes into a shower of sparks and smoke, and from it, the LWA logo appears.]